From the article: The Emotional Toll of Losing Contact With Grandchildren
No one knows the pain of being denied contact with grandchildren like another estranged grandparent. The anger, confusion and sadness can take a toll on estranged grandparents unless one develops appropriate coping strategies. If you have lived through the pain of separation from grandchildren, tell other grandparents how you have coped. Share Your Experience
A Grieving Grandmother
- I read these stories and learn that there are many grieving grandparents like myself...what are we supposed to do when we can't see our precious grandchildren; such overwhelming pain and brokenheartedness. We have 3 precious grands; twins 4 years old and a 2 year old; this time haven't seen them for over 5 months and no contact w/our son; he won't answer our calls; did find out their former nanny, who was a very sweet, nurturing young lady, was accused of lying and stealing and threatened w/ calling the police on her too; she said she thinks of our grandchildren everyday; at least we know we weren't the only ones who were falsely accused and bullied; this gave some relief to know others suffer the pain and hurt; we will always love you Hannah and Hayden and Abby; you will always be precious to us and nanie and grandpa will love you forever and always and will never forget the time we shared together...
- —Guest brenda
Son & Girlfriend Moved to N.C.
- My son, who is 28, was born blind. He met a girl and they got pregnant. The girlfriend wanted to move back to her mother's in North Carolina, where she gave birth to my grandson 6 months ago. I am in college full-time, almost done, and work part-time. I had the opportunity to go visit my son and meet my grandson in June, but no one could pick me up at the airport, and I was told that I would need to get a hotel and a rental car. That is more money I don't have. I only have enough for a plane ticket. They live with the girlfriend's mom, and I feel that she doesn't want me there. I can't financially afford to stay anywhere else. So since I can't stay with them and be picked up at the airport, I can't go meet my only grandchild and I hurt so bad. I don't know when I will ever get to meet him and see my son again.
- —Guest First time Grandma
New Granddaughter 1 Week Old
- I am a first time grandmother, and I have a 1-week-old granddaughter that just had open heart surgery. I have never had any problem with my daughter-in-law until this week. Her mother is the most overbearing person I have every met. She has convinced her daughter that I am somehow harming my granddaughter just by visiting her. I am reminded (as if I need to be) to constantly sanitize my hands anytime I get near her. It has gotten so bad I don't even touch her anymore, and the other grandmother is always posting on FB how much time she get to spend with her. I don't know what to do. Should I just stay away? I don't want to cause any problems, and I don't want to stress my son out any more than he already is. She is only a week old. I can only imagine how bad it is going to get. Anyone have any suggestions?
- —Guest New grandma
Can't See 5-year-old Grandson
- I am greatly hurt. My daughter-in-law has remarried, and my son does not have rights. I had my grandson 3 times a week up till a month ago. I cared for him a lot as a baby because of their problems. The last time I saw him, he said he wants to die and come back alive at my house. They do not care about his feelings, only theirs. He is so sad. They send me one lines saying he is so happy in his new life. Help me. I cry every night and I cannot sleep.
- —Guest Guest Sadness
Broken-Hearted
- I was in the delivery room when my first grandson was born and babysat two to three times a week. My SIL decided that he didn't want me to babysit anymore and then moved my daughter (pregnant with another baby) and my grandson all the way to Michigan. When my 2nd grandson was born, my SIL sent me some very cruel messages that scared me. When I asked my daughter if he was abusing her, she told him. I haven't spoken to my daughter in over a year now and have never met my second grandson, who is one now. My heart is crushed. I only see pictures of them on Facebook. My SIL has a mental illness and I don't know what kind of hold he has on my daughter. My heart is broken.
- —HurtingMomGrandma
Grandma Kenosha
- If you live in Wisconsin, the grandparents laws are much much better than other States. Unfortunately, for now, we, the denied grandparents, must take legal action to see the grandchildren.
- —Guest Patricia
Grandma Pat
- I have been going through this for six years now. It is so heart breaking for me. My son lives with the mother and my granddaughter and her other daughter. At first she would let me keep my grandbaby if I kept her other child too. I got tired because her other daughter goes to her grandmother's house almost every weekend. Now I don't even get to see my baby unless I go over there when she is at work. My son has no say in the matter because of her being controlling with him and his daughter. I've been over there and she has shut the door in my face. I cried all the way home. It took me awhile to get used to not spending time with my grandbaby. The mother won"t let give my baby a birthday party and she didn't give her one either. It still hurts some terrible and by not having any grandparents rights it is just not fair. My granddaughter knows what's going on, and shes only five. I love her and she loves Grandma Pat.
- —Guest Guest Dickerson
Grandparents' Lack of Rights
- Please, please, ALL grandparents start fighting back. I had the same situation, went to court and won. BUT we must not allow this situation of denied access to continue. First, start a group of grandparents who are in your same position. Second, find out the laws in your State. Phone every attorney in your State to find the one who will take your case. Know that it will cost you money. Contact the AARP, American Association of Retired Persons. They have a group who work for grandparents denied access. I live in Canada and we too do not have many grandparents rights. Laws have to be changed, and in order to do so, we have to organize and become a voting block. Almost every other country in the world has laws that prohibit grandparents to seeing their grandchildren. Note to Susan...Is it possible to list all the groups in various States and Provinces that are comprised of grandparents denied access and are working to help each other.Suzanne of AGA (Alienated Grandparents Anonymous) in Tampa
- —Guest Patricia
Coping
- Talking to other people on Granny sites in the same situation really helps. Have been going thru this for the past 6 months. The pain is sometimes unbearable.
