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Parental Alienation Awarness Organization

Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization


(PAAO)


founders of Parental Alienation Awareness Day, April 25th




























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Letters from parents


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Here I am at the Fair in Albion Pennsylvania where I passed out PAAO brochures concerning Parental Alienation.  I spoke to several parents and grandparents who either have been rejected by a child or who feel there is potential for rejection in the near future.
 
 In short, parental alienation is a term used to describe the behavior of a parent and often other family members who manipulate a child's mind with the motive of severing all ties between the child and the other parent.  The agenda is packed with various tactics and actions are pre-meditated. When the pressure on the child to remain loyal to the alienating parent becomes too intense, the child gives up, and total rejection of the other parent becomes reality.
 
 It may appear as though the child is happy about their new, parentless status, but suppressing a relationship with the other parent is emotionally unhealthy and impacts them for a lifetime.  This is a reality in Albion, PA, where children and parents are impacted, just as it is a reality all across the World. We need to find people who can help.
 
Interestingly enough, one elementary school counselor took a brochure but told me she is told "not to get involved" with these situations. My response to her was, "That is a problem." I have to question if people understand that parental alienation is emotional bruising just as physical abuse leaves visible marks on a child's body. It harms a child’s development. Do people care or are they ignorant? Are we failing our children by not facing reality? What kind of society do we live in?
 
Parents who are on a mission to destroy a bond between a child and the other parent can only be punished through the courts and by God. There is little we can do about them and their behavior. They tell others they are "protecting" their child and make the child feel like the other parent is unworthy of a relationship with their child. Something no child should have to hear, for that parent is parent of who they are.
 
Parents who are on the receiving end of the alienation are often helpless. There is little they can by themselves. They stand helpless, as they watch the relational death between themselves and their children.  They watch their children construct a wall between them as a result of the brainwashing. The parents witness the joy being drained out of their children’s lives, as they are asked to spy, lie, and even partake in the intense denigration. They watch their children sabotage their time with them in order to remain abnormally loyal to the alienating parent (and family). Alienated parents cannot help their own children because they are portrayed as the enemy. The courts fail them too.
 
Family courts embrace adversarial situations and often empower the alienating parent. Alienating parents have passed the course in manipulation and are very convincing. As a result, the courts lack of education, empathy, knowledge of children development or need for power further hurts the child.  
 
One gal who visited the fair shared with me that she worked at a woman’s prison. Her job was to help ensure that female prisoners remain connected to their children. How contrary is that to the family law system who continually promotes children to be ripped from the lives of loving parents who have committed no crime?  
 
Those who truly care about the emotional development of children need to help us empower our children with good information that could help protect them from alienating behavior. Parental Alienation Education programs could begin to heal relationships and help prevent children from being emotional abusers themselves.
 
Presenting age appropriate information about parental alienation to all age groups, including college students, could empower peers to help peers.  Children talk to each other and often want to help, but if they are unaware of the mind games that often take place in divorce and custody cases, they may be doing more harm than good by  condoning unhealthy behavior and attitudes. 
 
The damage caused by the breakup of families is not going away, especially if we continually turn our backs on the abuse. Research shows that 20-25% of children in divorce situations are alienated from a parent. The impact lasts a life time. That was evident as I spoke to adults, in Albion, PA, who were alienated from their children.
 
Teachers, college professors, pastors, ministers, doctors, counselors, coaches and many others can begin to help children in an area that is desperately needed. Right relationships are what life is all about!  Parental alienation is real, parental alienation is child abuse! 
 


 I have dealt with PAS for years, but did not realize what was going on until a few years ago. I have an ex-husband who became my daughter's "pal" rather than a father and had absolutely no rules. I found out that "parent bashing" was occurring each weekend that he had her for visitation and by the time we figured out what was going on, it was too late. I've been a loving parent and have done everything I could think of to be a good mother. It didn't matter. She's 21 now and after a brief reconciliation, her anger has resurfaced and we're not speaking to each other. I missed her wedding recently and things have happened that can never be repaired. The pain I feel is unbelievable and I don't ever see it getting better...maybe when she has kids of her own. Meanwhile, the bond between her and her father gets stronger (if that's possible). I feel like I have lost her and wish that there was some way for her to realize that her father, the one she trusts the most, is the one who caused this. It's like she's been brain-washed and I'm losing hope that this situation can ever be repaired. I really did believe that love would win out and that she would see that, but I was wrong. This is not the way I pictured life to be like when I had 3 little girls who I love unconditionally. My other two daughters have not been as affected since his focus throughout the years seemed to be her. He leaned on her, treated her as his best friend and she fed off of it. It's like fighting a ghost that no one can see...but I know it's there.


 My Story : After years of the abuse inside and out and my family begging me to leave I did.I toke my daughter with me and then. We went to court and I asked for time to get a lawyer and was told no. I had to stand there and try to be a lawyer anf he had a lawyer in the court that day. Well I walked in court with full custody but left that day with nothing. The judge did not want to hear that this man abused me and my son for years. He gave custody of my daughter then 7 to him and i got nothing. cause i cried in the court room. they toke what little time i was giving away. was never proven to be a unfit parent . just couldnt afford a lawyer.. he does not let her talk to me at all and my family doesnt get to see her and my son has never gone back to his house.even to see his sister . he says he has to much hate for this man..and prays that ill get his little sister out soon.. when i have seen her in store he grabs her by the arms and takes her down another asile and one time i called his cell. she answered and said she couldnt talk to me .. my heartt just breaks in va have a lawyer..



