10 Things for George Lucas to Do Instead of Mess with Star Wars

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George Lucas has done it again. With yet another release of Star Wars — this time The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI) on Blu-ray — Lucas has made more annoying tweaks to his masterpieces, further outraging fans.

His alternations include adding a line in a crucial scene in Return of the Jedi: When the Emperor is electrocuting Luke on the Death Star, Darth Vader now screams "Noooooo!" just before he throws the Emperor down a shaft. Lucas has also altered Obi-Wan Kenobi's introduction in New Hope and made the Ewoks blink in Return of the Jedi.

We, like the rest of the legion of Star Wars fans, have left dent marks on our desks, pleading, "Why, George, why?" Hoping to avoid future concussions, we came up with 10 things for Lucas to do instead of ruining our childhoods.

10. Leave Skywalker Ranch. Sure, your 4,000-acre working studio is amazing, but sometimes a change of scenery is good. Get away from Skywalker Ranch. Maybe move to Wyoming with Harrison Ford. It can't be a good to be surrounded by all that Star Wars paraphernalia for more than 30 years.
9. Count your money. From Star Wars box office receipts (nearly $2B domestically) to all the DVD and (now) Blu-ray sales to the piles of money made from Star Wars merchandise, you're worth a reported $3.2B. Please, George, spend some time tallying what you've already made from Star Wars fans over the years. You don't need to re-release Star Wars every three years to add more zeros to your bank account.
8. Cancel plans for the 3-D releases of Star Wars. It's a bad and transparently money-grabbing idea. However, if you've already converted the scenes with Princess Leia in her golden bikini, you could go ahead and release them.
7. Write something original. For 30 years, you've been stuck inside the Star Wars world (with occasional breaks to work on Indiana Jones and (cough) Howard the Duck). Before New Hope, you made great movies that didn't involve Star Destroyers or CGI characters. American Graffiti is a classic, and THX 1138 showed you're a visionary filmmaker. January's Red Tails is a start. Work on something completely new and fresh. You'll feel better.
6. Re-watch the Star Wars Holiday Special. You'll realize not everything Star Wars turns to gold.
5. Just go fishing. Relax. Pick up a hobby. Start a stamp collection. Anything... We don't care what. Just stop ruining our childhood memories.
4. Fast track the Star Wars TV show. Since you'll probably be tinkering with Stars Wars the rest of your life no matter what we plead, then get going on that planned live-action Stars Wars series. The animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars has been a hit with fans, so we know Star Wars can work on the small screen. With more than 50 hours of scripts and a story that is compared to The Godfather, the concept sounds amazing. We'd rather have new Star Wars stories than rehashings of the sacred trilogy.
3. Remove Jar Jar Binks. Since you're so devoted to correcting "wrongs" in your movies (we don't care, Han shot first), how about you digitally remove the abomination that is Jar Jar Binks? We'd lay down big cash for that box set.
2. Get Indiana Jones on Blu-ray. It's been 30 years since Indy was chased by that boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but where is our Indiana Jones Blu-ray boxset? And no, we don't count Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as part of the Indiana Jones franchise. We'd rather forget that movie was ever made. We want to see how you say goodbye in German in high def. And no changes, OK?
1. Re-watch the original Star Wars trilogy. No, we don't mean the THX edition or the Special Editions. Go to your personal theater and watch the original theatrical release of your masterpiece trilogy. We hope you'll see why fans are so devoted to that vision. Those movies don't need to be changed or altered or edited. We loved the New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi we saw and fell in love with on the big screen. Take off your filmmaker hat and experience Star Wars as a fan. And warning: If you continue changing Star Wars, we'll be forced to kidnap an Ewok and hold it for ransom.

Comments

  • star wars

    im a huge fan of star wars,why is 10,11,12 going to take 35 yrs to come out, i'll be dead by then

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    • Huh?

      Episodes 10, 11 and 12?
      Well, 7, 8 and 9 will have to be made beforehand...

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  • 10 Things for George Lucas to Do Instead of Mess with Star Wars

    There should be Number 11;
    Bring John Birmingham's Axis of Time series to
    the big screen; That would surely keep heim, and Steven Spielberg going for a few years!
    and of course add extra zeros to their bank accounts

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  • George Lucas dont listen to them.

    you guys are mean starwars is perfect even if he changes it a little bit. George Lucas is my hero my insperation. you dont need to write 10 thing that you think are are important. he reaches out to his viewers makes everything feel real. i understand i want to see iniana jones on blu ray too and i would also like to see a live tv show. i would just have to have evey star wars thing i saw the commercail of. i was a star wars character every halloween. so dont be mean to him hes improve star wars.

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  • Star Wars Blu-ray

    Couldn't agree more. And it's not being a "whiny fan boy" if you object to altering film classics for no artistic reason whatsoever!

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  • One thing for whiny fanboys to do.

    Get over it.

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  • Jar Jar

    First off Jar Jar was in their for one purpose only and that was (just like The Young Indiana Jones series) to start the use of CGI and see what could and couldn't be done. And we all know he is dumb pointless character but think about when you saw (if you were ever a kid like me when Episode 1 came out) he made you laugh. That is his whole point the "comic relief"

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