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[–]probabilitydoughnut 13.5k points13.5k points x2 (409 children)

Love and respect. It's a marriage, not a pissing contest.

[–]UnsureAndWondering 3201 points3202 points  (139 children)

It's a marriage, not a pissing contest.

Those are the exact words my junior year English teacher used. His wife was a very successful lawyer, and he said, if anything, it makes him happier, and more income in their household is never a bad thing. He was a cool guy.

[–]action_lawyer_comics [score hidden]  (5 children)

Hopefully, if you're doing it right, you're marrying another person, not their CV or their tax return.

[–]probabilitydoughnut 740 points741 points  (31 children)

I teach as well. I think over the years we develop a penchant for reductionism. Lol

[–]VindictiveJudge [score hidden]  (14 children)

... Is your wife a lawyer?

[–]iPlowedYourMom [score hidden]  (13 children)

Username potentially relevant with repercussions.

[–]rotorbladesmoke [score hidden]  (1 child)

As a teacher, I concur.

I started out so... overcomplicated with my curriculum.

Now I've slowly reduced it to "These are my expectations for your age level" it's like 31% of my initial expectations at best.

[–]applebeesplatters [score hidden]  (0 children)

Realest comment here. I'm a 2nd year teacher and I'm amazed at the stuff i thought they could handle last year lol.

[–]altxatu [score hidden]  (6 children)

It's a partnership as much as a relationship. Love can't keep you together, but honest, kind, communication can. Part of being a partner is absorbing your partners bad days, and helping celebrate success.

My wife has a Phd. I have a high school diploma. She works for a really great job. I'm a stay at home dad. She's always out earned me (rightfully so. I'd be upset for her if I were making more in retail than she is with a phd).

I never put much thought to it. In her field she knows her shit inside and out, as you'd expect. But she can't cook, clean, or do yard work for shit. To the point I can't wrap my head around it. How you do char boiled eggs? Our talents and success are ours, but they complement each other. Even if we weren't married, we would be a good team.

Honesty it's only as hard as maintaining a happy marriage. Not that it's easy, but you use the same tools.

If you do feel resentment, you're gonna have to learn to let it go. Do that by finding out why you have resentment. Once you find out why, you may find out you can't ever change it and the opportunity you're pining for is gone forever. Gotta let it go. Whatever the problem is, you're gonna have to let it go. You can't live in resentment forever, and it'll fester and infect the rest of the relationship. Let it go.

[–]UnsureAndWondering [score hidden]  (2 children)

Well, to me, honest, kind communication and the will to hold it together stems from love, and vice versa to a degree.

[–]altxatu [score hidden]  (0 children)

Eh, I practice that shit at work (when I worked anyway) and I hated those motherfuckers.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Love and all that sure as shit don't hurt though. Helps a whole lot I'd say.

[–]spazdogspaz [score hidden]  (2 children)

A line I heard recently "I will never be hurt by someone else doing well". It's a good way to live, let's you really hope the best for other people, spouse or not.

[–]huguberhart [score hidden]  (9 children)

i had a temp, whos wife was in pharmacy. he said, that her job has such a good pay, that he went subbing for fun.

[–]itssoloudhere [score hidden]  (6 children)

Subbing for fun? His idea of fun and my idea of fun are two totally different things.

Subbing is a miserable way to make $75 a day (where I live).

[–]Ramsden_12 308 points309 points  (66 children)

But to be a teacher is to be an educated professional, contributing a valuable (if perhaps under appreciated) service to society. Plenty of teachers got top grades at top universities and choose to go into teacher over medicine and law. Teacher to lawyer isn't a huge achievement gap.

[–]UnsureAndWondering 340 points341 points  (19 children)

It's more the income gap that he was talking about.

[–]senatorskeletor 162 points163 points  (6 children)

And prestige, which is even less important but still something you have to put up with.

[–]awayd [score hidden]  (5 children)

Yes, the teaching being the more prestigious well-respected partner vs. the hated lawyer.