I had been married to the guy for nearly 17 years, when I planned to leave him because his emotional and physical abuse were wrecking my mental health.


The Estate agent "accidentally" rang my home number and let the cat out of the bag a week before Christmas 1992. ( I was trying to rent a property to live in , hopefully with our sons). At that point I worked part time in order to care for them.


As a result I had to leave prematurely with nowhere to go to take the boys. By the time he had taken them away for Christmas and New Year they were thoroughly alienated. They spent the next years as latch key kids and went to friends when their Dad worked away from home. I did not see them for 2 years and although I have a relationship with them they are relative strangers and cannot acknowledge what happened. They have become their Father's children and I will never be at all close to them and their families because of his hostility.


I work with children and families myself and not a day goes by that I do not feel the overwhelming loss that he deliberately inflicted on me in his selfish spitefulness.



My Story : I was wrongfully accused of abusing my four year old son by my ex husband who had abused me. Due to his false allegations my children were taken from me via court order and I had no contact with my four and five year old son and daughter for months. It was devastating. During this time I was orderd to go through parenting classes and found that there were others who were abused women going through the same thing, in which their ex husbands were using the system to alienate them from their children. I have written child protective services and several advocacy groups relating to this situation. I do have regular visits now with the kids, but they have been told things against me to sabbotage my relationship with them. I'm seeking resources to help my kids to understand what has happened and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help make people aware that the system has to change so that they can stop revictimizing women and wrongfully separating their children from their parents.



My Story : The following is a prime case of PAS. Had this information been known and accepted, it may have saved my husband from being forced to terminate his parental rights to his 2 children. When my husband was going though his divorce with his ex-wife of whom he was married to for 7 years and had 2 children with, things appeared normal at first. She had sole custody and my husband had visitation rights. When my husband started receiving calls all hours of the day and night from his ex to come pick up the kids because she was intoxicated or had been in a fight with her boyfriend was when the drama started. Due to the fact that my husband had his kids more than 50% of the time, he decided to file for joint custody. His ex-wife agreed and a court date was set. A few months after the judge awarded him joint physical and legal custody, Child Protective Services arrived at his door to investigate a complaint of sexual abuse. His daughter was 7 at the time and his son was 5. The ex-wife filed a false police report stating that 3 years prior, my husband had sexually assaulted both of his children. The CPS performed their investigation and figured they had enough information to go to trial. His daughter went through a physical exam and it was found that there was some evidence that may have been from abuse. My husband took a polygraph, which he passed, then was given a second one by the state police which showed signs of deceit due to the way the questions were presented. They took video deposition of the daughter, which she could clearly state what happened in extreme detail implicating my husband of abusing her. His son, just sat there and cried and would not make any accusations towards his father. It was clear to everyone that the child had been led to believe a situation happened, which in reality, it did not. Due to the nature of the situation and since the prosecutors seemed to have him nailed, instead of facing years in prison and ending up on the Sex Offender Registry, he was able to plead no contest and make a deal with the prosecutors. Aside from the fact that the judge received over 100 letters from family, friends, and others who knew my husband, aside from the fact that he had never been in any trouble in his life with the law, aside from the fact that his ex-wife was an alcoholic and was bi-polar and in an abusive relationship and was also in her own trouble for multiple offenses and in and out of court, aside from the fact my husband was and is a great father, AND that there were social workers left and right that did not agree with the case at hand and had seen numerous cases of false accusations come to this point, my husband was forced to spend 1 year in jail and 3 years probation. The jail and probation was not the worse part. He was forced to terminate his parental rights also. It has been 5 years since this has happened. Because he has a felony conviction on his record, it has become difficult for him to find employment. After the judge made him terminate his rights, the children were placed in foster care and became wards of the state. The last we knew, the ex-wife was able to get the kids back, but the only thing we do is wonder if they are being cared for. To top it all off, the ex-wife was sexually abused by her foster father while growing up and the children spent alot of time with him. As of November of last year, he was accused and took a plea for this same thing-Crimal Sexual Conduct involving a child under the age of 13 (the accusation was made in Dember of 2005). He (the ex's father), is now a convicted child molester and is listed on the state's registry. We sit and wonder every day if the charges that were brought upon him involved my step-daughter, whom is now 13 years old. If we only had the information then that we do now, these children would have never been the victims of such a horrible act and we may still have them with us today. We can only hope and pray that we will one day be reunited with these kids and are able to tell them that we never stopped loving them. I wish there was a way to go back so we could have these children in our lives again and give them the same life their 2 brothers and 2 sisters have!!




My Story : I'm a grandmother that had to fight for access. My son only gets to see his two girls when I have them through my access order. Presently the other grandmother has an exparte motion because her daughter was charged with three counts of assault on the children. Now my access has been denied by the other grandmother.


