Don't look for hot sex or boiled bunnies in Obsessed, a mild-mannered version of Fatal Attraction that seems to be hoping racial politics will fill in for a script.
How does this happen?
Obsessed concerns a happily married man, his wife, and the crazy woman who starts stalking him at work.
At first the stalking is annoying, then it's creepy, then it's menacing, then the police get involved.
Then there's a fight -- all this is in the trailer, so it's not like we're giving anything away -- and then it's over.
We are not making this up.
It's so boring.
Somebody at the screening we attended pronounced it the worst movie he'd ever seen.
There's no tension. There's no ambiguity. There's no character development.
There is that catfight between Beyonce and Ali Larter, of course, but it's not $12 worth.
Idris Elba and Beyonce Knowles star as a happily married couple in Obsessed. They're just moving into a new house at the beginning of the movie, and it's quickly established that they have it all -- including a year-old son.
Elba's character is a money manager, and one day Ali Larter turns up as a temp in his office.
She's smart and flirtatious. Elba's character is very careful around her, because he has a reputation as a former player and because his wife used to be his secretary.
Elba's best friend (Jerry O'Connell, with a bad haircut and worse dialogue) wanders through the story.
Larter throws herself at Elba at work, at a Christmas party and in the parking lot at the office.
He isn't even tempted. He tells her to back off.
Beyonce stays home and unpacks boxes in the new house.
On New Year's Eve, Larter e-mails a picture of herself to Elba. Oooooo! Scary boys and girls!
There's no tension, no ambiguity.
There's no character development.
We'll just keep repeating that until you believe it.
The performances in Obsessed aren't particularly bad or anything like that, but everybody seems to be in a separate movie.
Beyonce hasn't got nearly enough to do, and as Elba is cast as a saint, his interactions with Larter have no juice.
Come to think of it, there's no apparent chemistry between Elba and Beyonce, either.
This is a chemistry-free movie.
So what is it about?
Does the movie have some kind of racial agenda?
Is it all about hearing Beyonce sing Smash Into You?
Was there a plot hole contest?
A dubious event competition?
An unlikely development showdown?
All of the above?
(This film is rated 14-A)
