Girls whose boyfriends play too much WoW/StarCraft/whatever
Either your man has a serious problem with addiction, or he just doesn’t care to spend much time with you. Maybe because you’re incredibly irritating. Or maybe not. Either way, complaining that your boyfriend plays WoW more than he massages your calluses is as old as WoW itself, and only reflects poorly on both of you (by which we mean, you look like morons).
Above: This is fake. It’s a parody. That’s a hint that maybe you should stop
Violence loosely related to gaming
Above: GASP!
Oh my god, a kid who was disciplined killed his dad? In other news, a different kid, who had been mowing the lawn, also killed his dad. Kids kill their dads. And other people. What they were doing around the time their superegos malfunctioned is usually inconsequential.
Anything being a lie
We loved Portal too. Okay? OKAY? WE ALL LIKE THAT THING WE ALL LIKE, can we be done now?
Barrel rolls
Yeah, it was funny for a while. This is officially the last barrel roll joke we’ll make… until one of us forgets.
Anything else 4chan has spawned
Ditto.
How much game journalism sucks
Oh dear, this one’s personal, and if we’re not careful, we’ll come off as defensive, whiney, and childish… wait, we are all of those things. To the cannons!
Above: How we do
Of course we wouldn’t suggest that criticism of the media should cease – it’s vitally important. It’s Jon Stewart’s job! And Fox News, CNN, CNBC, BBC… all of them deserve constant ridicule. And so do we, but if you’re going to constantly complain about games journalism, at least make a new complaint, or an interesting one, or know what the dick you’re complaining about.
If you don’t like our opinions, then disagree, but channeling your disagreement into a rant about our integrity or lack of “professionalism” is tiresome. We're not "biased" (a word the internet no longer seems to understand the meaning of) because we have a different opinion than you do. Maybe you think we’re all slack-jawed asshats, but if you want everyone to write articles that are as dry as Ann Coulter’s vagina, you live in a very boring world, and one which can’t sustain more than a few publications. Get your head out of the past, maaaan.
Above: The past, maaaan
Most criticisms of games journalism are actually criticisms of internet culture in general. You, Mr. Hatorade drinker, may actually be worried about the devaluation of human expression and the resulting slum-like intellectual environment, an environment which favors the hivemind and aggregator-friendly chunks of machine-readable content over complete, human-oriented expressions, and just not realize it!
So, if you’re worried, turn on your brain's rational thinking and join the adult discussion (what was that we said about being hypocrites?). Otherwise, you’re just contributing to what you purport to hate, you silly troll. Faux outrage is our job, and we’re tired of you moving in on our territory! RAGE!
Besides, we aren’t journalists… we’re gamz jarnalists, and our Plexiglas house isn’t crashing down anytime soon.
May 14, 2010
Top 10 Entries on Top 10 Lists
You can’t read a videogame feature without at least one of these
The Top 7... things gamers love to hate
The gaming trends we all love to constantly complain about
The 40 most repeated game quotes
All your antiquated memes are belong to us!
JizzyB - May 18, 2010 2:26 p.m.