this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2011
577 points (83% like it)
721 up votes 144 down votes
top 200 commentsshow all 248

[–]tamrix 230 points231 points ago

tl;dr Make everything a joke.

[–]xsam_nzx 63 points64 points ago

Does a shit test really deserve a serious anwser

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 64 points65 points ago

Usually, never.

[–]glassuser 32 points33 points ago

And sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

[–]Burrrr 16 points17 points ago

Really? Cause it smells like Bigfoot's dick in here!

[–]YoungO 14 points15 points ago

tl;dr do the oppositte of what my instincts say

[–]ThaHarterIII 5 points6 points ago

so you're a natural beta?

[–]choc_is_back 1 point2 points ago

Aren't we (almost) all at some point in our lives?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

TL:DR: "Always have a better answer"

[–]boyfrienddestroyers 9 points10 points ago

Humor demonstrates tons of confidence.

[–]DangerXX 5 points6 points ago

perfect chance for high status humor for anyone who knows it.

[–]Franz_Ferdinand 0 points1 point ago

What do you mean by high status humor? Would that be just making light of things that are 'beneath' you?

[–]DangerXX 2 points3 points ago

All the alpha replies are pretty much HSH type replies. Its not making light of things that are beneath you, but its the type of the thing that an Alpha/High Status/Really confident guy would say when a girl is asking him shit test questions .

[–]FreeRobotFrost 0 points1 point ago

tl;dr The less you tell her, the more interesting you seem.

[–]batshit_lazy 78 points79 points ago

"I have a boyfriend."

Yeah, well, you look like the kind of girl that could use two.
- Johnny Bravo

[–]VectorBoy 10 points11 points ago

Logged in to say... awesome

[–]ThrowawayPUA 34 points35 points ago

I'm not satisfied with the advice that there are only two good responses, ignore or agree and amplify. I do like that document by Tyler, it give the rationale for your responses and gives a wider range. I see the good responses as:

  1. Ignore. Cut the thread hard and change the subject.
  2. Reflect it back on her.
  3. Agree and amplify.
  4. Reframe.

All of these responses have one thing in common: a state break. Tyler describes it as derailing her screening process. In all cases, you are breaking her frame, she is coming at you with the attitude of a princess, screening unsuitable guys. You don't play her game, you win.

So let's look at a that type of response. I am more of a proponent of the reframe type response. In particular, it works great when you can reframe the girl as the sexual aggressor, or as unsuitable and couldn't measure up to some standard she is trying to use on you.

Q: Are you a player?
A: Why are you so attracted to players?
Reversal. Also reframes her as the sexual aggressor. Totally reverses the frame she's coming at you with.

Q: I think you're too young.
A: No, you're too old for me.
Reversal. This grabs her frame and uses it against her, classic reversal. What can she say in response? You're using her own shit test against her. Result: state break.

Q: We're not going to have sex.
A: Woah, slow down there, Tiger, we barely know each other.
Reframes her as the sexual aggressor. I don't like the suggested "get your mind out of the gutter" response, it does reframe, but it's too much like a neg. This reframe works better since it is also a disqualifier. It also pre-empts her own disqualifier. It is generally better if the guy tells the giri first that you're not having sex, that's a disqualifier. But since she got the jump on you, you are making it clear you were thinking that before she was.

Q: How old are you?
A: You first, how old are you?
This is a special case of the reversal, "Make her jump through your hoop before you jump through hers." It implies that you're willing to answer an unreasonable question if she will answer it first. And the age question is undoubtedly more sensitive for girls than guys. There's an old etiquette rule that you never as a woman her age. She knows this, and her frame will be shattered by the reversal. She won't want to answer, but might feel compelled to, since not answering would give you the chance to not answer too.

There's another longer document by Tyler out there somewhere that goes into reframing in more detail, I'll try to find it. But I would recommend that you guys consider the reversal and the reframing type response carefully. Some of the best examples in the OP are close to these techniques. Your shit test responses will be even more powerful if you can use the reversal or reframe to grab control of her frame and cause a state break.

As a footnote, there are some special categories of these shit tests that require special tactics, like I Have A Boyfriend. These responses tend to be categorized as "Destroyers," like the IHAB Destroyer. This is a bit beyond the scope of this OP.

[–]ACitizenNamedCain 5 points6 points ago

so after the state break, wouldn't the conversation falter a bit? You've made the girl feel embarrassed/insecure, so what's the next move - continue the conversation while preserving the power won with the deflection/reflection of the shit test, or something else?

[–]ThrowawayPUA 4 points5 points ago

Right, you can't continue to hammer on the girl after you grab the frame back. So continue on, cut threads to some other topic, or use the usual conversational techniques as appropriate to the context. You're usually going to have to think on your feet after deflecting a shit test. Let me see, my best FR and best shit test deflection.. IIRC she was shit testing me on my age and what my job is. After the age and have I ever been married question, I continued on to an NLP routine, fake engagement and planning a fake wedding. After the job interview question, I made her jump through my hoop first and tell me what she did. Then I did a bait hook reel release routine and did a roll off and turned away. She re-engaged and pulled me back in.

[–]Sed5 5 points6 points ago

Then I did a bait hook reel release routine and did a roll off and turned away. She re-engaged and pulled me back in.

What's a bait hook reel release routine?

[–]ThrowawayPUA 2 points3 points ago

BHRR is straight out of the Mystery Method. You know, one reason we use this jargon is because it make it so easy to look up routines and methods.

