Sunday, July 24, 2011

A REAL post. With Pictures!!

So I finally have a moment in between my busy schedule of school and...well, school, to post the pictures of the room makeover. I cannot tell you the difference it's made in my general well being. It's soothing to be in here now and I no longer feel as trapped. No, the trapped feeling won't go away until I have graduated, have a job and have become a useful member of society again, but it's been lessened and that's huge.

School is awesome. Not because I adore my instructors cuz that is sooooo not the case. School is awesome because I've already met some amazing people and I've actually enjoyed getting to be around people again. I finally feel like a lot of the anxiety and panic has gone. I'm not 100% but then I may never say I am again because we all know that when I do I end up right back in the crazy so yeah, not 100% but having a DAMN good time talking to people again.

What? Oh! Pictures! Right. Sorry. You know me, I ramble. Shut up. Here ya go!! Pictures of the room makeover with commentary! Comment away.  :)




















I still have shelves to put up so I can get my dragons back in the room (and out of Mom's dining room, don't judge me) but otherwise, it's such a vast improvement that I'm very happy with it. A huge thanks to my folks for putting up with it and helping and to my nephew, Dylan, for being a champ during the whole process.

P.S You there. Lurker McLurkerson. There's a comment button below. Click it. Say Hi. Stop being creepy. That's my job, dammit.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Quicker note:

Holy hell,  I am exhausted.  I have one class that is apparently self taught and another that thinks homework is a present. plus not sleeping well doesn't help. I know, I owe you pictures and stories. They're coming, I swears it!!! Right after I read this next chapter, make a study guide and figu...zzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Quick note:

There's been a room makeover and there are pictures! Also, today was the first day of class so yippee! Also, I am on my way out the door to meet up with my nieces for what is sure to be hell at first but then fun. Midnight Harry Potter premier. I swear I will post something interesting and picture related this weekend. I swear it on my stash. Oh yeah, shit's gettin' real in here.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Wait...What?

So, I'm 39. WTF? Anyway, I've been 39 for a couple of months now so I should be over it but recently it's kind of been slapping me in the face like a loose boob during a random jog. Wait...know what? Nevermind. We'll just roll with it.We all know I'm bat shit crazy by now.

So, I know I've said it before, that I promise to blog more and blah blah bullshit blah so I'm not gonna make any promises here. Can't make me. But I have found recently that I wanna write and the whole reason behind me ignoring the blog is feeling that my life is boring as shit, which it is, and feeling like I had nothing to talk about, which I don't. So...umm...I'll be blogging...things. Random shit. I know the title of the blog is I Stalk Knitters, and maybe I should change that since I'm not stalking a damn thing. I am currently knitting and crocheting multiple projects but only because I've had some time freed up recently since I no longer spend all day, everyday talking to Cory. We broke up. It's a long story and one I may get to at some point. Or not. Whatever.  Just please don't do the whole, "OMG I'm so sorry are you okay men are assholes you're better than that anyway and he never did deserve you!" thing because that's all I've heard the last couple of weeks. I'm fine. Really. He and I both saw it coming, we haven't seen each other face-to-face in 2 years and it seemed ridiculous to continue calling him my boyfriend. Granted, he took the chicken shit way out of it but again, long story.

So...I'm going back to school. Again. I still haven't been able to find a job as a medical assistant because our economy blows so more schooling works for me. Mom and Dad are being kinda awesome about their sick lump of a daughter nesting in their house for the duration of school. I'm finally going to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. Dammit. I mean it. This WILL HAPPEN. I start classes on July 14th. Do too! I'm uber excited which seems like a good thing until you realize I'm excited about doing math! You can't even use the "well maybe she just likes college algebra" excuse for me since I'm 2...TWO classes from even being in college algebra. I am math stupid apparently. I got through MA school with a 4.0. But my math skills are lacking. English? I tested out of every English unless I plan to major in that shit. Nice to know I can handle my own language.  Wish I could handle 2+2.

So essentially, this blog will start to be me rambling about...things. I will eventually post what projects I'm working on, but I'll most likely keep note of how school is progressing, my frustrations with financial aid, how neurotic I become about my grades and stuff like that.

Oh! I also decided to make a fresh start in my room. I know it may not sound like much (omg she's gonna clean something??) but I quit smoking back in October. No cigarettes for me for 8 months, people!! So, my nephew who adores me, as he should, is going to come over and I plan on taking every single thing out of this room, cleaning it one thing at a time to remove 2 years of dust and nicotine. Then rip up the carpet, paint the concrete floors an aubergine purple, paint all the trim a nice clean white and paint the walls a really pretty pale sea green. Possibly replace the ceiling fan. Depends on how much of the nicotine and tar I can get off the damn thing. Did i mention I was sitting in this room smoking 2 packs a day before I ended up with Congestive Heart Failure? Yeah....it's bad. I'll break out the camera and take pics of the progress. It'll be fun for everyone! Well, except my nephew who will do most of the work but he's 18 and i'm paying him with a trip to our favorite Chinese restaurant, dammit.

