"Baby Jordan" - Harold Miner

Remember Harold Miner? No? That's probably because he was a mediocre player who only spent four seasons in the NBA.

In all fairness, his nickname was only slightly appropriate because he won two Slam Dunk contests, just like His Airness.

Still though... you could've just called him "Baby Spud Webb," or better yet "Baby Isiah Thomas".

"Stevie Franchise" - Steve Francis

When you think of guys to build franchises around, what names come to mind? LeBron James. Sure. Kobe Bryant. Yeah. Carmelo Anthony. Okay.

Not Francis though, whose career-high PPG is 21.6 and who has taken a team to the playoffs just once during his 10-year career.

Seriously, he goes undrafted in most fantasy leagues for a reason, folks.

"CB4" — Chris Bosh
"CP3" — Chris Paul

Congratulations guys, your nicknames make you sound like Star Wars droids.

"Bad Porn" — Corey Maggette

Is it because no one wants to see him?
Is there some hilarious story behind this? Someone help me out here.

Fine, it may be weird and inappropriate, but it's better than "Uh-oh, Maggette-O." Right?

"The Waiter" — Toni Kukoc

I mean, he kind've looks like the Maitre'd at some fancy restaurant, sure — but there were no better nicknames you could give him, NBA? Wait, of course there were:

"The Croatian Sensation"
"The Pink Panther"
"White Magic"

I guess this goes in the "Huh?" category because I'd have trouble understanding him when he asks me if I have a reservation or not.

"The Big Smooth" — Sam Perkins

Okay, so he was 6'9", so yeah. And before hitting the gym somewhere along the way between Seattle and Indiana he was kind of...round.

Well, fine. It's better than "Sam Porkins", right?

"The Hick From French Lick" — Larry Bird

I'm too young to know for sure if this was ever used on-air by some play-by-play announcer, but in these times of political correctness, it'd be hard for me to believe Marv Albert going: "Parish. To McHale. Finds Bird outside, and he makes the jumper! That's 23 points for 'The Hick From French Lick.'"

"The Enormous Mormon" — Shawn Bradley

This one, although it's a no-brainer, seems like the kind of thing that someone yelled out at him while angry. Maybe a coach, or a teammate.

"How hard is it to block! You're 7'6" for Chrissakes! Get into the game you Enormous Mormon!"

"Missionary Impossible" — Shawn Bradley

Nobody really liked Shawn Bradley, did they? This one works on several levels.

"Chubby" — John Cox III

Don't know this one? He's Kobe Bryant's uncle. He also played for the Washington Bullets in 1982. It's also really hard to find a picture of him.

And his nickname... wow. That's it. I'm out.