Have a Patriotic Super Bowl!
Sports items do not often appear on Antiwar.com but I think that this year we Americans have an opportunity to show the world just how patriotic we are by combining the world’s greatest sporting event with some serious fun at the expense of our enemies. Since 9/11, there has been a melding of professional athletics with the United States military’s drive to rid the world of evil. The National Football League (NFL) has taken the lead by promising to "unfurl patriotic themes" at games but we all have a responsibility to show those Muslims what a wonderful country we have. And hats off also to a level of technology that beats everyone else’s hands down. Where else could you be watching a sporting event when suddenly the network switches you over via videolink to see the fine young men and women of the 413th Electric Shock Interrogation Brigade sitting down in Abu Ghraib Iraq to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast?
American football’s born again love affair with the military admittedly started out slowly back twelve years ago with an occasional fly-by of jets or helicopters and sometimes a precision parachutist landing on the fifty yard line. And back then we also started to see the now obligatory fireworks display when the national anthem reaches the "rockets red glare" bit. After the singing stops, the forty or fifty thousand drunks in the stadium simultaneously would let out a "hoo-hah" to demonstrate their approval and love of country. But they were clearly hungry for more.
As "Wretched Excess Fueled by Commercialism" is what actually appears printed on the dollar bill, though in Latin so no one can understand it, the obligatory nod to Uncle Sam’s armed might has now grown to the point where the exaltation of the military is a much anticipated and fully integrated bit of entertainment within the main event of the sporting contest itself. Every true American heart surely beats proud to see unfurled a Stars and Stripes so large that it now completely covers the playing field and as the national anthem is played the flag starts to move just like an amber wave of grain, wiggle-waggled by the platoons of national guard boys and girls holding to illustrate the "still waving over the land of the free and the home of the brave." And the crowd gets it, thundering out its approval. And then there are the military honor guards, the signs on the walls and jumbotrons honoring "wounded warriors" while proclaiming how our troops are keeping us free, and the crowds of men and women in uniform filling every available space, guests of the NFL. And finally there is the super-dooper bigger than ever fly over of whole wings of F-16s, shaking the stadium to its foundation and bringing on another bellow from the boozers. When the crowd noise subsides the announcer solemnly proclaims that it is an honor to be televising the game by way of the Armed Forces Network to American troops in 175 countries and on ships at sea. "I just can’t describe what they do to keep us free," he concludes.
This year’s Super Bowl is in New Orleans, which provides some special opportunities for the military to demonstrate its prowess in keeping America safe. I assume that the pre-game, halftime, and post-game celebrations are already decided and are probably being rehearsed even as I write this, but I would implore Commissioner Roger Goodell and all the other fine patriots in the NFL to do the right thing in support of our troops by inserting something new that would demonstrate the national resolve to finally do whatever it takes to win the Global War on Terror.
Since the Superdome in New Orleans has no open roof there cannot be the usual flyover. I would suggest instead that a flotilla of predator drones be unleashed on the tailgaters in the parking lot before the event. They could be programmed to use advanced facial recognition software to identify anyone in the crowd who appears to be Middle Eastern, followed by a quick strike from a hellfire missile that would eliminate the potential threat and also demonstrate just how accurate the system is if there should be any doubters about the surgical precision of America’s formidable overseas defenses. The drone strikes could be followed by B-52s that could drop bombs on the remaining blighted New Orleans wards, completing the botched job of urban renewal that some of us have been tracking by watching "Treme" on HBO. The areas would be cleared without any taint of political corruption, demonstrating once again that the US military is a global force for good, just like the ads during the game’s commercial breaks will assure us. The carpet bombing would also demonstrate how the NFL and government are working together to build better communities nationwide. To avoid any Katrina type panic, the announcer could explain to those inside the stadium hearing the thunder of the bunker busters that next year’s punt, pass and kick competition will be held on the cleared ground before the water view lots get sold to the highest bidder by that friendly property developer featured in "Treme."