 I have not seen my children for two years. My divorce/custody battle was very hostile and vindictive and I couldn't keep figthing emotionally or financially. I was a stay-at-home mother for twelve years and had sole custody for four years at the beginning of the divorce. There were two special advocates on the case, both paid off by my ex-husband and his wife. There is no legal documentation detailing why I should not see my children. I paid the special advocates on my case $15,000 to "not" see my children and they have no evidence to support favorin their father. It is the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life. I hope one day my children will find me and that the bond created when I was a stay-at-home mother is still there. Parental alienation results in depression, relationship difficulties and uncertaintly in children of divorce.



Child abuse on the name of mother presumed love... I can call that cruelty.... After a 20 years marriage.. According to the court system I have shared custody of my son with my estranged wife, who abandoned us... My 11 y/o son has a voice, but unable to speak up for himself , i am speaking for him. My son lives with his biological mother for the past 8 months,i have been able to visit with him just a couple times, for the last 4 months his mother alienated my son from me using her manipulative usual ways,with false promises, like telling that he would spend summer vacations with me and later on changing her mind, hidding my son,I provided my son with 6 to 7 cell phones for the last 2.5 yrs to call me, hidding the phone from my son, using his phone as their personal phone, i heard my son's voice many time whispering on the phone so, his mom wouldn't hear him talking to me,changing addresses without informing me of the new address,telling her family to call the police on me acusing me of been a bad parent, a child molester.. my question now. What is the latest weapon that women are using against a loving dad's. What else should I expect. I will do whatever it takes to see my son again, i want to see him grow up, graduate from High School,get married and see his own family.

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I went through a bitter, nasty and aggressive divorce about two years ago that contained everything from perjury to psychologists to essentially a legalized form of blackmail to force me into agreeing to give up custody. Things haven't improved since those gray days. While I no longer have to worry about having things thrown at me and the evenings are a lot quieter without all the yelling I now have to contend with a much more evil and sadistic form of combativeness. Things my ex-wife have done since our divorce: 1. The day after she contacted the schools and doctors and manipulated my request to have her provide all records to mean she would be the ONLY one to provide records and that I was forbidden to speak to either of them. I had to force legal reviews with the school board and with the doctors and was able to regain access to them, but I still can't contact one of my children's day care providers. 2. She has refused every request to reschedule visitation requests forcing me to go back to court on multiple occasions to force her to do so. 3. My children have told me that "Mommy hates daddy and mommy hates grandma too" 4. My ex-wife fired the child care providers during my two weeks with them forcing me to stay home with my kids, so I took a vacation (and now have negative leave). We enjoyed our time together but when they returned to her house, she threw them a welcome home party. 5. She feeds them dinner after they come home, thus they skip or otherwise refuse to eat dinner at my house 6. My children have invited me to watch them at Teeball and Soccer practice. As a result, she has stopped taking them to practice. 7. "Grandma, I don't want mamma to know I have a dress here." "Why is that?" "Because she might not like it." My daughter. 8. When I had our kids make a Mother's Day present and I took it to her house on Mother's Day and gave it to her mother (thus not disturbing her or our kids) she turned it into a failed legal attempt to try and show that I was intent on harassing them. ... With a mother's day present that her kids made. 9. "This shirt needs to go back to mommies". "No, we're not sending clothes back and forth anymore. Mommy doesn't want to send clothes back and forth any more." "Mommy doesn't want to send clothes back and forth because you guys are fighting again aren't you and she is being mean to you isn't she?" (My 5 year old, I shield this stuff from my kids, how they can perceive this is beyond me.) 10. It is not uncommon that when my daughter (now 4 years old) comes over she is incredibly sassy and arrogant (a definitive sign that she needs a nap) ... When asked, she usually confirms that she hasn't had one and when given the opportunity to have one, she takes it and wakes up in a great and happy mood. 11. "Mommy doesn't have to share" 12. "Mommy misses me and doesn't know where I am" This one was during their Christmas Vacation with me and they were even returned an hour early so that they could enjoy an extended Christmas Vacation with her. That's a few of the things I've written down. There's a lot more where that came from and it's only been two years since our divorce.


  I am a victim of parental alienation. I have been for close to 5 years now. Through my devistation and heart ache, I have been fighting and fighting just to get so much as a visit with my daughter. Unfortunately, I am dealing with the Douglas County of Nebraska court system and with Judge Polk, whom has aided my x in this matter by not reading through any paperwork. He refuses to hear or read anything from me. My x has fled two states, keeping our child from me. He has choked me in the passed & ripped her out of my arms several times. He has committed perjury in 3 different court systems. He has accusations, and no evidence. I have facts and evidence. Yet, not only is my lawyer scandelis, but the judge isn't listening or paying any attention to what is going on. I am supposed to go to trial on the matter. With this judge. It eats away at me knowing that I have to rely on one person to determine my life with my child. & so far it isn't good. I haven't seen my daughter in 2 1/2 yrs. Not through any fault of mine. Through his. He gets to say whatever he wants when ever and do as he wishes and breaks the law and orders and gets away with it. I have ordered visitation. It has never been enforced. I have ordered visitation because my x was abusive and choked me until I gave up our child. (she was a baby then). Because of leaving the situation, and I was unstabel (having just left that situation) he took me to court right away and was granted temp. custody by the same judge. Of course I obtained a restraining order and 90day temp. custody, which in turn was not served to him right away. For two weeks. Or ever. Two weeks later, I was served papers. & so there is my story. Seems really hopeless for me, but I prey and prey and try even harder. Anyone know what and if the FBI would do about this? Seriously, I am getting screwed by all angles and not one piece of evidence does he have, and not one hoop does he have to jump through. He even is allowed to with hold information from me. & even be located by an investigator through the child abduction unit ordered by a family court judge  in San Diego, CA.


