I'm going to Kansas City. Kansas City here I come.
They got crazy little women. And for your information, I did get me
one. Kansas City has always had crazy
little women. In the 1960's the Chiefs were one of the best franchises
in the AFL, they played at old Municipal Stadium. The Chiefs crazy little
cheerleaders all looked like peppy, perky, button nosed little corn-fed
sorority heifers. They wore letterman's sweaters, cute little skirts,
bobby socks and big poofy corsages. They were healthy, pretty, normal Midwestern
The mascot was a horse named Warpaint who would
run around the field every time the Chiefs scored. Warpaint was a beautiful
"paint" horse ridden bareback by an incredibly politically incorrect
white guy named Bob Johnson. Dressed up in feathers, leather and make up,
Johnson was Godfather to the Village People.
In 1975, the Chiefs beat the highly favored, highly evil Raiders 42 to 10.
Raiders head coach John Madden said "We couldn't
beat the Chiefs, but we damn near killed their horse." Warpaint was
eventually retired, as his age and Johnson's age finally caught up with
them. When the Chiefs moved to Arrowhead, Warpaint started slip sliding
on the track that surrounded the astroturf field; and during one game took
a nasty spill. Warpaint was put out to pasture, and the Chiefs went without
a mascot for a few years.
As part of the Chiefs 50 year anniversary, Warpaint
was brought back in 2009 with a buxom blond cheerleader aboard. That's the
When Arrowhead Stadium opened
in 1972, it was Valley of the Dolls. The usherettes wore short
little skirts and knee high go go boots. They were all babes,
and were eye candy for a brand new multi million dollar state
of the art stadium.
The 1970's cheerleaders were
still doing their best to look 16 years old, although most of
the girls were in their mid 20's.
The 1970's Chiefs also had their
own Rockettes style group of chorus girls, called the "Chiefettes."
Their job was to wear short skirts, high heeled go-go boots, and
kick their legs up really high to show off their undergarments.
This was done primarily for the enjoyment of sexually repressed
dirty old men (to offset the regular cheerleaders, dressed for
the enjoyment of the pedophiles.) Sadly, feminism and political
correctness spelled the end of the Chiefettes.
In the Mid 1980's, the NFL big
thinkers deemed it necessary that every NFL franchise have an
officially licensed mascot for greedy merchandising purposes.
The Chiefs complied by adding this total embarrassment, which
we used to call "The Big Fat Ass Ugly Papoose." This
mascot represented the 1980s Chiefs perfectly: Fat, stupid, ugly,
worthless, dazed and confused. This alleged mascot would usually
stumble aimlessly along the sidelines. It's rumoured that the
"Papoose" was worn by long time Chiefs play by play
man and party animal Bill Grigsby, wandering
around in a drunken stupor. The fans hated this mascot, and used
to curse and spit at it and put "Kick Me" signs on its
back. It was mercifully scalped when King Carl showed up in 1988.
With the demise of the Chiefettes,
a new late 1970's hybrid Chiefs cheerleader was invented. It blended
the perky, 16-year old high school cheerleader look with the nylons
and high heeled go go boots look. Farah
Fawcett hair was a must have.
When King Carl came along in
the late 80's, the marketing weasels got their grubby little fingers
into everything. In order to make the Chiefs a more "fan
friendly" experience, green shirted security thugs were added
to patrol the stadium. You could be physically removed from the
stadium for smoking, excessive drinking, yelling "F*&#
You, You Suck," or for fighting with equally drunk, foul-mouthed
parole violating Raiders fans. A "Just Say Rah" mantra
was the new order. The cheerleaders were removed from their nylons
and go go boots, and put into stupid looking little pre-schooler
outfits with red knee socks. Aren't they darling? Yeesh!
The worst idea ever by the marketing
weasels was the addition in the late 80's of male
cheerleaders, as the Chiefs tried to emulate a college
game day environment. The really sad thing was that the top college
teams of that era would totally kick the Chiefs' asses. The "Broken
Arrows" only lasted a couple years, as they were an NFL laughingstock,
especially for fans of visiting teams.
At least the Chiefs mascot improved.
KC Wolf or "Woofie" as the fans call him, came in with
the King Carl era. Woofie was named after the Chiefs "Wolfpack,"
a group of rabid fans who used to sit in temporary bleachers at
old Municipal Stadium. On TV, Woofie looks like a big rat or raccoon.
Woofie works his butt off; gets up and mingles with the crowd,
is fun to watch and has a twisted
personality. He puts the old "Big Fat Ass Papoose" mascot
to shame. And of course, the kiddies love him.
In fact, the kiddies love him
so much, in 2003 the Chiefs unveiled a giant inflateable Woofie
that bobs and wobbles around the stadium. Hmmm...huge, wobbly,
filled with hot air...I thought maybe Bob Gretz was inside the
Woofie suit, but then I saw him on the sidelines...
Chiefs cheerleaders look more like the other typical cheerleaders
around the NFL. The marketing weasels re-discovered one universal
truth: T&A sells. Modern Chiefs
cheerleaders are all twenty something girls who look like Ex Hooters waitresses; show lots of skin
and look good on TV. They come on the field at the end of the
first and third quarter and suggestively gyrate for about thirty
seconds. Oh, and they try to catch the attention of Tony
Gonzalez so they might have a shot at bearing his child.
Sometimes they do incredibly
lame stuff like trying to force 78,000 people to do the Macarena.
Please, just stick to the basics!
Back Up For Another Kickoff