A little background: my facial follicles have always underperformed. I’m in my mid thirties now, and the shit that grows sparsely around my face would never be confused for facial hair. Under any circumstances. Ever. No one has ever said to me, “Hey, that’s coming in nicely.” Because I know they’re really thinking, “Hey, that’s a lot of blackheads for a grown man.” So obviously I decided to take part in MOVEMBER this year with a few co-workers.
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, RIGHT?
It is a good cause. A very good cause. However, walking around for 11 shitty days with a shitty mustache doesn’t do much good, since so far I’ve raised zero shitty dollars. Which led to an epiphany:
Embarrassment + Zero Donations = Drastic Actions
So here I am, asking you to revel in my shitty mustache. Go ahead – you know want to. Roll over my shitty mustache and see just how shitty it is after a week and a half. Roll over anywhere. Laugh at my freckles, my blemishes, AND my shitty mustache.