I always wonder why. Why did this have to happen? Why can't I be happy like everyone else? Where is my conclusion? These thoughts fill my mind as I sit on the lonely shores of this cursed place. I can only cry now. I haven't smiled in so long, I think I've forgotten how. The friends I've made in the past are only that. In the past. I walk a long road of sacrifice only to end up with nothing. So this is truly the paradise that I've always wanted? I question my own sanity if this is what I wished. My first and only selfless act gave me this. Gave me this eternal prison. It is fitting. Going against your nature. Going against the natural order. It's only natural that I be punished. "Hah." I smile in self-derision. "Yeah, I have to deal with it for eternity. I might as well get used to it." the sand shuffles under my feet as I stand. "I can probably get some rest at the church." my tired eyes are locked to the ground as I walk on. I have walked this cobblestone path so many times that it has been engraved in my memory. The sound of the waves against the sand. The sound of my feet clacking on the stone surface as I make my way to the church. "Faust-chan." I stop. My body freezes. It's a voice other than mine in this desolate, lonely place. It's familiar because it's my own. It's a voice I always yearn to hear yet it's so far away I cannot reach it. My legs feel light. "M-madoka!?" I turn to the source of the voice. ... Nothing. There is nothing but the empty beach in plain view. I frown. My mind is playing tricks on me. It wants to torture me just like everything else. Now I am my own worst enemy. Ironic. "Faust-chan, huh." I repeat my own name. It has been so long since I have heard that, even in my own head. It was a long forgotten color in my monotone world. Soon, though, it was taken away like everything else in my life. I was already deprived of joy so that was fine. I was used to it. "Faust-chan." I set my eyes forward onto the familiar path to the church. I take another few steps to get along my way. "Faust-chan." "Shut up." tears start to fall from my face. "Shut up. Just shut up already." I can hardly hold anything back. Those memories come back. Those days in the sun with everyone walking side-by-side. Their smiling faces. The laughs, the joy, the suffering we went through together. It was taken so long ago that I only remember a distorted image but the pain of loss was still there. "So that's it." I mumble to myself. Kyouko warned me so long ago at that church. A life without regrets is easier to live. I will keep these regrets. I will never let go. Because these regrets are mine and mine alone. If I let them go, they will be lost forever. With those lost, I will eventually lose myself. "That doesn't sound so bad." Losing connection to the world would be much easier than living like this. Can I call this living? I am here. I exist here. This is my place and no one elses. However, there is no proof that I am alive. I can see, smell and touch but there is no one here. "Faust-chan." No one here to share it with. No one here to talk to. There is only loneliness. A dark void that I cannot escape. I try to hang on but each passing second I slowly slip away. "I'm so scared." anxiety tears at my chest. I feel as though I want to vomit. What do I have to fear? Time doesn't move here. I'll live forever in this cursed land for all eternity. How many times do I have to repeat it? "Huff." I breathe out in order to relax. "Faust-chan." the fourth time the voice chimes in my head. This time I turn back to the source of the voice, just to confirm my mind is playing tricks on me. "Huh...?" my breathing stops. I try to breathe but my body won't let me. There is something there. A black silhouette shrouded by the rising sun on the horizon. The clouds slowly clear up. Long flowing pink hair that moves in the cold wind. A dress of divine white that ripples like water. Eyes of yellow that match the sun. It was so surreal that I couldn't speak. "Faust-chan." the unknown silhouette speaks my name. My gray world. It freezes. I finally get feeling back in my body. "Mado..." I can form words. Slowly but surely I can speak. Say her name. "Madoka." "I'm sorry Faust-chan, I kept you waiting, didn't I?" she says that if it's a matter of course. I want this to be real. I want it to be real. It has to be. No, that doesn't matter. I'll accept a delusion. I will accept everything to curb this loneliness. To fill this gaping hole in my heart. "MADOKA!" my weakened legs move as fast as they ever have. I trip on one of my legs and fall into the sand. Despite that I get up to run again. I hug her. I embrace her with all of my strength. The touch of another person. Hearing another speak to me. I didn't know what to think. "You were really lonely, weren't you?" my long-forgotten friend embraces me softly. "Y..." I cannot speak. Sobs escape me. "Yes." my last defense falters. I cry. The spiral of loss which I had been locked in broke. I felt it. Now that I am free, I have nothing to hide. "Faust-chan." Madoka says my name warmly. "H-huh?" "I came to get you." A way out. I will be free from this ivory hell. I will be free from this torment. What was this feeling? It was so foreign to me. No, it wasn't that it was foreign, it was just that I have forgotten. I have forgotten how to hope. "Thank you, Madoka." I close my eyes and smile. It was a long journey. A long journey to get here. A long one to wait. An unspoken promise to see one another again. Madoka said back then that she wanted to help me. That she wanted to do something great. "Thank you both." "W-what?" I pull away from Madoka while still hugging her. "Faust-chan ahd Homura-chan. Thank you." the goddess smiles at me. That name. The whom I ruined everything for yet she cried for me. "Huh?" the tears continue to fall from my face. "Someone cried for me." I mumble. "So I wasn't the only one who suffered..." The pink-haired girl in front of me takes a step back. "Faust-chan, let's go." "Madoka?" "We'll be together forever." she holds her hand out. The offer, the figure in the sun. The tree that glows with a new light, a new hope. "I..." I hesitate. What if this is a lie? What if it's nothing more than a dream? No. Castaway all doubt, all despair. Move forward. There is nothing to lose. If it's a dream. Even if it's a dream, it will be a happy one. One where I can smile. One where we can smile. "Okay." I nod. "Take me home." I look to the ground. "I want to see them." I take her hand. I leap into the air to embrace her one last time. "I want to see everyone. I want to see their smiling faces!" I have forgotten. With a single hand out, she reaches to me with that smile without meaning. A starving truth and this road with untouched light. This is the place where we can touch. A far away dream that we can obtain if we just believe. From the beginning I knew how this would end. I just forgot in my time of regret, in my time of sorrow. That I never wanted to acknowledge hope again. My heart and soul are now free. I can now move forward. "Thank you, Madoka."