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Men Behaving Badly... It's a Good Thing

Posted: 06/13/11 10:30 AM ET

Strauss-Kahn. Schwarzenegger. Edwards. Weiner. It's been a helluva month for men behaving badly. Am I the only one who sees this as a good thing?

Has the tradition of men having it their way -- with women bearing the consequences -- hit a speed bump?

Historically, women who have been victimized by men -- whether by a sexually harassing boss or a philandering husband -- were trained to hit the mute button.

"He'll fire you if you complain."
"He'll divorce you if you confront him."
"Be glad you have a job / a roof over your head."

And it's worked. But, of course, men have always had a litany of "universal truths" to back up their behavior that have been passed down from generation to generation: "Men have their needs." Or, "For men, it's just a physical thing." Or my all-time favorite, "Boys will be boys."

Well, not so fast, boys.

The most potent images from this, the ugly month of May, speak with certitude about how quickly those age-honored traditions are unraveling:

Strauss-Kahn doing the perp walk in handcuffs. Weiner crying at the mic. And not a single wife standing silently at her cad's side, her face frozen in shame. (Okay, maybe Mme. Strauss-Kahn did -- but they're French.)

This time, the wives were silent, alright -- silent as in gone.

As those of us who fought the battles of the feminist movement in the early 70s know, change doesn't happen in giant leaps, but, rather, in smaller, significant steps. That's why this string of salacious spring scandals has filled me with optimism -- because, in each case, women have drawn a new line in the sand.

Maria Shriver did not stand by her man when he admitted to fathering a child with the family's housekeeper -- but, instead, packed up, moved into a hotel, and is now reportedly filing for divorce.

John Edwards may have decided to stand firm and fight his indictment for using campaign funds to hide his paramour and love child, but he's become a national punchline, thanks in large part to columnists like Gail Collins and Maureen Dowd, who've spared few words in denouncing the former senator as a sleaze.

Anthony Weiner may claim that his wife of 11 months is standing by him, but I'd say he's in much deeper manure with those other women in his life -- namely, colleagues Rep. Nancy Pelosi of California and Rep. Allyson Schwartz of Pennsylvania, who are leading the charge in calling for an investigation into Weinergate, at best, or expelling Weiner from the House of Representatives altogether.

And the coast-to-coast mantra has become: "Boys may be boys, but it's time for men to start acting like men."

But of all the drama in this explosive month of cheating hearts and Tweeting parts, the person who has given me the most hope is the 32-year-old chambermaid from New York's Sofitel Hotel, who emerged from her brutal attempted rape by the head of the International Monetary Fund, not by slinking away in shamed silence, fearing that her word could never match that of someone so powerful, but instead by going directly to the authorities and busting the offender.

The bravery that took cannot be overstated. Here is a woman from Guinea who'd been granted asylum in the United States and lives quietly in New York, raising her 15-year-old daughter. Her annual salary is probably around $20,000, which, according to the National Bureau of Labor Statistics, is what a woman makes for spending long days cleaning bathrooms, changing sheets and mopping up after strangers.

That's less than 10 dollars an hour, and she needs every cent to raise a kid in New York. But she put everything on the line to stand up for herself and her right to work with dignity. With the courage of a Rosa Parks, she refused to submit to -- and rebelled against -- a long-entrenched system. In her case, that system is one that not only expects chambermaids to tolerate the creepy sexual advances of male hotel guests, but in some instances, even assigns the "new girl" to clean the rooms of those more troublesome guests (like the men who "accidentally" let their bathrobes fall open when the maid is in the room). Oh, the fun the boys have had.

Not this time, said the chambermaid. And if you doubt for a moment that her voice was raised on behalf of women everywhere, take a look at the photos of the union hotel workers -- all women -- protesting outside the Manhattan Criminal Court last week, as Strauss-Kahn and his wife made their exit following his arraignment hearing. How striking and poignant and powerful, this army of women in their familiar grey uniforms with fists raised, the fury of helplessness and invisibility at last unleashed.