 My Story : I divorced my ex-husband two years ago and he was granted joint custody of our son. Before he got joint custody my son and I had a wonderful relationship. My ex leaves my son in the care of his mother when he is supposed to be the care giver of our son. Since he has been doing that my son has formed a strange bond with my ex-mother-n-law. He now doesn't want to be around me, thinks everything I do or say is wrong, he has started mis-behaving and not paying any attention to my authority. He doesn't like any of my friends or family. He only thinks about or loves his dads family. I have tried to be as understanding as I possibly can but I just don't know what to do anymore. I bought our son a cell phone because his dad would tell me not to call over there when it was his time and when I did call, he would yell and say things in the background. His mother is just as bad, she plans things with my son on my time to get him upset about not being able to attend, she manipulates him in to staying with her. She constantly sends him texts messages stating that she is thinking about him all the time. I need some help, I have tried to be nice to them and not say things to our son that would go against them, but it is so hard. I need some help about knowing what I need to do. I feel that they are hurting my son more than helping him. If anyone has any advise, I sure could use it.


 
My Story : I filed for divorce 5 years ago, I was granted custody of our 2 children then 12 & 8 yrs. old. My ex-husband made it his goal in life to alienate the kids from me. He spoiled them when they visited him, convinced my preteen son that he didn't have to listen to me, that he should call 911 if I laid a finger on him and that he wouldn't have a purpose in life if they didn't live w/him.. The constant turmoil, threats & behavior problems that my son continually barraged me with finally culminated with my agreement to allow the children to live with him. I reserved the right to take back custody if I felt it need be. It was a mistake,and even though a judge signed it another judge threw it out.My visitation rights with the kids became a matter of convenience. My ex left it up to them. He took me to court 1 year ago to obtain permanent custody. I had since remarried, & we decided we could provide a better environment for them.We fought, hired a family evaluator (who wrote in her report that he was alienating them from me),but recomended they stay with him.He was found by a substance abuse counselor to have a drinking problem,& still the court gave him custody.I have lost complete faith in the justice system,family evaluators,& worst of all I see the kids even less than before.(Not to mention that it cost us $40,000) The children are the ones that have lost here and their animosity towards me continues to grow based on no factual reasons.This whole family law system is a travesty & the one's who follow the rules are the one's who lose. My situatiion is proof. I have succumbed to the realization that his alienation tactics are finally complete-with the blessing of the court system. It seems there is no hope.


 My Story : I am the Mother in this story. My husband and I divorced in 2001. I left my husband after years of unhappiness and verbal abuse and years of manipulation. I developed a substance abuse problem as the years went on.Although my ex and I shared custoday of the young daughter, she primarily lived with him and the new wife. The ex has belittled, humiliated and subliminilly degraded me for the past 5 years. To the point that my daughter is openly hostile toward me and my 24 year old son prefers him to me. It is very obvious and I feel the pain every day. I have paid my dues for my mistakes and have been clean and sober for many years now. I am an RN and my drug of choice was prescription medications. I hate my ex very much, he is conniving, controlling and has manipulated those children and they do not even know.. I have done every thing in my power to hold on to them but it is very difficult and sometimes I want to give up.


