Alan Ford: "I'm a 74-year-old action hero"

Alan Ford

Alan Ford talks Cockneys vs Zombies, snogging Honor Blackman, and why he's an 'old hippy' at heart

What is Cockneys vs Zombies about? Well, the clue is in the title. It’s not f**king Chekhov. It’s about Cockneys fighting zombies. What more can I tell you?

It’s not a hard-hitting social commentary on last year’s riots? No, it’s not a commentary on riots at all but it does have a little social meaning. I play the feisty leader of a gang of old-aged pensioners who are about to be evicted from their care home because property developers want to turn it into luxury flats. In the meantime they get turned into zombies and we take great pleasure in killing them.

Are there lessons to take from this? Yes, don’t be a property developer because it will come back to f**king haunt you.

Did you think you’d become an action hero at this stage of your career? I’m absolutely loving it. I’m 74 and I get to have four fistfights with zombies, I shoot about 400 of them, and I also get to snog Honor Blackman. She’s 87 now, so how about that?

Is that the reason you signed up for the film? No, I signed up for it because it’s a good job and I really wanted to play the character.

You also appeared in Strippers vs Werewolves earlier this year. Is this like a knockout competition where the winners will meet each other in a sequel? No, I think Strippers vs Werewolves has already sunk like a stone. It went straight to DVD. I had a couple of days playing a barman in a nightclub watching pole dancers – lots of long legs, lots of thongs and great big false tits.

It wasn’t a total waste of time then. No, but I don’t think there’s much comparison. I always know when I’m in shit, and this one is a good movie.

Anyone who’s seen Snatch or Lock, Stock... will be familiar with your slightly intimidating diction. What I have got is an old-fashioned south London accent. I don’t mean to be aggressive but it does come across that way to some people. Actually, I’m an old hippy vegetarian. I haven’t eaten flesh or fish since 1973.

How did you cope with all the zombie guts and gore? Oh, I didn’t have any problem with that at all. It’s not real blood and we’re not really killing people. It’s only a movie.

Cockneys vs Zombies is out now