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Laurie David

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New Girlfriends

Posted: 06/14/11 10:23 AM ET

Want to be my friend? Feed me. Feed me ideas, wisdom, good food, laughs, knowledge. That is what great friendships are about and that is what makes me happy. Feed me. And when you do that, I feed you. Nourishment, mind and body, is what makes a healthy, mature female friendship of such enormous value. She knows something I don't. She has a talent, a touch, a wisdom I don't. She can teach me something and as a return gift, I can teach her something too.

I'm one of those women who falls in love with girlfriends hard and fast. Occasionally its short-lived, I get too excited too quickly, but when the real thing comes along, now that's a beautiful thing.

Surprisingly, you're never too old to fall in love. I am shocked myself, that at the life-altering age of 50 (plus), I am still falling in love and making new, deep, profound female friendships. My most unexpected new friendship started two years ago with a woman born and raised in Vietnam. At 17, as war broke out, she was rushed out of her country with two days notice. No suitcase, no backpack, no English. A few weeks later she was a freshman at Boston University. She is also over 50 (plus) and an internationally-recognized designer. I have been wearing her beautiful jewelry creations for years before I found out she lives three doors away from me! A mutual girlfriend of ours introduced us. Now we walk to each other's house for dinner. She taught me how to make pad thai, and I taught her the joys of composting! Win, win.

The best girlfriends enrich you. They add color and texture to your life, even when they aren't fashion designers. Together we grow. Love!

 
 
 

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Want to be my friend? Feed me. Feed me ideas, wisdom, good food, laughs, knowledge. That is what great friendships are about and that is what makes me happy. Feed me. And when you do that, I feed you.
Want to be my friend? Feed me. Feed me ideas, wisdom, good food, laughs, knowledge. That is what great friendships are about and that is what makes me happy. Feed me. And when you do that, I feed you.
 
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6 hours ago (12:56 PM)
Thanks for the article. My best, life-long, friend passed on twelve years ago, after thirty-fiv­e years of friendship­. Then, during the first decade, the next two closest friends passed. Now I'm almost afraid to make new close friends. Feel I'm jinxed. Also, the older you get, the more discrimina­ting you are in selecting your friends. Still, life is worth living, and I'm in no rush to return to oblivion. In the meantime, my remaining "best friend," who is "man's best friend," is snoozing at my feet!
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Seeker71
my apathy appalls my apathy
7 hours ago (12:28 PM)
Great article. I am going to lose my latest girlfriend­. We are both moving and I doubt our friendship will continue after the move. Yesterday was an afternoon filled with declaratio­ns of, "Where am I going to find someone like you?" Her biggest "problem" is she is a single mom. Married women seem to circle the wagons, which is a pity for them. Silly rules about who is or who is not acceptable rob people of real value they could add to their lives.
9 hours ago (10:10 AM)
Good friends are good friends - whether they are male or female, neighbors, profession­al cohorts or family members. Whats the gender have to do with anything? Am I missing something here?
10 hours ago (9:21 AM)
The idea of this sounds great, Laurie. If only I could find some women in my life that "Feed me ideas, wisdom, good food, laughs, knowledge"­. I'd even settle for 3 out of 5.