[–]Nesnesitelna [score hidden]  (3 children)

"Lawyers" plural are commonly derided, but being "a lawyer" is still held in pretty high regard.

[–]OrlandoDoom [score hidden]  (11 children)

..and people conflate the two a lot.

[–]Ferelar [score hidden]  (10 children)

Especially here in the US. It's crazy- if you're obviously wealthy, you could be UNEMPLOYED, and most people will still have a sense of "Wow what a success that person is, he must be important to society". Whereas an obviously poor fella who keeps our waste management setup running properly doesn't get a second glance.

[–]alive-taxonomy [score hidden]  (1 child)

I know a certain person who's now 60. She's never worked a day in her life. Her dad was a very rich doctor in her hometown. When he died, she got millions. Then she married a very wealthy home developer, divorced him and got even more millions. I don't know how much she has to be sure, but she said she lost 8-digits in the housing crash, but she's still doing fine.

[–]MrStigglesworth 80 points81 points  (25 children)

It can definitely be a big financial gap in pay and society can often look down on teachers while lawyers are considered more respectable as a profession.

[–]Ramsden_12 58 points59 points  (13 children)

It probably depends on culture as to how much respect those professions get. Plenty of people hate lawyers but love teachers! But no one is going to be having a discussion about something high brow and cut it off because a teacher has come over.

There'll be a significant gap in salary, true, but it's not like the teacher won't be contributing.

[–]MrStigglesworth 47 points48 points  (7 children)

Don't get me wrong, I'm still in uni and considering going into teaching, it's definitely a worthwhile career. But while no-one is going to cut off a high brow conversation when the teacher comes over, by the same token people aren't as impressed when you tell them you're a teacher. This is just what I've heard from my own teachers and a cousin who's a teacher, so it may well be cultural (Australian). And people definitely think lawyers are jackasses, but they're often considered smart/accomplished jackasses.

[–]Frostwarden_1 6 points7 points  (1 child)

A Smart/accomplished jackass. That's all I want to be considered as in my life

[–]ecophile 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Oh, the irony.

[–]OuchyDathurts 105 points106 points  (2 children)

So many couples don't keep this in mind. You're a team, your partner should be your biggest cheerleader on the fucking planet. Not everyone has the same skill set, not everyone has the same interests, that's life and there's nothing wrong with it. Always be building them up, always. Never tear them down.

[–]xynix_ie [score hidden]  (0 children)

Team is the key word! So many folks don't get this. It's not "my career" it's "our career" and our house, our cars, our blah blah blah.

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1815 points1816 points  (87 children)

'It's a marriage,' she said,
with a nod of her head:
'And you only compete if you choose -
You remember within
That there's nothing to win,
But there's plenty,' she whispered, 'to lose.'

'It's respect,' he replied,
And he smiled and he sighed,
'And you share in each other's success -
Not a person to beat,
Or outdo and defeat,
Nor a race to achieve and impress.'

'So if maybe you vent,
Or you mope and resent,
And you gripe in your mind and condemn -
Then it's not meant to be,
And perhaps you should see
If you care about you more than them.'

[–]fatfatpony 358 points359 points  (50 children)

So, real talk, at this stage is your inner monologue in verse?

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog [score hidden]  (47 children)

Inner thinking intersperses
Loads of odes and terser verses,
Parts for priming
starts for rhyming,
Flows competing,
beats for timing,
Snippets snipped from bits of metre,
Scraps of stanzas, small and sweeter,
All before and more in phases,
Packed in posies, words and phrases,
Stacked refined in lines and pages -

Roll around my mind for ages.

[–]Theonlyone444 [score hidden]  (3 children)

Nothing short of amazing. You are an inspiration. Edit: engrish

[–]Pharmercy [score hidden]  (0 children)

Five minutes since posting ? It's like passing a celebrity on a sidewalk, you turn around for the double-take.