In my specific case, she asked me what I did. I deflected with "I drive a garbage truck" and a couple of others. That's a classic response to this shit test, she was trying to get me to qualify myself like a beta. When she pressed, I asked her what she did (make her jump through my hoop before I jump through hers). She said she was a journalism student. I said, "I can't believe it, that's amazing. I'm a journalist. But now you're just messing with me" I was in close kino, I had my arm around her waist holding her against me, so I let go and turned away (roll off). She pulled me back in. That is how you do a BHRR. You bait her to qualify herself. You don't give an IOI unless she makes an attempt to qualify herself, then you give an IOD afterward.

[–]Franz_Ferdinand 2 points3 points ago

Do you have any examples of good "Destroyers"?

[–]ThrowawayPUA 12 points13 points ago

I've discussed this in seddit often enough, and it is always accompanied by a bunch of moralizing assholes who think that girls with boyfriends are off limits. So I'll quote a little text I found:

AFCs tend to see the boyfriend as a major obstacle or threat in a HB target. However, in the seduction community, boyfriends are seen from a different perspective. To the pickup artist, just because a girl has a boyfriend does not necessarily mean that she is unavailable for a sexual relationship. The important thing to realize is that most girls of quality are likely to have a boyfriend in place before she moves on to another man, or otherwise, she is single for a very short period of time. It is important for a PUA to test the depth of the relationship; at least by understanding her relationship with her boyfriend, and only then make a decision to respect (or not respect) her faithfulness to him.

HBs will also often lie about having a BF to dissuade undesirable suitors as part of the UFEA [universal female excuse archive]. Thus, PUAs tend to ignore the statement of the boyfriend unless there is evidence he really exists. Otherwise, most PUAs are generally respectful of established relationships.

On most forums, respect of the BF is well understood as many PUAs were once heart broken by a girl who cheated on him. However, the forums and community in general advocate the importance in learning the skill set, while debates on morality ultimately lie with the PUA himself.

So, that being said, here is a fairly good discussion of BF Destroyers. There is also a category of AMOG Destroyers, they are of a similar nature in that they are somewhat of a shit test, the AMOG is trying to break your frame. But that is a discussion for another time.

[–]sopranopiano 97 points98 points ago* 

This is a personal favourite of mine.

"I have a boyfriend." - We just met, and you're already telling me about your problems.

[–]Mr-Fixit 48 points49 points ago

"I have a boyfriend."

"That's cool, I have a goldfish."

I've had a lot of success with that one, but his suggestion is great.

[–]DJ-HighEnd 33 points34 points ago

"That's cool, I have a goldfish."

-"Wha.. What are you talking about..?"

"Oh, I thought were were talking about things that didn't matter."

[–]sockpuppets 32 points33 points ago

That's pretty insensitive. My goldfish is a pretty nice guy.

[–]side2 8 points9 points ago

I tried this the other day. The girl freaked out and said... wow that was quite harsh

[–]darthluke 4 points5 points ago

Yeah this shit applies for girls that you meet in bars or something, or girls that you see as hook-up material and nothing more. You really shouldn't risk saying something like this that is indirectly insulting their boyfriend (don't go ahead assuming, without convincing evidence that she is lying to you) if you actually wanted to go out with her for long-term relationship potential.

[–]Prometheon 2 points3 points ago

"and I have a math test."


"Oh, I thought we were both listing things we could cheat on."

[–]nuckingFutz 6 points7 points ago

plug in or batteries?

[–]thebluehippo 2 points3 points ago

BRO! im eating here you almost made me choke

[–]theloneavenger 0 points1 point ago


[–]Eratosthenes 25 points26 points ago

"I have a boyfriend."

"So, are you two pretty serious then?"

"Well, yeah."

"You two getting married?"

"Uh... well..."

"Why not, don't you love him?"

"Well - "

"Oh, I see."

[–]AegisSC 9 points10 points ago

Imo too confrontational. Could potentially put you in a bad spot.

[–]crookers 167 points168 points ago

"I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."


[–]mapgazer 55 points56 points ago

As a response to "Can you hold this?" Seems just a tad strong.

[–]HumbertHumbertHumber 31 points32 points ago

I thought so as well. I think replacing something like 'coathanger' with 'every single guy youve met' might be a bit less antagonistic, but I'm just a novice.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 4 points5 points ago

No, I do like that. Again, just be sure to pick up on her tone before deciding.

[–]speedstix 11 points12 points ago

Came here to say that too. I usually say things like "Sorry, I only buy drinks for women I date."

[–]xmod2 12 points13 points ago

I only buy drinks for girls I'm sleeping with. (Or 'fucking', depending on the vibe.)

[–]Barney21 2 points3 points ago

Or Me: On one condition. Her: What? Me: You buy me one first. Her: I don't any money. Me: Aw poor thing. Ok ok, I'm not heartless. I'll make a bet with you... [Launch some routine or other]

It has the disadvantage of getting her to say no/lying to you, which you don't want.

[–]Aikidi 9 points10 points ago

To be fair, there are instances where this is less of a shit test and more of an obvious and brief need at the time. It is usually easy to tell though which it is.

Even if the situation nigh on necessitates holding something for her, its still fun to rib her about it or pretend to complain/act like it's burdensome.

[–]trollmaster6001 7 points8 points ago

Yeah I never understand why people talk about this purse holding business. For me, I think about moments when she needs two hands for something, but I am starting to think that everyone is talking about girls asking guys to hold their purses... kind of... in general, like while walking down the street for example, which is, if not a shit test, incredibly needy and annoying. My response would be "hell no" without even considering the possibility that it would be a shit test.

[–]Aikidi 6 points7 points ago


"Hang on, I need to tie my shoe" is not a shit test.

"Can you carry this for me while we're shopping?" is definitely a shit test.

[–]Franz_Ferdinand 6 points7 points ago

An important distinction to keep yourself from going from ALPHA to douche.

[–]Aikidi 2 points3 points ago

Yep. You can be confident, funny, and intriguing without being an asshole. Thats a lot of my problem with much of the advice in DYD, its veeerrrrryyy douchey at times. Maybe this works for some girls, but not the girls I'm typically going after even semi-seriously.

