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Well, here's a
big category and one I'm sure you've got some questions on!
A lot of what you need to know can be answered by the description
of each individual piece or the photo itself (I'm told they're
worth a thousand "Mmmmpphhh's! *g*). Beyond that, I'm
here to offer you my vast (ahem) expertise on these products,
all of which I test and many of which I am lucky enough to
use on a regular basis! Master is an experienced leather crafter
and a lot of the designs you find here are from his fiendish
imagination, so we know this stuff literally from start to
finish.
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What we'll cover
here are some basics; what to do, how to use it and what not
to do in many cases. These little bits of knowledge are the
bedrock upon which your playtime and ultimate good - heck
GREAT time - are made safe and always fun without the dangers
or hassles of finding out some of these things the hard way.
So where shall we start?...
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This is always the most important
part. I know, I know...nobody wants to read the instruction manual,
but if you don't you or someone you love could be hurt, so I'll keep
it short and painless. Here are some of the basic safety guidelines:
For the
Dom/me (aka Top):
Keep a close eye on the limbs
for signs of circulation getting cut off such as a deep redness or blueness
past the bindings. Tying too tightly can act like a tournequet and become
very uncomfortable or even dangerous.
When tying, make sure you
don't contort any body part to an impossible position. Some people are
less flexible than others and doing something you've seen the "pros" do in photos, like getting her elbows to
touch is rare and most difficult positions are often not a reality. On the other hand, if you're both dedicated to trying that difficult position you saw or read about, go about it carefully and slowly. Pilates, yoga and lots of stretching will make you/your subject more flexible in general and stretching before being bound in a stringent position is a must.
Be extra careful with suspension
bondage - read more about this in my "Suspension"
section below.
Never leave a bound and/or
gagged sub alone. They rely on you for their safety! Remember - you
like them helpless, you're the reason they're helpless now and you must
take care of them properly. (This is the part I like best!)
Have a pair of EMT, or "Safety" scissors (or something similar - Safety Scissors have a blunt edge to get between the ropes and the skin so your subject won't be cut by the scissors freeing them) handy to get your sub out of bondage quickly
in case of emergency (even something as un-serious, but still nerve-wreaking
as the kids at the door!). They should be good enough to cut your
strongest set of cuffs or thihckest ropes off in case of emergency. Remember - you can
always replace your bondage gear - if you don't get your submissive out of a tough situation quickly, you may not get the chance to use that gear again anyways! Panic Snaps are a quick release hardware
piece that can be quickly and very easily opened even under a heavy
load and are highly recommended for Suspension bondages.
Always have a safeword or
safe gesture if gagged. Words like "please" and "No!" are sometimes a part of the game - play safe and make sure you're not misunderstood. If your safeword is "Giraffe", you or your Dom/me knows that something is wrong, you need to stop NOW or back off, things are getting too intense. Choosing a word that's unlikely to come up lets you be certain the word is heeded and play stops until things are sorted out, not that there's a giraffe sneaking up on you. For well-gagged subs, finger snapping works too! (see "For Both" below for more
info.)
For the
Submissive (aka Bottom):
Make sure you know the person
binding you well enough that they will respect your limitations and
safewords or safe gestures (see more on safewords below in the "For
Both" section).
Use your safeties when needed
without fail! Your Top can't read your mind and it's your responsibility
to make sure you do not let anything proceed that makes you uncomfortable.
If they don't know, they can't do anything about it. This includes loosing feeling in your arms/legs/wherever, difficulty breathing when gagged, the whipping is too hard, you've had enough of something and can't take any more, etc.
A good addition to a "Stop" safeword is a "That's enough of that, let's do something else" safeword. Some submissives employ the "Red" (STOP!), "Yellow" (Go easy, slow down, take it easy) or even "Green" when everything is good and the Dom/me is looking to determine if they should stop the session or if you're ok - and you want to continue. True, you rarely hear about "Green", but if you used "Yellow" to slow down, or "Red" to stop an activity, you may want to use "Green" to get them going agan if you just wanted that to stop, but you're not ready to be untied or stop the session yet - in other words, you're not finished playing yet!
For Both:
Know your safeword / safe
sound / safe gesture! Part of (role)playing often involves the idea
of being "forced" in which the sub might beg or say "no",
"please don't", "stop" or something similar as part
of their role in the game. This makes it confusing for the Top unless
you have a safeword, sound or gesture. The idea of a safeword is to
say something like "yellow" to slow down or not push limitations
or "red" which means stop now! For bondage which includes
a gag that may make your safeword hard to understand, a safe sound or
gesture is needed, such as snapping your fingers if you're able. Make
sure it's something the sub can do and the Top understands! As a bottom,
it's your responsibility to speak up - or gesture if you're gagged -
to keep yourself safe since your top won't always know unless you tell
them. Especially since a clamp that feels good in one situation may
hurt really bad in another - that's what's commonly referred to as being
in "sub-space". Or on one day, you really loved something and on another, it feels terrible. For the Top, this means paying close attention
to your submissive and respecting their safe words and gestures. Remember,
you are ultimately responsible for their safety and they trust you with
their greatest gift of all - their personal safety. That's a big responsibility
and one not to be taken lightly. Subs, this doesn't absolve you of your
responsibility to let them know! (If something does happen, I suggest
talking about it immediately in terms of "I would rather you..."
rather than "I don't like it when you..." to avoid making a bad situation worse by placing "blame". It just happened to happen and if you learn from it, this experience will make all your other playtimes that much better!)
