Rants 1.5: Can’t Think of a Title!

Yay! My mind is slag right now. I’m like, “Ok let’s do this thing!” and my mind is like “No. Not now. I want crackers. Those salty ones.” And it’s been like that for a while now. You know what? I’ve got it! Whenever it’s like this, I’ll ask myself some odd question, then answer it! Ok, here we go.

If you could transform into anything, what would it be?

Ohh. Shape shifting? I don’t know. I’ve seen it before, and it’s always come with all these rules. Can transform into a Railgun, but you have no charges. You can only morph into animals, but you have the mind capacity of them as well. See? Like, what if I could turn into any type of modern gadget… Under five dollars?!

Guy- “Oh no! Look out! It’s some rabid woodland creature!”

Me-”Stand aside! Transform into… an automated turret! *KAPOOF!* Oh great. What’s a talking portal turret key chain going to have up against this?”

Rabid Animal *Incoherent roaring sounds*

Guy-”Aagh!”

See? If it weren’t for plotline logic, transforming protagonists wouldn’t stand a chance! Wait. What if I could turn into… currency! I don’t see any loopholes there.

Guy-”Welcome to Stuff: Unlimited! What will you have?”

Me-”Hmm. I’ll have that smart phone back there.”

Guy-”Oh. That smart phone? It sure is back there. That will cost you 1 million!

Me-”Deal!”

Guy-”Huh? You can afford that?”

Me-”Check this out! Transform into… a million dollar bill! *KAPOOMPH!* Ha! It worked!”

Guy-”How are you going to pay for it with yourself, when you are the cash used to buy it? That really doesn’t work.”

Me-”Um. Look out! There’s some rabid woodland creature behind you!”

Guy-”Nice try. I outran that thing by at least a good mile!”

Me-”No really. He’s there.”

Guy-*Turns around*

Rabid Animal-”You can’t outrun me! I’m rabid, remember?”

Guy-”How can you talk all of a sudden?”

Rabid Animal-”It’s a story. Animals can talk in stories, remember?”

Guy-”Oh. Right. Carry on then.”

Rabid Animal-”Ok. *Incoherent roaring sounds*”

Guy-”Agh!”

Um. That was confusing. See what I mean? Everything cool needs to have rules, rules, rules. Like physics. Gravity is one mean little law.

I need to invent a simulated universe where everything works the way I would like it. That would be cool.

Me-”Finished! The simulated universe works perfectly now!”

God-”Hey, welcome to the club, kid.”

…Actually. Nevermind. I don’t want to get some false rumors spread about me.

Hey. I made a pretty good rant here.

MISSION FREAKIN’ ACCOMPLISHED!

Rabbles N’ Rants: Part 1.1 (Now out of Beta and into Offical!)

AHHHH! I AM SO SORRY! I left the blog for a second, then seconds turned to minutes, then to hours, then days, weeks, then months… and when I looked up from my thousands of essay rewrites, I saw the Mechapress, rusted, shriveled, and dying. So like any other geek who refers to Battlestar Galactica more times than you could count, I rushed back and said, with my fists over the keyboard:

“Meh. I’ll do it as soon as I’m done analyzing this so-called ‘Chapter’ of this so-called ‘Book’.”

And by the very forces of the universe, I didn’t.

I decided to update it while my recently purchased 1-year-old game is downloading at a sluggish rate. (Time elapsed, nine hours. Download percentage: 6%.) So here I am, geeks, bloggers, lurkers and even you creepy-as-cold-cuts-on-crab-cupcakes stalkers. Oh and don’t forget the fans!

Ok, got that out-of-the-way. Now what?

Sorry old brain, my return to blogging calls for some fresh-computer-themed brain technology. Tech geeks, feast your eyes on the latest work: Steak Sandwich!! *Fanfare music*

The Steaky Steaky 6 (TM) Milliena Edition is a mind replica wonder-horse! Capable of Grilled Mushrooms! Salted Onions! Year-old Fish Leavings(?)! And who could forget-

Allright, who am I kidding. This is just some odd fantasy starring a sandwich I don’t even eat, isn’t it.

Hmm. Looks like I’m a little…. out of style with this. Allright, brain. You can keep your job. Now let’s do this thing!

Nahh. Still got nothing. Nothing funny at all! What is wrong with me? I think my imagination is on the fritz! Lets give a test run. Let’s see… Best thing ever… Hmm. Chocolate… Hard disks. Yeah, it’s busted alright. I’m going to go… place and fix this thing… up. Be back in a… Jiffy. AGGH! Nothing sounds clever anymore! Must have overheated it with that crab alliteration thing. I’ll be back folks, so hold on.