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10.20.12, 04:42 AM
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it's your money, who cares.
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10.20.12, 04:43 AM
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i don't think you're a sucker but did you do something to deserve more? did you call him when the others never would? did you send him birthday cards? did you always humor him because he's your elder? i don't plan on leaving money equally among all people i know and i'd think the recipients were fools for trying to override my rationale but not because everyone should grab as much as he can.
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10.20.12, 04:47 AM
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op: he thought I was the smartest grandchild--the most like him. he showed the most interest in me and already invested tons of money in my education (I'm a lawyer like he was). I was always grateful for his mentorship and support but I also felt it was unfair that he played favorites. It hurt my siblings and my cousin.
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10.20.12, 04:55 AM
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Look at it this way, none of you are entitled to anything your grandfather had. You don't owe your siblings or cousins anything. If they don't understand that, they're spoiled brats and they should just deal. It was his money, and he chose to give it to you. But, now it's your money, and you can choose to do whatever you want with it. But just don't feel like you owe them anything.
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10.20.12, 04:58 AM
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You must be a peach.
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10.20.12, 05:07 AM
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OR: she's right, though. it's his money and he did as he wished. no reason OP should feel guilty that she got more. he liked her because she was going to become something he most approved. we do that with charities, too. we give to the ones that will do what we'd like to see done in the world.
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10.20.12, 05:13 AM
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Her tone is downright angry. OP didn't say it was out of guilt or obligation, she said that he was unfair and unkind, and she is choosing not to be. Yay OP!
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10.20.12, 05:22 AM
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a peach? are you like 70 years old?
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10.20.12, 05:23 AM
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Good comeback.
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10.20.12, 05:26 AM
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oops, sorry grandma :(
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10.20.12, 05:25 AM
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op: I'm definitely not doing it because I feel like i owe them or even because I want to be generous. I read the will and it made me so angry. I feel like keeping the money would perpetuate his worst qualities into the future. I'd rather do my part to end it. So giving it to them will make me happier than keeping it.
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10.20.12, 05:10 AM
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do whatever. people do whatever they want with their OWN money. no need to be fair about anything in this world unless it is your own DCs. but you shouldn't expect such generosity from anyone else in the world. that's life.
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10.20.12, 05:15 AM
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Here's the thing: you give this money to them and it will not make matters right between you. They will still resent you. You won't win anything AND you'll be out the money. You invest this money, don't touch it, and you will be a multi millionaire when you retire. Accept the gift and move on
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10.20.12, 05:03 AM
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My siblings would not resent me in this scenario. They would think he was a jerk, but not me.
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10.20.12, 05:08 AM
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Nice but totally unnecessary. They will like the money but that does not change the fact that he favored you, and they all know it.
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10.20.12, 05:06 AM
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Would definitely do the same! Very. Ice of you.
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10.20.12, 05:08 AM
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I don't think it would be wrong to keep it, but it sure is kinder to share. 65 to cousin and 5 each to sibs.
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10.20.12, 05:11 AM
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I don't think it would be wrong to keep it, but it sure is kinder to share. 65 to cousin and 5 each to sibs.
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10.20.12, 05:11 AM
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I don't think it would be wrong to keep it, but it sure is kinder to share. 65 to cousin and 5 each to sibs.
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10.20.12, 05:11 AM
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I don't think it would be wrong to keep it, but it sure is kinder to share. 65 to cousin and 5 each to sibs.
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10.20.12, 05:11 AM
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I don't think it would be wrong to keep it, but it sure is kinder to share. 65 to cousin and 5 each to sibs.
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10.20.12, 05:11 AM
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^^^^^. As you can see, I felt strongly about it :)
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10.20.12, 05:12 AM
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Op: :)
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10.20.12, 05:21 AM
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You sound like a kind person. Not that you are expecting anything in return, but good karma will come to you.
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10.20.12, 05:25 AM
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I really hope you don't believe in the karma thing. I guess you get to feel better about yourself for a while, but you're not getting spiritual brownie points. If you're going to get cancer, you'll still get cancer.
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10.20.12, 05:30 AM
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So your grandfather didn't like the rest of the family?
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10.20.12, 05:23 AM
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op: his favorites shifted over time and he was always playing people off each other. I was generally a favorite. He divided his estate unevenly between his kids too (in surprising ways--his 3 most devoted children got less)--and apparently the split was different in previous drafts of the will. I loved him, but not his uneven treatment of his children and grandchildren.
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10.20.12, 06:23 AM
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These responses suck! Yes I would do the same thing. It is the right thing to do. He may have left you the money but you don't have to continue the cycle of mean-spirtedness. Good for you! There is more to life than money, which is why half this board are miserable women.
