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My daughters are active participants in Joint Youth Ministry. I have a lot to do with their participation. Their older sister was involved for many years which I encouraged. The program provided a much needed escape for her at critical teenage years.
Lisa Jacobs’ boundless energy continues to be a driving source for the program’s success.
It is with deepest regrets that I must inform you that the program has a major flaw: it abuses children. I know off hand that seems like a bold statement. It is also a true one.
You see, Joint Youth Ministry is on a quest to help children in need. So its success is tied to identifying children in need. That is exactly the type of scenario a parental alienator needs to spin their magic.
Parental alienators will stop at nothing to forcibly remove the other parent from a child’s life. That includes telling JYM staff whatever is necessary to coax them into helping strip the other parent away with unsubstantiated stories of abuse or neglect.
Here are some the key problems that need to be resolved at JYM from my perspective:
#1 JYM isn’t interested in the Truth
If someone walks into JYM and spins a story of woe – especially one where children are at risk – there is little done to substantiate the facts. The knee jerk reaction is to protect the kids.
Not all scary stories of threatening parents are true. Following one side of a marital conflict is a recipe for disaster.
#2 JYM doesn’t understand or recognize Parental Alienation
This is common. Society in general is just beginning to understand parental alienation. One of the most difficult concepts to grasp is that children naturally cling to and validate their abuser.
There is some decent videos if you would like a bit more info on parental alienation, the courts, and how this is counterintuitive:
#3 JYM will actively participate in divorces
Years ago I showed up at my ex’s house for a planned visitation. I simply knocked on the front door. My ex’s reaction was to call the police. I calmly sat on the doorstep and waited for the police to arrive, explained the situation and when they recommended I get a court order, I left. The hysteria behind the event was generated by my ex.
During the event, my ex put someone at JYM on the phone with my daughter to pray with her because “she was scared that I had arrived”. JYM came to the rescue and became intimately involved in a divorce they knew nothing about.
Later in the case, JYM provided onsite babysitting for my ex at the divorce courthouse showing their support for her side. These types of interactions are subtle forms of parental alienation and build cases in the kids’ minds that the other parent must be in the wrong.
#4 JYM isn’t Honoring Thy Father
Regardless of what my ex and our broken Family Courts say, JYM should be accountable to the word of God. This is the main reason I have not been an active participant in organized religion since I was young: hypocrisy.
- I am a loving, nurturing parent
- I have no criminal record
- I don’t abuse drugs or alcohol
- I have no history of any type of abuse to anyone
Due to my ex, a broken Family Court system and Joint Youth Ministry, I have been completely, forcibly removed from my children for the next three years of their lives. The scenario is unethical, Unconstitutional and abusive to both my children and myself.
Several men in prison on felonies currently have more access to their kids than I do.
Our situation would be comical if it weren’t so tragic.
JYM hopes to feed the homeless. Yet they support a divorce system that eliminate fathers while driving them into homelessness.
Lisa Jacobs avoids my emails because it allows her to believe the only side of the story she wants to hear; the one that makes JYM heroic in saving my kids from an abusive parent.
“I’d rather stand alone speaking for truth and justice than stand silent in a crowd”
Thanks for taking the time to understand my case. Please follow and participate in Shared Parenting initiatives. They will help save thousands of children from the fate of mine: complete removal of a loving parent.
Watch for April 25th Events: Parental Alienation Awareness Day.
One of the leading indices in predicting the healthy development of our children is simple loving affection from their father. By law, my children aren’t permitted to hug their father for the next three years of their life. I can either wait three years or drive myself broke waging an endless war in a corrupt, broken court system.
I am hopeful that JYM reviews their policy regarding blocking me from my kids in violation to God’s word.
http://shirt.woot.com/ sells shirts. A lot of shirts. But just as important is the traffic. They get about 750,000 visits per day. One of their on-going gimmicks is an online design contest at: http://shirt.woot.com/derby. The winning shirts normally hang around several weeks gaining sales, and for us just as importantly — eyes.
To be in the derby is free but the design much match their theme. Today’s theme is obscure calendar holidays.
April 25th – Parental Alienation Awareness Day!
Whether my design or another artist’s PA design wins matters not to me. This is a marketing endeavor and the world needs to see this is important.
Please vote. I will work to keep this page updated with any artist that submits a PA Awareness Day shirt.
Voting ends on Monday at noon CST.