My Story : This is my story. I married a "controlling" man. This is something I realized early on, but decided to make the best of it. Truth be told, I didn't believe in divorce having been raised catholic and all. My son was born in 1994. Anyway, the marriage lasted 10 years. It ended in 2001 when my son was 7years old after being refused countless requests to seek marriage counselling. My ex had threatened during arguments over the years that if I ever left, I would never see my son again so when he agreed to joint-custody on the condition that he have Primary Care, I felt that was the best deal I was going to get. Plus, hey! What can he do if we have joint-custody? If I get a lawyer, as soon as he would find out, he'd be gone, so I couldn't take that risk. I figured as long as I don't rock the boat, he won't do anything stupid. My main concern was always to try and get through this divorce with the least amount of damage as possible to my son. From the time I left up until September 2005, my son pretty much came and went as he pleased (or so I thought). My ex always refused to set up some kind of consistent schedule like most divorced people, saying he'll never force our son to be with me if he doesn't feel like it, so, much of our access was when his father didn't have anything planned or my son didn't have anything better to do. But, deep down I knew to be content with that because the alternative (court) was just not an option. Just by my ex's response whenever I would ask him for us to try 7 days each or anything more consistent so I could synchronize my other responsibilities accordingly, I knew if I pushed, he would go to any length to get his way. And he did. The dreaded day came when he met his new partner in Sept 2005. He announced to me that my son didn't need my help with his homework anymore. That was my baby. He speaks no French at all and I always had that. I am French and that's something I'll always have with my son. Only I can help him with school work. He'll never be able to replace me in that department, or so I thought. She doesn't speak or read French either but that didn't matter. Within four weeks of insisting that that was my responsibility, my son wanted nothing to do with me anymore. To make matters worse, I happen to be an incest survivor. My entire family (parents and two sisters), are still after 30 years, in denial. I exposed my father 30 years ago and they basically "tolerated" me as their sibling since then, until Sept 2005 when they completely disowned me. When this started with my ex, they all sided with him, telling my son that I was a very sick woman and a lot more. So when I finally did take it to court in July 2006, I got a double blow. My family wrote affidavits claiming that I was an unfit mother. I represented myself and managed to get a children's lawyer for my son and also managed to get a psychological assessment done on my son. It set me back $1,400.00 and was totally useless. As a matter of fact, because of my family's contribution, the doctor's recommendations were to get a full assessment done (another $5,000.), and that I respect my son's wishes to stay out of his life. The Judge didn't even give me five minutes to present my arguments and gave my ex sole custody. I now have the right to call twice per month, my son doesn't have to talk to me, I have access to his school and medical records, I have to pay child support, retroactive from 2006, extracurricular activities but cannot attend because my "son" doesn't want me there and that's about it. Oh! And they have to refer to me as "your mother is on the phone" when I call or when they talk about me around my son, which they have yet to do when I call. My son started calling me by my first name over a year ago which really hurt so I asked that they not encourage it. Since then, I've been arrested and charged with assault (I delivered a letter to my sister's house expressing my feelings about what they had done and she pushed me so I pulled her hair, really hard), so she charged me with Break and Enter and assault. I tried calling her after that and she again had me charged for breaching, then one day I was driving home and saw my son in a car with his "step-mom". I slowed down, gave her the finger and drove off. An hour later I was under arrest for dangerous driving. They (step-mom and my son), told police I had tried to run them over with my car. Needless to say, I'm obviously not handling this very well and I'm probably not scoring any points with my son. As a matter of fact, with this last episode, I ended up with a Peace Bond against me and I lost my rights to email my son, access to his school and medical records and it's not finished yet. I have yet to face this in court. I could probably write for hours on end about the pain that PAS has caused myself, my present relationship and of course most of all, what my son is probably going through and will go through for a very long time to come, which NO CHILD should ever have to experience. I am hereby making a commitment to do whatever I can to do my share in raising awareness about this horrid syndrome but first and foremost I pledge to keep moving forward in my own recovery so that I may be the healthiest parent I can be for when my son does come back if he ever does. And I will never stop hoping for that day to come. Thanks for listening,



My Story : I would like to share this email I received from my ex's daughter from his first marriage, whom I had always gotten along with (or so I thought). First of all, I can with 100% confidence, say that nothing in this letter is true. Also, this daughter lives across the country from myself, my son (her step-brother) and ex. I share this letter as an example of PAS and how the alienator spreads his poison. This step-sister now believes she is supporting her step-brother because she believes her dad's poison. Dear L, I thought that it was about time to send you a letter and since i don't have your mailing address i figured an e mail would suffice. So lets get started. First i don't think you realize the mental damage that you have caused N. as far as any of us are concerned you were just a surrogate mother and it is unfortunate that he shares any genes with you. Second maybe you should listen when he says i don't want to talk to you cause he really hates you. You should stop calling his school too, their not going to cater to your every wish. The courts gave you regulations to go by hint, hint, nudge, nudge, there was a reason for that your obbsessed and need to lay off! I'm so glad that my father divorced you and saw that evil does exist especially since you slept with his best friend the night before you married him. you have tainted everyone that you have come in contact with. I felt i would give my opinion about you. you need to be committed, your psycho, a bitch, condescending, lying and mentally disturbed . Who should realize this or at least you should have when the courts basically laughed in your face. You should yourself confess to N. all what you have done, never mind your family, worry about your own self, your the sick one here in all this. You had better get over the fact that my Dad and W. are getting married, no matter what you try to do to stop it. You yourslef has turned your own son against you, so quit blaming everyone else for your own inadequecies....You only have yourslef to blame, no one has ever brainwashed your son. Get over the fact that you have lost him and now move on so that N. can have some type of normal upbringing without you in it. He is far better off. If you only knew that W. is good to him, and that is another reason you can't get over the fact that she is doing a much better job with him than you ever did. Now who in their right mind would attack their own sister and accuse their father of malestation just to try and get sympathy and attention when everyone knows it's a lie. You know that saying " The truth will set you free" you need to take this into consideration. It's bad enough that you have scared nathan for life but hurting your sister and accusing your father, you are more messed up then i thought. As far as any of us are concerned and N., W. is his mother and will be a better mother than the lying scum that gave birth to him. You need to come with terms with the fact that nobody cares what you think or threaten to do and that you need severe mental help. So i hope you feel good because you reap what you sew and no one should know that better than you. Just a little pointer N. is better off with out you and I am very, very, very, very happy that you lost in court and everyone's lives will be better because of it. So bye for now . Regards so happy i will never have to see your whorish ways and face ever again. Very Thankful, T.