[–]Creature__Teacher [score hidden]  (0 children)

I applaud the FUCK out of you each and every time. You have this English teacher's deepest respects.

[–]Forristal 15 points16 points  (0 children)

A question I've been legitimately wondering also.

[–]EverlastingEnigma 49 points50 points  (0 children)

If you care about you more than them.

This captures the thread perfectly

[–]Tjstretchalot 58 points59 points  (10 children)

You wrote that in 15 minutes from the parent comment being posted.

How is that even possible? Even in 3 hours (time since the original post) I wouldn't have thought of the "said" and "head" rhyme!

[–]FearHold 51 points52 points  (8 children)

The dude has been doing this for years, it's basically second nature. Maybe even first nature by this point.

[–]renasma 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A lot of practice

[–]ethon776 27 points28 points  (4 children)

17 min old, a sprog so fresh it is still warm :)

[–]tsim12345 578 points579 points  (101 children)

I never even realized some people care about those kinds of things. My husband makes all the money for our household cause he went to college and I didn't. What I make barely adds anything but he doesn't care. Never makes me feel bad about what I make and we put all our money in the same account and it belongs to both of us.

Some people's marriages must be miserable if they are focusing so hard on who is making what and who is achieving more.

[–]TheLonelyOctober [score hidden]  (3 children)

I prefer to be on more equal footing at least financially with my partner. I guess for me it's more rooted in an element of fear. Our relationship is good, but I sleep easier knowing that if he ever decided to leave me that I could support myself financially without any issues.

One of my good friends is currently going through a divorce. When her daughter was born she wanted to be a stay at home mom and her husband encouraged that. Now 6 years later, she's struggling to make ends meet, worrying about how much she'll get for child and spousal support and is having a really tough time getting back into the job market. I guess I just never want to be dependent on someone else that way.

[–]PoisonTheOgres [score hidden]  (1 child)

Exactly. My mom is a stay at home mom in a happy marriage, but she always tells me and my sister that we need to make our own money and not be dependent on our partners. And even if we have kids, not to let the guy keep working full time while we work only one or two days.
If your marriage goes downhill, you need to know that you can take care of yourself and possible kids

[–]eshildaaaa [score hidden]  (0 children)

Same here, mom is a housewife in a happy marriage but because she takes allowance from my dad, she can never buy anything she likes for herself, or makes decisions to go anywhere unless she has the money for it or if my dad offers to take her. It means someone else provides for her happiness and it is subject to the provider's whim. She's okay with that and that's great, but I vowed never to put myself in that position.

[–]Kammerice 141 points142 points  (22 children)

This is the correct way to be partners.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever read on here was to remember that your are a team with your partner/spouse. It should never be "Me vs. You" but "Us vs. problem".

[–]creepycalelbl 220 points221 points  (30 children)

My wife and I have separate accounts for the idea of financial independence, but we basically share money. It's just easier to spend money on yourself or as gifts when it comes from your own account without getting mad at each others purchases or knowing all of the purchases.

[–]stealthyelfy 145 points146 points  (2 children)

Same, we tried a joint account but we never touched it. I pay rent while he pays bills, he honestly buys most of the food but I spend my money on things for both of us like clothes, things for the house, etc. It's just how we work, if one of us needs money the other transfers some over. We've never had a problem with this arrangement and with whatever money we have left over we spend it on what we like, there's no disagreements over what has been purchased because we've bought it with our own money.

[–]throwawayhker 59 points60 points  (8 children)

We have a joint account only for household expenses. We both put money in every week (cuz rent is by week here). We only put just the right amount so that each person is in complete control over his/her own finances. Once we have a little money left in the joint account, we use that to upgrade our house (new shower curtain, new cookware, things like that). I like it this way because when I spend money on my indulgence I'm spending MY money, and I don't need his approval (He gave up on asking why I need to buy a new dress for every special occasion). It makes me feel more independent even though he makes more.

