I am too close

I am too close to give up now.

It wasn’t easy,

and no one said it would be.

When I look back down that journey

that God brought me through

to get me to where I am today,

I realize I can never go back to those things,

I can only move forward.

Have I mentioned how far I’ve gotten?

I remember every morning before going to

school, I would cry to God to please help me,

help me get over this situation.

And that’s not all.

Every week, I went up for the alter call,

asking for the same thing over,

and over again.

That showed that I had no faith in him,

His promises were never broken,

so why did I try to confide in friends?

Those things were between me and God,

so I never spoke of them.

I simply asked, “Can you pray for me?

I need strength and guidance.”

One day my pastor told me, ” God hears you,

and he is answering. But in his own time,

and he has a purpose for all this,

so just be still and listen.”

I couldn’t understand it.

I just wanted the pain to go away.

I gained a relationship with God that most

people couldn’t understand.

I was always trying to impress him.

He had done things for me that no one in the

world can even touch or take away from me.

Now I stand before you,God,

to tell you how much I miss our relationship.

I miss it all.

I am tired of being tough,

acting like I can do it on my own,

I need you here to tell me when I’m wrong.

If I had just listened,

I would have never done what I’ve done.

I would be lying if I told you I don’t know what happened.

I know.

I confess to you Lord, you already know,

so I will refuse to say, I will wait another day.

Please forgive me for the times I fornicated, lied, cheated,

and for being envious of things I never needed.

I’ve allowed my flesh to dominate

and dominate me with worldly desires.

I have abandoned my position in Heaven.

I have tried it with my strength, my understanding,

and have found roadblocks, deadens, and disappointments.

God, I started seeking love and help elsewhere.

I know I hurt you.

But I know that you’ve never left me.

You’re here with me, even right now.

You’ve guided me, redirected me,

and you still love me.

Even through all the things I’ve done,

outside your will, you held on to me.

I owe it to you Lord, to live up to your expectations.

Please forgive me.

I won’t go back, I refuse to go back,

because I am too close.

I am too close to give up now.

I am too close.