 


My Story : About 3-4 years ago, I met this man at a cafe. I was taken by how he talked about not seeing his daughters for 5 years. I was shocked and felt a lot of compassion for him. It sounded like he was a victim of his ex-wife's vendetta against him. I believe the vendetta and hate comes from the wife getting caught having an affair with a close friend of the family and the ex-wife's pursuit of having more then what her husband could afford, she is a very greedy material person. So the husband got joint custody but during his time with the daughters he says the mother would make a seen and didn't want the girls to spend any time with the dad, she was verbally abusive too the father in front of the girls. There was always drama when the father picked up the girls, she made it impossible to have a relationship with his daughters, the mother was brainwashing the kids to hate the father. Then the mother's boyfriend was making verbal threats to the father and any female that was in his life, he was unable to have a relationship that lasted because of the threats. When I came into the picture, I knew I had to find out where his daughters were, so I found out that the ex-wife was in Federal Prison for Fraud threw a DME company she owned. The girls were 13 and 16 and living with the mother's husband which is the same person that made the threats in the past. The biological father & I served her in prison, we went to court to see if we could get custody, but the Judge didn't change anything but for the father to have visitation. The daughter's have so much hate and I noticed that they talk just like the mother does very, cruel, hateful and use of bad language. They even used the same language on me, they don't even know me. I know its the many years of the mothers influence. We been to court several times the Judge never enforces the orders. I also herd that the Judge dismissed something because he said the mother had another case? The mother's husband threated to break my legs and threaten my daughter and my younger sister in the court hallway. I reported it right a way, I have zero tolerance for that kind of behavior. We went back to court again because we found out that the mother was arrested again for a weapons charge. They later dropped it because her husband said it was his. Then we found out the husband had a case pending for Identity theft, credit card fraud & check fraud. The Judge again didn't do anything because he said until they are proven guilty. The biological father knew that the mother and stepfather are into fraud, insurance scams ect they are professional con artist and they bribe the girls with luxury items to keep them on their side because we believe they know what the parents do to maintain there lifestyle. The older daughter calls herself a baller, she looks at her real father like he's trash and shows nothing but hate and disrespect. We tried writing a letter and even found her on My space, she wrote back "don't add or email me if I don't like you". The youngest daughter makes comments when they say she looks like her father, she said EW! The daughter's know I'm half Hispanic so they say TU Madre to me, nothing hurts me. I find that its sad they have so much hate and don't want nothing to do with their father, he's a great person and works very hard for a living, he's not rich but he lives very well, he has a very good life and a great family. I cant imagine why they wouldn't want to be a part of his family lives. But then again I can see that they are so caught up in being ballers and they think is normal to fraud innocent people to live that lifestyle they have become accustomed too. I also found out that the girls miss 6 months of school when the mother was in prison. I think the eldest daughter dropped out of home the school program too, the mother doesn't bother to send the father any information, she knows the Judge doesn't enforce anything, so she thinks she's above the law. I told the biological father to accept what is. I never encountered anything as bad as this, its a crime for anyone to teach children to hate a parent for their own personal vendetta. I was very fortunate as a child to have parents that didn't use us in their divorce. They put our feelings and emotions first, we chose who we wanted to live with and my parents remained civil and to this day we all get together on holidays, occasions,ect. Some people cant understand how that is possible, lol... The father remembers the time when the girls loved him, he has a lot of pictures when they did. The girls refuse to acknowledge that.


 I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, and a Brother. I have two daughters, twelve and eight, a step-son 21 and a step-daughter 20. I love them all, as well as my extended family and despite the obstacles of today, they inspire me to be the best dad I can be.


 


Since May 2005 I have been striving to gain equal time with my daughters by exercising the ‘Joint Legal and Physical Custody’ so wisely spelled out in my original ‘Judgment of Dissolution’. Time that is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States and supported by numerous Supreme Court decisions. “The interest of parents in their relationship with their children is sufficiently fundamental to come within the finite class of liberty interest protected by the Fourteenth Amendment.” Since starting this endeavor I have had my Fourteenth, Fourth and now my First Amendment Rights trampled. 


 


I have followed the advice of marriage and family counselors, attorneys, friends and my loving family. I have relocated twice for the sole purpose of being closer to my daughters to provide stability and support. My daughters and I were enjoying increased time together before their mother moved them away. I sought an injunctive order to preempt her move and was denied. I have submitted ‘Orders to Show Cause’, multiple ‘Declarations’, and ‘Proposed Custody Sharing Arrangements with Restraining Orders’. Each asking for the court to take action giving me equal time to parent my children. We have been put through the Evidence Code 730 evaluation process; called upon all the resources of my supportive family, sought out the advice and opinions of expert witnesses, and spent countless amounts of time and energy, all, to no avail. It would seem that my efforts have fallen on the ears of a deaf court system and I now have significantly less time with my girls than when I started. What I do have, is a court decision that rather than answer any of my questions or concerns, seeks to further delay a decision until August 2007, opening the door for more extended litigation and undo trauma to my daughters.


