A Guide to Having Orgasms - Information for Pre-Orgasmic Women

Illustration by PatsyYou Are Not Alone

If you are not experiencing orgasm during your sexual activities you may believe there is no common ground between you and your peers. This may cause you to feel alone and isolated, with no one to turn to for guidance and support. You most likely have been led to believe everyone else is experiencing mind-blowing orgasms, every time they participate in a sexual activity.

The information we receive from the mass media does appear to indicate all women are highly orgasmic. Sex scenes in popular movies show orgasm occurring effortlessly for all women in a matter of seconds. In movies, women experience orgasm in what amounts to five to thirty seconds of passionate sexual activity. This often becomes our expectation of a perfect woman and wonderfully fulfilling sex. We are shown fantasy but take it to be reality.

In reality your peers experience sexual challenges too, in one form or another. Four out of every ten women report some degree of sexual dissatisfaction.

The vast majority, dare I say all, women will know what it is like to be unable to experience orgasm at some point in their life. The woman who does not experience it is so rare she is more a product of fantasy than reality. When this orgasmic impairment occurs, how often, and the duration of each occurrence varies from woman to woman. As an example, a woman's menstrual cycle may cause her to be unable to experience orgasm at regular and frequent intervals because of hormonal changes within her body. From my perspective, taking into consideration the questions and comments I receive, orgasmic impairment is a very common occurrence.

Orgasmic impairment does not discriminate based on age, race, ethnicity, religion, education, or sexual orientation, experience, or inexperience. Certain life situations and experiences certainly increase the likelihood of it occurring but no one is exempt from it. While we may attribute this situation solely to adult women, increasingly it is teens who are feeling abnormal. While lesbian sex is more likely to include and focus on clitoral stimulation, they experience it too, as do women with and without partners, women with more than one partner, and women in short and long term relationships. The well educated and financially secure are no more immune than are the less educated and impoverished.

Sexual experience, in absence of orgasm, can actually become an ever-increasing hindrance, because of greater feelings of personal frustration and failure, and the possibility of decreasing emotional and physical intimacy with your partner. If you are pre-orgasmic, or presently unable to experience orgasm, you are not a member of an exclusive group but rather an inclusive one. You are not alone.

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