These women did not just blow a whistle. They sounded a siren that has inspired women worldwide. And it will empower every maid who ever hears the lock snap on a hotel room door.

Yep, this is a good time. We are seeing the end of a tradition and the beginning of a revolution.

And these are the front lines...

2011-06-13-marlo.jpg
Photo credit: Reuters/Mike Segar
 
Strauss-Kahn. Schwarzenegger. Edwards. Weiner. It's been a helluva month for men behaving badly. Am I the only one who sees this as a good thing? Has the tradition of men having it their way -- with ...
Strauss-Kahn. Schwarzenegger. Edwards. Weiner. It's been a helluva month for men behaving badly. Am I the only one who sees this as a good thing? Has the tradition of men having it their way -- with ...
 
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56 minutes ago (9:40 AM)
Like moths to a flame, I know a lot of women (friends and relatives) who are attracted to the "bad boys", not the nice guys. Many women send mixed signals (or they are conflicted­) about what they want.
4 hours ago (6:20 AM)
Go, Marlo! You are so right things are different, and I think on the way to getting better. Women need to speak up and not silently condone bad behavior of any kind. The maid was the truely brave one, but all those women who let their cheating husbands face the ramificati­ons of their actions and bare the consequesn­ces of public outrage are refreshing to me. My heart broke for elizabeth edwards, Maria Shriver is a good example of reacting with dignity. Remember women are the stronger gender.
5 hours ago (5:48 AM)
Hooboy, I got censored so i'll just get to the point: Feminists are not interested in 'equality' and want to have men completely at their beck and call.
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5 hours ago (5:16 AM)
Ms. Thomas is trying to equate two consenting relationsh­ips, and a naughty twitter message with forced oral sex and attempted rape. There is a difference that she fails to recognize between a rapist and a cad.
53 minutes ago (9:44 AM)
Where did she say they are equivalent­? They are all examples of men violating women.
7 hours ago (3:30 AM)
The one thing I was most offended by was the paragraph about the supposed "universal truths" but the whole article is severely sexist in its overtones. The possibilit­y isn't surprising since the unfortunat­e truth about equality is that the phrase "men and women are equally capable" applies just as well to evil as it does to good. I for one support actual equality which includes the idea that sexism directed against men is exactly as bad as sexism against women. As for the events referred to: whether the person involved is a man or a women, sexual harassment is reprehensi­ble and cheating on one's spouse is immoral.
7 hours ago (3:27 AM)
Good article and view. So often men who sexually abuse their position take this protest as women whining about there roles. Woman, maid = slave and unfortunat­ely like Robin Williams said, men have only enough blood for the penis or the brain, obviously the penis gets control when you lose touch with your own purpose. I still like Weiner but he and others they did not need an ego boost, their ego was already too high, they went too far. They lost touch with the human side of man and let the animal out. At the same time I think monogamy for all is unrealisti­c

Go maids and all woman laborers for doing the work we wouldn't want to while being used and not appreciate­d. Like you should have shame for doing a job. Been there done that, no thank you.
9 hours ago (1:20 AM)
I really like this. Great Job. It is a good thing.
11 hours ago (11:44 PM)
According to my Abnormal Psychology textbook..­.from a few years ago...33% of men have rape fantasies. That's 1 in 3!! That's all I need to know. I am not a man-hater, and I do really feel sorry for Rep. Wiener (but none of the others). The guy probably needed an ego boost, and it got way out of hand. What other reason would you have for telling these people who you are?! I mean, if it was about sex, anonymousl­y would have been the more logical choice. "I'm a Congressma­n, don't you wanna sex-text with me?" Sounds kind of like "I'm the quarterbac­k, don't you wanna go under the bleachers with me?" If I were the wife, in any of these other situations­, I would've been gone so fast...but this one...I would have to think about. However, I think that the personalit­y traits it takes to run for and hold public office, can sometime mirror the traits of certain types of rapists. Arrogance, ego, but underneath a feeling of insecurity and powerlessn­ess. Running for office is a way to gain power and be noticed. So is rape, to some men. There's a reason my mom put me in martial arts classes when I was 7 years old...inst­ead of ballet, like the other girls. And I thank her and God every day for it!!
10 hours ago (12:33 AM)
30-40% of women have rape fantasies, too. That's more than 1 in 3!!!!
Maybe we should hospitaliz­e them and try to cure them of their masochisti­c tendencies­.
20 minutes ago (10:16 AM)
Rape as a crime and rape as a fantasy are WAY different. Don't forget, there are many WOMEN & MEN who have rape fantasies, and who, in their fantasy, put themselves in the role of victim. A fantasy and a desire are two very different things. Equating them is a dangerous judgment against those who have them and presuppose­s that rapists and men are the only people having such thoughts. All fantasy is a healthy exploratio­n of our subconscio­us feelings - playing them out like dreams in the mind does not mean a person would ever do the thing they fantasize about.
14 hours ago (8:19 PM)
I have long admired Marlo Thomas (since the days of Free to Be You and Me). She makes excellent points in this column.

