Hack Like Me

The enigmatic Obama, jumping from fundraiser to fundraiser, staying cool while the nation and the world spin out of control. The only thing that animates him is blaming his shortcomings on his political opponents. At his appearances, he plasters on that phony grin, tells a few whoppers and chokes out "God bless the U.S.A.," just like every hack politician since the beginning of time. But if he gets back into office, we'll see the real hacking begin as he takes out America's other leg. –Dale 

Reading Between The Liars

The jive is alive at the DNC. The national embarrassment known as the Democratic Party has been on display all week as they prepare to re-install their beloved dictator. Speech after speech, belching out lie after lie, the participants cry for the unrestrained slaughter of babies, taxpayer financing of Sandra Fluke's $3,000 a month condom habit and absolute control by the intelligent few over all of our lives. The comedy stylings of Ol' Salt N' Peppa must have Ol' Marx and Engels in stitches. –Dale 

Ready To Rumba

Congratulations to Mitt Romney for shaping his convention to answer every phony charge made against him by the Democrats. It's super to see Mitt's cool dude in a loose mood side, but we wild-eyed extremists are still a little put off by the grassroots freeze-out move by Romney's Rinos on Tuesday. This, combined with the "likable Obama" chatter, makes us Scott Brown nervous. Finding Obama likable is like admiring the exotic patterns in a cluster of cancer cells. Let's hope the Romney attack machine is sharpened, well oiled and that all the Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich, Paul, Perry and Santorum chunks have been cleared out. Cha-cha-cha. –Dale

Lip Service on Ice

The Left's war on life was given a real shot in the arm this week, as Obama's media machine used Todd Akin's "legitimate rape" statement to smear the Right with the absurd perception that rape is no biggie to Republicans. Barry was so "worked up" he was inspired to give a bold "news conference" to come out against rape. Meanwhile, Barry's DNC has chosen serial womanizer, Slick Willy, as their keynote speaker. If rape is going to be at the top of the Democrat Party decoy issues list, Barry and Bill are both well qualified on the topic, since one is doing to the country what the other did to Juanita Broaddrick. Yes Barry, rape is rape and politics are politics. –Dale  

En Gourd

Pressure is increasing on Uncle Joe to step aside and allow Barack to pick a less embarrassing Democrat for the number two position on the ticket. Until such an event occurs, the Romney-Ryan team will have to prepare for a bout with numb-skulled Joe. Romney's debate experts, tasked with finding the best proxy opponent to practice against, winnowed their choices down to a bag of damp sand and a butternut squash. The verbal feint, thrust and parry abilities were identical for the sand and squash, but in the final analysis, the butternut's penchant for wildly disconnected false accusation won the day. –Dale  

Mansquito!

NASA has come a long way since 1968, when they were sued by Madalyn Murray O'Hair for the Apollo 8 crew's reading of the first 10 verses of Genesis, as they viewed the Earth from Lunar orbit. Today the great technological achievements of the agency are overshadowed by an increasingly anti-God mindset that pervades the scientific community as a whole. A recent example is the purge of Intelligent Design proponent, David Coppedge from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Talk about being lost in space, it's as if Dr. Smith has been put in charge of the mission. Warning, warning, Will Robinson! –Dale

Newswack

From the "Newsweek covers Tina Brown will never approve" file. The Democrat party goose-steppers, agitated that the first amendment works in more than one direction, are foaming at the mouth more than usual. While Democrat officials in Chicago, Boston and New York cry for a crackdown on Chick-Fil-A, DNC hatchet woman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, tries her best to put a pretty face on the anti-Christian thuggery. Oh yeah, and telling us how good things are in Omerica. See you at Chick-Fil-A. –Dale

Update: Congrats to Chick-Fil-A, Mike Huckabee and free speech lovers for the success of yesterday's BUYCOTT. 

