Declaration of War || One More Time

Note from Pink Mafias: UMA’s invasions will not be shortened by an arbitrary factor, we are the spatially infinite crusaders who revel in our own sweat and nut on penguins under a somewhat pseudo-logical pretense which we obviously made up. We are the Underground Mafias Army!

Greetings, one and all, members of the CP Army community. The following is an official announcement and declaration of war from the Underground Mafias Army. As the single most amazing army in all of Club Penguin, and the only force that is worthy of controlling Club Penguin, we are officially declaring war on all of the following armies, and challenging them to a “Battle of Everything” on the capital of CP Armies, Mammoth. This is the list of armies that we are challenging in this battle:

  • Dark Warriors
  • Ice Warriors
  • Light Troops
  • Army of CP
  • Doritos of CP
  • Water Vikings
  • Rebel Penguin Federation
  • Anyone else who thinks they can beat us!

Why exactly are we doing this? It is clear, we have seen the extremely stupid state of CP Armies and wish to demolish all of the ignorant plebeians that claim they have actual “talent.” When the day is done, there will only be one army standing tall, and that will be the Underground Mafias Army. All of you armies that claim to be the greatest, even if you band together, stand no chance against the sheer might that is the UMA. To save your breath, here is the official date and time of the attack, so hopefully you can try your best to put up a (good?) fight.

La Reconquista de Mammoth

Friday, February 27, 2015

8:00 Eastern

7:00 Central

6:00 Mountain

5:00 Pacific

1:00 (am) GMT

Just in case you didn’t know what your timezone was.

Leaders of all other Club Penguin Armies have began to be filled with corruption and stupidity. If you wish to cleanse yourself, you will join the side of the all powerful Underground Mafias Army. This event will be the one to decide the true owner of Mammoth once and for all, and we will claim the server if you fail to attend. And to all former UMA, you know that UMA is not only the best army, but you must stick by UMA and UMA only. We will do this, and we will do it together. We will crush all of our opponents like bugs, and there won’t be a single thing that can stop us. Let’s do this thing, one more time!


Pink Mafias

UMA Creator/ Legend

UMA’s invasions will not be shortened by an arbitrary factor, we are the spatially infinite crusaders who revel in our own sweat and nut on penguins under a somewhat pseudo-logical pretense which we obviously made up. We are the Underground Mafias Army!


UMA Legend

Those who cannot defeat UMA are the weak, and those who decide to side with us have the opportunity to become like us, the STRONG. We will demolish anyone who tries to defeat us, though we encourage your participation, because your army is laughable at best.


UMA Legend

When I was eleven years old, I saw a squirrel running around in the park. This squirrel acted like he was strong, but he was actually an imbecile, much like many of the common CP Army leaders, so I stepped on him and crushed him under the might of my stomp. This is the same outcome that will result from this invasion.


UMA Former Leader

I think of leading a successful army like having sex with a woman. You start out slow and gradual then when the time is right, you murder everyone like splooging all over a girl’s chest.


UMA Legend

I like women more than I like today’s Army leaders, and I’m gay. The majority of these so called leaders are as shitty as a $2 dildo from Costco.


UMA Former Leader

I may be a long necked Jew from the Suburbs, but if there is one thing I do know, it’s that a vast majority of the army leaders in this community are extremely bad, and should be demolished and burned at the stake. Hell will gobble them up easily.


UMA Former Leader

Our community has fallen into dark times due to our departure, it is time to cleanse the filth that claims the top ten positions, as a fellow UMAnian once said, “bring it on.”


UMA Former Leader

I was born under a cow when it was raining so hello this is tech support do you need help being shit on I can totally help you I am from America my name is Bob. *Indian accent*


UMA Legend

I am a trickster, but one thing that isn’t a joke is the fact that UMA is going to crush all of the armies that decide not to comply with the UMA and insist upon running around like headless chickens on a farm which is just the ground of steaming hot coals.


