Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!, I OBJECT to this Fanfic.

Blame Regi :nick:

Hey, quick question. So should I wait until the story from page 44 is continued before putting my own sporking up? Because it sounds like the author has something in mind for the characters, and I hadn't really planned for my own spork to be connected to it--not that it isn't tempting to write a continuation. However, since this is my first spork, I had wanted it to be a normal one. So is it the general preference that I wait for the author to continue it, or was it meant for others to add too?

I think it's ok if you post your spork now. The other's been doing it fine. :naruhobo2:

And Neni seems to be preoccupied with other things at the moment...[/SIZE]

Today's sporking: Welcome to the land of the indecipherable and 'original characters', where sanity is non-existent and faith in humanity is little to none. You have now entered...the Sporking Zone.

Hi. This is my first Sporking, and it's not in continuity with the last one posted. Side note--I really wanted to spork something with Gumshoe, alas, his character wasn't appropriate for this story. Another time, perhaps? Also, the idea with Franziska was something I had been thinking about for a while. Advice/feedback appreciated. Also, I couldn't get the first paragraph's size to increase. Sorry.

Rating: One :karma: --well, I do believe I saw someone here use that as a rating for a troll fic. I am still 90% convinced that this is a troll fic, but in the case that I am wrong, :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: . Or five. The spelling is beyond rational thought, the writing is sub-par, and the original character is a complete gary stu. Plus the premise is stupid to the extreme.

Meet our sporkers!

:franziska: Franziska von Karma! (How...dare you...)

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth! Somewhat obligatory, yet in this instance somewhat necessary, as you will see. (Wait, why?)

:phoenix: Phoenix Wright! (...words fail me)

And, a character who has no idea that she will be taking part in this at the moment.


Miles Edgeworth sits alone in the middle of the theater, his gaze flitting about the room. Never does he look at the script for more than a second. The entrance opens, and two plainclothed Interpol agents walk in, a blindfolded Kay Faraday between them. A few more agents walk behind.

Kay: So, tell me again why you had to blindfold me? I thought the Blue Badger Convention was open to all fans...!

Agent #1: Ah. Well, you were randomly...hm...chosen...to play a small part in the Stunt Show. So you've got to be taken to the make up department, and that's, uh, top-secret.

Kay: Ooh, I get to act with the badgers? Awesome! But why did you have to take all my stuff?

Agent #2: Well, there's detectors and security everywhere...we wouldn't want you to be caught with weaponry and escape devices, now, would we?

Kay: Guess not...

Agents 3 & 4: NOW!!

They push her away from the entrance. She stumbles, and they hurriedly exit, sealing the entrance behind them.

Edgeworth: *Hurries over to Kay and removes her blindfold* Kay! Are you alright?

Kay: Yeah...but...but...this isn't the Blue Badger Convention! *Looks about* Hey! This is the Sporking Theater!

Edgeworth: Undoubtedly. ...Kay, if I may ask, how exactly were you captured by
the Interpol Agents? If I recall, you were successfully able to avoid them numerous times with various illusions and gadgets.

Kay: Right, but I actually knew that they were taking me here on those occasions. Today they weren't even in uniform! They promised a Blue Badger Convention! How could I have said no?

Edgeworth: *Desperate* Kay...surely you did not give them all your tricks...

Kay: Of course not! I am the Great Thief, after all. *She pulls out a smoke bomb and rope* All I gotta do is set off the smoke bomb, hurl the rope up and I'm out of here!

Kay attempts to set off the smoke bomb. There is a fizzle, and nothing else.

Kay: That's not supposed to happen! It's supposed to go off with a Theater-shattering kaboom! Then again, they did 'accidentally' push me into that fountain when they found me...

Edgeworth: You do not need the smoke bomb! Hurl up the rope and--

Speakers: The management would like to inform all occupants that without Miss Faraday's use of smoke or other concealing matter, her actions are clearly visible and therefore preventable.

Franziska enters the theater. Almost immediately, four glass walls rise up out of the ground and contain her, a glass roof and floor forming as well. The newly formed box rises up into the air and hovers above the seats.

Edgeworth: W-wha--?

Franziska: *Bangs fists on glass, clearly shouting but unable to be heard by anyone else*

Edgeworth: A soundproof box...

Kay: Why is she in there?

Edgeworth: Judging from previous experiences within the theater, I assume that the management is somewhat fatigued by her excessive use of the whip and vocal chords. Perhaps this is their solution?

Enter Phoenix Wright, who double takes at the sight of Franziska.

Phoenix: Uh...why is Franziska--

Speakers: The management would like to inform the Sporkers that the viewing will start in fifteen seconds. Please proceed to your seats.

Edgeworth, resigned, goes and sits down. Phoenix meanders over, while Kay hovers anxiously about, looking for some means of escape. A robotic arm picks her up and plops her next to Edgeworth.

Kay: But-but--

All: *Turn to look at Franziska, who is looking at the screen in horror. She reaches for her whip--but the walls surrounding her leave no room to actually whip anything*

Phoenix: I think she's already screaming.

Edgeworth: ...that would be inferred from her gaping mouth and pose, yes.