Speaking of food, I've been playing around a lot with cooking and finding a LOT of joy in it with the whole we-have-to-eat-healthy-even-if-it-kills-us thing because we have 2 heart patients living in the house. I'm a heart patient, y'all. Shit is stupid scary. Granted, I haven't really kicked in the whole Angie-needs-to-get-up-off-her-fat-ass-and-move thing yet. I have lost weight. A total of 35 lbs since last October and that's just from the water weight and healthy eating bit, so moving? Actually moving for at least 30 mins a day? Angie could be getting her sexy on. Not that I really give a crap about being a size 2 or hell even a size 8. But y'all, for Christmas my mom got me a really pretty skirt and shirt set. Size 18. It's tight but I got that shit zipped and buttoned. I haven't been able to do that since I was like 17. Oh yeah, we like it. I'll be happy with an 18 looking good on me! I will rock those 18s. Hells yeah. Which bring us to why I mentioned the cooking; I may post recipes as I make things up in my kitchen for us. If I find something healthy and delicious, I'll pass it along. Pinky swears.

Anywho, I think I've rambled enough for now. You're pretty well caught up on what's going on. You haven't missed much but coming soon? Changes. Me, out and about again. Doing things. With people! Making new friends. Reconnecting with old friends which I have also been trying to do more of. And I'm starting to ramble again. See? I NEED to write, I'm just too damn stupid to realize. Okay. Laters! Bye! Smooches and shit!  ♥

Oh, one last thing. Is it bad form to demand my hat and scarf back? I loved that damn scarf.  *pout*

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Still Here.

There's a post. I need to read through it, but there is a post, I've just been busy. That almost said, "I've just been busty."   That would have been awesome.  Anyway, I will try and read through it tonight and get it posted. I haven't forgotten you guys, I swears. 


For those of you bugging me in MSN, Facebook and e-mails, thank you.  It helps to know you care.  Sincerely.

Oh, and if anyone wants to add me to FB, please feel free. I am easier to keep track of that way.  :)

Angela Ingham Hughes.   (zomg she put her full name on teh interwebz!!!!)  haha

Friday, March 11, 2011

Denial

I got denied my disability. I need to talk to Cory but I won't call him at work and lay this kind of shit on him. My head is just so ugly right now. I've actually tried to think of ways to get out of seeing friends coming into town next week.  It's hit me that it may be another 2 years before I see Cory again. I'm not sure I can do another 2 yrs without touching him but I obviously can't afford to go up there and he hasn't even started the process for a passport and even if he had I couldn't do anything to help him come down for a visit. I've even thought that he deserves so much better than someone who has become nothing but a financial drain on those she loves and he should, by all rights, dump my sorry, useless ass and find someone else.

I sincerely wish I could just fade away right now. I can't think of one single person that wouldn't be better off. Every part of me is screaming to start pushing people away. Delete the blog. Close my Facebook account. Stop logging into WoW. Stop logging into MSN. Turn off the cell phone. Crawl into bed and just never leave again.

I hate that I've been crying for well over an hour now and nobody has noticed. I hate that I've been sobbing so hard that my entire body shakes, but I've become so practiced at doing this silently that anyone listening would just think my allergies were acting up. I want to scream. I want to be held and told everything is going to work out. Told that things will be fine even though the ugly voices in my head are whispering that things will never be as I want them.

I'm trying. I really am fighting here but I'm so tired. The disability was going to pay for the doctor's visits, my meds...that kind of thing. Now it's all on my parents still. The letter said that according to their findings I could still work as a sales clerk. These people have obviously never worked retail. Fuck them. I'm not even a person to them, I'm a file. They don't know me, what I'm going through or what I've gone through. I hate bureaucracy so fucking much.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Good News! Finally!

So I finally got approved for my Gold Card.  This is exciting because it's a HUGE help to me for several reasons. What the Gold Card does is allow people who live in Harris County, where Houston is, get affordable health care. It's almost like having an insurance plan in that those who qualify only have to pay a nominal co-pay for clinic and hospital visits. They cover primary care physicians, specialists, hospital stays, dental visits and I'm researching to see what else they may cover, such as vision since I'm blind as hell. 

This means I can get a doctor that I see on a regular basis that will monitor my conditions. This means a cardiologist if deemed necessary to monitor my congestive heart failure. This means...

THIS MEANS A CT SCAN FOR MY LUNGS!!!!!!  Woohoo!!!!! Cheer with me, folks!! 

It's not my disability yet, but it's a start. It means health care for me that won't break my parents in the meantime. It means diabetic testing supplies we can afford.  It means visits with a certified nutritionist for education. This means...a lot, guys. I cried with relief when I got the letter.

So things are looking up! Yay!!!! Now if my disability would just come through. Keep up any prayers or well wishes. They are so working!!