Furthermor­e with Mr. Strauss-Ka­hn, he has been behaving like this in France for years. However, there is more a status-dri­ven society...­his friends would have paid off the maid and gotten her out of the country rather than have him embarrasse­d. There was nothing here to enable his bad behavior and the jerk finally got what was coming to him.

God bless the lady from Guinea and may she recover from her ordeal and have a long, productive life.
15 hours ago (8:03 PM)
once a man is found out and stays in a position of power, he is a better man. Ted Kennedyand Bill Clinton as an example of this. Leave weiner alone and as good a congressma­n as he is, he will be better. We live in a puritanica­l society controlled by the media. A media that is losing ground to the internet. Leave weiner alone.
3 hours ago (7:18 AM)
So a good Congressma­n to you is one who lies to the face of his constituen­ts and the American public over and over again for 10 days? I don't want someone with that character representi­ng me.
15 hours ago (7:29 PM)
Mme. Strauss-Ka­hn is from New York -- an American -- not French!
16 hours ago (6:58 PM)
Right On! I've wondered for years what has happened to men. Their actions speak loudly. This is from a man! I for one have held many "man" in low regard simply because he can not behave like a man should!
8 hours ago (2:55 AM)
You know, when I hear of men acting like jerks I want to call them 'horses ---es' but, I like horses and they serve a purpose! Anyway, this thing about taking pics or videos of themselves doing those sleezy acts of unkindness­, I think what the heck are you thinking to do such a outrageous thing?! I thought the same thing about tapes during office meetings but, that's another beaten to death story. I just hear myself say,"why, why, why!"
16 hours ago (6:08 PM)
It's a woman's nature to extort a man when he cheats with her and to clean a man out when he cheats on her. Women bore of men quickly and the man's assets are what is most important. It's easy to find another man and a new man is always more exciting. That's another reason this is "a good thing"
17 hours ago (5:49 PM)
Thank you for your insightful article, Marlo. I, too was completely inspired by the maids outside the court house calling for their rights. I was a maid for a while my senior year in high school in a bland Sheraton in the Denver Tech Center. We discovered a lot about men when they travel. Yes, I do recall one other girl, who was also in high school, being trapped in a hotel room when the man in the room called for housekeepi­ng to bring up a humidifier­, but she escaped unharmed. He had placed a "do not clean" card on his door until he returned to the room in the afternoon, then came out of the bathroom and dropped his towel when she came in with the humidifier­. We also collected a gazillion x rated magazines. One of my most bizarre memories occurred one afternoon when I arrived at work after school and the carpet cleaning guys brought me down to one of the rooms I was to clean to show me something. The person who had checked out had taken those balloons that people twist into animals and hats for kids birthday parties. Only he had twisted a bunch of them into some unrecogniz­able shape, and had a dirty magazine propped up on some pillows. I think I made sure to use the rubber gloves that day.
18 hours ago (4:21 PM)
I remember Marlo writing a similar article when Clinton was in office and Ted ran off in 69....oh she didn't?...­.