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10.20.12, 07:21 AM
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10.20.12, 03:54 AM
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yep
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10.20.12, 03:55 AM
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Depends on the moment. I'd say 50% of the time one is my favorite, the other 50% it's the other. If I added a child, I'm sure it would be 33.333333% for each -I'm pretty equal opportunity...
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10.20.12, 03:56 AM
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Yes:(
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10.20.12, 04:21 AM
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no. one of them loves me more than the other does but neither is my favorite.
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10.20.12, 04:27 AM
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Yes. My younger son is autistic, unfortunately.
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10.20.12, 04:38 AM
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so he's your favorite or the other? my mom always said i was her favorite b/c i was born with a bad eyesight and she felt so bad/guilty (baselessly so) about it. but autism is different from nearsightedness, of couse.
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10.20.12, 04:38 AM
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Is he your fav or not your fav?
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10.20.12, 04:40 AM
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OR - sorry, not my fav.
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10.20.12, 04:41 AM
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10.20.12, 03:32 AM
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what in god's name are beef lips?
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10.20.12, 03:35 AM
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lips made of beef
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10.20.12, 03:37 AM
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Droopy, hanging lips.
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10.20.12, 03:39 AM
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oh dear... stick with your bikini unless your guy is totally into you in every way and the Brazilian will turn him on
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10.20.12, 03:41 AM
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Time for bed for this girl.
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10.20.12, 03:38 AM
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If you have "beef lips," why would you inflict them on others? Keep that stuff covered up!
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10.20.12, 03:42 AM
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OP: I agree, but then I hear that everyone gets a Brazilian these days. I'd leave some hair on top, but that's not the part that I'm concerned about.
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10.20.12, 03:46 AM
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Please stop.
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10.20.12, 03:47 AM
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I thought it was called skirt steak.
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10.20.12, 04:03 AM
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I thought it was called skirt steak.
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10.20.12, 04:03 AM
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I have beef lips and get brazilians regularly, though I've been lazy. DH likes how it looks, I'm happy to answer any questions
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10.20.12, 04:08 AM
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OP: Thanks. Anything I should know?
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10.20.12, 04:36 AM
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The technician might ask you to hold parts taught so the skin doesn't stretch when they pull the wax off. What are you worried about?
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10.20.12, 04:47 AM
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Isn't it a beef curtain?
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10.20.12, 04:18 AM
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OP: oops!
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10.20.12, 04:35 AM
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10.20.12, 03:18 AM
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are you #2?
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10.20.12, 03:19 AM
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Think it depends on the culture of your particular workplace. What do you do?
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10.20.12, 03:29 AM
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life is like that (unfair).
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10.20.12, 04:28 AM
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Yes, "they" want everyone to act fake peppy. "Presentations" and "upper management": you know, it's not going to be an authentic experience. Why expect it? That's why it's called "work". Sometimes it's real. But mostly it's some form of "fake peppy." Just deal. Make a bunch of money and leave and live with the low-key funny guy.
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10.20.12, 05:04 AM
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10.20.12, 03:10 AM
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These posts are silly - there are tons of variables. 2 people making the same gross salaries can have wildly different nets -- just to start. You don't disclose their tax situation, health care costs, retirement savings, etc...
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10.20.12, 03:14 AM
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Not sure what the tax rate is over there. I am not in NY. If you make 80k in nyc, what is the take home pay?
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10.20.12, 03:26 AM
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You don't understand taxes at all. Everyone has different liability. You need to know what their deductions are - and when you say take-home, are you referring to after 401(k) savings?
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10.20.12, 03:29 AM
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yes after 401K. Although they are city workers. Do city workers get that or Govt pension?
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10.20.12, 03:34 AM
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normal deductions, no mortgage, no kids,no medical expenses
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10.20.12, 03:34 AM
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agree it is silly without knowing all the variables. but when we moved here, i made 80k and my husband was not working b/c he was in school. we had to pay for preschool, our rent was about $1500 (subsidized by work), and we had very little left over.
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10.20.12, 03:17 AM
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How much did you pay in taxes?
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10.20.12, 03:26 AM
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Where do you find such cheap rent?
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10.20.12, 04:08 AM
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10.20.12, 03:06 AM
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Yes. I'm not super religious, but I think it's good in moderation. We enjoy being part of the community. We are far from hard-core - but the basic teachings are good messages you want your children growing up with..
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10.20.12, 03:16 AM
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Ditto. Catholic, but always in the liberal, social justice aspects, never in the homophobic, anti-contraception way.
