That's my body up there. Fat, naked and unapologetic. Something I've had to learn the hard way; if your sexual partner hates on your body, you don't need them in your life. You definitely don't owe them sex that makes you feel inadequate. Loving your body, fat or not takes time and practice. It pays off tenfold, rewarding so many aspects of your life.
I'm still on the road to loving my body unconditionally. Experience has helped me shed light on my insecurities when it comes to sexual intimacy. I'd cringe inside when my partner touched my fat or a part of my body I hated. I'd have severe mental break downs after sex, and an uncontrollable desire to alter my body because of it. I know first hand that losing weight doesn't all of the sudden give you a magical sex life. It's such a taboo that thin or fit people have amazing body image and therefore, sex. When I lost copious amounts of weight I was the same insecure person only 100lbs lighter. When I started working on loving my body and myself things got easier. Weight in regards to your sex life is a complete non-issue, the issue is the confidence you have in your body. Whatever your body shape is you are completely valid in seeking healthy sexual gratification.
On the flip side I've seen some negative body image traits in my male partners as well. I've dated men with pretty diverse body shapes from overweight to fit. I've encountered men who were just as insecure as me when it came to nudity. Then, there were men who ripped their clothes off and stood tall and proudly naked in front of me. I had a partner tell me, nonchalantly after sex while pinching my belly fat, I'd be the perfect girlfriend if I lost 20 pounds. I had a partner look at me in disgust when I undressed as if it were a crime to be in love with my fat body. I've had a prospective partner tell me I should be "happy" he wants to have sex with me because he is clearly more attractive. I've also encountered men and women who could only talk about me with love; my facial features, the curve of my thighs or the softness of my body.
This is why being comfortable with your naked body, for yourself is so important. Fall in love with your naked body. Love every single inch of it unconditionally. It translates not only to more gratifying sexual experiences but healthier relationships. It cultivates body love and appreciation in those you connect with sexually or not. I want to be part of a society where everyone is exposed to naked body diversity. In a world where every body you see is edited, it's healthy to see what a real, unaltered body looks like. We can have body hair, acne, scars or stretch marks and still feel sexy. We have unique body parts and it's important to recognize that when society places so much value on unattainable attributes.
If you're curious, my bath water is blue and full of seaweed because I used the Big Blue bath bomb by Lush. It's so lovely. Filled with sea salt and lavender, it makes me feel like a mermaid.
In part two, I'll talk about some steps I took towards attaining a better body image that translated to better sexual experiences. If you have any questions, comments or just want to tell your story, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.