Covered

If you can find your doctor, you can keep your doctor. With the "Affordable" Health Care Act still alive and looming, palliative care specialist, Dr. Barry "Graves" Obama, bids farewell to another useless feeder. In the world of Libberish, where child murder is called choice, one can only imagine what affordable health care really means. –Dale

The First Staycation

The First Couple, in their never ending quest to pretend to be down with the people, are considering going nowhere for their family's 2012 summer vacation. Regardless of the outcome of the Fall election, you can bet your eye teeth that their next vacation cycle will be a doozy. –Dale

A self-serving note to all my Riff Raff friends: Rightly or wrongly, the Martha's Vineyard Black Dog Tavern logo has become synonymous with liberal elitist exclusivity. If you're like me, you can't afford to take a vacation in Barry's economy. Once again, this summer you'll be staying on your block for what has come to be known as a Staycation. In the spirit of good natured, eye poking parody, and to meet the souvenir needs of the stay-at-home recreator, the Out of Order Store is proud to introduce, Blockhead, The Block Dog, the official mascot of the Obama era Staycation. GET YOUR BLOCK DOG GEAR HERE: http://www.zazzle.com/daletoons

Sayin' Yes To The Mess - Update

Saturday, July 7th, 2012, Barney Frank slobbered his vows to his "partner" in a mockery of legitimate marriage. Not oogie enough for you? At the reception, Nancy Pelosi danced to "It's Raining Men." –Dale

Roberts' Rules of Odor

Everything is rotten in the District of Columbia, and the Supreme Court is no exception. The Liberal Thugocracy seems to have won the day by the usual means of intimidation and threats. Chief Justice Roberts is now the darling of the elitist left media and cocktail circuit. They didn't even have to release the 99% to get him to fold. Have a happy Independence Day, it may be our last. –Dale  

Disgust-Ed

Production on the set of "Mister Ed, The Motion Picture," has ground to a halt. Sarah Jessica Parker is reportedly refusing to continue filming with her verbose palomino co-star. The problem seems to be the dangerously toxic nature of horse sense to the liberal leftist actress. The only known antidote for horse sense exposure is a copious dose of twittery. Ms. Parker was rushed to her New York City home for treatment. The President and First Lady, along with a throng of well heeled twits, rushed to her side for an emergency dinner party. –Dale 

La Casa Blanca Press

Conservative intransigence has once again forced the President to run down to the White House print shop and crank out some unilateral justice. Scream all you want America, this President is forging ahead. –Dale

No Party For Old Democrats

Bubba has tripped over his tongue, and he can't get up. Using the Reagan prosperity, he took America on a sleazy riverboat ride through the 90's. Could his virtual endorsement of Mitt Romney be a fit of elder statesmanship? More likely, he doesn't want the Clinton's Democratic party boat to follow Obama's leaky barrel over the falls. –Dale

The Man of Stool

Captain America came out against the Tea Party, Green Lantern just came out. The comic book industry is becoming nothing more than another leftist enterprise, poisoning truth, justice and the American way. I hope DC Comics will take the lead in demanding that the government of Metropolis pass legislation to raise the weight capacity of public changing tables. –Dale

Onopoly

It turns out Barry is a leader after all. When it comes to rallying the hopelessly gullible to the politics of national destruction, he's second to none. His multi-pronged attack on America's founding principles shows us one thing, if he is re-elected, we're all forked. –Dale

Sling Blather

Because of recent outbursts by the Vice President, Joe Biden has been assigned to campaign stops that are somewhat less than plum. Oddly, a familiar face in the crowd at one of these stops may hold the key to Romney's VP pick. If Romney were to select Karl Childers as his running mate, the VP debate would be a fair fight for the ages. –Dale 

The Janitor From Jekyll Island

Hold on! Is Barry engaging in honest work for the first time? Nah, he's just doing what Collectivists do, collecting his cut. –Dale