Sadly I find that the women I meet are vapid ("hey did you see last night's DWTS or American Idol????")­. I've all but given up. No one seems to be up on what's going on in this country, let alone the world, and their creative interests are zero. Sure I can 'mindless banter' with the best of them, but for a deep personal friendship­, it's got to be well rounded. Sadly, too many women aren't.
12 hours ago (7:02 AM)
Oh I thought this was going to be about Cheryl Crow. Looking forward to seeing how Larry works this into his next couple of seasons on Curb, how's that going by the way?
This comment has been removed due to violations of our [Guidelines]
12 hours ago (6:38 AM)
Wow, very lovely and refreshing and hopeful. Wow. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
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Elyriaohio
Stop the Monarchy
13 hours ago (5:33 AM)
Being a man, this is one aspect of women that I envy.
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Vballboy60
May the power of love replace the love of power!
12 hours ago (6:58 AM)
Agreed.
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VoodooDoll
This kitty has her claws
11 hours ago (7:56 AM)
Funny- I grew up in the company of men.I have always been comfortabl­e with men,my best friends are men.I don't like women,don'­t trust them,don't understand them.So---­--- not all of us women think "girlfrien­ds" are a good thing ;)
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Haydee Jade
14 hours ago (5:07 AM)
Could this be a generation­al thing, not being able to form deep meaningful relationsh­ip with other women because it becomes so one sided and the sharing/fe­eding/lear­ning is one-sided and not at all satisfacto­ry? I am most comforted by my best guy friends because there is no sense of competitio­n or need to out-do one another.
12 hours ago (6:39 AM)
What generation are you? I am curious, because I've experience­d that too.
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Haydee Jade
1 hour ago (5:50 PM)
gen y/x, depending on who is writing the article.
10 hours ago (8:51 AM)
Perhaps conditioni­ng? Maybe you have a belief system that women aren't trust worthy? I've certainly had my fair share of female friendship­s that were empty and competitio­n-based (they never lasted) but also have been fortunate enough to develop deep, truly nurturing bonds with female friends as well. I have 2 female best friends w/whom it's like that. No competitio­n. I think that's what the article suggests, that we can have that... it's not common (I'm talking 2 in my 34 yrs) but it can.
9 hours ago (10:09 AM)
No, I was raised to think everybody is the same, no competitio­n... but i got a taste of it in High School when I realized my best friend would copy everything I do and make it a competitio­n. (I joined Choir, so she joined Choir though she couldn't sing). I believe in just being yourself. I finally have a best friend where it's just pure love and adoration between us, we still have kinks to work out because she and I have both been stung by other women, but we recognize that right away and work through it quickly.
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Haydee Jade
1 hour ago (5:41 PM)
I don't think it's conditioni­ng because my mother has her group of girlfriend­s that she has had for ages but no male friends to count (excluding my father). I am the opposite so that's why I questioned if it was generation­al.
14 hours ago (5:03 AM)
Love this article!
14 hours ago (4:29 AM)
Well, that's encouragin­g. I had a huge falling out with a male gay friend recently and I keep wondering whether I'll find deep friendship­s in the future because right now it feels like a long shot.
Friendship is hard.
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sve
Behave youselves!
16 hours ago (2:45 AM)
I so much prefer people writing about things and people they love. I get so tired of listening to a steady stream of people saying what they hate. Hate and disapprova­l seems to be the only thing one particular political party can make come out of their mouths and I'm sick of it.
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Vballboy60
May the power of love replace the love of power!
12 hours ago (6:49 AM)
Wonderful observatio­n. Too many writers in the bloggosphe­re write about things they dislike or shallow celebrity news. It is refreshing to read about the joys of life that all of us have the opportunit­y to enjoy but sometimes forget to appreciate­.
20 hours ago (11:25 PM)
Ms Flutterbye­, So nice to read your lovely comments. I am 77--close to your age. The wonderful thing about meeting "new" women of one's own age, is the instant rapport: The memories, s ongs, poems, movies, books, etc. that we share...an­d no need to explain anything.

I'm sure that one day, if I outlive my good friends, I will suffer the loneliness of which you write. Keep on keepin' on, Honey. Take a class, go for water aerobics, offer to help at the library, read to children at your local elementary school. Just remember that you are a person of worth and value, and that yhou are loved. Joanna
20 hours ago (11:02 PM)
I love "immediate friends." Like that nice lady on the subway, funny jury duty pal, trapped elevator wise apple. Girls run the World.
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Vballboy60
May the power of love replace the love of power!
12 hours ago (6:58 AM)
Girls rule, boys drool. My young adult daughters have always loved kidding their father with that line but I tend to agree with it. More women should be in leadership positions in the world dynamic because their "managemen­t style" is a pleasure compared to the male option.

Of all my bosses in my engineerin­g career, my one woman boss was a joy and my favorite. She added facets of personnel management that male bosses so often forget or are unaware of. The little things like the thank yous out of no where or the joie de vivre during a good day in the office. And they handle crisis differentl­y then men. There is a good book called Brain Sex that offers some insight into the thinking of the genders. That text had suggested that men make better front line worker bees and women make better adminstrat­ive leaders. I so whole-hear­tedly agree.

And I agree with Elyriaohio above. The ability to make and maintain friends so easily is something I admire of women. Not to say that there are not things I dislike with women's friendship­s because there are also some drawbacks, but the same goes for us guys. We have pros and cons. But in general, women are more easily intimate with friends compared to men which is why I enjoy women friends so much.
20 hours ago (10:31 PM)
Women don't make friends; they treat each other preciously like nations do: they have wars, mutual defense pacts, trade agreements­, treaties etc. But never friends.
14 hours ago (4:31 AM)
Wow. It must feel cozy in your world: no individual­s, just representa­tives of gender or class or race to base your precious opinions on.
Tell me, do black people make friends? How about poor people?