[–]stealthyelfy 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Personally, I believe in every relationship you need your own space, your own finances, if possible your own room where you can decorate and do whatever you like, do things without them, I'm so fucking happy and grateful in my relationship

[–]creepycalelbl [score hidden]  (0 children)

Same. I'm starting a man cave even though I like spending all my time with my wife, It would be nice to have something personal, especially when during waking hours my wife and son own the house. I work a rotating schedule so it can double as a day sleeping quiet room

[–]271828182 [score hidden]  (5 children)

Yup. Same here.

We follow the "Yours, Mine, Ours" system religiously.

Things that we share, we share equally. Everything else belongs to the respective person to do with as they please.

It makes planning and decision making very cut and dry.

I want to take scuba classes. I want her to take scuba with me. She has ZERO interest in taking scuba but is willing to come along for the ride. Guess who is paying for scuba? ME.

If EVERYTHING were intermingled we would have to have a congressional hearing on the value and purpose of spending OUR money on something of questionable value. But it's MY money so there is no discussion.

That's how it works for us and it works well.

[–]altxatu [score hidden]  (5 children)

Why do you cling to the idea of personal financial freedom? Assuming you're American, even with separate accounts the law views your individual wealth as one pool anyway.

My sister and brother-in-law do this and I can't seem to get a straight answer why outta either. They've tried explaining it to me, and I don't understand.

[–]haanalisk 16 points17 points  (3 children)

I have a feeling the reverse situation is much more likely to make people uncomfortable

[–]rsfc 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Your marriage is old school typical. Usually the issues kick in when the roles are reversed.

[–]abqkat 31 points32 points  (17 children)

It's not a focal point, but it is a factor. If things like achievements, values, hobbies, money, etc aren't focused on at least a little bit, how do you date or choose a well-suited partner? "Like attracts like" and "birds of a feather" and all that. I'm not saying that you need to be identical, but things in common make for solid marriages, IME. Seeing as money is one of the top reasons for divorce, I don't think it's foolish to make sure you're aligned on that topic

[–]Barack-YoMama 108 points109 points  (21 children)

Good for my SO because I'll piss further.

[–]writingarecipe 82 points83 points  (7 children)

It's not a pissing contest, but if it WERE....

[–]thiney49 24 points25 points  (4 children)

If the woman ever beats the man in a literal pissing contest, I would be very afraid of her.

[–]Mr_5oul 8 points9 points  (5 children)

So is a pissing contest a battle for for distance or are we measuring volume?

[–]action_lawyer_comics 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Frothiness, bouquet, and acidity.

[–]halal_queries_only 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Our next contestant is Queen Urisurpliyas, with a waterfall-like outpouring that shakes the building

[–]sarcasticorange 41 points42 points  (10 children)

Like any partnership, it is more important that strengths compliment weaknesses. Redundancy of skill is nowhere near as beneficial.

[–]Oax_Mike 69 points70 points  (4 children)

"You look lovely today, weakness."


[–]Stohnghost 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Are we building a raid party or a marriage

[–]sarcasticorange [score hidden]  (0 children)

Similar concept - 2 person raid vs the world.

[–]iammandalore 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is the best answer. As soon as you make marriage a competition, you both lose.

[–]belisaurius 2296 points2297 points  (28 children)

She has a very technical degree in a small field, and so she makes approximately twofold as much as I do. Fortunately, all that means is we, as a couple, do alright. Personal achievement isn't a defining factor in our relationship. What we do at work, what we did during school, personally, wasn't really a part of who we are. It's actually kind of weird to think that other people might view that as 'alien'.

[–]abqkat 435 points436 points  (16 children)

That's our take on careers, too. It's not who I am, nor do I have a passion for accounting, it's just what I do during the day so I can retire early and enjoy my life. Same with his career, that he's done quite well in

I have 2 master's, and my husband has never been to school, ever (bad upbringing in third world poverty). In my academic circles, if be lying if I said it's never come up or my peers ask him about school or the academic world and there is a lull in the conversation while he explains, but.... Because he's not insecure, it works for us

[–]dogevahkiin [score hidden]  (1 child)

That's fascinating! How'd you meet, if you don't mind my asking!