It Gets Better

Sodom, 1711 B.C., Mayor Savage attempts to bring order to the streets. In the background we see Outocloset Barackum lunging blindly at Lunchbuggery Joe, before Joe's statements force Barackum to come out in favor of dietary hair. America, 2012 A.D., the public schools are exposing kids to a professional degenerate and his agenda, wrapped in a so-called, anti-bullying campaign. Worse yet, professional politicians pander to destructive interest groups for the sake of personal power. The blind leading the double blind?–Dale

Froward

Hey Obamatons, you can make history again. –Dale

Late Night Lackey

NBC slow jams the propaganda. The latest sickening spectacle is seen here in an Obama's-eye view, from the set of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. There wasn't a dry seat in the house. The starry-eyed UNC audience cheered like baby seals ready for the clubbing. Fallon was reminiscent of Dracula's Renfield, luring the kids back to the castle. For a second, I thought I heard "Hail to the Thief" being played by Questlove and his crappy band. No such luck. In the last seconds of the show, Jimmy disclaimed, "We don't take sides politically on our show, but..." Who knows, maybe Fallon will host an hour with Mitt Romney from the campus of BYU, with musical guests Donny and Marie? –Dale

On The Ordering Of Species

Since the days of Darwin, evolutionists have repeatedly had to extend the time necessary for life to have accidentally occurred. Similarly, Marxocrats keep enlarging the amount of money it will take for their lame theory to work. One thing's for sure, it's a dog eat dog world. –Dale

The Keynes Mutiny

Meanwhile back at the White House, President Obama repairs to the Clinton walk-in humidor to take a break from demagoguing the decoy issue of the day. But the paranoid elephant in the room is the stunningly poor economic prowess of "The One." Perhaps one of the few former Presidents Barry hasn't compared himself with will have some insight for him. Hint: Obama is the one on the left, of course. –Dale

The Fair-Share Hare

Easter day is dawning,
in little Algaetown.
The children there are smiling,
'cause it's frowned upon to frown.

Colored eggs and candy,

piled high into a heap.
The children there are hungry,
to discover what they'll keep.

Then the Fair-Share Hare arrives,
late for goodness sake.
The children there are helpless,
to surrender what he'll take.

Happy Easter –Dale

The Anger Games

Good news, manufacturing is up in Washington! Rage baiter-in-chief, Barry Obama has manufactured yet another polarization wall, all whilst searching America's soul. Can't you just smell the rainbow? The only thing more bankrupt than the economy is leftist morality. The lefty political triad of division by Race (Martin/Zimmerman case), Class (Occupy) and Sex (Sandra Fluke's condom crisis) is complete. Barry never misses an opportunity to bring us together by pitting us against each other. Can't wait for one of Obama's Comedian Corps to joke that if Barry had a son, he'd more likely look like the UPS guy. –Dale

Triumph of the Swill

Forrest Gump has got to be on something considerably more potent than the standard Libutard Kool-Aid. Has Hollywood everyman, Tom Hanks finally reached his Soon-Yi moment? That point in time where an entertainer's extra-curricular activities render him unwatchable. For me, he achieved that status when he lent his talents to Opie and Dan Brown's effort to drag the name of Christ through the dirt in "The DaVinci Code" movie. But for the more patriotically minded, his choice to narrate Obama for America's 17 minute, Leni Riefenstahl style propaganda piece, "The Road We've Traveled," has got to be the last straw. You'd think leftist compassion would've driven Obamaton Tom and Barack to offer the gig to some unemployed voice-over guy with better pipes than Hanks. I guess "the heart wants what the heart wants." –Dale

The Endless Summer of Recovery 3

What up vassals?! Surf's up, and Barry is preparing for his third annual Summer of Recovery. With a national news media that puts the Soviet era's Pravda and Izvestia to shame, the O-conomy will be reported as improving and moving in the right direction. Unfortunately for Obama and his media cheerleaders, all of us that pay for our own food and pump our own gas know better. We know he's jumping the shark, big time. –Dale

Inspired by a nightmare from the editor of All Right Magazine.