Closure of The Underground Mafias Army

Before I begin, I must confess that this is the culmination of my knowledge of the state of UMA thus far; therefore, my ideas, philosophies and opinions may be flawed. I do hold my claims with much pride, for I have taken a great deal of thought into these ideas. I do not protest to the fact that I am naive, ignorant, flawed, wrong or young. However, I do believe everyone is a little of all those mentioned when concerned with the state of the UMA. I do my best to not be supercilious, though when writing to oneself; it can tend to slip by. With all this said, may I now embark on my first and final post on the Underground Mafias Army, our home, our sanction – and most of all – one of the oldest and sacred armies left in this community.

The Vilification of UMA

Over the past few months UMA has been spiraling further down the canyon of dissolution. I didn’t anticipate any of this just yet, in fact, I knew that this post was inevitable, but I thought that delaying it for a few more months would avert all of the negative critiques from former leaders and veterans who think that it is fitting to ridicule and implicate the hierarchy of the army and accuse them of contempt. And then you have the older-veterans like Derek, who’s impertinence is second to none and would back the decision that is currently being made. Don’t get me wrong, this army is at its last cornerstone and I in no way to besmirch this army’s name by keeping it running on its last legs, that is disreputably discourteous and I would in no way act in a graceless manner. Throughout the past few months a large magnitude of aspersion has been witnessed by both myself and Adam, undeterred by the fact that we are rarely online to watch over the army – we do however, check in with the leaders of this army. I’m not trying to stigmatize any former, current, or any veteran as a traitor, wrongdoer, or anything of a sort – because their time served in this army will be forever remembered.

I have been asked before, why I believe what I believe. I understand the controversy that may arise when people learn that my beliefs are somewhat lackluster, but I know that without a doubt that UMA could have overcome the depression that spiraled into and eventually outdistanced themselves from the naysayers – essentially causing them to thrive again, but no, that didn’t happen, UMA lost hope and tripped over a crack in the surface.  I don’t ask that anyone believe as I believe, I hope even that I manage to avoid crossing too far over the line between parroting on and evangelizing.  This is more just a collection of thoughts, and a suggestion. Ignore, disparage, dissect, lampoon or even agree as you wish.

Life is composed of decisions, and their immediate and incremental effect on yourself, and those around you. A butterfly flaps its wings, and a hurricane begins to boil somewhere in the opposite hemisphere. A production-line employee passes a bullet at the inspection point, and someone’s power to make decisions is permanently removed, somewhere in the world. The vast tapestry of choices life has to offer should not be seen as a hindrance, but a blessing. The onus is on us to enlighten ourselves to this simple and indelible truth: You don’t have a choice. Once enlightened, it is our duty, our obligation to ourselves and our peers to hold onto this concept, and ensure that our actions are reserved solely for the purpose of reinforcing and honouring this ideal, the ideal that lives on within every single UMA veteran, soldier, and retired leader today.

The Epiphany

At the end of the day this epiphany has come at a time when epiphanies are many. With each day, reality either cheered me on or slapped my face so far, and with each cheer or slap, the epiphanies emerge. This was a cold, hard slap, but a necessary one. Maybe one day I will look back on this and think that I made the right decision by shutting down, the only thing in this community I have ever loved, apart from Laoise of course. But guess what? I will choose to live in a constant state of awe and wonder. Little things will intrigue and delight me. I’ll take nothing for granted and explore every avenue and possibility. I will hold no expectations and allow life to surprise me. I won’t allow people in UMA, or this community to degrade or besmirch my name, Adams name, or somebody else’s name who went against the norm and said that this is it – the final path in which you’ve tripped over – because we know what we are doing is right, and if you have a problem with that then you need your head sorted out you dismal mess.

The most common question that we are asked as UMA legends is this: What happened? Why do you continue to ignore the inevitable? My answer to this goes as follows: The cynical, often act with implied superiority to the hopeful, in this case we would be the hopeful ones, and those inquiring and questioning our motives would be the cynical ones trying to push up the responsibility of UMA onto our shoulders, kind of like a burden. They think that UMA lives in a harsh world of accepted realities. When you sit by and let UMA become an ugly place you’re not being superior nor logical, just lazy, and your apathy should not be used to somehow prove the ignorance of the hopeful. The hopeful is in expectation of greater things and a better UMA, whether or not it comes, and though they may rejoice in their successes they also have to live with their losses. You just see how UMA is. They see UMA as it is and try to make it better. Next time you try to condemn the hopeful. Do not think you are superior you are simply too lazy to change things and to jealous to let others do it.

