Gallery of the Absurd

Instagrams of the Future: Caitlyn Jenner

A decade from now, Caitlyn Jenner will be known as a great American icon and our greatest cultural export. She will be adored and admired by millions and there are even college courses dedicated to study her life. In 2027, at the age of 77, She releases Caitlyn: A Peek Into My Boudoir, a best-selling coffee table book of saucy pin-up portraits of herself posing in sexy lingerie. Medium: digital paint.

Instagrams of the Future: Kylie Jenner

This is how I imagine Kylie Jenner’s Instagram feed will look 10 years from today.  She’ll still be vehemently denying the use of any cosmetic surgery and will have built a vast billion dollar empire peddling her Kylie’s Lip Kits to the masses. Medium: digital paint.

Urban Fairy Tale Characters of San Francisco: part TWO

I spotted her sitting on a bench surrounded by lush greenery and colorful flowers outside Cafe Flore in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco. Initially, I was drawn to the flaming orange hair, the purple velvet pants, and best of all, the glittery sandals. Friends who worked in the area told me she was a transgender homeless woman named Anastasia and although many offered to help her, she'd usually refuse and was known to have a bad temper. Some referred to her as "Tragedy Anne". I only saw her once, but she left such an impression on me that day because she looked like a majestic glowing lion sitting upon a throne in garden painted by Rousseau. 

I painted her once and was so inspired, I had to paint her again. Sadly, a few months after I painted her two portraits, I was informed she had died alone on the street.  I never got to show Anastasia the portraits I painted, and she'd likely have sassed and cursed at me for even approaching her, but I'm glad I captured the fleeting moment I saw her. RIP Anastasia.  Medium: Digital paint.

 

Moving on to a happier urban tale, this is a guy whose name I forget because he was so charmingly flirtatious when I approached him that I was left blushing and rattled. He can be spotted a mile away on Market street due to his brightly colored magenta hair, his colorful sartorial splendor, and his gold tooth glinting in the sun. He spends hours leaning against store windows, slyly eyeballing the passing ladies while posing with his long cigarette holder. Here's a photo of him flirting with me. Don't be jealous.

I know, I go too far sometimes, but I felt the need to draw him again - this time as a magenta butterfly. Medium: digital paint

Mutton Dressed as a Lamb?

While visiting Los Angeles, I decided to head over to a swanky shopping center near Beverly Hills and partake in some people watching. Sitting on a sunny bench with my chihuahua, we watched the glittering parade of characters unique to the neighborhood: the Lisa Vanderpump clones shopping the pricey boutiques, frantic talent agent assistants on rushed lunch breaks, studio execs wearing flashy watches the size of dinner plates, gawping tourists looking for celebrities...and then I saw her.

Strutting down the sidewalk in over-the-knee shiny black stiletto boots was a seasoned woman proudly displaying her robust camel toe in shorts so tiny that they must have been developed by NASA for anti-gravity missions in deep space. How such a small amount of fabric could hold such dense mass was beyond me. A transparent top was worn braless under a sheepskin-like coat and a platinum Kate Gosselinesque helmet seemed to be lacquered atop her head. Her rhinestone belt, jewelry and shiny boots reflected the blinding LA sun in glittering flashes. There was no way this woman would go unnoticed and she knew it. She looked to be in her late 50's and was dressed like a 20-something heading to the hottest new club. Do I A.) lament the loss of elegance and class while judging her as one of those desperate, attention-starved women who insist on dressing far too revealing for their age, or do I B.) celebrate her because she has the balls to go out in public like that and doesn't give a crap what anyone thinks? The answer is B. Medium: graphite in moleskin sketchbook, digital paint)

Kim Kardashian's Ass on Paper Magazine

Okay, so I decided to play along with the Kim Kardashian Ass Internet Explosion meme. Ughhhh. Medium: digital paint directly over intenet photo and completed in less than an hour.

Renee Zellweger's Extreme Sour Lemon Candy

My email box is jammed regarding questions about my Renee Zellweger painting. Yes, I still have the original acrylic and gouache painting. I've had offers to sell it, but I just couldn't seem to part with it.  No, I don't feel responsible for her altering her face.  Yes, sure it's "mean", but my art project at the time was to illustrate gossip - and if you've ever read a celebrity gossip blog or flipped through the tabloids, you know it's not good natured banter and uplifting narratives.  I hope that answers most the questions.  Thanks for reading my silly blog!

