Church of Broken Dreams

A grubby, human, dance.

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Bill ChristensenComment

See the above. Hey Lopes, your nightmare is happening again. This was sent in from someone who rode some trail somewhere and he was all up in a huff because he was ashamed that he was so vain to be on Strava. He should be, but that's besides the point, which is: the reason we all hate Lopes has nothing to do with how fast he is. It is because he is that guy. He just has to have his avatar as a pic of him being crowned with a gold metal. On top of the podium. Wearing his World Championship jersey. We get it, but what a disgrace. Why don't you take a page out of the Steve Peat Book of Being Likable once in a while? You should have Lee McCormack read it to you. 

You see, that World Championship wasn't in anything we care about, Brian. We also don't care that you're the fastest down some trail. 4X? Dual? A-line? Really? Let's play a game of Make a Deal: You keep making up disciplines to win, and we will continue not to care about your Arena/XC/Town/Jumpy Race rainbow jersey. Oh, and you've already burned through all of your sponsors and are now at the bottom of the barrel. A fun game I play in my mind is to think of who's dumb enough to give you money next. All of the good frame brands wrote you off (except for Intense, and I don't even know what's going on over there...we talked about this). Suspension brands: gone except for X-Fusion, and I made a call to Joel Smith (who will barely talk to me these days, but I still love him). You're only on X-Fusion because you still play in Europe and you're cheap, which is what I suspect is the case for the rest of your D-list sponsors. I don't mean to be rough on you, buddy, but you're basically licking up Dick Schley's sloppy seconds. Brakes? What're you on now, Tektro? Oakley sucks and cups my balls, but I'm borderline shocked you're still sponsored by 'em. Sure they're myopic, but I thought they would've seen through you a long time ago. Good on ya, I guess. 

Oh, and I got a message saying that because of my criticism, you'll probably kick my ass when you see me. True, and you could. But you've threatened to sue me once and I had to take down a site because of it. Never again. I don't care how much money you conned people out of... you burn as long as I'm alive. 

I also got another message, but this one was positive [in my eyes.] 

A friend delivered some pizzas to Palmer and his crew in the Vail area back in the day when Palmer was a thing. Palmer asked my friend for weed and when my friend said he didn’t have any, Palmer proceeded to treat the pizza boy like a dickhead. This little anecdote kinda sums up my take on Palmer.
— a contributor

Hey dickeaters [Palmer and Lopes, I mean], Happy Father's day. It's all down from here, so hopefully you had a good time.