They were dots on sheets, numbers on a list. The character selection was a game mechanic. Being an elf ranger from the coastal West meant you had certain skills, certain abilities. Because that's what those words meant. And every single elf ranger from the coastal west was roughly the same person. The real grist to the mill of the game was in the numbers. The numbers on your sheet defined how you played, what actions you took, how you interacted with the game. There was a lot of dice rolling.
Which was cool, because the game wasn't about people. It was about hitting bigger badder baddies with bigger, badder weapons. Additionally: taverns and loot. Either around a table or in a field.
Then the ballgowns arrived. They were shiny, intricately woven of beautiful many-coloured cloth and everyone wanted to try them on. Which they did.
Suddenly, the elf developed a guilty conscience about all the assassinations they had done. She confided her motivations to the cleric, to try and better understand what to do. The cleric was torn between the demands of his God that such wicked things were punished and his own feelings for the elf. The dwarf who was listening in deliberately misinterpreted this in order to further their own personal agenda with the paladin who was actually her hidden half-sister but could never know because of a promise to their dying mother.
In the background, a monster was attacking but that's dungeons for you.
***
OK. Fine. It wasn't like that. I've never played D&D. I just can't help but to make a story out of it because that's the sort of gamer I am. Onwards!
Recently I've been talking with people about game style. I've been introducing a few new people to LARP and we've been looking not at the types of characters they could play, because they are inventive people and already have ideas, but at the way games are played. The "how do I do this?" of it all.
And the word "ballgowner" has come up a few times. I've heard it used mockingly once or twice, especially in association with more social / political games such as Vampire, but mostly it's a neutral term for the type of player who gets their game from the interactions between characters. It's a ballgowner because of ballgowns, obviously. You don't need a ballgown to do it. And it's not an either / or, better / worse thing It's a playing style which you can use. Almost all of my characters are ballgowners because it's how I like to play. That said, I haven't worn an actual dress to a LARP in years.
So, what are the main components?
CHARACTER, CHARACTER, CHARACTER
Fundamentally, it's about characters talking to characters about their character stuff. This means you need to have a character and character stuff. So when you design who you are going to play, you create a personality as well as a history. You are more than a list of things you've done, or your race or culture. Those things might *inform* your personality, but they aren't the whole story of who you are. Of course, it's not what your are telling, it's how you tell it that makes it really sing. There is no drama in reciting monotone your personal backstory to whoever might listen. There is a lot of drama in reacting in a particular way to a situation in a manner that prompts someone to ask: "why did you do that?"
Your character is an evolving, ongoing person who is learning and changing. They have strengths and weaknesses (I have a fondness for roleplaying weakness, I'll admit). Ballgowning is a process through which you tell the story of who you are with others as you roleplay through your reactions to situations. This means there's a tendency to stay in character for longer, and to stay more in-character through "dull" quiet situations, like walking through the woods after a battle or encounter. These moments which are technically outside of the game (there are no monsters, no NPCs, just players not really doing much) are great opportunities to simply talk. Dinner parties are also a favourite.
I am not saying that ballgowners have a deeper, richer or "better" character than anyone else, but it is a focus of that playing style. It's also for this reason that ballgowners are often the people who are still in-character, still roleplaying out some totally game irrelevant aspect of their relationship at 4am, probably with crying. We love it.
COSTUME
There is a big connection between costuming, look-and-feel and ballgowning. Because of the "live" component in Live Action Roleplay you need to look the part to play the part. It helps others know (or even better, fool them into thinking they know) what part you are playing. This is telegraphed through costume as well as speech and behaviour. Ballgowners do this a lot. They will have costume detail that expresses truths and lies about their character. Items they wear or hold will have history, and often exist to be given as gifts in crucial bonding moments.
As I've said before, you don't need a ballgown. You also don't need *expensive* costume. You do need *thoughtful* costume. Because your character has a personality, and because they are story-telling machine what you are wearing is one of the tools of how you engage people in your story. Or, better, how you engage your character in *their* story. You don't need to be a rich high status character to play in this style - you can do it in rags. I've done it in a suit, in combat trousers and a leather jacket and in my perennial costume choice of "stuff I got from the charity shop for £10". The effort came in knowing where in the game world the suit was tailored, in having a little story for the jacket.
MOVERS AND SHAKERS
Ballgowning has an outward and game-giving element. There's a focus on the desires and fears of other characters outside the arena of combat. Social situations are the battleground here. Ballgowners wield weapons of manipulation, social power, emotional blackmail (and actual blackmail). They know who you are. They know your friends and your enemies. They can help you get more of either. Sometimes they also wield *actual* weapons. Note that wearing a frock never automatically made anyone any less dangerous. Aside from the fact that you could probably fit an entire arsenal under a hoop skirt, sometimes it's the quiet word in a particular ear that really wins the battle.
Ballgowners are not necessarily *always* combatative in that sense, although the cut-and-thrust of political drama and intrigue is one of the go-to places for that sort of game. Some of them are more interested in romance related plot and look to find characters who might want to fall in love. Doomed romance is a big theme, naturally, because whilst happily ever after is a good ending it is an ending. And that means the story is over.
FEELINGS (WOAH, WOAH, WOAH FEELINGS)
Ballgowning is heavily into emotional roleplay if you are going to do it, you need to tread carefully in terms of what other *players* are interested in doing. Not everyone wants to play through their emotions, not everyone wants to play through *all* of their emotions and a lot of consideration needs to go into who you decide to play these roles with and how. Just like we have a requirement to fight safely, there's a requirement to emotionally roleplay safely. Characters are played by people. Those people will have had their own lives and experiences. You don't know what those are. Just like someone might have a knee injury and you don't know about it. We don't tread on people's feelings in the same way that we don't stamp on their knees.
Most games have rules around the really difficult and potentially upsetting areas such as whether talking about sexual assault or harm to children is acceptable. That's usually it, beyond the "don't be a dick" unspoken rules. Unspoken rules are tricky, because what works for one person, doesn't for another. Therefore, if you are going to play with feelings you need to check in OC.
I do this in a few ways. I know certain people like playing in this way, so I tend to make a beeline for those people at games. I go to games with a shared background with the people I'm going to ballgown heavily with. If we're going to get Dark And Real (we are, we probably are) I'll sometimes include some kind of OC agreement on what is and isn't ok to talk about, if touching is ok and if so, what kind. Obviously, you will inevitably end up roleplaying on-the-fly with someone you don't know. This is part of the fun of it. You can usually tell whether someone is receptive to this play style after a few sentences. If they aren't, then find someone who is. There's no point emoting at someone who isn't interested in that gameplay. You will just annoy each other. It's a little like flirting with someone, really. If they are into it, great! I do not automatically go for the big guns first, if it's someone I don't know. Light chat about nothing of importance can be a really nice way of getting to know someone. After all, if *I* haven't met the player before, my character hasn't met the character, so let's chat.
If things do seem to be getting serious, I may tap someone on the shoulder to ask if they are ok, or chat to them after time-out. This is especially the case if I've been aggressive, cruel or sexual. It can be hard to know precisely when you've upset the character (good!) or if you've accidentally upset the player (bad!). Sometimes you need to apologise. Same as if you accidently hit someone too hard. That's all ok - it can often make for better OC relationships, which in my experience give better IC relationships.
And therefore, more people to ballgown with in the future.