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10.20.12, 03:25 AM
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OR: Yes, Catholic - but our Churches have always been very liberal. The one thing that does kill me is that women aren't on that alter -- but the Church is like 300 years behind regular society, so I guess they'll get there... If I had girls, I might shop for another Church-- I know that's hypocritical - but it is what it is. I think the primary teaching of all the religions is to be a good person. Everything exclusionary is a big mistake and against the whole point. God loves everyone - and it's all the same God. We're certainly pro-choice and love everyone. Marriage is between two consenting adults - who cares about gender? Jesus rolled in a pack of 13 dudes - I'm sure he wasn't homophobic.
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10.20.12, 03:49 AM
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With you 100%
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10.20.12, 03:50 AM
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I was raised catholic but it was a negative part of my life. I'm still Christian (not Catholic) but aren't as die hard as I should be...
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10.20.12, 03:15 AM
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Nope. Technically we're Jewish, but neither my parents nor my grandparents believed in any of it.
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10.20.12, 03:21 AM
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I left the Catholic church as a kid when they talked about Eve coming from Adam's rib. I was just a little girl, but I knew I hadn't been fashioned from scraps and didn't want to belong to a religion that was going to insult me. My dad didn't make me go back, mom still pissed.
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10.20.12, 03:28 AM
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There are plenty of reasons to be opposed to Catholicism, but they do not believe in a literal translation of the Bible. No Ark, no Adam and Eve, I think you went to a wacky church.
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10.20.12, 03:37 AM
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I knew they did not mean it literally, but as a metaphor I found it insulting. Still do---my dc is not being raised Catholic.
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10.20.12, 03:40 AM
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Okay, but that is all of Christianity then, and Judaism since it is Old Testament. Not at all disagreeing with your underlying concept, just clarifying.
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10.20.12, 03:46 AM
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True enough. The Catholic church was the one I left, but I didn't go running to any of the others.
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10.20.12, 04:21 AM
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You are FOS
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10.20.12, 03:53 AM
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Yes, in the best possible way. Loved being part of a church, but it was a moderate church that emphasized loving one another and not judging - very blessed to have parents who were the same way. Still religious and raising dc the same way.
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10.20.12, 03:29 AM
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Ditto. Liberal Catholic from above.
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10.20.12, 03:38 AM
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religion is for the weak.
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10.20.12, 03:39 AM
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So offensive. This was a respectful post until now.
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10.20.12, 03:46 AM
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My very religious mother is the strongest person I know.
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10.20.12, 03:58 AM
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Atheist/communist/jew
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10.20.12, 04:09 AM
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Catholic. Still practice.
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10.20.12, 04:52 AM
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10.20.12, 03:04 AM
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it's fine, really.
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10.20.12, 03:06 AM
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I'm worried, too.
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10.20.12, 03:13 AM
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you can do it on your side or doggy style or with you on top if you don't want him on top of you.
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10.20.12, 03:14 AM
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next time, be on your side, him in back... you didn't hurt your baby, but who wants to worry before, during or after sex...? :P be glad you're having some, wish I was...
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10.20.12, 03:15 AM
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You can have sex until the bitter end as long as you can get in a comfortable position.
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10.20.12, 03:26 AM
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10.20.12, 03:00 AM
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Nothing. They don't really mean that.
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10.20.12, 03:03 AM
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I've meant it... I've picked up Tylenol or Gatorade... Dropped off a dinner for DCs or brought little one to daycare...
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10.20.12, 03:05 AM
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+1
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10.20.12, 03:18 AM
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Nothing. It's just something to say
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10.20.12, 03:02 AM
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I had a friend bring saltines and gatorade to me and my son. We both had the worst stomach bug, also had a 3 yo home that was not sick. She offered and I excepted, she meant it and saved me big time. DH was out of the country for work.
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10.20.12, 03:13 AM
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A true friend does mean this and would do anything for you that they could. So if it's your true friend saying it, you could ask for anything. If it's Sue from yoga class... what the other folks said.
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10.20.12, 03:17 AM
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I know Sue, and she would do anything for me.
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10.20.12, 03:28 AM
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Nothing - unless I really need something - but I can't imagine being in that situation.. maybe I should just knock on wood that I don't get sick often.
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10.20.12, 03:17 AM
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Once when I was young and living in Brooklyn I took a running friend up on it. She brought me ginger ale and seltzer. Now, with seamless web and max delivery, I can't think of anything I would need. But I would definitely ask someone to take my son for a few hours or something like that.
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10.20.12, 03:30 AM
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