An all-Yiddish-speaking Canada. What is your greatest fear?
Pork. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Moses, who proved that its all about who you know. Which living person do you most admire?
Pink. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Let me see. Im thinking. Can I get back to you on this? O.K., procrastination. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Outing a C.I.A. agent because youre pissed about something else. What is your greatest extravagance?
My dog, Izzy. A big poodle so smart hes now learning how to punch up my scripts. What is your favorite journey?
The journey from the Manitoba tundra to subbing for Johnny Carson. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Taking over a country and forcing democracy on it. On what occasion do you lie?
Mostly after Ive seen anyone perform. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
Maintaining it. Which living person do you most despise?
I dont despise people, but a lot of them sure annoy the hell out of me. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"Hes a big dog, but hes very friendly." What is your greatest regret?
When I stood short and did it their way. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Obviously my lovely wife, whos bound to read this. When and where were you happiest?
During Watergate, when I was comparing Nixons face to a foot. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Less raw sensuality. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Being on Nixons enemies list. If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
Frank Sinatras dick—the early years. What is your most treasured possession?
The memory of my brother. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
My daughters dating during their teenage years. Where would you like to live?
In infamy. Barring that, Malibu. What is your favorite occupation?
Mine. Hanging out with friends whose job is to make people laugh. What could be better? What is your most marked characteristic?
There is no level of incompetence that I cant identify with. What is the quality you most like in a man?
I like a man who can come to my house and fix things. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
The same as above. What do you most value in your friends?
Theyre funny. Funny matters. Who are your favorite writers?
Mark Twain. Philip Roth. Paddy Chayefsky. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Tonto. Imagine how hard it is to be the friend of the Lone Ranger. What is it that you most dislike?
Pretension. How would you like to die?
Quickly, after getting a laugh. What is your motto?
"When the owl screams, the hunter pisses on his boot."