Duffle Blog, which lampoons the U.S. military, ran this satirical op-ed by Gen. Martin Dempsey (Screen shot)
Duffel Blog, a satirical Web site famous for lampooning the U.S. military, has attracted a loyal readership by being funny as well as conveying grievances and contrarian views that are widely held among those in uniform. We profile the site and its founder in Monday's paper. Now, here are a sample of Duffle Blog posts, showing what makes it popular as well as occasionally controversial.
Applebee’s Declares Bankruptcy After Offering Free Alcohol For Veterans Day
KANSAS CITY, MO — The president of Applebee’s International, Inc. announced Tuesday that the family restaurant chain would be declaring Chapter 11 bankruptcy next week, after offering military service members and veterans free alcohol for Veterans Day.
The promotion resulted in a massive single day loss of nearly $6 billion.
The post plays on the stereotype that today’s veterans – while lauded rhetorically as heroes – are in fact rowdy, uncivilized and unhinged.
Pentagon Claims ‘Homeland’ Is Unrealistic, Says No Marine’s Wife Is That Hot
ARLINGTON, VA — Pentagon officials reacted strongly Monday to the season three premiere of the Showtime series Homeland, complaining that the portrayal of U.S. Marines is extremely offensive, as a spokesman claimed that no service member could marry a woman as hot as Morena Baccarin.
Now don’t get me wrong, every single one of us volunteered to do whatever our country asked. I’m just saying that it really helps if what you’re asking us to do is maintain a garrison environment for a few decades. We never actually thought you would ask us to fight a multi-decade conflict in the same place.
Taking swipes at the brass: A (fake) opinion piece by Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Gen. Martin Dempsey, argues that the military is ready to fight and win wars – just not in Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam or Korea.
The piece made fun of the administration’s erratic debate over striking Syria for its use of chemical weapons, a prospect the military – and Dempsey in particular – were widely seen as dreading.
General Amos Asks Syrian Rebels To Move Conflict To Pacific
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Marine Corps’ top general held a press conference this morning to address the increasing violence in Syria and to request that the Syrians somehow move their conflict to the Pacific Ocean.
Speaking from the Marine Barracks, General James F. Amos said that the Marine Corps would be more than willing to intervene in Syria, provided it was in an amphibious capacity and off the coast of China.
Taking cracks at policy: The head of the Martine Corps asks Syrian rebels to move the conflict to the Pacific, which would be convenient for the Pentagon, under orders to turn away from Middle East quagmires and pivot to the Asia-Pacific region.
Amber Alert Issued For Missing US Foreign Policy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington-area police have issued an Amber Alert and are seeking the public’s help in locating a missing 238-year old foreign policy for the United States.
The foreign policy was described as wholly consistent with our national security interests, while also balancing the needs for human rights, labor, business and the environment. It answers to the Obama Doctrine, the Bush Doctrine, the Clinton Doctrine, the Powell Doctrine, the Weinberger Doctrine, and the Domino Theory.
Disney Buys Rights To Afghanistan From Department Of Defense
ARLINGTON, VA - In a surprise move that has caught many service-members off guard, the Pentagon announced plans to sell the rights to Afghanistan to the Walt Disney Corporation for $4.05 Billion.
“We have attempted to make Afghanistan the happiest place on earth and simply haven’t gotten the job done,” said Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta in a statement today. “After months of private talks however, I am pleased to announce that we reached an agreement with the Disney Corporation in turning Afghanistan around. I swore that before I left this department, we would truly invest in the future of Afghanistan. Today, I’m making good on that promise.”