[–]eppey1 3 points4 points ago

if we're ranking these,

"We've only known each other for five minutes and you're already telling me your problems?"

is the second best

[–]perkileaks 0 points1 point ago

Is "I'm not a table" good?

[–]crookers 0 points1 point ago


[–]Travv15 18 points19 points ago

Frankly, I lie about everything. I tend to make them pretty ridiculous, tho.

"Where do you work?"

"I'm an underwear model"

"Haha. No, really."

"I am offended."

I've actually had girls follow me to another bar and say, "omg, it's the underwear model!"

Talking to two girls:

Girls: "What are you drinking?"

Me: "Lemon daiquiri." (it was actually a screwdriver)

Girls: "Ooh, we wanna try!"

they try it

Girls: "Ugh, that's not lemon, you jerk" playfully

That one seemed pretty innocuous to me, but the way they talked about it on facebook and in text messages in the following days, it seemed like the highlight of their night.

[–]Swordsmanus 8 points9 points ago

I never thought I'd hear one person say that getting trolled was the highlight of their night, but two? You're good.

[–]Zamarok 37 points38 points ago

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

No, I just know five or six girls who would be really mad if they heard me say that.

-borrrowed from Mitch Hedberg

[–]WorkVork 3 points4 points ago

Oh my god Mitch why didn't i think of that before?!

[–]Eratosthenes 16 points17 points ago

"I'm mad at you!"

"Ooh, say something angry!"

"How many girls have you been with?"

"I didn't know I was supposed to be keeping count."

"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?"

"Sure, you can believe that if you want."

"You look like a player." or "Are you a player?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Do you think I'm fat?"

"I don't think it's a matter of opinion."

"What do you do for a living?"

"Stay-at-home dad."

"I think you're too young."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself... you don't look that old."

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"


"Is that your line/routine?"

"Hey! Don't go off script."

"Aw, that was so sweet."

"I know, I'm pretty classy."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Why, are you interested?"

[–]worstluckever 6 points7 points ago

"Is that your line/routine?" "Hey! Don't go off script."

Good shit.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 1 point2 points ago

I like these! Thanks!

[–]theawesomeone 0 points1 point ago

These responses are much better imo. Agree and amplify just comes across as bad humor sometimes.

[–]side2 1 point2 points ago

I think the agreeing part is still in his statements yet he does the amplify without the agreeing part being verbalized.

[–]side2 0 points1 point ago

I'm not seeing that "I have a boyfriend" being done in this list. Do you have one for that?

[–]Eratosthenes 0 points1 point ago

Yes, here. It's not exactly a one-line response so I didn't include it above.

[–]side2 1 point2 points ago

I agree that it's too confrontational. I enjoy the above responses you have but the linked one not so much. Maybe some rework is in order. I am not great at them so I have nothing better to offer in response.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

some are okay, some sound passive-aggressive.

[–]JannMDK 16 points17 points ago

"Can you buy me a drink?"

I've seen to good responses to this or at least entertaining responses, since the drove the girl away in both instances.. The first was a friend of my then girlfriend. The friend went with another girl to a friend of mine and asked for a drink. He just looked them both up and down, and said, "I don't see anything worth paying for."

Another guy was asked the same question, and bought the girl a red soda. When she complained he just said, "Cheap drinks for cheap girls."

[–]OneEyedCheshire[!] 6 points7 points ago

Never done it, but remember reading the suggesting of ordering the girl a glass of milk. "Hey bartender, can I get a glass of milk for the little girl over here"

[–]darthluke 4 points5 points ago

Is this supposed to be a pickup line or asking for the milk to be thrown in your face??

[–]no_dating 23 points24 points ago

I'll pitch something in:

Do you have a girlfriend?

A girlfriend? No.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 0 points1 point ago

Thanks, I added that.

[–]WinterIsC0ming 97 points98 points ago

Some of these answers are ridiculous and scream "Douchebag" to any woman with half a brain. Being Alpha does not mean that you have to be an asshole or turn each innocent question/comment from the girl into a pissing contest.

The "Guess", "guess", "guess" game can get old real fast. Also, I do not know a single confident person that would answer "I clone humans" to the question "what do you do for a living". Sometimes I think that this subreddit is full of 16 y.o. trying to pick up other 16 year olds. Do you have a gf? "Yes, 8". Seriously? And you consider that Alpha? That's immature as fuck and shows that you really have a problem with being single or consider being single something to be ashamed of.

I feel pity for those poor souls that go out with this kind of mentality, trying to meet women. It must be tiresome acting all the time like a complete asshole, especially when it is for no reason at all. Do women put out shit tests? Yes, they do. "Buy me a drink" is a classic one and you should have an appropriate answer. "Do you have a gf" is not. "That's so sweet, thank you", is not. "What do you do for a living" is not.

They are trying to make conversation and some of these questions posted by the OP are the first 5 things that a complete stranger you meet at a bar would ask.

Know the difference between Alpha and Douchebag.

[–]wafflepancakes 10 points11 points ago

As a side note to this, and I agree 100% with what you said Winter, but location plays a pretty important part as well. I noticed when I was reading "The Game" that some of the situations were pretty ridiculous, and I really feel that it was because it was in Cali rather than say... Michigan (where I live). So if youre dealing with women who have plastic surgery out the ass, and are really superficial, then asking the question "What do you do for a living" could very well be a hell of a lot different.

With that said, I completely agree that a lot of these answers are ridiculous and I personally wouldn't use them. I know a lot of guys may have success with them though, and I appreciate these posts anyway.