Truth in advertising
It is not my intention to make a dime on this endeavor for anyone. That said, to have an active voting account at shirt.woot, you must have made a purchase on their site. If I win, I’ll donate winnings by purchasing shirts for mass distribution.
Thanks for taking part.
Thank you are for your kind words and on-going support. I am hopeful my daughters will not be long-term statistics in this ugly war.
I look forward to the day when parental alienation is curtailed by the only force strong enough to take it on: public outrage. If a child is physically assaulted in a public park, people would not just stand there. Yet the abuse alienated children take is just as traumatic.
This isn’t a government thing or a court thing. It’s a community thing. We as an American community need to recognize PA and let people blocking children from parents know: “this is not okay”.
I am optimistic that the message of shared parenting and ending PA remain strong in the media eye. Thanks for your help in promoting that cause.
Anyone with basic life skills would agree we should set goals and then go achieve them. Non-custodial parents no longer have this luxury for a number of reasons:
#1 We Can’t Control Our Income
Anything, at any moment, can be brought to court by our exes to wreak havoc on financial planning. No need to belabor this point.
#2 We Can’t Control Custody
Abusive exes use custody as a means of control.
Most obvious: Blocking custody
A court ordered custody schedule is nearly meaningless while police officers continually refuse to get involved. So while other families jovially plan their holidays, divorced couples frequently avoid the topic merely hoping the kids will actually arrive.
In addition to the heartbreak, there are financial risks in making any plans when you are blocked from your kids.
It is not uncommon for victims of parental alienation to spend thousands in plane tickets and hotel reservations in anticipation of their childrens’ arrival to simply be denied visitation altogether.
Divorce savvy parents simply stop making plans that can not be changed or cancelled last minute.
Last winter we made summer plans in anticipation of having our kids. Tom predictably blocked them again but we were able to get full refunds for our cancellations.
Less obvious: Control of giving you the kids
Narcissists need to believe you are serving their needs. So at some random time, when you least expect it, some are willing to allow you to act as their babysitters with little to no notice. When the custody schedule they boldly fought for in court suddenly becomes inconvenient, they occasionally reach out – allowing you to cover the kids under their terms; sometimes under supervision. It’s all about control.
Unfortunately, many parents are pulled into this trap “for the benefit of the kids”; taking the abusive manipulation as the only means to have access to their kids. This mindset also makes it impossible to make your own plans as you serve the needs of the narcissistic ex.
Parents dealing with sporadic, alienating exes don’t have the luxury of planning for the arrival of their kids. Life is on the fly: not because they lack the skills to plan — they lack the control in their lives.
#3 We Can’t Control Where We Live
Our choice of living situation has great bearing on our custody, child support arrangements and access to our kids. We are no longer “free”.
#4 The List Goes On
For anyone behind in child support (again, recalling that child support has little correlation to supporting kids), the efficient child support collection machine can and will impose any of the following to insure compliance:
- Drain your bank account(s)
- Seize your assets, including the home you live in
- Take your driver’s license
- Take your passport
- Take credentials like doctor’s license
Non-custodial parents aren’t free. They are slaves trapped in the system. And if there was any hope, it would be having the ability to sit down and plan a future for themselves. With minimal control of their income, home and banking, it is no wonder that so many simply become to defeated to get off the couch.
Scheduled June 19 Rallies
California – Sacramento
Note to Rally Organizers: Please post video coverage of rallies to youtube and email links to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will do my best to compile all video coverage I receive.
March for Awareness
The State of CA family court is forcing Sarah, a mother of three, with a difficult choice: pay for child abduction or go to prison.
Publicized divorce cases tend to have grey areas. Not this one. Both the facts and Sarah’s choices are crystal clear.
Sarah is being threatened with imprisonment by the State of California for not paying her ex, Tom DeMelfi, tens of thousands of dollars for the service of having her children abducted by Tom.
Points that are not debated:
- Tom has stated he will do anything to have the children removed from their mother (recorded and provided to family court)
- Tom broke court orders on hundreds of occasions to prevent the children from seeing their mother. He admitted this under oath during their trial. During some stretches she was completely blocked from her kids for nearly a year.
- The State of CA (Judge Guasco) has determined that for the years that Tom illegally kept the kids, he should be paid retroactive child support.
There is absolutely nothing in Sarah’s history to indicate she should not have her children.
After the state rejected Sarah’s reasonable request of 50/50 custody, she was reduced to mere Sundays for visitations — a term any mother would recoil at.
