City of Pawnee

CARL LORTHNER
Parks Security
by April Ludgate

Carl Lorthner is in charge of parks security. He works mostly outdoors which is good because he's seriously the loudest human being ever. It's like he wasn’t allowed to have a telephone as a kid, so he compensated with his voice.

His voice can cause minor landslides. His voice is considered a god in certain parts of South America. His voice doubles as a blowdryer. But be warned: it can erase your brain.

You can reach him at carl.lorthner@pawneeindiana.com and just wait for his thunderous spoken reply.

RON SWANSON
Director

Ron Swanson has been Director of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department for six years. Ron believes in the elimination of government waste and has always brought the department in under budget. In 2007, the Parks and Rec department spent zero dollars and sixty cents out of its discretionary fund, still a citywide record. The sixty cents were spent on a soda.

Ron has closed many unnecessary recreational spaces during his tenure, including the Portola Skate Park, the Grice Dog Run, the Morris-Easton Observatory, the Mohanga Native American Heritage Center, and most public drinking fountains.

Ron enjoys woodworking, breakfast meats, and the works of Ayn Rand.

LESLIE KNOPE
Deputy Director

As a child, Leslie found a loving, diverse, active family in the many community programs offered by the wonderful city government of Pawnee. She vowed early on to give back to this vibrant and fascinating town by living a life of public service.

Leslie is a proud member of numerous action committees in and around City Hall, including, but not limited to: the Equal Opportunity Committee, the Fun in the Sun Committee, the Clean Restroom Task Force, the Increased Access to Restrooms Task Force, the Handicapped Restroom Task Force, the Committee for Repainting Handicapped Parking Spaces Task Force, and the Task Force to Reduce the Number of Public Restrooms.

Leslie graduated in the top 5% of her class at Pawnee North High School. She was Co-Vice President of the student body and a member of Model United Nations, Key Club, Debate Club, Mock Trial, Young Republicans, Young Democrats, Young Independents (founding member), Drama Club, Historical Society, Orchestra, Color Guard, and junior varsity field hockey.

TOM HAVERFORD
Administrator

Some call Thomas Everett Haverford a hero. He calls himself just another public servant doing his best to make sure everyone in the city is healthy, happy, and safe. If that makes him a hero, well, then, so be it. He’s a hero.

Tom sees himself as a mentor to younger city employees and a motivational figure to older workers who may feel threatened by his charm, talent, and youthful vigor. Tom has complete authority over the Pawnee tennis court reservation system. This has brought him into close contact with many attractive female tennis enthusiasts, so he is extremely comfortable interacting with and meeting the needs of women other men might find intimidating. Tom cannot emphasize this point enough.

Tom also has many contacts in and around City Hall. Leading lights of the Pawnee private sector should not hesitate to get in touch with Tom about potential partnerships that could be mutually beneficial. Discretion is one of Tom’s greatest strengths.

Tom’s heroes include Vin Diesel, Flo Rida, and Patrick Jane (the character Simon Baker plays on “The Mentalist”).

Tom plays by his own rules.

APRIL LUDGATE
Intern

April Ludgate was born in Björk’s house in Iceland and grew up on Easter Island, where her parents were giant stone heads. She has the ability to fire beams of tacos out of her hands and she can turn her legs into tigers.

On Sundays, April enjoys reading Family Circus and traveling through time. Her favorite color is greenish-transparent and her favorite movie is the one you just watched.

April is in charge of uploading the staff bios to the website, and no one has checked over her work.