[–]WinterIsC0ming 11 points12 points ago

Definitely. The location plays the most important role. We have to use our logic too, each scenario is different. You cannot say the same things to an 18y.o. drunk cheerleader from Cali with a tramp stamp and to a 30 y.o. attorney in a suit.

From each post we definitely learn something new (and some of those lines ARE useful) but my main objection was that many of them are over the top and useful only against a very small target group.

This subreddit has an objection about being Alpha and at the same time not many people actually understand what this actually means. You should OWN what you are. If you are single, own it. Lying about it or making stupid jokes is not alpha. Same thing about your job. Perhaps you could joke about it once but if the girl keeps asking, just tell her. If you don't and you keep dodging the question with lies or stupid jokes, she'll immediately know that you feel insecure about it.

[–]CrPlunk 1 point2 points ago

both very good points! upvote for you sir

[–]count_chocula 2 points3 points ago

What do you suggest for the "Buy me a drink" one? I have to admit, I like the response "You must have me confused blah blah" but I could see that exchange going sour quickly. I know when you're meeting girls, paying for their alcohol is generally frowned upon, but what's a good way to get out of it without looking like a douchebag?

[–]fungasmonkey[!] 3 points4 points ago

I'm a Nice Guy, but a confident one, so I'll normally answer a "Buy me a drink request" with a laugh, and then ask them, "What're you testing, my generosity or my income/wallet?" 8 times out of 10, she smiles, and then asks what I do for a living, and that gets the ball rolling...

If she doesn't, you can always talk about what she's drinking, or then introduce yourself. Telling them your name (only first, of course) works, you just have to do it right, with a possible handshake. (I'm imagining this at a bar, btw).

There are limitless ways you can from here. You should have no trouble finding tangents to go on about.

[–]madddhella 2 points3 points ago

Depends on context - some of these "buy me things" types aren't worth dealing with - but I'd suggest something along the lines of "sure - if you get the next round," and see how she responds to that. You won't seem like a defensive, cheap asshole, but you are making it clear that you're not there to buy her things.

[–]AveofSpades 2 points3 points ago

You get the first round and I'll get the next.

[–]WinterIsC0ming 2 points3 points ago

There are many good answers to that. Even what the OP said is a good one. "Give a good reason why should I". "Why don't YOU buy ME one". It does not make you a douchebag if you refuse to buy her a drink and you should let her know that you feel this way. If you simply refuse but you make it obvious that you feel awkward about it, it's even worse because then she'll just think that you did it for the money. And if she stops talking to you because you didn't pay for her drinks...screw her. Bullet dodged. We do not pay in order for someone to keep talking to us. It's as simple as that. If she likes your company, good. If she doesn't, she can find another idiot to pay for her drinks.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

I concur, but to be fair, I'm yet to meet a girl with half a brain at a club or a bar. Or, in fact, a girl with half a brain that asks such dumb questions.

And, sorry, I'm not taking a jab at the females that love to go to bars, it's just my personal experience.

[–]hvalreki 0 points1 point ago

Go to a college town and go to any bar that's not a "greek" bar. Every college town has a bar (usually more hip and classy) that's populated by grad students. Plenty of girls with brains at those bars.

[–]TakesOneToNoOne 1 point2 points ago

Some of these answers are ridiculous and scream "Douchebag" to any woman with half a brain. Being Alpha does not mean that you have to be an asshole or turn each innocent question/comment from the girl into a pissing contest.

I agree wholeheartedly.

These are responses that someone who wanted to be terse and short would say, not someone trying to get a girl interested in him.

[–]darthluke 1 point2 points ago

A lot of the responses to "I have a boyfriend" come off this way. I wouldn't try very many of them, especially if I saw one as girlfriend (long-term) potential.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 3 points4 points ago* 

I see where you're coming from, but I disagree wholeheartedly.

I think you're confusing 'douchebag' and 'cocky/funny'. Let's face it, we're all not going to be as debonair as Prince Charming here, so most guys identify with being 'funny'. I sure as hell know when a girl is testing me--it's all about the tonality, context, and situation that both her question and your response are made in.

Know when to use these, know when not to. Many legendary PUAs swear by the 'shit-test defuse' as do I--and I can tell you from personal experience, it's working pretty well for me so far. And, I'm not 16--university student here. But you can game how you want to--maybe being more serious works better for you, but not for me.

[–][deleted] ago


[–]DiscreteOpinion 1 point2 points ago,g/How-To-Talk-To-Anyone-92-Little-Tricks-for-Big-Success-in-Relationships.html

I'll just leave this here... Just to note, the author is a woman and even she believes deflection is a very useful tactic for appearing interesting in perfectly normal conversation.

It's like make-up - the pros know how to make it look like they're not wearing any.

[–]PansexualPitPat 5 points6 points ago

university student here

After reading some of those lines, I can't say I'm surprised by this.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 9 points10 points ago

Simple solution here--don't like it, downvote and move along, boys. Game how you'd like--this works for some, maybe others not.

[–]postdarwin 6 points7 points ago

Just want to say I thought your post was excellent. Sure some of the stuff looks a little douchebaggy on the page, but Alphas sometimes appear a little douchey (to the competition usually!). Tone and delivery are key, as you point out.

As recently as Wed night I met a guy who repeatedly told a women there was a smell of shit from her. I was appalled; but naturally, she loved it. Complain all you want guys, but he gauged the target perfectly.

[He also asked her what time their affair was starting "Is 3am ok? See I've got this guy at 2." --pointing at me. Loved it.]

[–][deleted] ago


[–]DiscreteOpinion 0 points1 point ago

What's your response to "buy me a drink"?

[–]WinterIsC0ming 0 points1 point ago

I have to agree with the response to "buy me a drink". Perhaps this particular one is a little too much but as a rule you shouldn't buy her a drink just because she asks you too. This IS a shit test and you should let her know that you know. I'd probably say something like "why don't YOU buy ME a drink" or something, it all depends on the situation.

