So, how about these gas prices? If you’re planning any cross-country family vacations this summer, you might have to wash dishes along the way.

Here are some President-approved ways to alleviate your personal pain at the pump.

1. Inflate your tires. It might not have occurred to you at first, but driving with flat tires will reduce the energy efficiency of your vehicle. It starts with simple solutions.

2. Think about a trade-in. It’s time to give up your gas-guzzling, 8 miles per gallon monster truck. GM and Chevy will be happy to give you a great deal on a tiny car you can’t afford.

3. Use your imagination. For those who need more than 4 seats, you should get a hybrid van. They don’t exist, but you should still get one.

4. Curb your appetite for oil. Despite what common sense might tell you, the only way to bring down gas prices is to reduce demand. So, stop thinking about it all the time, and ride your bike for a change!

Isn’t winning the future fun?

President Obama is one happy man. At long last he finally managed to secure a copy of his own birth certificate. We’re not talking about those cheap unofficial copies. Oh no, this is the real deal, the genuine digital copy of his long form “certificate of live birth.”

Perhaps he breathed a sigh of relief upon discovering that he was in fact born and that those precious childhood memories of little Barry Hussein Obama II were no figment of his imagination.

Now that we’ve cleared up this little misunderstanding, we can get back to things that matter most—passing a budget, reducing the debt, and demanding that the President release his college records!

Onwards and upwards!

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Money can’t buy you love, and it can’t turn a design flaw into a safe bridge. These two truths will endure until the end of time.

Campaign Obama ran into a little trouble this week for insisting that Republican budget cuts would cause our crumbling infrastructure to collapse like that bridge in Minnesota.

(FYI, our “crumbling” status will not be upgraded until Joe Biden gets to ride a trillion dollar coast-to-coast bullet train with his head out the window. At that point we will have won the future.)

President Obama’s basic argument is as follows: Minnesota showed us that if we cut federal transportation funding, more catastrophes will occur.

The problem with his reasoning, as many have pointed out, is that it is based on a false premise. The National Transportation Safety Board concluded that the I-35W bridge fell into the Mississippi River because of a design flaw, not lack of maintenance or funding.

The bridge was doomed to fall, but it was only a matter of time before a politician used this tragic event to advocate the need for more spending on bridges.

This situation wonderfully depicts the pathology of liberal thinking by revealing a widespread unwillingness to acknowledge the reality of design flaws in government programs and projects. Have you ever heard a liberal argue that we are spending too much on anything except defense?

This mode of thinking makes it extremely difficult to even have a conversation about implementing cuts because reduced funding is always interpreted as reduced quality with the potential for catastrophes.

Aside from conveying the danger of $14 trillion of debt, the key to winning the budget debate is convincing voters that less is often more, that cutting spending does not mean our infrastructure will collapse, and that throwing money at problems will not fix projects that were flawed from the start.

As President Obama always says, it’s time for us all to take a haircut. No amount of combing is going to cover that bald spot.

Read more and watch our animated political videos at PolitiZoid.com

Today, we were all reminded that even presidents can get locked out of their own homes.

It happens to everyone. You go outside to grab the mail, water the flowers, or give a press briefing and then are suddenly shocked into the realization that you are locked out of your own home.

Fortunately, President Obama played it cool, followed protocol, and located an alternate point of entry. He got lucky this time. The doors could have all been locked with his staff out to lunch.

In an effort to prepare the President for this worst case scenario and shield him from any future embarrassment, here are a few Washington-approved ways to break into the White House.

1. Find a grownup and ask for help. They always know what to do.

2. Check under the doormat for a key. Make sure to return it when you’re done.

3. Appoint a Door Czar with a sizeable salary to ensure that this calamity never happens again. He should monitor the energy efficiency of door manufacturing while he’s at it.