Phoenix: I screamed?

Edgeworth: Apparently, though I myself was somehow connecting that action with most of the guilty parties we've seen in court. At any rate, there are three misspellings, and one capitalization error. This is actually somewhat promising, compared to previous viewings we've participated in.

Speakers: The management would like to inform Miss Faraday that attempting to crawl under the seats is not permitted under any circumstances.

Phoenix: Who's Jack Rickson?

Kay: *Returned to seat* Oh! I think I know who Rickson is!!

Phoenix and Edgeworth: Who?

Kay: Someone devoid of any flaws and personality.

Edgeworth: ...I must admit to being relieved that it is a Moles Egeworth who is lower-ranked here, and not myself. Though how one could surpass Manfred von Karma alone in fame is something to be debated. Especially as I have never heard of this 'Jack Rickson'.

Kay: Mr. Edgeworth, that Moles Egeworth is supposed to be you...

Edgeworth: I refuse to be associated with anybody called Moles. Therefore, I deem your statement invalid.

Edgeworth: Agh! The quality of the author's spelling has suddenly shot down!

Phoenix: Also, this is the second time my name has been misspelled.

Edgeworth: It must be noted, however, that the spelling is not at such a level that it is unreadable. The author has also neglected to inform us of the date this story is set in. It is said that you are a defense attorney that never loses--

Speakers: The management would like to inform Miss Faraday that defacing or misusing any property of the theater will result in a severe punishment for the offender.

Phoenix: The author can't even spell her own character's name?

Edgeworth: Once again, the spelling, while slightly worse than before, is still manageable.

Kay: You know what would be really useful right now? If miss von Karma had laser vision. I mean, look at her glare!

All: *Look at Franziska. Her arms are folded and she is staring very intently at the screen.*

Edgeworth: Suddenly, I am apprehensive as to what will happen next.

All: ...

Edgeworth: Gah! The spelling! The subject matter! The logic!

Phoenix: Wait. Let me get this straight. Jack loves how she uses her whip on enemies, so he considers becoming a defense attorney--the only thing stopping him being Franziska's dislike of defense attorneys?

Edgeworth: At least that last sentence seems in character...

Phoenix: ...and of course we immediately think--he wants to feel her whip? Sexual implications abound.

Edgeworth: ...what...is this...atrocity--slander of the English speech? Is it even understandable?

Kay: *Raises hand excitedly, three rows over* Ooh! I can translate! "Jack went to the prosecutor's room for a well deserved break, and when he entered Franziska was there. 'Mr. Rickson," she said. "Well done out there today. I've never seen that foolish fool squirm so much."

Edgeworth: Ignoring the slight redundancy of the line 'when he entered', Franziska is somewhat in character, save for that fact that her praise was direct.

Phoenix: I'm not a foolish fool, I'm only a fool who's a slightly bit foolish!

Edgeworth: Clearly, your logic has been dulled by this piece of half-attempted work.

Edgeworth and Phoenix: ...Kay?

Kay: " 'Thanks,' Jack replied. 'I have to admit it wasn't easy. That guy can and will object to anything.' Jackson was excited that Von Karma was even talking to her. He finally said, thinking this was his shot, 'I'm thinking of switching sides.' " Gratuitous commas added, but I did keep in that weird gender pronoun confusion thing.

Edgeworth: Indeed. Jack is not a 'her'.

Phoenix: I object to Jack's opinion of me.

Kay: Plus, why is Jack referred to as 'Jackson' at one point?

Edgeworth: And why are the positions of defense attorney and prosecutor referred to as 'sides'? True, both are opposing forces within the court, but the term makes it sound so...dangerous...no, that's not the precise word...black and white. That's it. One has personal reasons for choosing a specific position, and (amateurs especially) can even find themselves sympathizing with the opposite client.

Phoenix: Also, if Jack had previously expressed his opinion that von Karma doesn't like defense attorneys, why would he voice his secret desire? That is not a 'good shot', that is an open invitation for hostility.

Kay: Unless...unless that was his motive all along!

Edgeworth: Kay, do not attempt to find deeper meanings within this piece of matter.

Kay: "Fran--"

Edgeworth: No need, Kay. This is readable enough. Though that is no excuse.

Phoenix: Yeah, it's worth a shot of alcohol. Ha. Hem.

Edgeworth: The spelling is...murdering all sense of decency within the English language...

Phoenix: That last line could be accidentally interpreted wrong. For instance, I originally though 'realosing' was releasing, but now that I look at it again, it has to be 'realizing'. And if you consider the context I had thought 'releasing' was in in...

Edgeworth: Aside from that, Jack apparently enjoys the sensation of being whipped, as he describes it as 'sweet.' Clearly, he is disturbed.

Phoenix: *Shouting* Hey, Franziska! You're in character! That's pretty good!

Franziska: *Looks at him coldly*

Phoenix: *Shouting* Still in character!

Edgeworth: The spelling mistakes are obvious. Interesting that Franziska's name is consistently spelled wrong--that error being faithful to itself. And how would Jack be able to explain what he meant by that?