- —Guest Millie
Interesting
- Did it ever occur to any of the grandparents on here that you may have been part of or responsible for the estrangement? Many posts here heavily blame shift without looking at your own contribution to the estrangement. Maturity calls for analyzing oneself first. You can continue to be estranged from your children and grandchildren or take an honest look at your own behavior, which may have contributed to the long-standing rifts, and make amends. This is only possible with accurate reflections, sincere remorse, and communicating the necessary apologies to all parties (not just your own son or daughter but the spouse/children's other parent). Unless they are truly abusive to their children, the parents of your grandchildren have the God-given right to restrict or remove access as they see best. Whether or not you accept that is your choice, but it doesn't change the outcome. You may want to consider individual and family counseling if possible. Grace and Peace to you all.
- —Guest otherone
Can't Eat Can't Sleep
- I know just how you other grandparents feel. My heart goes out to all of you. I raised my granddaughter until the age of 7. She is now going to turn 10 in April. My daughter was never married to the father, but last April he took her to court and won custody of my grandbaby. They said I had no rights. Really? I raised her for 7 years and have no rights? We taught her to walk, talk, potty-trained her, took her to the doctor and school--everything a parent should do. The father never had anything to do with her, and now she can do for herself, he wants to step up and play Daddy! The hardest thing for us to do is take her back over there when she is heartbroken and begs us not to take her back. Our hearts are broken. This has devastated the family. What can we do as grandparents that raised them for so many years do? There needs to be a law against this. I live in the state of AL. and don't have rights. I grieve myself to death every day for not taking the step of getting custody when I had her. HELP =(
- —Guest sindlou501
Grandma Kenosha
- I too am heartbroken. My ex-daughter is telling me that I have no grandmother's rights. I was there when my 8-yr-old grandson was born and have always had close contact with him. He has spent a lot of time with me and a lot of weekends. I know he is missing me also. He has a 5-yr-old brother who I have also spent a lot of time with. I used to keep both of the boys the whole weekend. Now I am not allowed to see them. I sometimes can't stand the pain. I don't sleep well and think of and pray for them all the time.
- —Guest grandma kenosha
Grandparents' Rights or Lack Thereof
- My son was a police officer and killed in the line of duty in 2009. My daughter-in-law had a postpartum breakdown in Feb. before he was killed. I have always taken care of the children since the oldest (now 7 yrs) was born. After my son was killed, her parents stayed with her at the house and my time was limited. She moved in with her parents in Dec. of that year. She gradually started to withdraw the children, and then CPS was called in by a therapist that was seeing the oldest child. Since that time, she has not allowed me to take the children or even see them. I filed a court case in Dec. of 2010. We just went to court this Feb., and I lost. The burden of proof here in TX is on the grandparents to show that it would be harmful to the children if you are NOT in their lives. We were unable to meet the burden. I don't know if and when I will ever see the babies again. They are now 3 yrs, 4 yrs and 7 yrs. My heart was not only broken by my son's death, but now this as well.
- —Guest Grammy
Grieving Grandmother
- My daughter has two beautiful little girls ages 9 and 4. I practically raised my 1st granddaughter since dad was not in the picture. I have been a very important part of my granddaughters' lives, but for the past 3 years, my daughter has been involved with an abusive, alcoholic man and uses drugs and alcohol. I have been worried sick for my granddaughters living with him. My daughter has left him 3 times and now just up and moved herself and my granddaughters 2000 miles away. My daughter wants nothing to do with me and her siblings. My granddaughters are hurting from her moving them away from the people who love them and have supported them while their mother was neglecting them. My daughter does not answer her phone and does not allow the children to talk to me. She is so mentally ill. I pray every moment for their safety and for my daughter to get the help she needs. I actually fear for their lives.
- —Guest Mary
Lost Daughter and Grandson
- My daughter and I have never really gotten along. I love her dearly. She was the happiest, cutest little angel as a little girl. As she was growing up, she would argue with me all the time, which is normal. I found it cute and amusing. She is married now. She has a grandson that I have not seen since he was born. She and her husband have been rude to me ever since. She does not want me to have a relationship with her son if I don't have one with her. To all others: Be strong, carry on with your life. Hopefully she will contact me in the future. For now I am happy in my life and do not need any more hurt. I raised her, and now she has her own child to raise. Sad, but there is not a thing you can do. It is kind of a reprieve from a lot of drama. I am happy with my second husband whom I love dearly. Enough drama. I am going to stay happy. If she comes to see me, I will welcome her with open arms and hug her tight. If not, that will also be OK.
- —Guest Elizabeth
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