 


Today, I am held hostage by our legal system and forced to sit back and watch the relationship with my daughter’s forcibly destroyed. An expert on Children’s Rights stated,


“The impact these judicial decisions have on the lives of all concerned cannot be overestimated. Childhood passes rapidly and it quickly becomes too late to un-ring the bell. Expanded visitation or joint custody may seem unimportant, but only to those who have never experienced the hollow time of forced separation. No human bond is of greater strength than that of parent and child.”


My daughters have already lost two years of irreplaceable fatherhood and have suffered irreparable injury and harm.


 


All I want is to be the best Dad I can be. To love and support my children and family and to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I will not give up my inalienable right to be a parent; to the care, custody, control and companionship of my offspring.


 


What is it going to take for my daughters to get there Papi back in their lives before it is too late?


 


 


My Story : I knew of the literature on PA but did not think it applied. I separated from my former in 1979. the 3 children lived with me. Initially I was in another relationship which failed. During the time my former saw the children at school holidays, whenever it suited him. I did the driving and the arranging of visits. After being separated for 8 years one child wanted to live with the other parent. This child was in counselling at the time for anger and behaviour issues. I rang the other parent and it was arranged for the former to speak to child's counsellor. The day the former spoke to the counsellor, he rang me. Before he spoke to me he spoke to the other 2 children, asking them if they wanted to live with the former. They agreed, so 3 children went back to live the former. The former and I had no court orders and I thought we did not need any. All happened amicalby. Well I saw changes in the children after they returned to live with the former. I thought it was just adjustment to different household styles. The former and I had agreed for the 3 children to live with the former for a year. After the year it seemed to me that the children we settled and I rang the former to say, we should have a talk. It didn't happen. Instead the next time I was due to have the children I saw a difference. We lived quite some distance from one another and schoolholiday visits were only possible (both ways). A few weeks before the school holidays my car died, finally. My parents offered to pay for a replacement car. I found the car and on the Friday week before school holidays spoke to my parents who were posting me a cheque. On the Sunday I rang the former to confirm pick up arrangments for the school holidays. Instead I was told, the children were being sent to my parents and I could not see them. When I asked why this was happening I was told "because you left me". I did not see the children for some time, but I went back to seeing the children school holidays. I sent the cheque back to my parents, who did not speak to me again prior to their deaths some 10 years later (apart from one brief conversation at an airport. Oh the former stayed in regular communication with my parents - even named as an executor for them in an earlier will) The first of the children returned to living with me (after being kicked out by the former's second spouse. The next child started to live independently in a relationship and when it failed she came back to live with me. The last child came back to live with me for work reasons. The last child would have come back some 11 years ago. Things were never the same between my children and I and after some years I realised that I was really the children's joke - backstabbing, gossiping etc. It took 19 years from when the children went back to live with the former for it to come to light when the child who had been in counselling asked me why he went back to live with the other parent. I gave my reasons - his need. Only to hear that he had been told on the day that he went to live with the former that I had sent him and other 2 away because my next child, from the relationship after separation, was my favourite and I only wanted him. Ahhh. Fortunately counselling records existed and my recollection of the events was confirmed by 1987 counselling records. One child has come to terms with events. 2 other's left to go, but the former has been back to brainwashing. The toll so far is the oldest attracts to those with psychiatric illness partners or minors, the next is hypocondriac, the last suffers depression and anxiety attacks. All because over 19 years ago one parent told the children they were sent away. Please parents, think carefully about what you say to children at the critical times after separation. Your words may have a longer term and greater effect than you could image. Oh, the former is still bitter. Moving on has not been possible for him.

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My Story : My ex-husband and I have been divorced now for three years. In court it was ordered that we have joint custody with my ex-husband being the primary custodial parent. About ten months later, I moved out of state to persue better career opportunities, and to better my life. The last three years, I have only seen my daughter 4 times. He refuses to allow me to bring her here to my home for visitation. He tells her that she can't come to my house because I will take her away and he may not ever see me again. I am currently seeking legal advice to see what my rights are. Now, my daughter thinks that if we go to court, she will never see her daddy again. I feel so hurt and angry by everything he has done, from the separation up until now. He is abusing his responsibility and I fear that he will get away with this b/c she has been with him so long and she has strong emotional ties with her family there. I just hope and pray that she will get through all of this with her head on straight. Lord knows I didn't when my parents did that to me. I appreciate that someone has acknowledge the damage that one manipulative parent can do to another. I don't feel as alone now, but still I am very afraid of what might happen once we are in court. I have documentation from my exhusband admitting to telling our daughter these things and I pray that they will be substancial enough for the judge. My daughter shouldn't be afraid of visiting me at all, and I really hate it that is how she feels. I am afraid that if this does work in my favor, what kind of emotional hardships will she face?? I can only pray that she will be strong enough to understand that I am doing what I have to in order for her to feel secure with me. Any suggestions as to how I can help her feel that way would be great! Again, thank you so much for acknowledging how damaging only one parent can be on a child. Best wishes to all.


I have been fighting to see my kids for 7 years. My Ex took the kids away 500 miles, proceeded to ccuse me of being horrible and in court was able to drain me emotionally and financially. $100,000 spent in a useless battle over simple visitation. I have no criminal record. No allegations of child abuse. My Parantal rights were terminated in January because they were able to prove I neglected to visit my kids. (These kids are being kept away from me). They Now I have filed a appeal and spent another $10,000 of borrowed money. I need help this should not occur in this country. I am a good man and my kids deserve to have a relationship with me. 