Bottom line is you should let her know that she's not doing you a favor just by talking to you but at the same time that doesn't mean that you should be rude to her. I refuse to pay in order for someone to keep talking to me but that does not mean that both of us cannot have a good time and be polite to each other, especially if she seems genuinely interested in me.

[–]TD-DFT 0 points1 point ago

what you and many others in the community need to understand is that these sort of lists and guides don't take the responsibility away from you to use your brain. If you're being testy all the time of course it's going to come off as try hard. use it in moderation and in a way that complements your style of conversation and these kind of lines can spice things up nicely.

[–]JonnGotti -1 points0 points ago

the douchebag mentality isnt what gets the girl, youre not looking at this from the girls point of view. what the mentality displays is confidence, indifference, adventure, excitement, masculine and they appear to know how to talk to women (whether they truly know how, or not) . these traits are what attracts the girl.

as for these girls trying to make conversation. whether they are trying to, or not, the Alpha answers are appropriate. the alpha answers will spark better conversation than giving a legitimate answer. do you want to know why? it might be a little surprising to you but girls do not give a shit about what you do for a living, at a club. what you do for a living is boring to them they want to talk about themselves or interesting conversation in which both parties contribute. ie. "I clone humans" trust me, they dont.

i know im beating a dead horse here, but when has "Im a lawyer for Firm" ever warranted anything other than "oh thats cool" or "oh, good for you" ???

lastly, i will agree there is a difference between alpha and douchebag but you really have to be aware, and force yourself to cross that line. otherwise its unlikely youre going to come off as "douchebag". unless the girl you found is literally some over-the-top introvert, in which case, she wouldnt be at a bar in the first place

[–]sonnyclips 4 points5 points ago

Q. "Can you buy me a drink?" A. "Give me enough money and I can buy us both one."

[–]DoesBiteBack 4 points5 points ago

I've gotten laid with several girls who have bought me drinks - never with one I bought a drink for(unless I was already fucking her, or we were buying rounds for each other).

[–]dequo 21 points22 points ago

read all the alpha responses in Archer's voice

[–]ImReddit 9 points10 points ago

Well, not with that attitude.

[–]Chish 2 points3 points ago

I read all the alpha responses in my voice.

[–]bobleplask 5 points6 points ago

Are you Archer?

[–]foxomo 7 points8 points ago


[–]blackny97gsx 10 points11 points ago

what do you do for a living? --pick up chicks in bars and swindle them out of their inheritance.

[–]Jakegarr 13 points14 points ago

"Aw, that was so sweet."

Holy hell, I didn't know that was a shit test. I always took it as a compliment.

[–]Fanatic24 43 points44 points ago

spoiler alert: it is a compliment.

[–]harvey-birdman 11 points12 points ago

Further spoiler alert: it can be but depends on context.

[–]colson1985 7 points8 points ago

OH! A twist!

[–]darthluke 1 point2 points ago

Not just any twist...

An M. Night Shyamalan twist.

You find out she was talking about herself in the third-person.

[–]testmypatience 1 point2 points ago

I wonder what a M. Night Shyamalan drink would taste like?

Would it fizz and smell good but then end up tasting flat and like asshole?

[–]darthluke 0 points1 point ago

Depends, guy or lady asshole....

[–]testmypatience 1 point2 points ago

Dirty. I imagine they both taste the same dirty

[–]darthluke 0 points1 point ago

this is true

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 0 points1 point ago


[–]Tradman 20 points21 points ago* 

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

"I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."

This is so Boss.

BTW, OP, can you elaborate on why "Aw that was so sweet" is a shit test? I've had that said to me before when i do slightly nice things to girls who I'm not usually very nice to.

[–]SeriousAboutLinux 1 point2 points ago

For bonus points: say "awww, you can't afford it?" with a genuinely empathetic look on your face, then grab her hand and shove a few nickels or otherwise hilariously insignificant change in it. Free kino, too.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 3 points4 points ago

It's (usually) a shit test because the woman would now be expecting you to do these 'sweet' things for her after a response like "Oh, anything for you!" or "Sure, no problem!" Give a response like that, next thing you know, they're asking for you to hold their purse.

[–]Tradman 1 point2 points ago

good point.

I'm probably overthinking it but to me it seemed like a shit test from the perspective of -- if you are presenting a "bad boy" frame, and you do something nice out of the blue it may seem incongruent and she's calling you out on that.

[–]cptcold 2 points3 points ago

The "Don't get used to it" response to "Aw that was so sweet" was my favorite on the list. I've gone along the lines of "Damnit, it was?" to similarly communicate that they shouldn't expect sweet things all the time, or that I wasn't purposefully giving them special treatment, but I think "Don't get used to it" works much better. TY OP

[–]roar84eighty 3 points4 points ago

Nice list fabio your posts on seddit are getting better. Some of them cracked me up and its obvious not all these are shit tests in all cases since a lot become shit tests from how they are delivered or spoken so nice job.

Edit: which are field tested? also more frs

[–]Lightfiend 3 points4 points ago

All banter is mild and playful sarcasm. Just say the opposite of what she wants to hear, then smile. Simple as that.

[–]trollmaster6001 9 points10 points ago

"How many girls have you been with?"

Only three or four, but I've been with a lot of women.

[–]HeikkiKovalainen 8 points9 points ago

Brilliant post, this is what we need more of. I would love to have a list of negs, disqualifiers etc. posted so when someone asks what they're about we can instantly refer them to some great examples rather reading through the theory.

Furthermore this really brings back the mindset we should be having.


[–]hobobaggins 4 points5 points ago

WTF. A formula 1 star needs help with ladies? No one can help us now.

