The Eternal Debate
Pirates vs Ninjas Showdown
Who would win in a fight?
Everything known about ninjas.
- Wear cool black clothes all the time, in which they can hide an infinite number of shurikens, knives and other weapons.
- Train in secret monasteries since the age of 4.
- Ninja abilities include: appearing anywhere instantly, catching bullets with their hands, and kicking your ass when they're 100 meters away.
- Fight using shurikens, daggers, and their bare hands. There are 314 things in an average room they can kill you with... Including the room itself.
- Are so stealthy they can live in your house for days without anyone noticing.
- Follow the code and kill themselves dramatically if they fail.
- Meditate and contemplate their existence. Ninjas don't care about material things like wealth.
- If you actually see a ninja, then either he isn't a real one or he simply wanted you to see him before he kills you.
How to Become a Ninja
Scientific facts about pirates.
- Pirates drink rum or grog all day. These must be consumed either straight from the barrel, or a goblet large enough to be used as a weapon.
- Are obnoxious and smelly. Hygiene is not a priority for a pirate; use of soap is uncommon. Spilling rum all over oneself is a perfect replacement for a shower.
- A real pirate must wear either a bandana, a three-cornered hat, or an eye-patch. They might use a hook or a peg leg when needed, but these are usually reserved for captains.
- Pirates possess big ships equipped with canons and flags of skull and bones. Make the traitors walk the plank.
- Fight using pistols, rifles and swords. Yelling insults during a fight is mandatory.
- Are only interested in loot and booty (both kinds). Refer to all women as "wenches".
- None of them are rich since even if they find treasure, they loose it all in one day by gambling.
- The decline in number of pirates is believed to have caused the global warming (see the church of Flying Spaghetti Monster).
- The dictionary of a pirate usually includes "Arrrr!", "Avast!", and "Ahoy!". "Arrrr", for one, is a perfect answer to any question.
How to Become a Pirate
The Pirate Primer: Mastering the Language of Swashbucklers & Rogues
"The Pirate Primer" by George Choundas is the first and only book on the pirate language, containing every distinctive term, phrase, usage, and speech structure uttered by or attributed to pirates in film, television, literature, and historical accounts over the last three centuries. It will help you learn how to speak like a pirate and impress your friends with your vast knowledge of pirate slang.
Buy it at TheBookDepository and get free worldwide shipping.