The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 6.22.11

June 22nd, 2011 // 20 Comments
Selena Gomez

“He’s gonna be a soccer player!”

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where Paris Hilton has figured out the best way to let all YOU guys out there know that she’s ready for penis ASAP!, Whitney Port who apparently challenged LeAnn Rimes to a “Race You To Osteoporosis Contest”, as well as John Travolta squiring his lady about town in a velveteen jacket and that handsome rug.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot Kirstie Alley’s skinbag necktopper, can we stop marveling at the wonders of rapid weight-loss yet?

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame, Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

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I Don’t Even Know Miley Cyrus Anymore

June 22nd, 2011 // 27 Comments
Miley Cyrus Sequin Vagina

A long time ago, Miley Cyrus used to be a budding young artist who always performed her own vagina diddles. But apparently she pays backup dancers to do it now because she’s “Hollywood,” to which I say, what the fuck, Miley? It supposed to be about the diddles! I hate you! *takes out slam book, writes “Miley has a squirrel face” over page dedicated to why Kristen Stewart doesn’t deserve Robert Pattinson, crosses arms* Showed her.

Photo: Splash News

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Police: Ryan Dunn’s B.A.C. Was .196, Over Twice Legal Limit

June 22nd, 2011 // 185 Comments
Ryan Dunn Drunk

That was fast. TMZ reports:

West Goshen Police Chief Michael Carroll told the Daily Local News … Dunn’s B.A.C. was .196 … nearly two-and-a-half times the legal limit in Pennsylvania, which is .08. Carroll added, “No other substances were found in his blood other than the alcohol.”

In before someone says: “God, don’t the police realize someone is dead?! Ryan was so nice! Don’t act like any of you don’t make mistakes like driving 130 mph in your Porsche drunk as shit. I can’t believe they brought this up after he just died. I’ve been sitting here crying my eyes out, and it makes me so angry that people keep bringing up it’s Ryan own fault for killing himself and that guy. Okay, so he made one mistake, Jackass 3 was so LOL. I fucking hate you jerks.”

Bam Margera and His Mom Predicting Ryan’s Death After The Jump


Lindsay Lohan is Giving Exclusive Interviews During Her House Arrest

June 22nd, 2011 // 44 Comments
Lindsay Lohan House Arrest

In between parties, shooting commercials, trying to escape and making bikini movies, Lindsay Lohan somehow found time to indulge Life & Style with an interview about how really, really hard house arrest is, and that it’s taught her a lesson. For real this 18th time.

On the sacrifices:
“I was really upset not being able to go to my little brother’s birthday party. He just turned 16. That bummed me out.”

On how she’s so totally working and doesn’t drink anymore:
“I’ve been having a lot of work-related meetings. Sometimes my friends come over. And I get to see my sister, Ali, which is nice. … When my friends come over, they’re not drinking. Alcohol is not in my house, so it’s just not a part of my life.”

And then not ruling out drinking at nightclubs not even five seconds later:
“I don’t think you should ever say never.”

Yadda yadda learned her lesson blah blah blah:
“This may come as a shock, but I mean it: I want to start my community service. I want to finish that so I can work in August and September. You go through experiences. I do understand that I need to gain some of the respect back, but I’m willing to work hard for that. I understand the situations I’ve put myself in, and I don’t want to go back to that.”

I love how Lindsay claims there’s no alcohol in her house and then follows up it by saying she’s going back to work in August. If someone lit a match at that exact moment, her breath would’ve caught on fire. You did a commercial for Beezid.com, you crazy drunk. You might as well have made a YouTube video claiming the Holocaust isn’t real and then stabbed a gay baby in the face because let me tell you what conversation isn’t happening no matter how many times it plays in your head:

PRODUCER: Hey, did you see that girl on the Beezid commercial? We should risk an entire film production on that.
STUDIO: And pay her in cash!
SAMANTHA RONSON: And my hand in marriage!
MICHAEL LOHAN: And this document proving she’s adopted!

Photo: Courtesy of Life & Style

 
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Chris Brown is Sending Rihanna Photos

June 22nd, 2011 // 34 Comments
Rihanna Chris Brown

Chris Brown apparently pulled an Anthony Weiner the other day when he openly tweeted Rihanna “you got that pic I sent you?” instead of Direct Messaging her. But before it was deleted, the tweet was screencapped by MediaTakeOut.com who’s now claiming the photo is of the penis variety:

Well now, we have evidence that Chris was sending Rihanna PHOTOS of himself!!! As the below TWEET shows, Chris was CLEARLY sending a photo of himself to Rihanna.
And get this . . . while we can not say this with CERTAINTY . . . we are hearing that the photo may have been a NEKKID PIC OF BREEZY!!!

Of course, this is nothing but wild, careless speculation, so naturally I want a turn: Chris was tweeting Rihanna the police photo of her face BECAUSE… she was thinking of telling everyone he’s… FRUIT LIKE FRUIT LOOPZ!! BOOMSHAKALA!!!!! CAPS LOCK MAKES MY WORDS ALL BIG!!!!

Photo: Bauer-Griffin

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George Clooney Dumped Elisabetta

June 22nd, 2011 // 45 Comments
Elisabetta Canalis George Clooney Break Up

“Why did I make-a his orange juice wrong? Stupido, stupido!”

Less than two weeks ago, Elisabetta Canalis was quoted in an Italian magazine that she’s going to marry George Clooney which was more than he needed to bring this story to its inevitable ending. (He would’ve also accepted: It’s Wednesday, and he’s George Clooney.) People reports:

“We are not together anymore. It’s very difficult and very personal, and we hope everyone can respect our privacy,” Clooney and Canalis said in a joint statement Wednesday.

Correction: It’s very difficult for anyone not named George Clooney. For him, it’s whatever word best describes banging a revolving door of cocktail waitresses without an obligation to listen to their opinionated Italian rants. “Awesobangolonious,” is what I’m going with.

Photos: Splash News


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