Hope surrounds the “Retired Leaders”

Of course, if you’re hopeful and that is all you are, then you are not superior to the lazy nor equal to the others. If you simply wish the world to be better, your dependence on the hopeful weighs them down as much as the jealousy of the apathetic. If you’re a realist just accept your sloth and do not digress to jealousy and if you’re an idealist strive for those ideals, don’t sit back and allow UMA to die – but we’re beyond that, it’s dead and it’s over – I have failed – Adam had failed – We have all failed, and most importantly, we didn’t set the bar high enough for the current generation of UMA, we only lowered it because we couldn’t help.

UMA has this sort of moral code intended to provide a firm ground for the cooperation of former leaders who believe that UMA can be great, and yet whenever I see former leaders on UMA’s chat I tend to gabble at the notion that they are only here to ridicule the current leaders, even though the person who is ridiculing those leaders didn’t act on anything that they were supposed to act on. I would make an attempt to keep the hope running in this army, but if you have seen the most recent events, then I am afraid that both UMA, and the people who protect its legacy are phased out.

Legacy of UMA

What do you want as a legacy? Fame, power, glory, honor, these are all good things, but what is something that will stand the test of time. I want you to think for the next few minutes about what you want your legacy to be, in any way, shape, or form. When you have your legacy I would like to show you this quote.

“And on the pedestal these words appear: ‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’ Nothing beside remains.”
– Percy Bysshe Shelley

This is perhaps the best quote I could find, the line that gets me is “Nothing beside remains”. What kind of future does that lead for our legacies? Not many legacies can stand up to a kick like that. Money, power, fame, all gone; washed away by the sea. The way I see it, you could be the richest person on xat, leader 10 different armies, be a big player on CPAC’s legend page, have the most popular “friends” online,  and still be forgotten. The community isn’t harsh to legacies, it’s just efficient. So if most legacies can’t stand, which ones do? As with all of these posts, I usually write them because I have come to what I believe is an answer to this question. Is this the only answer, no, even I’m not that arrogant; but I do believe it is an answer.

Even after you’re gone, they will still tell stories about how ‘that guy’ or ‘that girl’ told me about the war he was in, whether it be the colour wars, the Black Alliance war, etc. What he was doing when Boomer 20 retired, what he/she felt that day, and even why he/argued with a toon on Xat. To me at my humble age of 16, this is the best way for someone to leave a legacy. Raise an honorary army, teach the people inside of it right from wrong. Then teach older generations of this community what you taught them. Your legacy will be how you raised them, and how you loved them.

You have scribed your words to the point where they have etched your passions. You have left this wallowed community victorious; eyes resplendent, with the wisdom you wrote and wrought. Your passions shall echo in my ears, and everybody else who knew that the Underground Mafias Army was a force to be reckoned with. I stray into some sullen storm, or get caught in the torrents of the monsoon that we call the dismal actions of our own mistakes. Your death will only be a beginning. It will not be an end, for an end implies finality. Your life will not end when you die, for your impact on this community shall not be erased. Memories shall remain, your creations shall remain, your work will still have influenced those around you. Your legacy will live on, be it good, bad or relatively unknown. The death of your name will affect our community. While many people will remain ignorant, others will be shocked to hear of its demise. Its symbol will be a simple tombstone, a cap on a life lived, a reality experienced. It is an army that none shall ever experience again, an army that will never be seen again. One army shall end, many shall be changed, but infinite others shall continue, and always will.