After the singing, the coin toss is generally done by some celebrity or former hall of fame player, but I propose that the honor this year be given to former Vice President Dick Cheney, who has done so much to keep us safe and free. Cheney can delight the crowd in demonstrating his Annie Oakley skills with an assault rifle by shooting a live Taliban straight from the battle front in Afghanistan who will be released into the stadium while the crowd chants along with the "Democracy is messy!" signage popping up on the jumbotron.
Many Americans who have lately seen old Victor Mature movies will recall that the ancient Romans used to throw people to the lions in their stadiums. The problem with lions is that they make one hell of a mess on the astroturf, but using today’s enhanced interrogation techniques and a bit of American ingenuity it will be possible to come up with a half time spectacle that should captivate the two billion strong television audience. In honor of the 183 times that al-Qaeda bad guy Ayman al-Zawahiri was waterboarded, 183 Department of Defense and CIA interrogation experts will simultaneously board 183 suspects picked up over the weekend in Yemen and Somalia. The camera can zoom in as the viewers watch those bearded guys going under and then gasping for breath, a new reality TV experience for most of the audience that might even result in a surprise confession or two.
On the mezzanine level, where the food and drink stands are located, the Department of Homeland Security can offer free Transportation Security Administration screenings. You can opt to be either groped or irradiated, but you can’t have both. You can, however, just for fun have a guaranteed to be nostalgic experience passing through one of the scanners that reveals your genitals that are now being phased out at airports. It seems that those $40 million machines have never caught an actual terrorist and are only good at stripping people naked, but what fun it was standing there with your legs spread while holding your hands over your head, kind of like a semi-trussed chicken. Nearby, the Army’s military police precision drill team can bring back other old memories by creating human pyramids using actual living naked Arabs. What a gas it will be to have your picture taken standing in front of some terrorist dude having his private parts inspected by a hungry German shepherd! And even the Navy’s famous seals can get in on the fun with a shooting gallery where genuine live trussed up Tuaregs captured fresh from the action in Mali will pop up and down, three shots for 10 bucks.
And when the game is finished the fun won’t be over. As the fans file out stadium security will hand everyone a card with the pledge of allegiance plus an added footnote confirming that the government and the NFL must be supported no matter what they do lest one be guilty of treason. Hold up your right hand and read what’s on the card and you’re okay, but you’d better not hesitate or else. Those drones will still be circling and they’ll be watching every move you make and even if they don’t zap you your name will wind up on a list somewhere. It is reported that President Obama is checking those lists twice to find out who’s been naughty or nice. For true patriotic Americans it will be reassuring to know that we have all been partners with the government and the National Football League working together to keep us safe, no matter who wins the game. In fact, who cares who wins the game since it’s usually pretty boring on the field. God bless the USA!
Read more by Philip Giraldi
- A Return to Realism? – February 4th, 2013
- War on Terror in Mali – January 23rd, 2013
- It Is All About Israel – January 16th, 2013
- Are Israel and the U.S. Becoming Fascist States? – January 9th, 2013
- How Government Grows – January 2nd, 2013
Have a Patriotic Super Bowl! - Unofficial Network
January 30th, 2013 at 9:07 pm
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Joe
January 30th, 2013 at 11:32 pm
KSM was water-boarded 183 times, right?
Oso Politico
January 31st, 2013 at 3:05 am
+10
@EvilLiberal666
January 31st, 2013 at 3:40 am
Girlaldi is a Treasure : )
john
January 31st, 2013 at 3:56 am
The billionair owners and multi-million dollar players are truly thankful that a bunch of suckers– many who come from towns where only a box store, a pawn shop, and a bar remains after the old industries have been closed and the livelyhood of the citizens has been taken away and the standard of living diminished–is fighting and dying to preserve the life of extravagant living the owners and players enjoy while they and their children are not in harm's way And the drunks in the stands hold up their finger gesturing a number one and proud to send their children to die for the empire. But fools will be fools as they say. But perhaps not always. When the troops who aaare the othre one–percent come to their senses they may some day march on Washington and Wall Street.Now that would be something to cheer about.