Talk, talk, talk! Sharing
fantasies is sexy, but it also serves another purpose. It's better to
let someone know that you don't like something before it happens to
you and create problems in a relationship! A more formal way of discussing
this is called "Negotiating a Scene" where you both talk about
what will happen and what the limitations of both are beforehand.
For more information, read
SM 101, Learning the Ropes, The Art of Sensual Female
Dominance or one of the many similar books in my Bondage
Books section.
There are many types of cuffs,
designed to fit your every desire and use. I have dainty cuffs, serious
cuffs and everything in between. You can choose from pvc vinyl, latex, rubber, leather and patent leather styles. Suspension
cuffs are larger and sometimes padded to reduce the strain of suspension.
You can select from wide styles, padded styles or styles with lots of
hardware. One of my favorites is my Deluxe Buckling Wrist Cuffs and
Deluxe Buckling Ankle Cuffs. I've worn them so often that they're like
a comfortable pair of shoes and I actually sleep better with them on! You'll
find your own favorite pair by selecting a pair you like according to
what you'd like to use them for. Most any pair of wrist cuffs will do
the same thing, but there's a couple things you need to know:
Beginner's
/ Soft Bondage : I've got quite a bit for the nervous beginner
and these soft cuffs are just the thing to make a novice sub with butterflies
feel more comfortable about being bound. They're soft, sexy and some
are nearly as strong as some leather cuffs. There's a lot to choose
from and they're mainly personal preference as they're all very similar.
Most use a heavy velcro closure which is surprisingly strong and very easy
to put on and remove quickly for quick fun without fuss.
Latex
and Rubber cuffs : Rubber cuffs are heavier and can be used
for restraining & struggling while latex is much thinner, mainly
for appearance and the feeling of being bound. Latex cuffs are not made to withstand
serious struggling. Struggling hard in your latex cuffs could cause
them to rip or tear. On the other hand, they look and feel great, plus you can get them wet! There's
a different feeling to the lighter cuffs and depending on what you want
to use them for, they might be the sexier, more comfortable alternative
for youe specific playtime ideas.
Wide
and more serious cuffs : My Total Control set is my widest
at 4" wide and have the most hardware on them. They are very sturdy
and will withstand a very fiesty sub! (On top of it, these were MY personal design, so I tend to favor them a bit more because of that! *wink*) We also carry padded styles that
help make any serious cuffs a little softer.
"Public"
cuffs and the lighter side : We carry a lot of less serious,
pretty cuffs that can be used for those times when you're feeling soft
and don't want to be bound in heavy cuffs. Check our "Public Wear Bondage Gear" category for some sexy, but less obvious bondage gear you can wear out and about as a sexy secret between you and your lover.
Serious fun! Suspension
toys are typically for more experienced players, but with a little
knowledge, you can have a lot of fun! Suspension cuffs are larger and
sometimes padded to reduce the strain of suspension. The wider cuffs
are designed to spread the stress over a larger area to reduce strain
and promote proper circulation when suspended. It is very important
to make certain your hardware is capable of suspending the proper weight.
Make sure to check the "working load" rating on hardware.
This is different than just a hanging what's known as "dead weight" which
is weight that does not move. "Working Load" refers to the additional strain
put on a piece of hardware by movement and struggling. Where the actual
load might be 110 lbs on a scale, the working load of a moving 110 lb
subject would be more like 140 lbs. or more depending on just how feisty your submissive can be, so make sure you use hardware that can hold much more than the weight of your subject. Also, make sure you attach your
hardware into a ceiling joist or door frame that can handle the
weight without pulling out. You may want to invest in a "stud sensor"
for finding a stud or joist to connect into without making a lot of
holes in the ceiling trying to find one!
Panic
Snaps are an invaluable piece of hardware that can be opened to
release quickly and easily even under a heavy weight. There are Panic
Snaps in every pro's gear and you should have them too if you do any kind of suspension.
Always keep a close eye on
your sub and their bondage in a suspension situation. It's always preferable
to suspend with more than one limb accepting the weight. Know what you
or your sub can take and any physical condition which may make a particular position
risky. It's never a good idea to use soft or sensitive
areas like the stomach or neck to support the weight of your subject. You may attach a rope to a gag trainer or tie the hair for effect, but always be certain your subject's weight is supported by a sturdy body structure like the rib cage, hips/thighs and so forth.
For beginners to suspension, how about a
love swing?
They're even somewhat vanilla for novice players! Once you've got the
swing, you can tie or cuff your lover to it - instant suspension
bondage that's very comfortable! Some of the swings we carry even include cuffs, stirrups and straps that are just right for bondage!
There are endless of ways to
bind and be bound in rope, wraps and straps, the most flexible (literally) of all bondage gear!
The key to doing it safely is by not tying too tightly in a way that might
hinder circulation or bind to a body part that cannot accept the amount
of stress you're putting on it by a stringent position. Duration of the position is also a very important factor. You'll get to know your partner
and what you or they can endure and for how long by going slowly. Build up to more difficult positions and stringent bondages. When
playing with wrap (such as wrapping large portions or the entire body,
sometimes referred to as "mummification"), be sure the room
is kept at a comfortable temperature. Plastic wrap keeps heat in and
the body will quickly overheat if you're not careful. It's a good idea
to have a robe or other cover up handy to lessen the shock after a long
session of plastic wrapping.
To learn to tie beautifully rather than just functionally, books with
diagrams help, plus practice, practice, practice!
You can select from one of many books on the subject in our
bookstore.
There's a lot to see and play with here, but
the aforementioned FAQ's cover the most common and important questions and possibilities. Most of your choice really comes
down to personal preference. If you have any further questions about
something specific, please
e-mail or call us at 1-888-GAG-KISS! We're happy to help!