Unwanted CHILD

This Is What KOBEN Looks Like In 2015 (Video Blog)

Everyone asks me one question. What are you doing? Or I don’t know what your are doing? I this video blog post I have answered this question… Watch it now… Here is the links shown in the video.. Fightyourinfertility.com Tonsilstoneremedies.net Praveenbenblog.com Pinchofyum.com...

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My mother’s response doesn’t shock me

Just now I had my evening tea and come back to my office. When I’m having tea I spoke to my mother to know the status of loan against the house property. Remember… Last month when I told my mother about my cash flow problem she said that an application for 5 lakh loan has been submitted to the bank and they promised to give the loan during first week of this month. Based on this promise I have given a world to my house owners and staff members…. Just now my mother confirmed that it may take one more month for loan to be processed… This news doesn’t cause any shock to me…. Because… I have been experiencing insensitivity and indifference of my mother and brother for the last one year about this issue. This I have been blogged extensively through my various blog posts… My mother’s apathy put me in the following deep troubles… My company’s assessments still pending. Bank EMIs not paid during last three months. My credit history damaging. My bank loan opportunity dwindling. Pressure from staff and house owner about their dues. Cash flow problem crushing my family: I’m finding it very difficult even to meet our basic needs. As she’s not my birth mother perhaps she’s not feeling my pain. The reasons for apathy of my family members: They think that I’m wrong they are right. As they feel I’m wrong naturally they are indifferent and insensitive. Here I want to tell you whether I’m right or wrong they will realize it in another 30 days. None of these troubles can shake my confidence. Break the silence and respond I appeal to all the family members to break their silence and respond to the situation… If you miss this opportunity you will miss this opportunity forever… You may doubt as to how to respond… You can respond in two ways Adjust some money that you are comfortable… Even a small amount can help me in getting over this situation. Communicating my problem to my mother and see that something is done to get over my problem… I’m not begging Don’t think that I’m asking for a donation… What I’m asking is a small loan that can be payable to you along with interest in the month of May… Silence will break the relationships You may be thinking that you have already helped me and there is no need to do now. I’m not denying whatever you have given me… I have publicly acknowledged what you have done to me through my blog posts… Here I want to conform that I’m going to repay what you have given to me along with interest in...

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Symptoms Of Childhood Emotional Wounds

If you get physical wound you go to the doctor and get the treatment till it heals… If it is an emotional wound it is not visible therefore you can’t find it…. Children in the formative age (from birth to the age of 7) are more prone to emotional wounds… Since we are unaware of these wounds we don’t take any corrective measures… Whether you know this or not these emotional wounds will impact the rest of life. If we don’t recognize this wounds they eventually end up with chronic diseases… How to recognize these wounds? Take my case study: Circumstances under which I grown up I have developed the following emotional wounds… (You can read the circumstances under which I grown up in my blog posts An unwanted child Unwanted Child Part – 2 Inner Child Released From Prison) Feeling neglected… Feeling lack of love… Feeling disconnected… How did I find them? I have one bad habit… Certain situations trigger my emotions and I immediately react wildly… This wild reaction is not planned or premeditated… It happens automatically without my full consciousness…. I recall few of these incidents so that you can comprehend…. Symptoms of my emotional wounds  Nandigama Gruhapravesam Christian pasters doing their players and cutting ribbons, moving into the rooms… This ritual triggered my anger resulting in my outburst against them… My Birth Parent Death Anniversary: The same kind of reaction from me…  Araku Valley… My Wife Birth Day… The same kind of reaction from me… Like this I can give more than 20 such experiences both in personal life and official life… I hope you got the point. These reactions from me are nothing but symptoms of my deeper childhood emotional wounds… Not my problem alone Don’t think that this is my problem alone… Every child undergoes hurtful experiences that result in deep emotional wounds… But the reactions vary from individual to individual… From my observation and intuitive knowing I can say that most of the people react to the situations by what we call in Telugu as “alagatam”… It is a silent resentment or protest for short period like child or long period of time like adults…. To sum it up Those who feel powerless react with silent resentment… Those who feel powerful react with wild or outrageous anger… Both these symptoms indicates emotional wounds… The bottom-line! Recognize your emotional wounds… Heal those wounds… Otherwise you end up with chronic diseases… I cover this topic extensively in my coming blog posts… Want to help Koben? Go here.. Give your comments...