Ted Regentin
January 31st, 2013 at 6:35 am
This is just a great piece of writing. It is truly a shame that it won't get read by everyone in this country.
skulz fontaine
January 31st, 2013 at 7:31 am
"…the 413th Electric Shock Interrogation Brigade…"! Damn Mr. Giraldi, brilliant. You've nailed it square on the xenophobic head.
I used to be one of those "NFL" fans but, not anymore. Shameless displays of quasi-crap-o-la. Maybe Goodell could get Hamid Karzai to address the 'super crowd' and sing the praises of humanitarian intervention. Or if Hami is unavailable, maybe Rog could ask Juan Cole.
Bruce Richardson
January 31st, 2013 at 7:40 am
Phil Giraldi…always vigilant with uncanny if not brilliant analysis and articulation.
Kelley V
January 31st, 2013 at 7:53 am
Love it! I suggest we circulate as much as possible ahead of Sunday's holy feast day.
wars r u.s.
January 31st, 2013 at 8:37 am
Football isn't alone in its slobbering over everything that is military. You can watch Jack Buck gush over our freedom saving troops during the baseball season also. And in baseball you get to listen to 'God bless America' during the 7th inning stretch.
By the way Phil, they had a flyover 2 years ago in Dallas while the roof was closed.
Strider55
January 31st, 2013 at 9:12 am
Phil, no need to bomb the decrepit wards in NOLA. Just bomb the Old River Control Structure upriver. That ecological abomination prevents the Mississippi River from changing its course into the Atchafalaya. Eventually it will fail, as it nearly did in 1973 — it's not nice to fool Mother Nature, after all. With the river diverted, NOLA will be left high and dry; it will then be abandoned, as it will have no reason to exist.
Phil Giraldi
January 31st, 2013 at 9:18 am
Right. I got confused. But when we catch Zawahiri we will waterboard him too!
Reader11722
January 31st, 2013 at 9:42 am
What else have they done?
9/11, US and Israel:
http://www.amazon.com/America-Deceived-II-Possess…
baz
January 31st, 2013 at 10:53 am
i lose interest in football on January 1st at approx 9pm est every year when the rose bowl finishes.
Gern
January 31st, 2013 at 11:13 am
Hilarious!
…and sad
Lorraine
January 31st, 2013 at 12:46 pm
I just wonder if Ted Nugent can be convinced to do a special performance honoring the NRA, as a bonus half-time feature. Dick Cheney can join him in a chorus of "Happiness is a Warm Gun".
baz
January 31st, 2013 at 12:59 pm
i submit the following link from the movie "team america" for your laughing pleasure
god bless ameriker..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX5ZRE26YWM
RLM News Show Blog - 2013-01-31 | Real Liberty Media
January 31st, 2013 at 1:06 pm
[...] Have a Patriotic Super Bowl! by Philip Giraldi — Antiwar.com [...]
liberranter
January 31st, 2013 at 4:02 pm
We can only hope, but I'm not at all optimistic. If they haven't done it by now, after having been lied to, shat upon, abused, and otherwise disposed of after they're no longer useful as "warfighters," then it hardly seems likely that a collective flash of realization and common sense would lead them to do so in the future.
Logan Fyfe
January 31st, 2013 at 5:51 pm
A Super Bowl boycott with an empty stadium and blank TV screens would be an effective, unambiguous statement of American’s disgust with their government. Unfortunately, the average bubba will trade his rights for a $5 pizza coupon. Let the beer and circuses commence!
Caesar_Saladin
January 31st, 2013 at 5:53 pm
I guess it's just not in the cards for us to stage a halftime display recognizing and honoring our allies over the years. Maybe next time we can put together a really ripping program featuring the Afghan Mujahideen, showcasing their skill and near-superhuman tenacity in holding at bay the might of the Soviet Red Army for a decade, and sending them back home in defeat.
Of course no one would make the comparison that the descendents of those Mujahideen (and probably some veterans of the Soviet occupation) are the one who are now doing exactly the same to our bloated forces in Afghanistan.