Edgeworth: Aside from the grammar and spelling errors...

Phoenix: ...it is fairly obvious that Jack did mean it, yes.

Edgeworth: *Hesitant* Is...that the end?

Speakers: The management would like to inform Miss Faraday that attempting to scale the walls is disallowed. The second installment will be relayed in one minute.

*Phoenix and Edgeworth sigh*

Speakers: The management would like to inform the audience that the next line of dialogue is in fact the next chapter's opening line. However, there was no label to deem it so in the script save for the technical aspect of separation.

Phoenix: *Silent for a moment* Ah...Franziska? *shouts* You're not exactly in character anymore, but that's okay, because it was really a character called Franceska! Not you! Ha ha ha--*he stops as he realizes Franziska has been shouting at the story for quite a while now*

Edgeworth: ...anything more to say about the writing quality of this story would be redundant. I shall focus on the logical issues--pain is not great, unless you are some sort of masochist. And if Franziska is furious with him, then why would she do the one thing he admitted to enjoy?

Phoenix: ...scared? Franziska? She would never openly admit that.

Franziska: *Pounds on glass, a dark expression on her face*

Edgeworth: ...I'll say it for you, Franziska. *Deep breath* Franziska is not shy. In fact, Jack shouldn't be shy either, because they both frequently appear in court, ergo, they must be confident in their demeanor. Otherwise, their win records would not be what they are. In addition, Franziska never truly admires others--respect, perhaps, but to admire is something I feel she would instinctively have trouble with. Which raises the problem I thought presented itself in the first chapter: Franziska often regards other prosecutors as competition--opponents, not just defense attorneys.

Phoenix: Did he miss anything, Fransiska?

Franziska: *Has resumed glaring at the screen and twisting her whip. She shakes her head.*

Edgeworth: Pain is not love! Pain is pain.

Phoenix: Not to mention that we haven't really seen a reason for his love other than he enjoys her whip.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Miss Faraday that attempting to access the technical rooms is strictly forbidden.

Edgeworth: Still understandable, to a degree...

Phoenix: Franziska and playful should never coincide in the same sentence.

Edgeworth: Your previous thought regarding Jack's reasons for love also apply to Franziska, only that she seems to love his ability to win cases all the time. The logic...s'too...terrible...

Kay: You think you've got it bad? Look at 'Miss Playful' herself!

All: *Look at Franziska, whose breath is steaming up the glass. She still seems to be screaming, livid*

Edgeworth: ...Kay?

Kay: " 'I can't.' Jack said. 'I still have paperwork to do for this case. But you're free to help me there.' "

Phoenix: Wait...she isn't supposed to be involved in the cases of another prosecutor, let alone, this case against myself--the case we coincidentally don't know anything about, except for the fact that he supposedly beat me.

Edgeworth: Standard misspellings. Franziska is still out of character. Ignoring the obvious love problem, she would not consent to another's wishes like that.

Phoenix: Huh?

Kay: "By the end of the night his clothes were in rips and tears. When he finished he was rewarded instead."

Edgeworth: The use of 'rips and tears' together is redundant. Tatters would have been the appropriate adjective.

Phoenix: Plus, wasn't he also being rewarded during the paperwork via the whipping? He's expressed the fact that he enjoys it. So why the use of the word instead?

Edgeworth: Logic is my job, Wright. Stick to snark and terrible jokes.

Phoenix: Hey! (Low blow, there..)

Edgeworth: It's paperwork! Paperwork You added an unnecessary letter, as you did with begin! What is so hard about typing correctly?

Phoenix: I wish paperwork was fun, but I'm not about to go find a woman to whip me while I do it. Sickos.

The lights go up. Franziska is lowered to the ground, and the walls sink back into the ground. She sways slightly. Edgeworth moves cautiously forward to support her.

Franziska: *Mumbles, hoarse* Terrible...foolishly foolish piece of tomfoolery written by a foolish fool...

Phoenix: Hey...where's Kay?

Speakers: The management reminds Miss Faraday of the punishment given to those who misuse--fzzt--erty--bzt--of--

Kay: Ha! *Hops about on one foot in triumph* Take that!

Edgeworth: What did you do?

Kay: *Proudly* I threw my shoe at the speaker.

Remaining Main Speaker: [U]Thea--pfft--erly--"

Kay: *Throws remaining shoe at the speaker* HA! Got you!

[I]They leave the theater, Kay first, then Franziska and Edgeworth, and then Phoenix. All are angered, but not overly scarred.

This post has been edited by Revriley on Sep 14 2011, 07:16 AM

I laughed. Hard. :redd:

It's awesome how the management came up with new way to counter Franziska's rage. Kays escape attempts are hilarious too. XD

I think this isn't a troll fic, it's a really bad fic. Those misspellings can't be done purposefully. :beef:


Btw, I misread this sentence badly.

Anyway, great sporking! Hope more people will post! ^^

At last, a new spork! And a good one too!

Wow, management must have some awesome resources to make glass that only lets sound through in one direction, unless there was a microphone outside and a speaker inside. :sal: I liked it though, especially when it's difficult to make her say unique things without getting annoying.