Glastonbury 2003: A Brief Rundown *updated*

Well what a weekend that was. Despite sunstroke, hangovers and being under the impression that the last train home on Sunday was at 1am (not 9:20 or something silly!), it was great. Very low crime. Apparently very few fence-jumpers, but I dunno how a figure like that can be checked. (Lord only knows how folks can get over a fence as huuuuge as that tho!)

We're doing a full review this week, but here's the goss, quick fire, freshly crashlanded stylee..

Guests: The Music replaced Zwan, apart from that and Noel Gallagher apparently playing in the comedy tent at 1:30am, little to talk of in terms of special guests. Tho someone was trying to drive us insane by saying Bright Eyes was on the bill, only to find ex-sugababe Siobhan Donaghy doing chorusless pop instead. BOOER!

Goss: According to DiS-spy Gary Guestlist who just rang in: "Bobby Gillespie has a weeny weener... the Coopers camped in the backstage bar... '80s Matchbox had a stoopid car that no-one got excited about.. Paul McCartney landed in a chopper mid-afternoon, still unsure if he was going on after Radiohead and left when he found out he couldn't play.. Michael Eavis was chanting 'Gerrof my laaand' in the comedy tent all weekend in tribute to Andy Warhol.. Tony Benn put his foot in it when he started slagging Budweiser right infront of the bud-sponsored workers beer tent, the volunteers were not amused... the singer from the Star Spangles really DOES believe he's Mick Jagger.. Hope of the States were too drunk to talk, let alone play their set.. singer from Libertines didn't turn up, been fired or hooked on ol' Mr. Brownstone... The Chemical Brothers had ironing boards of captain chang, an aforementioned visitor with a shrivelled member, a top DJ/celebrity husband and a confused hack locked in a trailer. Stuart Braithwaite was very polite and very small, apparently, but not small in a Bobby G stylee. Mani was suitably 'relaxed' (possibly referring back to the ironing board/Norman Cook debacle) and The Thrills' much-vaunted BBQ was a large pile of flaming toss. Biggest ligger of the weekend, however, was diminutive porn-funk-russian mafioso Har Mar Superstar who turned up on stage at Junior Senior and someone else who we can't remember as well as being followed in a reverse Benny Hill fashion by a bevy of much-taller-than-him beauties wherever he went, such as to check out the fucking awful Rapture for ten minutes. And I'll have more gossip in a communique when I start to work out what these drunken scribbles say.. over and out..."

Weather: Peed down Friday, Sunnier than Arizona Saturday, bit cloudly but very hot Sunday and piddling it down again Sunday night and into Monday.

Editor's Top 3 Bands of the Weekend:
1. Sigur Rós - the words 'utterly mindblowing', 'soul-realigning', don't even begin to do what they did justice, just, WOW!
2. Radio 4 - even tho they're from Nu Yoik, they were amazing. Like the Clash but with bongos and electronic disco tendencies. If you weren't dancing, you weren't there, maaan!
3. iDLEWiLD - when did they find their feet again? Blimey. Was just like 'back in the day'! Blasts from 'Captain' and everything.

Top 3 Rockmunchers:
REM made like the air rage rockers they are and ended the world.
Gemma Hayes gone Glamour-make-over was still the most gorgeous sight in Somerset.
Sugarcult. Who let in the Epitaph punkz?

Number of Bored-Looking Art Students in Attendance: 101,037
Number of David Beckham Lookalikes in Attendance: 222
Number of Accountants in Face Paint in Attendance: 22,000
Time the NME bus pulled into Fleet services on the M4 Sunday evening: 9pm
Total Number of People Who Knew All the Words to Radiohead's set: 0 (Yorkie even messed up Street Spirit!)
Official Total Attendance: 133,000

Michael Eavis made the following cheery statement:

"..it's a million miles from 2000's worst possible situation. After 33 years we've finally got it right! Last year was the fence, this year was the security, and there's nobody lingering outside the site. People have taken all the messages and without a shadow of a doubt, this is the best festival we have ever had. The spirit is as good as ever. There has been a lot less crime, robberies and no trespassing off-site. I never would have believed we would have got this far. We've got out of what I thought was the worst possible situation in 2000."