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@scottsimpson is blocked
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Nope that's not a typo—I am a Brian surgeon.
10 retweets 44 favoritesHulu Plus is cool because they bring the TV industry's active hatred of their customers into the 21st century.
79 retweets 156 favoritesBART SERVICE ADVISORY: 24th St. Mission, Civic Center, and Powell St. stations currently smell like buttz.
9 retweets 24 favorites50-year-old white men look like they want to kick a dog.
9 favoritesEverybody just uses the black emojis now right? 🏿
4 retweets 14 favoritesGouldschläger: like Goldschläger but instead of gold, tiny snips of Elliott Gould's hair.
4 retweets 24 favoritesNice to be back in Seattle, land of roof racks, performance fleece, and zero eye contact.
19 retweets 59 favoritesSome sentences I hope I get to say someday: "I'm a grandpa!" "Thank you for this amazing award." "Get out of the car, Linda."
8 retweets 30 favoritesAs a kid I took a hydroponics class & only realized 20 years later I'd been hangin out with the rural Pennsylvania counterculture.
2 retweets 14 favoritesBy law, all raw food restaurants must have a fart room.
8 retweets 20 favoritesApple Watch is gonna be the Google Bus of clothes.
12 retweets 31 favoritesDoing a weed-themed show at a bar in the heart of the Haight on 420. Not my nightmare at all.
2 retweets 19 favorites#MadMen is great but they've gone a little overboard with the facial hair. pic.twitter.com/06tEaPacUY
If you're the first person to get cancer from vaping, even doctors will make fun of you
15 retweets 50 favorites"Aw come on, just let us have this." —People who have always had everything
21 retweets 69 favoritesPrepping for tonight's book launch show w @BJanosch and @scottsimpson. No matter what happens, WE WILL HAVE PROGRAMS. pic.twitter.com/625UXFYWsn
Money is overrated, unless you want a thing and would like to have it.
45 retweets 78 favoritesI'd rather propose gun control in the South than dog control in San Francisco.
5 retweets 16 favoritesTwitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup.
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