We live for fleeting moments here at UMA. The taste of victory can as soon be replaced with the bitterness of defeat as the lighting may strike on a stormy night. We give our all-knowing this. We bleed upon these fields, each futile moment, knowing that it could be for nothing. But this is what keeps us driving on, gritting our teeth and playing through the pain. Knowing that we have everything to lose but at the same time we have everything to gain. We may be young, some may call us reckless, some may call us foolish, but we are here to leave our mark. We strive to be champions. This insubstantial community causes us to fight and risk our wellbeing for something fleeting. I speak for myself, but I feel others may be akin to me in this sense: We live in an insubstantial community, lives and people changing around us. But by clenching at the strands of success we call a victory, we can weave something real that will be remembered by others who will come after us. And maybe, just maybe, when we grow older we can look back and say that we will be remembered when we pass on. For that is what it is to be human, to carve a legacy of memory before we fade into the deaths of hell.

Corruption Wallowing

In unbiased, unspecific terms, the Corruption Wallowing is an opportunity to maintain a vigil that simultaneously reflects on lives cut tragically short and to serve as a reminder of the end result of hatred, and power-hungry leaders inside of the UMA. If you are a progressive proponent, it is a day in honor of and reserved for the suffering of the retired and unwanted leaders who were cast out because of their actions. But let me be blunt about something. Power does not corrupt. A lack of control does. Control of others? No. Control yourself. Power is a potential which can lead to good or bad results. When I speak of power, I suppose I truly mean energy. Everything and everybody is interconnected by this energy. These are not the redundant echoes of a wannabe new age do-gooder. These are cold, unromantic facts that were passed down to the current leaders of the UMA which proved that they were more than capable of doing what the leaders before they did – although now, I don’t think I can say that.

That being said, we cannot seem to enjoy UMA without corruption. An escape from control, be it our own or another’s. As with any enjoyment, there is a toll that it will extract from our minds, spirits and personas. Pay now, before you drown in your own debt, leaders, soldiers, retired UMA leaders, moderators.

But to be honest with you, UMA was in to corruption and Anarchy, and I for one hands down admit I was an Anarchist inside of the UMA. Anarchy is a beautiful thing. See, with Anarchy you don’t have politics, or you don’t have belief systems, all you have is yourself and the people around you that harbor similar ideals. See, everyone fears Anarchy. And why? Because it’s been made out to be a monster. It’s been made out to be evil and lawless. It is lawless but lawless does not necessarily mean evil. This “lawless” that we have been told is a tissue of lies and nothing more. This “lawless”ness is really just human nature. If you take away laws, we would realize that you cannot kill just for the sake of killing. We realize that in order to live than cooperation must occur, which is why UMA lived for so long. This cooperation comes from people of similar ideas, too.

The UMA veterans, or this community shouldn’t be just one group of set people who believe what others believe. That is another lie that has been forced into our heads. This community is made up of many armies. People are grouped by popularity, wealth via xat, how many times their army has reached first and many other things.

So yes, I was corrupt, and yes, I did do things that is unpardonable, but do I care? Not at all. I’m open and honest about it because I know that I, solely, did it all because MY army thrived under these ideals. You have all become so wrapped up in industrious ideas. You have become so wrapped up with ideas of the future that you all fail to stop and see what’s going on around you. What do I see is going on around us? I see realistic ideologies and ideals being passed through the generation of leaders.

Hate — Soldiers, Retired Leaders, Veterans.

Hate emanates from everyone and everything. It contaminates everything, polluting every word we speak, and turns nice words of kindness into hateful weapons. It is a weapon used to bring down entire armies, a weapon to make the even the mightiest of leaders retire, and a weapon to destroy the greatest and loyalist troops. Hatred becomes a part of us the day we join an army. We witness fights between friends, fights between leaders, we hear the gossip about a certain someone, we hear people talk bad behind other people’s backs. Hate is not just another emotion; it’s one of our most controlling emotions, and if we as an army don’t get our hate in check, we will be on a crash course to destruction. Although, I must say it already seems that UMA is on the course of destruction, it’s just a matter of time before I publish this post.. With or without Adam’s permission.