[–]abqkat [score hidden]  (0 children)

We met through.... Reddit of all places! It wasn't supposed to be romantic, we met through a hobby and it just clicked from there. We have a cat, didn't have a wedding and are sanctimonious about how we spent the money instead, don't like going outside... True Redditors

[–]313fuzzy [score hidden]  (4 children)

Good on him. Some Academia are quit snobbish about this. Also, very proud of you!

[–]abqkat [score hidden]  (3 children)

I agree fully, some of those academic types are intolerable and rude and totally elitist, despite no real-world experience. Thank you for your kind words!

[–]NotSoLittleJohn [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's because that's how everyone has been raised. If you go to school you won't end up like"that lazy fast-food worker over there." It breeds the elitism. Granted many people are realistic about the fact that if people didn't do that stuff then it wouldn't exist but people look down on"unskilled" labor jobs, or even skilled trade jobs. It's annoying.

[–]hilo [score hidden]  (1 child)

Be careful with the enjoy my life when I retire. I see a lot of people who can't because they are old, tired and sick. Enjoy life now.

[–]literally_bananas [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm not sure she meant waiting for retirement to enjoy life. I took it more as having the goal to retire early and using earnings from her job to enjoy life now.

Edit - I totally get what you're saying though, and I agree.

[–]MasMatGie262 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm really curious what your husband does for a living. I know there can be huge hurdles to those who have little or no formal education. Of course that can depend what country you are in but in most cases I assume it's probably pretty difficult.

[–]ChuushaHime 86 points87 points  (1 child)

I'm a woman who has had conventional academic and career success. My partner is a man who has been successful in a lot of ways but which aren't conventional and lacks a degree or a true career. I realize I'm saying this from a point of privilege and I know it affects him occasionally, but for the most part it's not a factor in our relationship. Neither of us are particularly ambitious people and don't place a lot of emphasis or importance on traditional success markers beyond making sure we have enough money to maintain our standard of living. We're hobby-driven and pleasure-driven and those are the areas we value in our relationship and define ourselves by as individuals.

[–]awesomesonofabitch [score hidden]  (0 children)

Many people enter into partnerships and forget that it involves two people working together.

I always get awkward stares when I tell people that my wife and I pool our resources together instead of saying, "this is my money, this is your money."

[–]Bubba-jones 821 points822 points  (14 children)

Wife and I take turns being the trophy spouse.

[–]Mooreman1902 [score hidden]  (7 children)

We do something similar. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not. After we lost our apartment to fire, we moved so my SO could pursue a second degree. I commuted and paid for most things for the couple years she was in school. Now, being a RMT, she makes far more than me. However that has allowed me to remove myself from construction and into a shop building bee boxes. A far more meaningful and enjoyable job, at a reduced income.

[–]cluelesssquared 122 points123 points  (0 children)

You guys would be fun to hang out with.

[–]The_Town_of_Canada [score hidden]  (2 children)


My girlfriend is more of a "participation award".

I just show up every day and there she is.

[–]IIllIllllIII 1391 points1392 points  (56 children)

I make 2x what she makes. She refuses to let me pay her half of stuff so I'm basically just saving half of what I make because doing stuff alone is boring and I have to fit her budget. Lucky for her I love her so she is just saving for retirement by making me save. (She loves her job so I'll probably retire at 60 and do my own projects while she keeps working.)

[–]abqkat 405 points406 points  (32 children)

Are you guys married? Why does she refuse to supplement her when you guys go out, or otherwise? Not criticizing, my husband and I mostly keep our money separate and people think it's weird, but just curious about others couples' approach

[–]tedioustenner 229 points230 points  (8 children)

This is the thing. I'm not working since March, for the first time since I was 16, I have little to no disposable income. And I fucking hate it. I hope to have a job soon, just waiting on the background check to come back clear and it will, then I should have a job by the end of this month

My husband got really upset because he found out I won't ask him, or accept money for things that I want. We don't have much right now, and I know if I asked he would give if he could.

