The funniest football chants
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Independent Minds
The funniest football chants
With the football season now fully underway, fans can let out a sigh of relief as they return to the terraces from a long summer without the beautiful game.
Click here or click the image to launch our guide.
With this in mind, we bring together some of the wittiest and funniest football chants from around the grounds.
But what are your favourite chants? Leave your comments and suggestions below...
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Comments
"Ambrosia,la la la".
"My garden shed,my garden shed,is bigger than this".(Talking about the ground).
"We've got Di Canio, you've got our stereos"
WEST HAM fans TO Liverpool fans.
Personally I liked the chant the West Ham fans came out with after Van Persie's arrest in Holland. To the tune of rewind by the artful dodger:
Van-Per-sie when the girl says no molest her.
Your father is your brother
Your sister is your mother
You like to shag each other
The Norwich family
Why Why Why?
And
Bernard Matthews plucks his birds
packs them up with champers
Doubles the price, lsells to the herds
as luxury gift christmas hampers
Surely a smarter response would be "So are we"?
Oi can't read
Oi can't write
but it don't really matter
'cos oi come down from Swindon Town
Roidin' on moy tractor
No, Goram pulled out of a Scotland squad with the excuse that he was not "mentally right" to play in the match, or somesuch - but was present and correct in the Rangers goal the following Saturday.
From Newcastle:
I know it's a while since Newcastle were involved in a European campaign but I always thought " In your Monaco slums" to the tune of "In your Liverpool homes" was funny.
And " Speak faakin English , we only speak faakin' English" sung by various London/Southern teams in response to what was sung at them by the Newcastle supporters.
Cheer up Francis Lee,
Oh what can it mean, to be a
Fat Northern Bastard, with a
Shit Football Team
"Ship Shipperly, Ship Shipperly, Ship Ship Sheroo,
You're not much good but then f--- it, you'll do".
The home supporters dismissively respond with: "You are Hull, you are Hull, you are Hull."
Regards,
bizilux,
Vimax Pills
Vimax Pills
Vimax Pills
We're going to get our ....ing heads kicked in
A cat, a cat, a cat a cat a cat - on a cat appearing by the pitch at a game way back.
"Don't blame it on Biscan, don't blame it on Finann, don't blame it on Haman, blame it on Traore.
He just can't, he just can't, he just can't control his feet..."
"Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
but the lights went at the same time.
Glad I wasn't holding his hand
last night around half past nine.
It's my attic and I'll fry if I want to
fry if I want to,
fry if I want to,
You would fry too if it happened to you".
Ouch!
Neville Neville, you play in defence,
Neville Neville, your future's immense,
Neville Neville, like Jacko you're bad,
Neville Neville is the name of your dad
Sang to Phil Neville in his early days playing for Manchester United, (his dad is called Neville Neville).
Wise, Wise whatever have you done
You've taken Leeds to Division One
You wont win a cup and you wont win a shield
And your biggest game will be Huddersfield
Also, Derby fans just after Northern Rock went bust - to the Newcastle fans: You should have banked with the Woolwich.
His armband proved he was a red
Torres, Torres
'You'll never walk alone', it said
Torres, Torres
We bought the lad from sunny Spain
He gets the ball, he scores again
Fer-nan-do Torres, Liverpool's number nine!
In response to that sung to Liverpool Fans:
He's half a girl, he's half a boy
Torres, Torres
He looks just like a tranvestite
Torres, Torres,
He wears a frock he loves the c.ock,
he sells his arse on Albert Dock,
Fer-nan-do Torres,
Carragher's bit on the side
quality or not?!!
I saw some twat at a hotel I was recently staying at who had 'His armband proved he was a red
Torres, Torres' printed on the back of his Liverpool shirt (top quality hotel, I know) and I was wondering what it was all about, like
Songs that day included "You're a naughty, you're a naughty, you're a naughty referee..."; and "A shot - he's missed - he must be rather drunk..."
There were other songs where Mary Poppins language was used instead of the usual swear words. The main stand had a good laugh about it and gave the Trent End several rounds of applause. Of course, Clough or no Clough things went back to normal at the next home game!
The Academia fans would sing: "We're posh, we're toffs, we're really rather orf."
To which the Wilsonians fans would reply: "Ding-dong, bing bong."
That was back when 65,000 would turn up for games. These days they're lucky of 20,000 wander through the turnstiles.
Who said private education was a waste of time?
I am surprised no one has remembered the old if tasteless chant to Martin Chivers as immortalised in The Glory Game by Hunter Davies, one of the best football books of all time.
To the tune of the old Platters number
They asked me how I knew
Chivers was a Jew
I of course replied
because he's circumcised