Hypocrisy is a commonly practised every day in today’s community. Most people only see it in the media though. Leaders will set out on a war campaign sought to destroy a certain thing. Although, what people don’t see is how hypocrisy is also all around them in their everyday lives. A friend might say how a certain person is wrong by doing something, but then turn around a do the same thing. Hypocrisy is a common thing in UMA, and where there is hypocrisy there is also hate, segregation, and lies.

Lies are a big thing now. People don’t think twice about lying, but telling the truth is a major thinking process for some. Some lies are so big that they create this false world around someone, and when that veil of lies is torn down the person who said the lies is shocked to find that no one trusts him/her. The lies that someone says are small, but it’s when that person tells a lot of little white lies that they start to tell their own downfall. For once lies are broken into their truths, the lies regard as a thing to hate and despise. Lies are told both large and small in both size and quantity. It’s only when they are revealed as false that the people start disregarding what people say, and trust is destroyed in a matter of minutes.

The army we love and know today is drowning in its own ignorance and corruption. Hatred creates the feuds and wars we rage. Segregation in many ways divides people, armies, retired leader, and veterans. Hypocrisy emanates from almost every crack in the ground, and through billions of people’s teeth. Lies are among the worst; how people lie to an entire army, entire soldiers, and other members of their army. Hypocrisy is swept off our minds like dust, segregation is disregarded and hidden, hate is too common to be taken seriously, and it seems that lies more easily telling them the truth.

Denouement of “COMING BACK”

Emotions always sporadic running high then running low, especially when you’re writing something this deep – something you’ve been wanting to release for a long time, but had to refrain due to the amount of shit you got from certain people about “keeping things a secret”. I just want to be frank about the intricate situation that the UMA is currently being, which some of you may understand, and some of you may not. Once the Underground Mafias Army closes its doors for the last time, nobody will be able to recreate them without permission. That’s right, if somebody wants to ‘recreate’ UMA, depending on that person the UMA league of retired godfathers will gather and debate on the matter, but it is very unlikely that we will come back given that our name doesn’t show on CP – making autotyping and recruiting impossible for us.

 My PERSONAL Goodbye to UMA

Dear UMA,

Today I want to write a few words to you, before I leave you to rest. As I write this I am thinking that nobody else will ever read this, and essentially coining those who do read these naysayers, who are here to laugh and snicker at the fact I am becoming overwhelmed with emotion that I am finally putting the army that raised me, sanctioned me, to rest. My simple life is interrupted by the corruption of time; it chews with its malice, knowing that our days were not only numbered before they began, but were ticking away before breath and thought could compete. Which only gives us more of an incentive to pursue our dreams with the intention of achieving the unsaid, the unwritten, the unknown. Time only constrains realism as a concept; not reality as a whole. I’m sorry that I am leaving you like I am UMA, I really am, because I don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how I can help you build your fort.. I’m just stuck. I tried so hard to stay here and help you, but I failed you, I know that. I’m reminded of this every single day of my life whenever I receive a message from a former UMA owner or leader who likes to point out the flaws in the system, the ones I try to mend before swiftly being shut off by the leaders.

Allow me to ask you something, UMA. Is it possible to judge individuals not by their backgrounds, but by their words and actions? Is it possible to accept that all of the soldiers are equal, rather than putting efforts into superiority clauses? Is it possible to become one with this army, rather than confining ourselves to the norms of insults, ideologies, flawed beliefs, leadership frameworks and other one-sided characteristics? Is it possible to avenge the fallen not for the sake of material goals, but for the sake of virtue? And is it possible that in one day; fear, foolishness, limitations, oppression, bigotry and other negativities will become the words of the ancient leaders of this community, and more specifically, UMA?

I ask you all of these questions yet I receive no answer. Why? Because of the oppression, the very oppression I set. I regret it to a degree, I really do. I only tried to build a nation, but failed. I hope that one day, yourself, and those who have shunned me in the past for my actions forgive me, and refrain from vilifying me. I take the fall for all of the corruption that has happened over the years, it was all my fault – I caused all of it because I was the mastermind behind most of UMA’s “plots”, and “plans”.

I tell you this now because I will never be able to tell you this again.

Goodbye, UMA.