My Story : In August of last year while my older son was having visitation with me, he molested my younger son. I reported it to appropriate authorities. As a result, his father did not believe it, hired a lawyer and has since kept me from taliking with or seeing him. He started putting him on speaker phone when I called, then deleted my sons email accounts and refused to let me have my son for visitation. It has been nearly a year since I have seen my son and it took this long to get it through in court. Now the judge says I have to wait until they do a counseling evaluation before I can have him back for visitation and his father is asking for supervised visits. My son just went to live with him 2 years ago. Until then I raised him, put him through private school on my own. Today is my son's birthday. Every time I call the answering machine is on. I did not even get a school picture or know what classes he was in or school until we went to court. When he lived with me, I sent pictures and school info and notified him of every event. I missed my son's entire first year of high school. He is now over 6 feet tall, I missed that. I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas and Valentines, Easter and now his birthday. He says my son does'nt want to talk to me and yet my son wrote me a letter before he moved in with his dad saying he did'nt know how he'd live without me. He says my son does'nt need to be around me without supervision because I might accuse him of something else. Mind you the state and court found my son guilty. It has been a nightmare. I did what I thought was right and I lost my son in the process.



My Story : I have been married 21 years. I have 2 children age 23 and 14. I am going through a devorce now. My spouse has my daughter because of PAS. Throughout the marriage he has been abusive. There is documentation on this fact and witnessed by 23 year old and 14 year old. He cheated on me and involved my 14 year old in this affair. Over the past 2 years he has turned her against me. I found out about the affair. He got her to lie about it. He got her to make false allegation of abuse, she told me "daddy says you don't love me like you love M. (other child). He has sheriff who is childhood friend of his and falsified police report. So I was put out of marital home and can't see my child based on this lie. My son is witness that I never did any abuse. Because I have little income, I can't get hear in court. I need help!!! Can anyone help me get justice.



These stories to be properly told should be written on a word processor then
submitted as an attachment.  But for now I will tell you that my wife left
me and our one year old son back in 1992.  I raised him as a single parent
for 11 years by myself.  He is a fine healthy kid now at 14 years. Three
years ago the mother decided to get involved in her son's life.  This gave
me time to go out and look for another woman.   Two years ago I hooked up
with a woman who had some obvious problems.  I thought I could help her. 
But the exwife had come into a well paying job and a man who had some money
of his own.  So she thought she would take Johnny to the big city where she
was moving.  I agreed because I was having problems with my problem woman
and the ex and I seemed to be on good terms.  All that changed when I signed
the new joint custody agreement.  She moved to the big city and I haven't
talked to my son in two years.  I didn't know how angry she was and I have
some evidence that she is poisoning his mind against me because of my
involvement with the new problem woman.

Now this new woman got pregnant two years ago.  She was maintaining her
problems for a while.  But after the baby was born she started to go wild. 
I love both of my sons equally.  However, she started to drink to excess and
take cocaine.  Her liver went bad and she said some bad things to the wrong
people then CPS came and took my other son based on what she said in the
hospital.  I always took good care of my son and I assumed that I was going
to be a single parent again.   But the judge won't allow it.  The case
worker keeps bring up a new problem to postpone "reunification".
I am presently considering giving up custody of the baby who has been in
foster care for almost one year.  I want him out of foster care.  I have
provided the judge with the name of a relative who will take him.  Even that
is denied.  For 9 months I did everything the CPS worker and judge demanded
from drug testing, parenting class, finger print back ground checks. 
Nothing changed Then the caseworker demanded a psychiatric evaluation.  She
was concerned that I wanted to potty train my then 18 month old son.  I
wasn't flying under the radar. I told the judge that I
want my son out of foster care and I will give up my parental rights to do
it.  He said I can do that but the court will decided who gets custody of my
son.  Not me or another relative.
Talk about parental alienation.  I feel like the only person in the world
who is dealing with life's problems and someone decided that I should do it
without my children.  So I joined the class action lawsuit against my state
to support family law reform.

John Downes
Indiana State Leader for Lake county Indiana Civil Rights Council for Non
Custodial Parents. 


 
My Story : I have been alienated from my now 11 year old daughter for 8 years. I do not know where she is. He father took her. Saying if I tried anything to get her I would be killed. I did nothing, even though I have legal vistation, he has denied me the right to see her. I cry alot about this. I have 4 more children now an dwant them to know thier sister. I do not think this is fair and I want so much to do something, but he is protected by the law, the "Privacy Act" yet I am labeled a deadbeat because I can not afford the child support, I am on assistance I can't afford an pop after I pay my bills. I have told my 4 children about their sister and someday we will see her. I do not know what he has said about me, or what he has made me out to be, but I know the truth and I hope to share it with her one day. The beatings I took, because I didn't put him first, the fact he would not allow me to see her after my second child was born. I do love her and I miss her terribly. I honestly think people who stop the other parent from seeing thier child is the awlful person, especially if it is out of spite. I do believe in karma, what goes around, comes around.




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