[–]that-dude 3 points4 points ago

Heikki Kovalainen is so beta. Kimi Raikkonen on the other hand is alpha as fuck.

[–]HeikkiKovalainen 1 point2 points ago

Don't tell @KataHyde!

[–]robotchick 5 points6 points ago

"We're not going to have sex."

Before my bf was my bf we were fooling around one night and I said something along these lines to him. His response was, while on laying on top of me half naked, "Oh, I'm not gonna sleep with you. Not tonight, anyway." Then he spent the next hour doing everything but sleep with me. My will power lasted exactly 23 hours after that.

[–]metalhead4 1 point2 points ago

OH PLEASE!!! I am going to visit this girl at school in 2 weeks (bout a 3hr drive because I also have to write these 2 tests at her school) and I am staying 2 nights. We have been talking for a while and we hooked up (foreplay on the 2nd night). Lately she has been giving me the "we're not having sex. It is a SLEEPOVER. We are sleeping" And then she will tell me that she thinks I think she likes me more than she really does etc, etc, don't want a relationship. But we are 20, and I am going to stay with her for 2 nights... is this sexy time? I don't give into her saying this stuff because I feel she actually wants me but won't give in to saying "yeah we're gonna have sex" so she just wants to tease? I plan on bring a condom variety pack...

[–]RedErin 4 points5 points ago

You're in. Be the first one to say "No sex."

[–]side2 1 point2 points ago

Ever play just the tip with a girl? She will always pull you in because she wants it more than you do at that point. Same concept. Show her just a little bit of fun and hold back a little so she wants more until you can just bang the shit out of her.

[–]TrollyMcTrollster 2 points3 points ago* 

"Do you have a girlfriend?"


[–]rogue_ger 2 points3 points ago

I think I need some clarification. Where's the line between passing a shit test and being rude? The "Can you do this for me" shit test response to me sounds just rude...

nevermind. i just realized that you only use these responses in a shit-test cricumstance, not when she's actually asking for help.

this is gold. thanks!

[–]BRENDORVEGAS 1 point2 points ago

The power of alcohol is your greatest ally.

[–]adub510 4 points5 points ago

i was on my phone in the club/bar tonight( i know lame) and tried the ALPHA RESPONSES: "I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met." with a girl who i started gaming from early'er in the night ... all i can say is thank you, worked better than i expected, did it to her friend and number closed both. thanks again up vote you already know!

[–]warpcowboy 10 points11 points ago* 

Her: "We're not having sex tonight."
You: "We'll see. I'm stronger than you."

Am I doing it right?

[–]tazb 0 points1 point ago

That sounds like rape...

[–]nolfar9121 5 points6 points ago

"I have a boyfriend."

  • "I have a goldfish"
  • "What?"
  • "Oh, sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesn't matter"

[–]Deli1181 33 points34 points ago

"I have a boyfriend."

  • "I have a math test tomorrow"
  • "What?"
  • "Oh, sorry I thought we were talking about things we could cheat on"

[–]trollmaster6001 8 points9 points ago

Overused, bratty, and lame.

[–]idiomorph 1 point2 points ago

|Do you have a girlfriend?

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that." -Mitch H.

[–]cj1b055 1 point2 points ago

I have a gap in my teeth. this girl asked me out of no where "why do you have gap in your teeth?" how do Alpha would response to that?

[–]DoesBiteBack 1 point2 points ago

Or how about, "Why do you have a gap between your ears?"

Edit: Though they might interpret that as being defensive if you don't honestly come across as silly.

[–]nanan00 1 point2 points ago

"We're not going to have sex."

Sex? I was going for a kiss, slow down girl.

[–]sherlockholmes221B 1 point2 points ago

What's a good Alpha response to "You seem like a nice guy?" or "You're not like him, you're a lot nicer."

[–]ThaHarterIII 0 points1 point ago

You seem like a nice guy.

"I'm not."

"I'm glad you think so."

Less blunt: "I am, usually."

[–]Sed5 1 point2 points ago* 

Hey fabio, I'd also add that shit test game topic, can anyone link it? I can't find it.

This topic is awesome, I love these specific advice threads*

Reminds me of the non-reactive game topic.

[–]Nexlon 4 points5 points ago

All the Alpha responses sound like something an asshole would say.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 5 points6 points ago


[–]Claytonius_Homeytron 4 points5 points ago

Ever notice how all the "ass holes" get what they go after?

[–]side2 1 point2 points ago

It works though.

I got a better response out of "You drunk enough to take me home yet?" vs "hey how you doing tonight"

[–]skystirling 3 points4 points ago* 

Which university do you go to?

This may not be strictly a shit test but I thought I'd stick this in.

In the town I live in there are two universities; one old and established, one newer and with a lower reputation. I am at the later and when at social gatherings one of the first questions when opening girls is which Uni I study at.

Girls at the "better" university tend to use this as an initial shit test, filtering beta boys from the less prestigious university.

Sometimes I proclaim my allegiance and tell her I can be "her bit of rough" which has worked sometimes, but I've let some pretty high value girls slip through because of this. It must be due to my embarrassment but I'm pretty confident I can charm and game them regardless now.

Anyway, this situation must not be unique, and I'm sure can be transferred to where you work/what school you go to as well.

Do have any ideas of concise lines to fire back?

Edit: Grah mar

[–]JustANiceGuy 5 points6 points ago

I dropped out of high school to become a super-hero.

Harvard, you?

Guess. (As with all of these type of questions.)

[–]DoesBiteBack 1 point2 points ago

Guess is bad because it gives her the opportunity to, with a frown, say; "Oh, shit-hole, huh?" You'll have to work hard to get out of that.

Maybe follow up with, "You're not a snob, are you?"

[–]intjpua 1 point2 points ago

Harvard, you?