Closing Words

This ends my explanation of UMA shutting down, albeit, the short version UMA is so ineffable that I can never do it justice, and neither can anybody else who leads it. We strive to better understand our stances, to better understand our purpose. We use UMA h in many parts of our persona: from the simple, to the complex. We should accept the notion of UMA’s virtue. We should accept the implications that come along with it. Letting various elucidations control our careers is no way to work inside of this community. Fretting over whether to believe in something as being right or wrong is foolish because in doing so you have yet to answer the true question: what does it mean to you? If you can find an answer to that, then the rest is, as they say, details. No longer will you mull over the decision as being a right or wrong one; no longer will you second guess a heartfelt emotion when UMA dies and tries to climb back up to the top. In doing this, you don’t become a drone, you are not becoming a self-indulgent idiot; on the contrary, you have understood YOUR mind. You should know full well that the path you take is going to be the one that will lead you to where you need to be. It may have its twists and turns. It may send you through trials, but in the end, you will come out headstrong, leaning toward what you are here for: to thrive in this community, with much dutifulness, and with much perseverance. No person needs to be consulted. You have your reasons, and I believe I have explained them to you (if not directly, then indirectly).

To those who don’t agree: Ask yourself this: Where has UMA been in the past few months? Huh?Exactly, nowhere. It’s been in the rubble for months and you fail to comprehend that UMA cannot just roll out of it and expect to come back spick-and-span – you’re forgetting that, and the sooner you’re able to see the truth the better. 

We will leave behind personal retorts on each ideal and deliver them in their true beauty — leaving it to the person reading this to accept or to reducible each on its own. Ideals are a very sensitive matter, but each ideal comes back to the fundamental acceptance of UMA closing its doors.

For one last time,

Goodbye UMA.

The Badboy Triad

I’m ferocious, precautious, I get crackadotious, I’m not gonna stop. I like the view from the top.

Dark Warriors under Badboys brilliant leadership


Continue reading

UMA vs Everybody || Get Lucky

Greetings, one and all, members of the CP Army community. The following is an official announcement from the Underground Mafias Army. We have noticed that there are many armies and people (penguins?) who have been insisting that this is all just an elaborate ruse. In this post, the UMA will detail exactly what is going on here, and we will inform you that this is not a joke, and we will come at you and all of your allies with everything we’ve got. Let’s jump right into this, shall we?

Continue Reading (Sorry that the link is so hard to see, click the title)

Continue reading

The Protectors

Hello UMA,

It has certainly been a while since I have posted here. However, in regards to the recent events, I feel the need to make this statement. It is a simple one. Daniel and myself are not bad people. We do not wish to micromanage this army any longer. We have not effectively led this army since our respective retirements in July. Daniel and I do not have designs on leading again. If we wanted to, we would have done so by now.

The veterans that lie, manipulate, and attempt to spread depravity – those are the people to whom you should be wary of. They are the ones who cannot take power, so they feel the need to uproot this army. Let today serve as an example, if you listen to the veterans.

Daniel and I have, more than anybody, protected, built, and wish for the prosperity of this army. The graphics that you are looking at were designed by him. The domain that you are on, is registered and paid by me. Believe us when we say that we want this army to succeed.

Because of these reasons, we deem ourselves as the rightful people to watch over this army. This has nothing to do with power. It is simply a fact due to our impeccable credentials and years of service.  We will not interfere with the workings or function of the army. The only time that we will step in is if there is a great crisis and we have been called.

Under our continued protection, we wish the current administration the very best in all their endeavors.


Wgfv – Former Head of State & Military

Daniel – Former Head of State & Military


Thanks to Wgfv and Daniel for recovering the website.

Rocky’s Edit: Stay strong.

But anyway we’ve been defaced. Ryan is fired, banished, and shall be put on the Hall of Shame. The road to recovery just got harder. Thanks twat.

In the mean time, please give us time to fix everything

-Step, UMA Leader

Recruiting Event

Hello Comrades,

Today we logged onto Flurry and maxed 14. Sadly we could not pull off decent tactics, but we have to start from somewhere. Good job today guys.






Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 630 other followers