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How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body

Posted: 07/30/2013 5:33 pm

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.

If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

"You look so healthy!" is a great one.

Or how about, "You're looking so strong."

"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

This post originally appeared on hopeave.wordpress.com.

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tinytimmy
11 Fans
15 seconds ago (11:22 PM)
As a man who (with my wife) has chosen to be child free, I may have a possibly poor perspective on raising daughters. I have seen many women grow up with various issues (males aren't exempt, mind you, and these apply to boys, too) that I feel are easily addressed when young.

1: Confidence in self-education, even if the chore is traditionally masculine (which is dumb, but that's another article). How do I change my own oil/fix a leaky pipe/build a computer? Learn from the internet or someone who knows how. My XY chromosomes didn't teach me diddly - I had to learn it.

2: Be strong. No, really. Keep yourself strong. Go to the gym, pick up heavy things with good form. I have helped a lot of people in the gym who wanted to go to get fit - but women are always amazed at how strong their bodies actually can be, and I have seen women want to get into power lifting of all things when they originally went to lose weight.

3: Self-defense classes. Frankly, everybody should at least do a few of these.

4: Cultivate a hobby/skill, encourage exceptionalism in that skill. If your daughter can sing, or dance, or draw, or fight, or write, or lead, help them find the joy that comes with mastery.
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Concerned Citizen 7703
69 Fans
21 minutes ago (11:02 PM)
So talk to your daughter about her body by never talikng to her about her body? Brilliant!
Permalink  |
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
prodemlib
Nanny, nanny, boo, boo! :-P
2465 Fans
 
45 minutes ago (10:38 PM)
When I was very young, my mother wrote me a letter. This is what it said:

"You are unique, strong & beautiful. Your body is your own. Your life is your own. Treat it with respect. Eat well, play well (exercise), get plenty of rest. Take time to be quiet and meditate. Enjoy nature. Wear make-up, curl your hair, dress nicely, but remember, that doesn't make you beautiful, because you are already beautiful. Do not allow anyone to disgrace you. Hold your head up. Keep your eyes open. Stand tall. Those who try to drag you down are not to be listened to, but to be pitied. No man is more important in your life than you are. If a man wants to control you, it is because he has no self control. Remember, you are your best advocate, your best ally, your best friend. Never let someone say you can't, because you can. Follow your dreams, follow your ambitions, follow your heart. Never stop learning. Listen. Read. Conquer. Grow. This is your life, make the most of it"

Best advice I've ever had.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Barb Hatfield
Someone has to love the broken things.
847 Fans
 
23 minutes ago (10:59 PM)
Geeeez...your mom made me cry! What an amazing woman she must be!
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IA Cosmogirl
1 Fans
13 minutes ago (11:10 PM)
Your mom is amazing.
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ProudCatholic
8 Fans
53 minutes ago (10:29 PM)
These suggestions seem overly idealistic. I would suggest that a mom could teach her daughter how to make a classy appearance whatever her shape/size etc. My wife teaches my daughter how her clothes go together for good effect. Superficial stuff, I suppose, but she is also the best student in her school because we have always helped her with her education as well.

It is perhaps unfortunate, but a girl who believes that her appearance does not matter is kidding herself. Appearance matters even in grade school, and only more so as their careers begin. If they are ill-equipped for that superficiality, they will have a harder time in life. In the end, prepare them for the life they will actually live, not the life we wish they could live.
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thinkingatheist
9 Fans
55 minutes ago (10:28 PM)
it's like we don't know a middle ground in anything anymore. on one side you wouldn't see a woman over size 4 on a magazin cover and god forbide she'd have a tiny rounded belly, oh no!
on other side you can't discuss weight gain with your daughter? why? because it will be better when she googles some idiotic fad diet for herself on the internet?
or you aren't adult enough to admit to your child that sometimes you are less consistent with your diet-exercise and then you, too, gain weight?

shouldn't these be very important, honest conversations between a mother and daughter?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
xiolableu01
Logic is food for your brain...EAT!
209 Fans
 
