Celebrate womanhood everyday: Khushbu

Actress Khushbu, the Guest Editor of the Women's Day special issue, in a freewheeling chat talks about women's empowerment, the challenges she faced in her life and the road ahead for youngsters...

IDEA OF EMPOWERMENT: The freedom to do what I wish to do, the way I want.

DO YOU THINK SUCH FREEDOM EXISTS?: No. It does not. Sometimes in our everyday lives, the roles we take up as women — as a wife, mother, daughter, or sister — we always restrict ourselves from doing things. So when you talk about freedom for women, there is no 100 per cent freedom. Somewhere down the line, you definitely restrict yourself for the kinds of roles you have to play.

RESTRICTIONS: My restrictions have never extended to someone coming and telling me to do or not do something. My restrictions have been of a personal nature, where I refrain from doing something or acting a certain way. Whatever choice I've made in my life, for all its rights and wrongs, have been mine. At the same time, I see to it that I use the same energy into something creative.

MULTI-FACETED MULTI-TASKER: As long as you prioritize what you want in life, it's easy to manage multiple things. You just need to know what your top priority is and everything else will just fall in place. There was a time when women were happy being a housewife. But today, they want to go out into they world; they want to multi-task, be independent, or financially independent. If you've decided to go out into the world and fight it, then you should not complain about it being tough.

CELEBRATING WOMEN'S DAY: I do not endorse Women's Day. I don't even know why March 8 is regarded as Women's Day. I believe every day should be one to celebrate womanhood. And every woman should be celebrated.

ENTRY INTO FILMS: I had a smooth entry into films. By 1986, I had done a few Hindi films and Venkatesh noticed me in a song and suggested to his father to take me on as the lead. That was my entry into Telugu films. From there, it was mouth-to-mouth publicity until I was asked to do a film opposite Rajinikanth. But director Bharathiraja thought I had a crooked nose and rejected me (laughs). It wasn't until later that I finally got to do a film with him.

CHANGING TIMES: The times have changed from when I was growing up. We should not compare the society we are living in now to how it was years ago, especially when it comes to raising kids. When I was growing up in Mumbai, we lived in a very secular environment. We were a middle income family. Also, I was the only girl child from the only Muslim family in the entire locality. There were no mobile phones, no independent houses or any such luxuries, but it was quite carefree being a kid. Children face a lot of pressure these days — school, various classes after school, the kind of exposure and how they deal with it. It's very different now. My husband and I spend a lot of time with our kids and we share a lot with each other.

MARRIED LIFE: On March 9, we complete 12 years of being married. Then there was the five years of romancing each other before that. So we've known each other for 17 years. We've literally grown up together. I wouldn't have got where I am if not for Sundar. He never pushes his ideas on anyone. He's always been open with his opinions, but has always made clear that the choice is mine.

SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIPS: It might take years to understand someone or it might happen overnight. You learn to respect each other and you continue to love each other as much as you did when you first met. We don't try to change each other. We've learnt to accept each other as we are and we try to keep each other happy. We just cannot do without each other. I believe marriages fail because of expectations.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE: When I married Sundar, we didn't really face a lot of opposition because of our religions. I am an atheist. I do not believe in any religion but I believe in humanity. My husband, meanwhile, is a Murugan devotee. We don't force our religious backgrounds or beliefs on our kids.

FAVOURITE ACTOR: Aravind Swami
FAVOURITE CO-STAR: Karthik
LAST FILM I ENJOYED: Nanban (I loved 3 idiots so much that I watched three shows back to back. And, I've seen Nanban twice already!)
FILM WITH A STRONG WOMAN CHARACTER: Mouna Raagam
WOMEN IN ENTERTAINMENT... There was a time when it was believed that girls from good families don't come into cinema. That thought has changed today. Educated women have come into cinema today. Many complain that the girls have nothing much to do on screen except for a few minutes of screen time. But I believe that's where the real challenge lies. With the kind of time on screen, the actress has to make an impression. When it comes to directors, Tamil cinema does not have a director like Farah Khan who could do a complete entertainment film against the popular view that women directors can take up only serious movies or subject-oriented films with a social message.

PLANS TO DIRECT... It's too time consuming. I see my husband during the post-production of his films. There have been times when he would head to the studio and spend day there, not coming back. I can't do that. I need to come back to my family every evening.

ACTING... I think I have crossed the stage where I'd eagerly look at playing specific 'characters'. At this stage you don't want to do a film because you're looking at proving yourself as a good actor or to financially support yourself or because you're in the rat race. At this stage you have to do a film because it satisfies the creativity in you. As an actor, you have to understand the cycle of your career. You need to understand that you can only play the lead character for a certain amount of time after which you need to look at other roles. My entry into films was fine. Being successful is not difficult. But sustaining that success is the hard part.

THE GENRE DEBATE... Every film is a serious film. It is a medium that employs a lot of people. People put their time, money and hard work into it. Some directors make purely commercial movies while others focus on taking it to a festival. But you must be perfectly clear about whether it is intended for the masses or for the festival crowds. BEING A

ROLE MODEL.... I don't want to be a role model. But I want to help people understand that you can succeed in whatever you put your mind on. I don't want people to blindly follow me and say, 'she made a mistake so it is ok for me to make the same ones'. What matters is to make a mistake, have the guts to understand that you have indeed committed one, and then rectify. You can never shield someone from making mistakes. In fact, you have to make mistakes, fall down and learn for yourself. Don't try and be somebody or follow somebody. Compete with yourself.

STAR VALUE... For my kids, their father is the star in the family. They still haven't caught on to the fact that I used to be a lead actress too. They see their father doing films, acting and directing big actors. For them, Amma is always home and around them.