The girls I would date seriously may have gone to Havard (or Yale, Princeton, Brown, CMU, MIT, etc.; it's just really common in many of my social circles). So, I don't use an Ivy or prestigious school as an absurdified response (because it'd be too easy for them to take me seriously). So, I tell the truth:

"Oh, I'm a community college drop out. My parents are very proud."

And trust that two or three minutes of conversation will tell them all they need to know about my intelligence and education (both of which are quite comfortably high to where I rarely feel intellectually outgunned by anyone, including famously intelligent people). I have not yet lost a set because of this.

[–]POOPFEAST420 2 points3 points ago

Even though I'm here from r/all and I hate this entire fucking social ritual of non-communication, I usually respond to this question with "Oh I don't go to school, I just hang out here."

[–]Shotsnshots 1 point2 points ago

I think you're too young.

Yeah, you probably couldn't keep up with me. Would be fun though.

[–]dark180 1 point2 points ago

"I know! you could end up in jail just by looking at me like that"

Or my response to how old are you ( i usually get this shit test bc i am young) Flip the question on them and guess a high number like off by 8 and then say "(disapointed)i'm 24 but if you where 5 years younger i would be all over you. We can still be friends tho :) "

[–]HumbertHumbertHumber 2 points3 points ago

I know I'm guilty of a bunch of beta responses you've listed there. Excellent post.

[–]Suckerpunch08 1 point2 points ago

How about when a chick calls me short, or "shorty". Any ideas?

[–]testmypatience 1 point2 points ago

There is a thread here about it

Here are some I would use:

  • "Sorry, you get two more tries."

  • "Sorry, you guessed wrong. Better luck next time."

  • The doctor said that might be a side effect.

  • The weather down here is great. When did you start your basketball career?

  • Holy shit! looks down and then back up I'm short. When did that happen... huh.

  • I gave away my legs to a poor kid.

  • Hey where did you buy your stilts? I could use a pair.

  • Whoops, I left my stilts in the car again.

  • Yes, I am short. How much were those? points to her chest (this is probably too reactionary but still fucking funny)

  • Shh... Santa said I wasn't supposed to go out. You're going to blow my cover.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 0 points1 point ago

I'm on it.

[–]niekze 2 points3 points ago

"What do you do for a living?"

Well, until they cancelled the Space Shuttle, I was an astronaut. Now I'm the spokesman for Tang. I just love that stuff.

  1. Astronauts are boss
  2. It's utterly ridiculous
  3. Astronauts love Tang
  4. It's news relevant in 2011

[–]Aikidi 1 point2 points ago

Some of these are brilliant, but obviously they need to be used within reasonable situations depending on who it is. Not everyone will respond positively to all the "alpha responses." If you're playing a numbers game though most of these should work out.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 3 points4 points ago

Yup, you're right. It all depends on the situation, tone, and girl.

[–]side2 1 point2 points ago

How well does these kind of responses work on ex gfs?

[–]opticbit 2 points3 points ago

All this time the Alpha responses have been my first instinct or atleast an after thought. I usually think oh thats wrong to say, and come up with the beta response.

I've never gotten a girl I've gone after, I let them come to me, and that doesn't happen often.

[–]vaporizor 1 point2 points ago


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I guess we could summarize PUA as the journey from AA to A&A.

[–]asiandude123 0 points1 point ago

There was a very similar post not too long ago that you will find useful here

[–]thespoonbender1 0 points1 point ago

this is a valid approach.

i just treat girls like i would treat guys- i don't do anything for them i wouldn't do for a guy.

so usually i do more of an 'ignore' thing for obvious shit tests, i look at them like they asked a really weird question and answer and then move on.

also a lot of my response involve the phrase "your face." but that's just... my personal style. lol.

[–]notlurkinganymoar 0 points1 point ago

I wish I could upvote particular ones. Also, I wish I could save posts.

[–]nessaj 1 point2 points ago

You can save posts, there's a save button below the link. You can later get back to them by visiting If you use Reddit Enhancement Suite you can save comments too.

Otherwise, you can clip important stuff to evernote or diigo. I use evernote, but both have really handy browser extensions for clipping/highlighting articles.

Besides LastPass, it's one extension I can't live without. Also, Imgur for clipping photos.

[–]warrenyang 0 points1 point ago

There's a great post from Roissy that talks about dealing with common shit tests:

A few similar ones and a few other ones too

[–]767 0 points1 point ago

What about gifts?

I'm on a vacation now, and this girl which I'm currently in some strange kind of relationship with asks me to buy her something, but in a funny way, also I give her the neg answers, but dunno should I really get her the vacation gift. If I do buy her something, how should I give it to her? Asking it because we're not in a REAL relationship, we're just hangin' out and having fun casually...

[–]side2 0 points1 point ago

You don't buy gifts for a woman you are not sleeping with.

That should answer your question.

[–]767 0 points1 point ago

I get it. This is what I also had in mind.. but our relationship is like some deeper version of friends with benefits.. So I take that as a friendly gift... She also bought me one, so it would be really awkward if I don't get her something.. Comprende? :)

[–]side2 0 points1 point ago

It depends. If you wish to be friends without sex and she gets you a gift then go ahead. If you are friends with sex and enjoy that then get a gift. It depends on where you wish to be and are. I too had a female friend as such and I adore the piss out of her. The rules however are clear and do not change. It's sad but true. So do what you wish and expect what the rules dictate.

[–]Warner420 0 points1 point ago

I met an amazing girl that lives a few states away from me. She sent me a gift and a love note. I'm flying out to stay with her for a few days in a couple months and i was just about to send her a gift back. It was going to be pretty thoughtful and a not-too-expensive necklace.

My question is- should i be wary of how much time/money i put in? Should i hold back some for later maybe?

