Yay! My mind is slag right now. I’m like, “Ok let’s do this thing!” and my mind is like “No. Not now. I want crackers. Those salty ones.” And it’s been like that for a while now. You know what? I’ve got it! Whenever it’s like this, I’ll ask myself some odd question, then answer it! Ok, here we go.
If you could transform into anything, what would it be?
Ohh. Shape shifting? I don’t know. I’ve seen it before, and it’s always come with all these rules. Can transform into a Railgun, but you have no charges. You can only morph into animals, but you have the mind capacity of them as well. See? Like, what if I could turn into any type of modern gadget… Under five dollars?!
Guy- “Oh no! Look out! It’s some rabid woodland creature!”
Me-”Stand aside! Transform into… an automated turret! *KAPOOF!* Oh great. What’s a talking portal turret key chain going to have up against this?”
Rabid Animal *Incoherent roaring sounds*
See? If it weren’t for plotline logic, transforming protagonists wouldn’t stand a chance! Wait. What if I could turn into… currency! I don’t see any loopholes there.
Guy-”Welcome to Stuff: Unlimited! What will you have?”
Me-”Hmm. I’ll have that smart phone back there.”
Guy-”Oh. That smart phone? It sure is back there. That will cost you 1 million!“
Guy-”Huh? You can afford that?”
Me-”Check this out! Transform into… a million dollar bill! *KAPOOMPH!* Ha! It worked!”
Guy-”How are you going to pay for it with yourself, when you are the cash used to buy it? That really doesn’t work.”
Me-”Um. Look out! There’s some rabid woodland creature behind you!”
Guy-”Nice try. I outran that thing by at least a good mile!”
Me-”No really. He’s there.”
Rabid Animal-”You can’t outrun me! I’m rabid, remember?”
Guy-”How can you talk all of a sudden?”
Rabid Animal-”It’s a story. Animals can talk in stories, remember?”
Guy-”Oh. Right. Carry on then.”
Rabid Animal-”Ok. *Incoherent roaring sounds*”
Um. That was confusing. See what I mean? Everything cool needs to have rules, rules, rules. Like physics. Gravity is one mean little law.
I need to invent a simulated universe where everything works the way I would like it. That would be cool.
Me-”Finished! The simulated universe works perfectly now!”
God-”Hey, welcome to the club, kid.”
…Actually. Nevermind. I don’t want to get some false rumors spread about me.
Hey. I made a pretty good rant here.
MISSION FREAKIN’ ACCOMPLISHED!