Bonus Feature: My pick for Barry's re-election theme song. 

Big Patriotism

Andrew Breitbart 1969-2012

The fearless citizen journalist who never let the lies of the left go unchallenged, understood the left. Like cockroaches, leftists do their best work in the dark, but when the lights come on, the bugs scatter. Breitbart was a great light. May his family and friends find comfort and peace in this time of sorrow. –Dale

Click to visit the new Breitbart site.

Go Ogle Yourself

Is Big Brother watching you? If Google Chairman Eric Schmidt is your older brother, or even if he isn't, the answer is yes. In spite of strong objections from 36 State Attorneys General, Google plans to commence tracking its users on March 1st. Schmidt, an Obama mega-doner, probably doesn't have to worry about U.S. Attorney General, Eric Holder having any concern for the privacy of the public. After all, everything Schmidt collects won't require a warrant to be accessed. Our info should be almost as easy to get as an AK-47 in Mexico. If Google should accidentally lose our information, they'll probably still be able to get it from the Chinese. We must fight back against this Cyber-ogling. On the count of three, everybody google... Orwellian. –Dale

The X'd Files

Special Agents Scuzzy and Mullah are on their strangest case ever. The super secret Taqiyya division of the FBI has been formed by the Obama administration, to root out insults to Islam inside the Bureau. American Muslim front groups major in squealing at every perceived slight to their religion. Strange, we don't hear a peep out of them or their collaborators in Washington as their Muslim brothers in the Islamic ruled world, daily set fire to Christian churches and persecute, torture and murder the members. Since it appears that sunrise qualifies as a cause for rage to the practitioners of the religion of peace, Scuzzy and Mullah's job should be an endless one. –Dale 

Wired story here

Is The Pope Catholic?

In 2008 54% of Catholics voted for Barack Obama. How's that working out? In his second day in office, he overturned Reagan's Mexico City Policy, freeing up foreign aid money to be used for abortions. Planned Parenthood now receives half of a billion dollars a year in tax money. At this year's National Prayer Breakfast, the President stopped just short of crediting Jesus Christ with authorship of the Communist Manifesto. So why were Catholics shocked when a week later, he added another course of bricks to what Reagan called "the Wall of Hostility to religion" by decreeing that Catholic charities pay for practices which their religion classifies as sin? Hopefully, in subsequent elections, Catholics will choose not to vote for, much less idolize any politician that favors the monstrous practice of abortion. Will a politician who doesn't respect innocent human life have any regard for the first amendment? Does a bear relieve himself in the woods? –Dale  Further Reading: 7 Arguments for Infanticide

Mitt Life Crisis

What's contorting right-wing heroine Ann Coulter? Could her unflagging devotion to Mitt Romney be as simple as a mid-life return to a sorority girl crush? Maybe the real Ann Coulter is being held hostage at the Oasis Vineyard, and being impersonated by Michaele Salahi? Or is it possible that Ann doesn't really believe in anything. A successful female version of Stephen Colbert, saying and doing outrageous things that get attention and sell books. Just another publicity... enthusiast? The Salahi conspiracy makes the most sense to me. –Dale 

Coo, coo, ca-Eeew

Newt Gingrich managed to crawl out from under the Cap and Trade sofa and has barely survived Mitt Romney's Scorched Earth media blitzes. But can he escape the political chemical peel that Nancy Pelosi (doing her best Norma Desmond), threatened to unleash on him? What is the "something she knows?" A little known groundless rumor has surfaced about a short-lived Congressional theater group, organized by Dem fatale, Nancy Pelosi in the early 1990's. Convinced that the perfect roll for her was that of Super-Cougar, Mrs. Robinson, Nancy got busy on her own adaptation of "The Graduate." Funds were appropriated, auditions were held, casting photos were taken and publicity posters were run. Suddenly the money was gone and the troupe was disbanded. Could there be another couch in Newt's peccadillo prone past? –Dale