Jim Smith
January 31st, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Giraldi is just fantastic. What a great, brave, writer. The last time I went to a Chicago Bears game, not only did they trot out a bunch of vets, as always, but they featured a gigantic, inflatable cartoon Marine. You know, for kids. But baseball players in camo-patterened uniforms pretty much takes the cake.
Mustafa
January 31st, 2013 at 9:10 pm
Last several articles by Mr. Raimondo and Mr. Girladi are smashing. Btw, anyone got a video link of the confirmation hearing for Hagel? Just got finished reading an article that explained how all those senators poured egg on their faces — showing their Israeli affiliation to a broader audience in a rare spectacle. Anybody who doesn't understand and concede who actually is in charge of the institutions in America after this debacle is either an an Israeli national or dual citizen.
Guy Montag
January 31st, 2013 at 9:12 pm
"American football’s born again love affair with the military"
I've written about how the iconoclast Pat Tillman has been turned into a lifeless patriotic icon by the NFL and the Pat Tillman Foundation in my post "The [Missing] Pat Tillman Legacy" at the Feral Firefighter blog.
Mustafa
January 31st, 2013 at 9:16 pm
Never mind, the ny times even has an article and video clip about this. I don't know what's more surprising; that this issue is being aired out or that it's being reported by the mainstream 'news' outlets.
Mustafa
January 31st, 2013 at 9:23 pm
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/01/us/politics/sha…
Epic.
'One of the most hostile questioners was Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, who told Mr. Hagel to “name one dumb thing we’ve been goaded into doing because of the pressure from the Israeli or Jewish lobby.” Mr. Hagel, who in 2006 said that the “Jewish lobby” intimidates Congress, could not.'
Yeah right. I retract my previous comment. He [SAID] he could not. It's not for a 'news' organization to impute what someone is or is not capable of doing. Perhaps Mr. Hagel is wise to the idea of self-preservation and could name things all day but didn't feel inclined to do so.
Oswaldwasalefty
January 31st, 2013 at 9:34 pm
Nothing new about this. Back during the first 1st U.S. War Of Aggression Against Iraq 1991, Super Bowl 25 was used as an occasion for a nationalist pep rally in support of the effort. In the aftermath of pummeling hapless Iraq for six weeks, plus burying alive surrendering soldiers and torching hapless retreating soldiers from the air in Kuwait, an even more repulsive round of celebratory parades welcoming the troops home were held in March 1991. My understanding is that the U.S. didn't suffer a single combat fatality while the estimates of the Iraqi death toll runs as high 250,000. A former census official hired by the U.S. put the number at 158,000. The total number who died in the "coalition" assembled to assault Iraq the first time is listed at 482 at the Wikipedia page for this historic event.
The kind of imbalanced slaughter one expects given the balances of the forces in that conflict. And it was gleefully celebrated from beginning to end. And Americans ask "Why Do They Hate Us?", as if we've done nothing to merit the contempt of the people of Iraq. President Bush I at the time said that he would never apologize for American, and that he didn't care what the facts are. Enough said.
Another Guest
January 31st, 2013 at 11:20 pm
Kudos Phil Giraldi…big time…
'Nuff said…
Avi_G.
January 31st, 2013 at 11:39 pm
A great critique of the current state of affairs. Thanks, Dr. Giraldi.
mustafa
February 1st, 2013 at 1:55 am
censorship = unscrupulous
Antiwar.com Newsletter | February 1, 2012 - Unofficial Network
February 1st, 2013 at 4:04 pm
[...] Giraldi revealed the militarism embedded within American [...]
Beer and Circuses for the Zombie Republic: Today’s Patriotic Super Bowl as Indoctrination Ritual | Traces of Reality by Guillermo Jimenez – making sense of news, media, politics & social issues
February 1st, 2013 at 6:53 pm
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JOHN JOHN
February 4th, 2013 at 4:16 pm
And they they condemed the Germans for brainwashing their people!