4. Instruct Congress to pass a bill for a brand new billion dollar door. Only the best for the leader of the free world!

5. Blame Bush for faulty locks. (Note: use in moderation)

6. Call a locksmith and hope for change.

7. Try the chimney. Santa does it all the time.

8. Call Hillary Clinton to see if she changed the locks.

9. Contact your local leftist “demolitionist.” The word on the street is that Bill Ayers knows how to blow things up.

10. Try pushing instead of pulling.

Welcome home, Mr. President.

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Right Change proudly presents Raiders of the Lost Mubarak, a PolitiZoid picture. Join Illinois Obama and Delaware Joe as they discover that foreign policy is not just a distraction from their domestic agenda, it’s an adventure!

Click the image to watch the video.

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Democrats have the uncanny ability to degrade politics beyond our wildest imaginations. Sprinkle a little union thuggery into the mix, and their antics have the power to induce the deepest feelings of frustration, incredulity, and nausea.

Truth is often stranger than fiction, but the spectacle in Wisconsin takes this paradigm to a whole new level.

Here are a few of the bizarre things we have learned from the northern front of the War on Entitlements:

1. Protesting for teacher salaries and union benefits qualifies as an educational field trip. Pack up your lunches, kids. Someone needs a raise!

2. Democracy 101: If you don’t have the numbers, run away! Wait, maybe that’s French History…

3. Apparently, people still do drum circles.

4. If you are a union member, you can get a doctor’s note for a fake disease. Ethics is a small price to pay for the greater good. Saul Alinsky would be proud.

5. Nazi signs are back! You thought they had gone out of style, but nothing says “we love civility” like a Hitler mustache on your least favorite politician.

6. President Obama is slow to denounce peace-loving rulers in Egypt and Libya, but he is quick to condemn governors who engage in democratic dictatorship.

7. It is always okay to shut down the government…if you are a Democrat. Enjoy a nice out-of-state vacation while you are at it.

8. Union chants never get old, and they can be adapted to oppose any foe of the people. “Hey hey, ho ho, Mubarak/Walker must go.” There is no better way to avoid an intelligent debate than a good old mindless chant.

9. Organizing for America is the life of the party, getting ready for the big one in 2012.

10. Progressive math: duly elected leaders + a majority ≠ democracy = mob rule.

Anything is possible (and encouraged) in the Progressive Zone. This truly is the theatre of the absurd.

Read more and watch our animated political cartoons at PolitiZoid.com.

Promoted from the diaries by Bill

You can reduce funding for the military, cut subsidies for big bad oil companies, and you can institute a five-year freeze on discretionary spending, but if you even think about questioning the sacredness of public media outlets, you are in for a world of hurt.

Republicans learned this lesson the hard way after House Democrats brought the heat in a highly publicized press conference at the Capitol. There they unleashed a new secret weapon, the ultimate defense against all budget slashers, also known as Arthur the Aardvark.

Oh yes they did.

Nothing says “we are totally serious about our jobs” like giving a speech next to a life-size version of a cartoon aardvark. The gravitas is simply overpowering.

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Just when you were getting ready to enjoy a great game of football, President Obama had to go and ruin it all. Yes, he did the unthinkable. He chose a team. Nothing is sacred anymore!

Shameless opportunism comes in many forms, but nothing says “campaign 2012 starts today” like the seemingly benign phrase, “I’ve got some love for the Steelers.” Did he really think he could get away with such a blatant infusion of partisan politics into an otherwise innocent sport?

As you know, congressional Republicans are contractually obligated to oppose his Sunday pick, and presidential hopefuls are now scrambling to address his pigskin talking points.

Just like that the Super Bowl became all about politics.

This is yet another example of the attempt to polarize our great nation. President Obama was not elected to be the president of Wall Street, the top two percent, or the Steelers. He was elected to be the president of the United States of America, cheeseheads and Polamalus alike.

Words do matter. While it is impossible to undo what has been said, hopefully you can utilize the healing power of buffalo wings and nachos to squeeze out some enjoyment from one of the most fiercely competitive and previously apolitical days of the year.

May the best candidate win!