We're both 19 and I'd like to get the sexy times ya know?


[–]DocFreeman 0 points1 point ago

I'd be careful with the fat shit test. Even when smiling/joking, some women are hella insecure or shallow and can freak when someone comments even in jest.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 1 point2 points ago

I don't really like dating women like that anyway.

[–]TakesOneToNoOne 0 points1 point ago

"Aw, that was so sweet."

It's (usually) a shit test because the woman would now be expecting you to do these 'sweet' things for her after a response like "Oh, anything for you!" or "Sure, no problem!" Give a response like that, next thing you know, they're asking for you to hold their purse.

BETA RESPONSES: "Of course, no problem." "Anything for you."

ALPHA RESPONSES: "Don't get used to it."

The "Alpha Response" for this one would make you seem like an asshole. Actually, I'll say that for a lot of the "Alpha Responses."

The purpose of being Alpha is to show you are calm, collected, witty, and in control, not about being an ass to every woman.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I think guys should keep in mind that not eeeeeverything should be made into a joke. I mean, I have a sense of humor (and a pretty dry one at that), but if a guy did this to me every single time I asked a question, I'd get pretty annoyed (or maybe I'm just really attracted to beta males like Jesse Eisenberg, IDK).

I wonder if thiese responses work for girls/women as well. Don't see why they shouldn't...

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 0 points1 point ago

I've said it before and I'll say it again--knowing when to respond like this depends on her tone, context, and personality. There's a time for cocky/funny and there's a time for serious.

[–]darthluke 0 points1 point ago

I did the beta response for "I have a boyfriend!" -- "Oh, I'm sorry!" and I went away, didn't say anything further even Was fucking pathetic now that I think about it, but she was the first girl I ever asked out and I was pretty elated afterward for just doing it. Obviously, in retrospect, I should have have said something to break the tension instead of just walking away (we kind of knew each other).

Question: if you are looking to ask a girl out for girlfriend prospects, not just hookups, then there surely must be girls out there, still hot and smart, that would be okay or even like guys that are respectful of their current relationships? Although yes, saying I'm Sorry as if you are extremely guilty is not a great response, but you don't have to go ahead and insult her boyfriend indirectly like the Alpha responses.

Again, this is for those you see long-term girlfriend potential in, not just a few hookups.

[–]faceless323 0 points1 point ago

My favorite response to "I think you're too young." is:

Does that mean you're too old?

It's usually followed by:

her: I'm not that old

me: then i'm not that young

[–]Ohioho 0 points1 point ago

what what hey where here where who

[–]little_chickadee 0 points1 point ago

I thought all of the alpha responses were funny/charming/disarming except for this one:

"Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?"

  • ALPHA RESPONSES: "I think you have me confused with every other guy you've ever met."

Obviously, it depends on the situation and how the question is asked, but I, at least, would be quite a bit put off by this response. Some responses that I've heard that I thought worked well were:

  • Why, what will I get in exchange?

  • I'll buy you a drink if you buy me a drink.

  • If I hold your purse for a minute, you'll be obligated to give me your number/go out with me/have sex with me. That's the rule.

(I don't know if any of these are actually good enough for repeat usage, but I've seen them work.)

[–]asiandude123 1 point2 points ago

"Do you do this for every girl you take out/date/etc.?"

I heard quite a few people before suggest responding "only the cute ones." Is that beta? Does it really hurt to compliment someone every once in a while?

[–]specialpatrol 0 points1 point ago

So by "shit test" you maen a perfectly reasonable wuestion about your dating habits. And your recommended response is to avoid answering with a witty remark?

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 2 points3 points ago

It isn't just 'my' recommendation--it's most everyone in the dating coach scene.

[–]mynameisjonas 0 points1 point ago

Do I/Does this [make me] look fat?

Take your clothes off and let me see first.

[–]fabioisonfire[S] 1 point2 points ago

I love this!

[–]BillyVanEyck 0 points1 point ago

What's a good answer to "Did you think this was going to happen?" while kissing?

[–]hipnosister 0 points1 point ago

Isn't a girl saying you look like a player like telling a girl she looks like a slut?

[–]theterp232 1 point2 points ago

Double standards my friend

[–]LittleBigStoner 0 points1 point ago

Im definetaly a beta... all those wasted years of woman... shit...

[–]SoInsightful 0 points1 point ago

I don't remember who said it, but I'll paraphrase:

"I have a boyfriend."
"Congratulations! I'm happy to hear that you've found someone to spend the rest of your life with!"

It should make her realize the imperfections of her current relationship.

[–]pua_inception 0 points1 point ago

"How old are you?"

My response? "I'm 17"

[–]shoseki 0 points1 point ago

"How many girls have you been with?"


[–][deleted] ago


[–]RedErin 8 points9 points ago

Shit tests are much more offensive in my book. Women say them out of a subconscious attempt at disqualifying the men that approach them. If you fail the shit test, then they lose attraction to you. If you pass it, then you gain attraction.

This is mainly why most "Nice Guys™" say that women only date assholes. They always fail shit tests, but when they see guys pass them with crude humor, they get pissed off.

That's why this whole mating ritual is called a game. For one, if you really decide to play it, then it's really fun. But you have to know the rules if you want to play.

Naturals do all these things without having to think about them.

[–]winnen 2 points3 points ago

If said in a C&F tone with dominant posture, all of these responses WILL make women laugh, instead of having you look like a supplicating tool.

If you say them strongly with bad posture, then you will LOOK like a tool.

If you say them weakly in any circumstance, you will SOUND like an insincere tool.

See this comment by dequo for another idea.

[–]FieldReporter 1 point2 points ago

Just get a bunch of girlfriends then. That way, you aren't insincere.

[–]Shambot 0 points1 point ago