HindustanTimes Sat,21 Jan 2012
Review: No Smoking
Khalid Mohamed, Hindustan Times
Mumbai, October 26, 2007
First Published: 20:26 IST(26/10/2007)
Last Updated: 21:13 IST(26/10/2007)
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Water water everywhere: John Abraham gives the sultry bath-tub beauties the run for their money in this pic.
No Smoking
Cast: John Abraham, Ayesha Takia, Filter Tips, Ash Trays
Direction: Sir Anurag Kashyap
Rating: *

Great, wonderful, superb, just too creative for words. Sheer
genius. Now, we must all stand up, salute and go wah-wah-wah for Anurag Kashyap, who writes blockbuster blogs and classic movies. He’s genius, maan, pure genius. He’ll make a Kaagaz ke Phoolpatti yet. Or at least an Anurag India. Or how about a Kashyap-e-Azam?

I mean he pays homage to the director of Cabaret (Bob Fosse) when he makes a woman sing in the voice of Adnan Sami. Shudder. Kashyap reads and sees movies, you know, so he’s very knowledgeable. He can even say critics are something that go down  the flush every morning, that they are seven-letter-words beginning with F and ending with S. But aren’t we all?

Aaah, so lovely, beautiful, Kashyap has now written and directed No Smoking. In this John Abraham, with his Gulzar-like stubble, smokes ciggies, bathes in a tub, visits a weird Undergroundpur for a cure (for smoking, not bathing sillies) and argues with Ranvir Shorey who plays cross-eyed, a first in cinema history – an actor goes kaania, bhenga, whatever.

Thank you for Quitters’ Inc which you have set in Mumbai and Siberia. And if you ask me, at this very point, I don’t want to quit smoking.
Too in-depth man, too in-depth, puffing, driving, the sex act, the sex act, fingers being chopped. Kcuf, kcuf.. what’s happening out here? You can’t make out, you don’t care, and you’re fed up of the affectations, the self-indulgence, and the fact that you even bothered to see this Dhumrapan Nishedh bandhi which tells you about Socrates, Plato and then goes Do be Do. I swear on Sinatra’s head. Hey, Kashy actually hears retro-music and wants us to know. Niiice.

Gee, the movie’s so unusual, unconventional and daring. It’s an original guys, original. Get me a double whisky yaar. Gotta celebrate. It’s so very much like Stephen King’s story Quitters’ Inc. which featured as a part of the Cat’s Eye horror movie way back in 1985. What to do Sir Genius? We Idiotic Reviewers, FOOLS, Scum of the Earth, watch DVDs too.

And yes, we actually say Abraham sir still has to LEARN the Ka Kha Ga (read A B C) of acting, Ayesha Takia has to stop looking plump.

Sir Kashyap, your genius is blinding. Thank you for Quitters’ Inc which you have set in Mumbai and Siberia. And if you ask me, at this very point, I don’t want to quit smoking. I want to quit Kashyaping. See a Bhojpuri or a Blogpuri movie. Just don’t do this to me sir, please, don’t. The rest of the world needs your brain. Ulp, I don’t.

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