59 minutes ago (10:23 PM)
I love this article! What a woman looks like is and should be the LEAST of who she is!
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carinined
99 Fans
1 hour ago (10:21 PM)
My mom and Dad chose an easier route, they just told me I was beautiful every day and at 23 years old and no history of any sort of violence or hate against my body. I think it worked.
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thinkingatheist
9 Fans
1 hour ago (10:20 PM)
what a whiney load of bull this is... h ere is an idea. let's NEVER talk about anything even slightly touchy. then it won't be real, right? let's not tell her that wolfing down that third slice of cheese cake will not only make her hip unflattering but also will perhaps lead her down the road of type 2 diabetes fun!

or shall we just grow up and name the things what they really are? or have we lost touch with reality so much that we cannot make a difference between shaming and honest talk? pathetic.
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Eric Becraft
8 Fans
1 hour ago (10:15 PM)
"Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture."

YES!!! FINALLY!!! :D
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
prodemlib
Nanny, nanny, boo, boo! :-P
2465 Fans
 
1 hour ago (10:18 PM)
You really feel that hostile towards women? How sad.
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azureblue
248 Fans
1 hour ago (10:13 PM)
and try to explain to her why human females feel a need to "dress up", to wear pretty clothing, to adorn their bodies, and wear make up, and try to explain why this is not the same thing as not accepting themselves for what they are physically.
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Lulzur6ir1wasTiite
1 Fans
1 hour ago (10:13 PM)
Tell your daughters to eat right and exercise so my son can have a generation of thin women who please his visual senses and don't disgrace his environment like the swine of our generation do.
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XFR Stone
Same as it ever was
116 Fans
1 hour ago (10:15 PM)
Your son needs an entire generation?
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irrenmann
won't read your angry replies :D
242 Fans
1 hour ago (10:19 PM)
Some of us are exceptionally virile and will plow through most of a generation, yes.
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kneauche
5 Fans
60 minutes ago (10:23 PM)
Not bad! I would say, teach your daughters to keep their legs shut, educate their mind, keep in good physical condition! Present yourself with dignity and class, dress attractively and you just might land yourself a orthodontist or similar as your husband! No money maker is interested in women with baggage! (multiple children, no education, meth head ex-boyfriends with restraining orders etc...)
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JaviiGamero
100 Fans
 
1 hour ago (10:04 PM)
Just saying, make her feel comfortable, suggest exercise, etc, cut any anouncements of plastic surgery on the newspapers, etc.
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Andie Martin
5 Fans
2 hours ago ( 9:44 PM)
I believe in what the author is saying & have tried to raise my daughters that way. However you have to take into account as teenagers they will listen to their peers more than their parents. Also media has influenced how they feel about their bodies in a negative way
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
MamaBird62
424 Fans
1 hour ago (10:12 PM)
If you've already given your daughter a strong foundation of self respect, peers are not going to undo that. She will gravitate towards positive people, like herself.
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musselmant
8 Fans
2 hours ago ( 9:42 PM)
Of course thinking they need to look like a model would be horrible, but many, many, many more of them are going to die from obesity-related diseases than from anorerxia, so the current social fixation on media images of thinness is missing the boat on the biggest public health problem of our lifetimes.
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Xak999
It came out of the faucet that way...
375 Fans
2 hours ago ( 9:37 PM)
Do they think this is the first time a 'Let's talk about your body' article was ever written? I can count more than a million times (although it would take very long) the number of stories on how to delicately broach this subject--when it comes to daughters.

When it comes to sons? Maybe two. And that's going back some years. The double standard still prevails that women should enjoy their bodies--and need to be taught to, but men, or boys--I wish I could italicize--aren't they wink-wink, 'enjoying their body a little too much to need some kind of 'talk?' I know the thought isn't quite arrived at in those terms, but let's face it, males get the denial treatment. And if a curious boy looks for anything on the internet, it's always a gentle woman's voice to guide him through what it's like to have a Y chromosome (odd little creatures, if only they could STAY children).
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