Quickly Tom was able to obtain a frivolous court order essentially claiming Sarah was “calling names” to force her into the courtroom. Tom swiftly leveraged the scenario to completely block the children from their mother regaining his 100% custody. Tom has also returned to his practice of blocking communication with the kids by phone.
We live in a police state. People can purchase aggressive laws against average unsuspecting people and, like Hilter, if no one questions their authority, people will continue to be viciously imprisoned until enough people stand up for reform.
Despite clearly stating my First Amendment rights, I was recently court ordered to remove my divorce proceedings from the Walk for Lost Kids website because the content is deemed harmful to my children. Nothing has been removed or censored to date.
The site has also been used as evidence that Sarah should pay sanctions in her case despite the fact she is not responsible for any of its content.
Like others fighting the cause, we both continue to be fined, dragged into court and harassed for speaking out against the corruption in the family court system.
Keep the faith.
Please excuse the lapse in blogging. Like the rest of you, the holidays are a wild roller coaster of emotional baggage from yesteryears.
‘Twas memories of Christmas, before the ex-spouse
Now the courts are a trap and I am the mouse;
The stockings still boxed because I really don’t care,
I know on that day, no kids will be there;
The children all nestled and snug in their beds;
Are long ago visions in only my head;
And you in your misery, and I, an old sap,
May survive the season if we only could nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
PTSD! What’s the matter?!
Away to the window to unravel the caper:
The police? Child services? Served family court papers?
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Daring me to jump and just end it below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But some signs of a shift; tiny cracks in the mirror.
With news of some wins bringing something to cope,
I knew in a moment there must be some hope.
More rapid than eagles the updates they came,
And I rejoiced in the moment that I was really sane:
Divorce Corp! NPO!
Fix Family Courts – a good showing!
North Dakota keep it going!
Postings to YouTube! To the Facebook walls!
Like and share, like and share, like and share all.
One of these damn things in the media WILL fly!
And we WILL see some changes before we all die!
So push up the numbers of voices for change
In text, video – whatever we can arrange
Demonstrations by roadways; hell – get on the roof
With enough of us howling; maybe they’ll see the plain proof
“Our kids have been taken!” — This isn’t a drill.
Take the word to the streets and to Capitol Hill.
When you’ve flooded your laptop then start out on foot,
Crush tarnished judges. The system’s kaput!
The bundles of booty from all their kickbacks,
Need to be exposed. It is time to attack!
And while judges and attorneys use our cash getting merry
We’ll pull back the veil to make their coming year scary.
We’ll pass swift laws to make kids free to go,
Not to be abused pawns thrown about to and fro.
We’ll flood the media with stories that have real teeth,
That will draw out hard questions – the inquisitions beneath.
We’ll soon rid this world of premature kid goodbyes,
A shakeup to replace court orders full of lies.
Where judges got plump, on the cash that we earned,
We’ll laugh that fine day when we watch them get burned.
Cause when we have enough ears on the twists being said,
Soon their family court games will be nothing but dead.
Yes. December will suck. We will sulk. We will work,
As we figure our roles in exposing these jerks,
But in the next year, as the media swell grows,
Let’s say by next Christmas we’ll smell sweet as a rose!
And the Grinches that slayed us have had people blow whistles,
As they lose their carte blanc. We’ve diffused all their missiles.
Peace and love to the kidless.
Soon things will be set right.
Happy Christmas to all, never give up the fight!
Most walls are simply built of intimidation.
People find a child behind a false wall and suddenly there’s the idea that maybe this child is trapped against his will. What people don’t understand is that this practice is commonplace. It’s only people who build walls that get arrested.
Children are kept from parents in violation of court orders every day. It goes unnoticed and unpunished.
My partner’s daughter gets locked in her room by the step-parent and told she can’t leave until she says her mom is bad.
#1 – Since she’s only ten, she has no reason to believe this treatment isn’t normal; especially in light of the fact that dad permits it.
#2 – Like the boy in the story above, there are no signs for friends and neighbors. Her dad’s a “nice guy”. Most sociopaths are.
#3 – Abductions like this pay handsomely and savvy step-parents can cash in by being an involved parent when there’s money to be made and vanishing when the real parent gets caught
You don’t need a false wall to have a sign of wrong doing. You only need a child that is not seeing the other parent. Period.
Next time you meet a child who is not seeing a parent, I guarantee there’s a wall somewhere. And sometimes the child’s best hope of escape is a passing stranger smart enough to ask hard questions.