Man I can't wait til I have 'my' money again. Generally for going out we would split things though. Going to movies? I'll buy tickets if you buy the snacks.

[–]abqkat 88 points89 points  (1 child)

I get it, completely. I was unemployed for awhile when I finished grad school and my husband earns well. He's super generous and never made me feel badly, but my whole life, I'd paid my own way. It was surreal and really awful to feel like I wasn't contributing, even though we were married. I hope things improve for you, and you get your job soon!

[–]tedioustenner 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Me too! I know while he was in college, I took care of everything and I didn't mind. I don't think he minds, but I just feel useless.

I'll get there. But the problem is where we are living now, don't value the experience in my field. They want my experience (10 years now) but only pay entry level wages. Problem is, every business is doing it, which means there is no competition.

Anyway. I hope this one comes through! I'm at the final of 4 stages, so I think its in the bag and just need the contract now.

[–]ThyArtIsNorm 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Exactly how my SO and I work as well. We don't really keep tabs on each other's spending but if we're going out one grabs the tickets, the other grabs the snacks. We treat each other a lot, though. If I want to take us both out for dinner it's on me without strings attached because it was my suggestion. She does the same for me. Even if she didn't I would still do it. I never expect a payback from people I'm close with.

[–]dachsj 34 points35 points  (15 children)

Do you find it hard to be completely "together" when you are keeping a big facet of life separate--financials? It's the leading cause of divorce iirc. I'm not married and the idea of sharing finances with someone freaks me out a bit, but it seems like pooling money and doing a budget with your partner would be a great way come together on "life". You have to agree on priorities, communicate events that are upcoming, agree on long term goals, etc.

Otherwise it seems like roommates and you set yourselves up to have two separate financial lives that could be going down two separate paths.

[–]abqkat [score hidden]  (1 child)

Well, the cause of divorce is incompatibility with money, not separate money. So, for us, there isn't any disconnect in that way. We met and married a bit later in life (in our 30's when we were both established and independent), so it seemed strange to merge fully at that point.

I think it'd be different if we met younger, and we will likely get a joint checking account when we move to a house we both own. And I definitely get that our approach is the outlier, but when you meet and marry when you're already established, and both work, it seemed sensible to do it this way, IMO. Then again, who knows, we're kinda making this all up as we go

[–]awayfromtheexplosion [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don't think you are as much of an outlier as others would have you believe. My partner and I have been together for 16 years and we keep separate accounts. I was out of work for 3 years, and he would write me a check each month for groceries and the like. We both have jobs now, and separate accounts. But that doesn't mean we don't do a budget together. We each know what is in the others checking/savings accounts, and we budget based on the total. It just makes us feel better knowing we can spend our money on necessities, and I can spend "my" money on "wants."

[–]macfergusson [score hidden]  (6 children)

Arguments over money is a leading cause of divorce, yes. By keeping finances separate, there's a lot less to argue over. Split up responsibilities for the shared bills in a way that both agree on, and each manages their own income. It's really not a crazy concept, it's just the old "stay at home house wife" gender role that makes this seem weird to people.

[–]im_n0t_y0ur_star_x3 [score hidden]  (4 children)

Have to disagree with you about the gender roles making it weird. What makes it weird is being at the check out at the grocery store and having to divide the total by two to split it. It gets tiresome to do this for every shared cost all the time. Plus the cashiers always seem weirded out while we're discussing our personal finances there in front of them. I hate it. Would love to have a joint checking account.

[–]serbartleby [score hidden]  (3 children)

I've been married twelve years and I cannot imagine living that way. I do the "tickets/snacks" things with a friend or my MIL. We've always had a shared account and it has led to zero problems.