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Unwanted Brother

Ever since I began blogging under “unwanted child” I have posted 22 blog posts…. All the blog posts are about my deeper emotional issues, having absolute relevance with all my family members… It is the story of me and my sisters and brother… Here are the blog posts I have posted; March 3, 2015 Why Am I Opening My Heart? An unwanted child Sinister brother Thankless sister March 4, 2015 I give up my rights on the assets March 5, 2015 Group1 Success Secret Raja Ram Raje Trusted March 6, 2015 Unwanted or Most Wanted? March 7, 2015 Sagar First Swarna Tell Half Truth March 8, 2015 Chinna Babu – Gods Messenger Ricky – the compassionate heart March 10, 2015 Unwanted Child Part – 2 March 11, 2015 Sunita – Got It Wrong I am Just Like My Mom March 13, 2015 Raja Responds Ben Brightens Tears Rolled Felt Ashamed Asking For Forgiveness 10 Days of Unwanted Child March 16, 2015 I Am a Bad Man Desires of an Unwanted Child Inner Child Released From Prison Blogging = Sharing my Feelings When I share my emotions through these blog posts I expect some response from my family members… Not necessarily they have to agree with me… They have every right to share their feelings… It doesn’t matter whether they agree or doesn’t agree… All that I expect is response… At the end of every blog post I have been encouraging them to give their response… But unfortunately their response to my 22 blog posts is almost zero… Except the call I have received from my eldest sister and a message received from second brother-in-law none of my family members responded to my blog posts. They have neither given comments nor talked to me… Silence They are maintaining silence… What does this mean? It is obvious that they are simply not concerned about me… Title dilemma While writing the title of this blog post I have considered the words like indifferent, insensitive so on and so forth… Since these phrases are judgmental in nature I have dropped these words… Instead I have chosen “unwanted brother” as the title of this blog post… I have not found any suitable word for this blog post… Consider these facts; 15 days of blogging… 22 blog posts… All the blog posts are relating to family issues… But there is no response from family members… Conclusion What conclusions can I draw based on these facts… Except feeling that… Am I unwanted brother? It is for them to respond… Give your comments...

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Inner Child Released From Prison

Yesterday I spoke to my mother… I have perceived a sense of indifference and impatience against me… Perhaps she’s receiving negative feedback about my blog posts… After I finish talking to her I sit for a while in silence…. I have followed my feelings deep down one by one… I could sense that she’s not going to reconcile about my feelings… I think what to do? My Desires I imagined my desires…. You can see my desires in my latest blog post “ desires of an unwanted child”… I have filtered my desires with that of GOD… One biblical verse comes to my mind… “He who began a good work in you will carry it” Philippians 1:6 Finally I have decided to move towards my desires, come what may… Inner Child Released Following the above decision I have decided to release my inner child who was in prison within me for the last 50 years… He was imprisoned because of my peddamma’s(Adopted mother’s) spankings, insults, shaming and timeouts…. Here I want to tell one thing… Every child under go more or less the same pain…. Every child suppress this under the subconsciousness… Unless one recognizes this and addresses the pain the inner child doesn’t allow you to grow fully… This is what we popularly call as self hate,  self denial, inferiority complex so on and so forth…. So! BEN (Inner child) has been released… Inner Child is in Action He is in action… He will not listen to any one … Everyone has to listen to him…. He will not beg… He knows his rights and how to get it… He will exercise his rights… Now he doesn’t care spankings, insults and shaming. Even time-outs and withdrawals don’t deter him. The only way to make peace with him is by giving an unconditional love. He is exuberant… The reason being! Praveen + Ben He’s backed by PRAVEEN. Praveen could not be made to conform. He did not accept outdated beliefs… “Entrepreneurship is not for us...” He came to this world to change this belief…. He has undertaken this Gods mission… Now onwards BEN and PRAVEEN will work together following their desires… So! Get ready folks… Want to support KOBEN… Go here… Would you like to give a pat on the back… Give your comments...

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