We want our children to be safe

As a response to young people being victimized by bullies, more and more parents are choosing to enroll their children in martial arts schools. But are these schools really teaching children what they need to understand and resolve conflict peacefully? We want our children to be safe. We want them to be self-confident and capable. We want them to acquire good values, to respect themselves and others, and to act with kindness and integrity in their relationships.

Can the study of martial arts teach these things? Can the notoriously combative practice of martial arts skills create an environment of peace and well-being? Is it possible that such "arts" of aggression can give our children the skills to resolve conflict nonviolently? Can they enhance our children's ability to learn healthy and humane values?

The answer is yes, to each of these questions—but only if the martial arts are taught as a comprehensive system, a total program. Conventional methods being taught today are not living up to this potential. And because of this, they are doing more harm for your children than good in helping them to resolve conflict peacefully. Most martial arts schools today focus mainly on physical self-defense skills, with little or no information presented about how to deal with conflict before it becomes a physical confrontation. It is a lopsided teaching, and our children suffer for it. This is a main concern—the martial arts have to be taught as a whole endeavor, both mentally and physically, if our children are to learn to resolve conflict without violence. For the most part, this is not being done.

Only when students receive instruction in how to prevent and resolve conflict combined with the study of physical self-defense skills do the martial arts become an excellent, and complete, educational tool for young people. Then they learn the skills to avoid being hurt physically and emotionally. The combination of physical and mental skills engages their bodies and minds while making them feel more confident, more self-assured, more focused. It is not a case of "either/or, " but rather that both skills must be intelligently taught and developed.

As a parent, educator, author, and martial artist, I am determined that vitally needed mental skills be taught side-by-side with physical self-defense skills, to create a whole martial arts education. This is the way martial arts were originally taught when they were created centuries ago, and this is how they were meant to be learned. Presented in this way, the martial arts are capable of addressing one of the most important social concerns in the world today—violence. It is true that the martial arts can also improve physical fitness and coordination and provide many other benefits. But, its main intent is to teach people about conflict—what one can do to avoid, resolve, and manage it.

Why Conventional Martial Arts Programs Don't work

Let's say that your children want to learn the martial arts. You look in the yellow pages, under "martial arts," and see a confusing number of ads promising many spectacular things:

BECOME A BLACK BELT!
TOTAL SELF-DEFENSE!
TURN FEAR INTO POWER!
CARDIO KICKBOXING!
UNSEAL YOUR POTENTIAL!
THE PATH OF TRANSFORMATION!
UNLEASH YOUR HIDDEN DESIRES!
GRAND MASTER INSTRUCTORS!
ONE-HIT TOUCH KNOCKOUTS!
TOO DANGEROUS FOR TOURNAMENTS!

What Should Martial Arts Schools Teach?

Perhaps you have been concerned how much your children are exposed to graphic violence on TV and in the movies—violence that goes far beyond what you experienced as a young person. Maybe you believe that, somewhere along the way, the producers of these movies and television shows crossed over the line of decency. You have been long aware that while the moral education of young people is given less emphasis, some musicians even advocate outright violence in music that is sold to the young and very impressionable buyer.

Now, your child wants to study martial arts, and you are concerned. You want a martial arts school for your child that will:

• Teach physical skills that will give your child a sense of confidence.
• Teach your child how to intelligently cope with bullying at school.
• Teach positive social values: respect, honesty, humility, and dignity.
• Help your child to get along with others and to treat others with respect.
• Familiarize your child with the "old-fashioned" ethics you learned when you grew up.

The Importance of Asking Questions

At a martial arts school, children need to be taught the importance of learning things on their own. They should be encouraged to take the time to ask questions so that they can discover answers for themselves. As you search for an appropriate school for your child, I suggest that you do this as well.

Below is a sampling of the types of questions you will want to ask at any school you visit. If you don't get satisfactory answers, continue your search until you find the right place for your child. Take the time to visit as many martial arts schools in your area as you can. There are many capable, well educated martial arts teachers. More and more martial arts instructors are realizing the need to teach young people complete conflict education skills. They are recognizing that these skills are necessary to help their students cope with bullying and violence in their relationships.

My hope is that we parents, by educating ourselves about what is proper martial arts training for our children, will search out the right teachers for them. In so doing, we will advance the evolution of the martial arts to meet the current challenges our children face every day.

Finally, when you look for martial arts schools in the Yellow Pages, move away from the spectacular ads promising the outlandish and the incredible. Look for ads that promise something better, like "Martial Arts for Peace. Teach your children how to understand and resolve conflict peacefully." Visit those scholls, and don't forget your list of questions.

Questions for Candidates for Martial Arts Instructor of your Child

1. What are your basic goals in teaching children the martial arts?

2. How, specifically, do you accomplish these goals?

3. How do you teach young people to understand and resolve conflict before it becomes a physical confrontation?

4. What specific skills do you teach children to avoid conflict?

5. What specific skills do you teach them to resolve conflict?

6. Do you teach only the physical skills? If so, do you believe these can help young people prevent conflict from happening? How?

7. If my child learns only physical self-defense skills, will he or she have the confidence to walk away from a potetial fight? What happens if a bully follows my child?

8. Do you think that educating the mind of your students is just as important as training their bodies?

9. If yes, then how do you go about educating their minds, specifically?

10. What does a child have to do for rank advancement? Do you evaluate a student on his or her ability to learn mental skills as well as physical ones?

11. May I sit in and observe a class or two?

12. What are your financial requirements? Are there any special arrangements? Any additional fees down the road?

13. What is your contractual arrangement? How long must we sign up for? Do the fees escalate at some point?

14. If we have to move in six months, is the contract easily terminated? What if my child gets sick, or for whatever reason is unable to continue taking classes? Are there penalties? Do you sell your contracts to a collection agency that will come after me if we cannot continue the program?

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