[–]justinkroegerlake [score hidden]  (4 children)

I had a long term GF like this where I made more like 3x or 4x. She wouldn't let me buy things for her which I understood, but also wouldn't let me pay for something like plane tickets for both of us, and I wanted to do stuff

[–]torileighk [score hidden]  (3 children)

My partner and I are in the same boat. He makes 2x as much as I do, but I refuse to let him spend it on me. Everything we do, we do as equals. I don't ever want to feel as if I owe him something or am obligated to stay with him because he's done so much for me. Until we are married, this isn't a 50/50 relationship, our money isn't "ours", it's mine and his.

[–]ChocolateRainbow375 [score hidden]  (1 child)

Which is understandable. I think most people are confused because it sounds like they ARE married which is a bit unusual. Not wrong per se, but definitely not the norm.

[–]softawre [score hidden]  (2 children)

My wife doesn't work so I make infinitely more than her. It's not that weird...

[–]rjgreen85 3523 points3524 points  (44 children)

we met in college. i dropped out. we moved so she could attend law school. i worked construction and tended bar, and did all of the cooking and cleaning. she graduated with highest honors and works at a great law firm with a six figure salary. we moved back to the college town and i've made dean's list the past two semesters.

[–]ErrandlessUnheralded 1115 points1116 points  (10 children)

It takes a lot to go back to study as an adult. Good on you, and good luck for your future :)

[–]joeydaws [score hidden]  (9 children)

It helps having a lawyer wife making six figs I imagine

[–]Jacobjs93 [score hidden]  (6 children)

The way I see it, it’s fair. He worked and paid a lot of the bills while she was in school. He made the sacrifice. Now she’s doing the same so he can make his career as well.

[–]ratajewie [score hidden]  (0 children)

It greatly benefits them both in the end. If he makes it through college and goes in to do something worthwhile with his degree, he'll add substantially more to the family income than he would have otherwise. Also he'll be happier doing something he loves which benefits the relationship. Everybody wins. Good on you OP for stepping up in the beginning and sacrificing your time for her. Maybe you also are doing better in school than you otherwise would have because you're older, more mature, and more focused.

[–]moistflaggis [score hidden]  (0 children)

My aunt worked to put my uncle through law school, then he began a practice that he used to do the same for her. He ended up as a very successful lawyer and professor and she became a federal judge.

It's a great story and it's nice to see other couples doing the same.

[–]CaptainObvious [score hidden]  (0 children)

Sounds like that was their plan though.

[–]322979121 214 points215 points  (16 children)

Construction is great salary too.

[–]SeattleBattles 109 points110 points  (1 child)

True, but it also can be physically demanding and not something most people want to do into their 40's and 50's. It can also be pretty cyclical in many areas and while pay and work might be great now, that can change pretty quickly.

The people I know who have had long careers in the trades almost all developed or went to school for some specific skill like crane operators, electricians, etc. Or they figured out how to become the boss and get their own crew and equipment.

[–]TechiesOrFeed 78 points79 points  (6 children)

Yea I mean at that point it evens out since it sounds like he paid for her education, and how he did, doesn't really fit the question

[–]lishadadishda 126 points127 points  (3 children)

I think it does fit the question. Their partner has achieved far more academically and financially, and the way they have dealt with it is by recognising the other ways in which they contributed, and the fact that their own lack of achievement in those areas isn't indicative of laziness or lack of intelligence. Of course, long-term they may catch up to their wife, but that's another story.

[–]slick8086 [score hidden]  (2 children)

Their partner has achieved far more academically and financially

See you are looking at them as individuals with individual "achievements," when the reality is the function more like a team. Neither did what they did alone.

[–]Punch-Counterpunch 85 points86 points  (3 children)

I think being fair and honest with each other and taking care of which areas of the relationship you are better suited/equipped to do. The whole idea of a relationship to me is that you're better off combined than as individuals.

