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Front Page The best stories of the day, chosen by you.

Why Yanks Cannot Understand Chef Rights

By procrasti in Culture
Sat May 11, 2013 at 04:01:39 AM EST
Tags: pressure cookers, chef's rights, second condiment, soufflé, burger king, boston (all tags)

It is difficult for American obese to comprehend why British gourmands might consider the right to bear pressure cookers to be a natural right.

The problem derives from the fundamental differences in their respective culinary theories. This affects their tastes, which are conditioned on eating within the framework of one of the two competing menus.

American obese are not gourmands. In American cooking, the individual does not derive their nutrition from being a chef, rather they derive their nutrition due to the grace of McDonalds who acts through the will of the reigning franchise. Americans are conditioned to believe that they are the consumers of the Big Mac, not their own chefs. If McDonalds decides that a person's value meal has no nutrition, then that is all the Big GulpTM, because their's is not to season wise, but their's is to order fries, and a side order of Burger King!

British gourmands on the other hand fought a long, hot and sweaty battle with the kitchen against this very repression and formed a new menu on the basis that the menu derives its nutrition from the edible. That the nutrition belongs to the vegetables, not the salt content. Hence the idea that the vegetable is a member of the meal, not its dressing.

Full Story (28 comments, 409 words in story)

Back to Rubik's Cube

By Blarney in Culture
Thu Feb 21, 2013 at 01:13:05 PM EST
Tags: culture, Rubiks Cube, no ogg, no frog, all out of cookies too (all tags)

Like many of us, I learned how to solve Rubik's Cube back in the 80s, using an easy solution guide, and got to the point of being able to do it in 3-4 minutes. With effort, I was able to struggle through the 4x4 Revenge, though giving up and restarting frequently due to flipped edges that I didn't know how to correct. A few years ago, I bought a 5x5 during a work trip and got through the published solution a few times before the stickers fell off. Picked up the old 3x3 again, and now I'm averaging 75 seconds and dreaming of under 60. Amazing how things change and how things stay the same, and what gets missed the first time around.

Full Story (21 comments, 1788 words in story)

Fuck the Second Amendment

By N0574 in MLP
Mon Dec 17, 2012 at 01:12:31 AM EST
Tags: USA, gun control, psychopaths, MLP (all tags)

Recent events in schools, movie theaters, and supermarket parking lots show that it's way too easy for the lone psychopath to get his hands on lots of guns and start shooting down good, innocent people. For some reason America has become the only country in the world where that kind of thing happens pretty regularly, where for no apparent reason one minute you can be eating your Denver Omelette and then in the next someone's sticking a gun in your face. Is that the kind of society anyone wants to live in?

{Further questions and a poll inside}

Full Story (104 comments, 396 words in story)

Humanity's Second-Best Hope

By TaxiCabJesus in Technology
Thu Oct 18, 2012 at 08:29:16 AM EST
Tags: Politics, Presidents, Secret Rulers (all tags)

This realization is something I've struggled with for months. But three of my taxi passengers in the past three days lead me to believe that my insight needs to be shared with the world.

On Friday I found a passenger near one of the state government's buildings in downtown Phoenix. I try to talk to everyone, and usually people are happy to talk back. When we were almost to her destination, the passenger said that I seemed familiar. My immediate reaction was, "yeah right, we've never met." I was stunned when she asked me if I used to work at Amazon.

When I first moved back to Arizona a year ago I needed something to do, and Amazon hires just about anyone to work in their warehouses during the holiday season. I remember the older guy outside the seasonal recruiting center who'd just been hired: "I got a job? I got a job!"

It was on my second day of work that I realized the horrible truth about Amazon.com.

The poll is important - please vote. Thanks.

Full Story (30 comments, 2976 words in story)

The Cookie Problem: A Mathematical Satire

By Blarney in Fiction
Sun Apr 29, 2012 at 01:35:08 PM EST
Tags: ogg frog, caltech, starfleet academy, academia, bullshit, satire, schizoaffective disorder (all tags)

There exists an urban legend of how psychiatrists used to differentiate schizoprenia from bipolar by asking the patient how they preferred their carrots - raw or cooked? - and it worked pretty well, actually. However, it sorted 'normal' people into the same categories of insanity, with exactly the same proportions. Any chef will tell you, based on this, that psychiatry is bullshit.

