SILENT MADNESS (1984) Directed by Simon Nuchtern
Media Home Entertainment VHS
THE FILM
When rotund Sheriff Liggett bellows "Get the fuck out of here and lemme eat in peace!" with that striking Richard Simmons timbre, he's not futzing around. Nor is Silent Madness.
Before filming commenced, Silent Madness gathered a group of slasher peers for lunch. The film was feeling a tinge of anxiety about its intended straight-forward approach. Affirmation was sought. The script was reviewed. Night Warning was the first to speak up: "Well, you need more weird sex stuff. Definitely." Next, Girls Nite Out pitched in with, "Your killer is just a guy in work pants. Its been done. Try a rabbit costume." Finally, Rocktober Blood yelped, "What? No cat-screams? Pussy. WATCH ME ROCK."
Dejected, Silent Madness slept on it. Then, at 3 AM that night, as if by fate, inspiration hit. "I've got a sorority house. The synth orchestra is already booked. An escaped mental patient is in place. And hey, I like Friday The 13th Part 3 and Halloween II. Those other guys can get the fuck out of here! I'm gonna make this movie in peace! Hey...I like the sound of that..." History was written. There would be no extended tangents, deeper plans, or dubious novelties. Except, of course, for the 3-D parts. And plump, unproductive Sheriff Liggett. Integrity never comes easy.
Say hello to Howard Johns. Not John Howard. Crazy (and mute) Mr. Johns is mistaken for cured inmate John Howard and released from Cresthaven Asylum, the result of a "computer glitch." Oh, hell no! Soon enough, pasty-faced Howie makes with the fresh kills, en route to the "College For Women," where he has a bit of history. A shaggin' wagon is destroyed and skateboarding is very much a crime (at least to Howard). Meanwhile, the intrepid Dr. Joan Gilmore seeks to Get To The Bottom Of Things. She's willing to go undercover at the college, in order to whiff out some answers. Why are Cresthaven's Orderlies so sleazy? What's the secret of the sorority house mother? More importantly, why doesn't Sheriff Leggitt get more screentime? As the man himself states, "We can't all think with our dicks!" Quite right, Sheriff. Quite right.
Released theatrically in 3-D and presented flat ever since, Silent Madness is the cheap rehash we all know and yearn for. Aside from a few deadened stretches of dialogue, there's no room to complain. Synths are ravishing. Grit is ingrained. Photography brainstorms with the then-waning 3-D novelty, resulting in resourceful kill scenes and a competent structure. Combine it all with decent acting from recognizable leads, a few laughs, some jumps, and a little twist or two, and you've got a virtuous indie-slasher that sticks to the basics and sets the evening ablaze with warmth.
So how does Sheriff Leggitt feel about all of this high praise?
"That's the best news I've heard since the Mayor dropped dead!"
If that's a compliment, I'll take it.
AUDIO AND VIDEO
Weird, but fun. The clean print is vertically stretched, heavy on the reds, and majorly cropped on the sides. Things swirl and fuzz a bit during the now-flattened 3-D sequences (and sometimes in odd, random spots as well), but I thought it looked neat.
EXTRAS
The first level of the "Dragon's Lair" arcade game was IMPOSSIBLE. Relive the frustration about 60 minutes in.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Have faith in work pants. Silent Madness keeps things simple and familiar. Aside from a few dull moments, the film summates straight forward, 1984 cheap-slasher magic quite superbly. Get the you-know-what out of here and grab a copy.
— Joseph A. Ziemba, 02.15.07 | 
College For Women
Don't call him John
The Leggitt Way
3-D me
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