The Bell Curve

CP's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Published: Mar 2, 2011

[0] Federal housing authorities are considering several options that would give them more power over the Philadelphia Housing Authority. "You know what?" says PHA, hung over in the waiting room at the clinic, scrolling through its text messages in an attempt to piece together the night before. "It probably is time we had a few boundaries."

[-1] The court releases a Delaware County restaurant owner who allegedly tried to damage competitors by releasing mice inside their eateries. Which really scared all the rats.

[-3] Compared to other big cities, students in Philly fall behind in science scores. But according to our calculations, Philly kids are like a gorillian pavilion times better at math.

[+2] City Council is considering a bill that would guarantee employers provide paid sick leave for their workers. And a big cash bonus if they never return.

[+1] Gov. Tom Corbett names former mayoral candidate Sam Katz to serve on the Pennsylvania Intergovernmental Cooperation Authority. But then John Street gets the position, even though that's not how being appointed even works.

[-3] Two teens allegedly stole 60 computers from West Philadelphia High School in order to flip them on Craigslist. The good news is Wharton gave them early enrollment.

[-6] Forbes magazine calls Greater Philadelphia the most toxic large-population area in the U.S. With any luck, those toxins will knock us down to a lower-population category soon enough. Come on, toxins!

[+1] Most of the area's pollution cited in the Forbes piece is outside the city, in the suburbs. Good lookin' out, wage tax!

[0] Tony Luke opens a cheesesteak shop in Bahrain. "I just heard the name on the news and was like, 'Hey all those people partying in the streets look hungry!' What? No, I didn't catch what the story was about. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Libya, where I believe there's some sort of Mardi Gras situation going on."

This week's total: -9 | Last week's total: -9

Also In This Week's News Section

Making a Racket?
by Holly Otterbein

A Million Stories