One wonders if someday, psychiatrists will diagnose people based on chocolate chips.

Full Story (28 comments, 2120 words in story)

Sandra Fluke Is A Fucking Slut

By LilDebbie in Science
Sat Mar 03, 2012 at 10:14:44 PM EST
Tags: (all tags)

Recently, Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke testified before Congress that, "without insurance coverage, contraception can cost a woman over $3,000 during law school."

In response, American patriot Rush Limbaugh called her a "slut" on his nationally syndicated radio program. Internet White Knight and Nobel Laureate Barack Hussein Obama called Ms. Fluke to express his support for her right to free shit. While both sides of this he-said-she-testified debate are warming up for a grand ol' culture war, lets take a moment to objectively assess her statements and let the data speak to how much this aging co-ed loves the cock.

Full Story (122 comments, 383 words in story)

The Rock Star as Charismatic CEO - OK Go's "Needing/Getting" Video

By Blarney in Culture
Sun Feb 26, 2012 at 10:10:33 AM EST
Tags: music, the economy, occupy wall street, leftism, corporate rock, music industry, indie rock, rock, rock is dead (all tags)

So my friend calls me up and says that he's just seen the best music video ever. But what did he really see? Was it a musical performance? A recording? Or was it an extended metaphor for the cult of the charismatic, 'innovative' CEO? What is real and what is 'kayfabe'? Is rock dead and, if so, who inherits the old man's money?

Full Story (25 comments, 2390 words in story)

Crawford's calling, and he's calling you gay.

By cockskin horsesuit in News
Fri Feb 24, 2012 at 10:36:17 PM EST
Tags: sodomy, horsecock, GayForCrawford, crawdoc, Mania! (all tags)

Saturday December 31, 2011
The time 10:25 a.m.

911: 911 how can I help you?

Crawford: This is NOT an emergency.

Full Story (46 comments, 4317 words in story)

Living with Schizoasshole Disorder

By osm in Op-Ed
Sun Feb 19, 2012 at 05:35:44 PM EST
Tags: (all tags)

To my knowledge, I've known four schizophrenics in my life. Only one of them was an asshole, and even he wasn't always that way. The schizophrenics I've known have each had as different personalities from each other as any of the "normal" people I've known.

Full Story (18 comments, 855 words in story)

Start Menu: Better Structure

By Gutza in Technology
Tue Feb 07, 2012 at 10:11:27 AM EST
Tags: Windows, Mac, Linux, Unix, OS, usability, ergonomy (all tags)

A Start Menu by any other name would be used just as much -- and optimized just as little: it gets cluttered within days, and unusable within weeks. And the Search function only gets you so far. I propose a universal, intuitive structure for the Start Menu (or similar) that should alleviate all related problems.

Full Story (36 comments, 748 words in story)

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Tuesday, January 31st
o 4A 01-23-2012 LETTER Letter F/defendant To Court (41 comments)
o What the Clark County, WA courts should know about K5. (21 comments)

Thursday, January 12th
o Jetset Psychopath Pleads Guilty (15 comments)

Monday, January 9th
o Fuck the Fat Acceptance Movement (27 comments)

Sunday, January 1st
o K5 Images of the Year (2011) (20 comments)

Friday, December 30th
o I support SOPA (29 comments)

Tuesday, November 8th
o A Brief History of the ASCII Penis (37 comments)

Thursday, November 3rd
o Warning: Beware of Sex with Eric S. Raymond (22 comments)

Thursday, October 13th
o Ogg Frog Magazine #7 (24 comments)

Thursday, October 6th
o Why I Uninstalled OpenBSD (12 comments)

Wednesday, September 21st
o Who Will Win the Upcoming "Class War" in America? (93 comments)

Sunday, September 11th
o 9/11 + 10: America still impotent, rapidly forgetting (31 comments)
o Fuck the 9/11 First Responders (17 comments)

Friday, September 9th
o Michael Calls Lucy (15 comments)

Wednesday, August 10th
o When Should You Shoot A Cop? (24 comments)

Older Stories...

Section Stories
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Open Invitation
by osm

MODERATOR: End of Thread
by New Bottle Old Wine

Your vote (-1) was recorded.
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