Urban Fairy Tale Characters of San Francisco: part ONE

As an avid Watcher of People, I enjoyed spending the summer painting some of the colorful cast of characters spotted during my street photography adventures. After work, I toss on a pair of dark sunglasses, grab my iPhone and chihuahua, and wander the streets to see who might catch my hungry eye.  Above:  She wearily trudged down Market Street wearing flip-flops paired with suntan colored support hose and a busted wig worn slightly askew. In my imagination, I named her Mildred. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

If one happens to spot a bearded manboy man dressed as a Toddler Gigantus in the Mid-Market district (home to Twitter, Yelp and vast numbers of tech startups), it's highly likely that he is a "Techie". Techies are very controversial in San Francisco these days, but they don't bother me as I get a kick out of their carefully coordinated garanimal outfits usually topped off with a little matching hat and a cute backpack festooned with cartoon animals, dangling toys, and a solar charger for their iPhones. They can be spotted on Market Street as they toddle between Chipotle and their well-paid jobs at the hottest tech startups. Interestingly, the offices of many startups resemble sleek kindergartens and tree houses. Medium: digital painting

San Francisco's Chinatown buzzes with sensory overload during the Summer months. It is a bustling frenzy of people crowding sidewalks lined with stores full of overflowing tourist tat, produce stands, and restaurants featuring cooked ducks hanging by their necks in the window. The pungent smell of dried squid mingles with the sweetness of overripe fruit. Live toads flop sluggishly in filthy buckets and a fish cut in half still twitches atop a bed of melting crushed ice. Harried fishmongers yell angrily at curious tourists for taking photos of it all. One day I was walking through the neighborhood and noticed a very well-dressed man walking toward me. His smartly tailored, three-piece suit was decorated with a pageantry of ribbons, badges, and a red carnation boutonniere. A jet-black pompadoured toupee perched atop his head like a shining crown, which added to his overall air of distinction.  Our eyes met as we crossed and I wanted to give him a little wink, but was too shy. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

When I Requested a Table With a View...

...this is not what I was expecting. Medium: digital painting.

So Many Shiny People at the Art Gallery Opening

I attended the Art Market San Francisco opening night party a while back and as usual, did not notice any of the art. How could I when there are so many shiny people who themselves, are walking works of art? Above: He waltzed around like a proud peacock and was accompanied by an eldery woman who spilled her wine and giggled at everything he did.  I thought to myself, "oh my god, that old lady is ME from the future."  Medium; graphite in moleskin sketchbook, digital color.

The title of this one is simply, Rich Lady Foot. Medium: graphite in moleskine sketchbook, digital color.

At first, all I could see was a fiery red heat in the distance, but as it got closer, a seemingly befuddled, but exquisitely dressed Pixie emerged from the fire's glow. Medium: digital painting

If Kim Kardashian is a Hobbit, then Kanye West is Gollum

When I came across the headline, "Kim Kardashian furious at South Park for referring to her as a Hobbit", the image you see above is what flashed in my mind.  Wearing her most alluring outfit, the Kim Kardashian Hobbit wandered to the edge of The Shire and shamelessly flaunted her greatest asset in hopes of attracting attention. Drawn to the fiery glow cast upon her bare buttocks from the burning chasm dividing them, Gollum perched ravenously atop a Misty Mountain cliff, drooling, wild-eyed, insatiable. As each hair on the Hobbit's sizable derrier shimmered and shone like a golden beacon in the glow of the raging fire, Gollum became mesmerized and started croaking, "my preciousssssss, my preciousssssssss". (Medium: digital painting, early sketches and more details posted on my FB page)

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: This will be my last celebrity-inspired illustration for the year. I started Gallery of the Absurd in 2005 to showcase what I intended to be illustrations of contemporary folk tales inspired by the stories WE created and exchanged about tabloid celebrities rather than the celebrities themselves. I've had a great time illustrating the silly characters and outrageous narratives celebrity gossip tends to churn out, but it's time to move on and focus on fresh projects and inspirations for a while. I'll continue to post illustrations inspired by absurdity here on Gallery of the Absurd, just not celebrities. Of course, if someone wants to offer me a paying job creating celebrity gossip illustrations, then I'd certainly be interested!  I'm also planning to work on a book proposal. I came so close to signing a book deal with Harper Collins/Regan Books back in 2007, but it fell through at the last minute due to a scandal. I'll keep trying though. Thanks for reading my blog. XO14