CYBUS

Lohn Lumic - Some thoughts from our CEO

Living on an airship can have its disadvantages. If a dissident executive on the board of Cybus Industries© were, say, to accidentally fall from an emergency exit as we were circling above the Grand Canyon in the United States of Mexico, then they would be unlikely to vote against their CEO again. I'm sorry, did I say disadvantages? I meant to say advantages.

Being Chief Executive of Cybus Industries has always been a five to nine job, but since I developed the SRS® (Sleep Replacement System) I'm now able to make it a five to five job.

It was while developing SRS© for myself that it occurred to me how much the system could benefit the ordinary people: think of the advantages of a non-sleeping workforce and military, and so I'm planning to roll out a nationwide SRS® programme as part of some other, uh, Upgrades™ that we at Cybus© have planned for the Great British population.

People often ask me: "John Lumic, you're the richest man on the planet, you control the media, the arms trade, computing, medical research, the Cybusnet™, the telecommunications industry and the space programme. Some even say you control governments. What is there left to do?" To which I reply: "The hardest job of all."

Every one of us, great or small, rich or poor, important or unimportant, me or you, will wither and die whether we like it or not. Mortality is the universal enemy, and until mortality itself is beaten and subjugated, until I discover the cure for death, then my work on this world is incomplete.

I am developing, as we speak, a series of cybernetic Upgrades™ for the human body. A skin of flesh and a heart of metal that does not age and does not die. These will be offered to the Great British public for free, whether you like it or not. They are both beautiful and compulsory. To those who ask me if I regret not having children, I say: "These Upgrades™ are my children."

There are those that condemn me, especially those naive and unimportant little pressure groups like The Preachers in Great Britain or the Free Information Collectives in New Germany and Czechoslovenia™, but they should simply be ignored.

Men of little vision and even less courage will never understand how a visionary such as myself takes the world around him, sees it wanting, and changes things. I have a greater perspective on the world. That is why I live on an airship, so that I may look down on things. And so that you on the ground may look up at me.

Recently I have been having a lot of brand meetings regarding the Ultimate Upgrade™ project, and I can say that the initial designs are truly magnificent.

I have requested a clean, industrial Art Deco style, and if you are lucky enough to see one of the Ultimate Upgrades™ in action, then you will not be disappointed. Scared, yes, but not disappointed.

Of course there were always going to be teething troubles. Some of the early designs appeared to be allergic to gold, but we were able to eradicate that in the later stages of development.

The main problem has been coming up with a name for the Ultimate Upgrades™. Any successful brand must have a strong identity, and the focus groups had great difficulty in suggesting a name to communicate the strength of the Ultimate Upgrade™ brand. At least, that was until we showed the focus groups the door to the Grand Canyon, and then those remaining were able to focus their ideas rather quickly.

The name which scored the highest approval rating is terribly simple, and combines the power of the Cybus© brand identity with the powerful image of the humanoid appearance of the Ultimate Upgrades™ themselves: Cybusmen. I can't help thinking that this is a little clumsy, however, and that a slight softening of the 's' would help the name to roll of the tongue more easily... Cybermen perhaps?

The suits themselves are ready and waiting to become the undying flesh and form of the next generation of humanity. All it takes is for the President of Great Britain to give his consent for the Genevan Bio-Convention to be overlooked for a few months, and the Ultimate Upgrading™ programme will begin.

The Future's Bright. The Future's Steel.

A FEW FACTS OF LIFE

If you weren't in your current job, what would you be doing?

It is inconceivable to me that I would be anything other than CEO of Cybus Industries©.

Personal ambition?

To eradicate sickness, disease, pain and individuality, and manufacture a cure for death. Immortality for all, like it or not.

What's the best decision you have made?

Assassinating the Prime Minister of the United States of Mexico brought me the judicial leniency I needed. Also, dressing only in black - it's really my colour.

What couldn't you do your job without?

My Airship. The only way to travel without meeting ordinary people.

Favourite sports team or musician?

I have no time for sport. Wagner and Richard Strauss when I'm in a Germanic mood. If I press this button, your chair electrocutes you, so ask better questions.

Um, your favourite colour?

I'm reaching for the button.

No, I mean, uh, which four people would you invite to dinner?

Ah, that's much better. Machiavelli, Hitler and Genghis Khan, all of whom got what they wanted in spite of the little people... and Geri Halliwell. I like her music.

Your favourite journey?

Anything by airship, especially over the coast of New Germany, where I spent much of my childhood inventing.

Best and worst things about the BBC?

I abolished the BBC when Cybusnet™ became the sole global information provider.

What tip would you give to people looking to get into your line of work?

There is only one John Lumic. That's a facile question. I'm reaching for the button.

No, please! Um, who else's work in your field do you admire?

There is no-one else in my field. I have no peers. There is only one John Lumic. I'm pressing the button.

Please! No! AAaaaaaargh!

Thank you for your time.