When my son was born, we got one of those zip up sleeping bag things that are supposed to keep babies warm and from rolling over on their stomach.

Now, I like to keep my house cold during the winter. Everything is dark and dead outside, no use in trying to keep things warm and cheery indoors. But my wife complains about being cold all the time. She wears sweaters and sits around with a blanket on her all through the cold months.

When she saw this kid's sleeping bag, she got an idea. She wanted me to buy her one of those mummy sleeping bags that are rated for subzero temperatures so she could sleep without shivering. Whatever. I obliged, ordered one off of Amazon.

It worked out great. Only problem was we couldn't have sex when she was using it and she was too cold to go without it at night. This was a particularly concerning issue because she was horny ALL THE TIME after our son was born. So, she cut a hole in the back, put a button flap on it. I could fuck her in the sleeping bag without her having to actually get out of it.

Logistically, the only good position for this thing was doggy style. I'd unbutton the back, we'd fuck, then I'd button her back up. Good to go. I mean, sure, I didn't get any visual stimulation and we couldn't even look at each other when we were fucking, but it beat not doing it at all.

Spring time came along. Time to put the sleeping bag in storage. The first night we tried to have sex without it, though, I could barely maintain an erection. Watching all that woman flesh bouncing around as I slammed into her just seemed so visceral, so raw. Like watching an autopsy or something. Nightly sex turned into weekly. Then monthly. Then barely at all. All I could do was wait for winter to come again.

When winter finally came, I felt a huge relief. We started copulating all the time again. My wife's little head sticking out of the end of a huge canvas sack was so fucking hot. That little flap the only skin contact I actually had to have with her. It was like fucking a burrito with a human head. I'd drop a load in her, button her back up. So fucking convenient.

Pretty soon, the tortilla section of the grocery store started giving me a half chub. My wife would sort through the stacks of tortillas to find her brand and I'd have to tuck my hard on in my waist band. Chipotle was off-limits. We tried it once. The smooth creaminess of all that sour cream and guacamole enveloped, protected from the outside world by the sexy flour tortilla meant I spent 20 minutes in the restroom jacking off furiously. I couldn't even eat my lunch.

I love Mexican food. Getting a chunk of jalepeno or even a piece of a black bean stuck in your urethra is a small price to pay for experiencing heaven.