For example: in our relationship I work in IT and she's a teacher. I make four times what she does so we split all bills etc. by that ratio. She contributes in a meaningful but manageable way. I pay for most of the "extra" expenses (e.g. holidays) and I bought her a laptop, but she doesn't feel like a kid as she's still involved in the majority of "living expenses" expenditure (and it's not my home, it's ours).

Alternatively, she's at least 374 times smarter than I am and far better educated (bilingual with a top-tier Uni education). She makes the decisions around things like housing (her dad's an architect so she knows what's what) plus things like education for our future kids, as that's obviously an area she knows far more about than me.

The guilt of me knowing she works longer hours and is smarter but makes way less than me is a bit hard to stomach sometimes. I was lucky to fall into an industry which is in demand and has good rewards. We were both pretty poor when we met, so that helps.

Overall though, we have a shared long-term plan - the details of how we get there are less important. My success is her success, and vice versa.

[–]ThyArtIsNorm [score hidden]  (2 children)

Unrelated question, how much do you actually make in IT? I'm headed back to school after Basic Training with the National Guard and plan on going IT, or computer engineer. It all ties in with the Job I'd be doing with the army as well.

[–]Punch-Counterpunch [score hidden]  (1 child)

I'm actually in product management, but knowing the basics, learning skills that employers are looking for, being diligent, inquisitive and lucky are all key fundamentals.

A good graduate scheme can help. There are so many different areas to work in, so think about what interests you - security/UI/mobile/FinTech etc. Then look at technologies and companies in this field to see what they look for/use (e.g

Don't neglect soft skills either. Well-rounded tech people are rare and sought after.

[–]political_though 509 points510 points  (68 children)

We love each for other reasons than the key gap. So in the end we get past this.

Gap - she has an MSc Management - I have no degree and did not go to university.

Gap 2 - she is a lady of leisure - I work and earn a lot of money with no degree.

The only time it becomes an issue is talking about future child's education. She is adamant that we force our kid into university. I am against the forcing - if kid wants university great. If kid would rather do a private professional qualification/ apprenticeship then ok.

I am only going to stop my child from "doing nothing that coild better their life".

Wife hates that, I think she sees it as a dig at her saying her degree is not worth anything. She is not from the UK so can't understand even after marrying me how a lot of people can excel in the UK without degrees.

So we either argue about it infrequently or do not talk about it. Tbf there is no point in talking about it until we have a sense of what child and their abilities theh have.

Apart from that - we enjoy lots of the same things and share the same views and have the same life goals - our own home, a child, a pet, travelling to see the world a new place each year, taking care of Our families.

[–]books_and_tea 107 points108 points  (10 children)

My husbands parents made him go to uni- no ifs ands or buts! He half heartedly did 4 years of his degree then got a job and stopped going. Now we have his hecs debt (Aussie) and no degree... He hated every minute of it as he is not academically minded (I have my masters so I'm the opposite) so we both firmly believe if our children want to further their education then great, if not who cares as long as they are doing something

[–]cainezedd 41 points42 points  (0 children)

You're definitely right not to pressure a kid into going to uni. My parents were very hands off and I'm very grateful of that. I did still go to uni but that was my decision which means I'm happy with that choice.

My dad did discourage me from taking an apprenticeship at 16 though because it was a narrow field and essentially a start up business. That was good advice that I was glad I took on board.

So essentially a balance between the two of you will probably be the best result. Give your best advice but don't force decisions.

[–]titbiter 11 points12 points  (8 children)

What is a lady of leisure?

[–]political_though 13 points14 points  (6 children)

My wife has no need to work. I pay the mortgage and all other bills we have a good quality of life.

She gets to spend time doing what she wants at her leisure

[–]Seyr 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Can confirm, degrees in the UK are optional. Might be worth suggesting the kid takes a year out before starting uni to actually think about it.

[–]SanshaXII 85 points86 points  (29 children)

That's absurd. She can't see you as a perfect example of success and fulfillment without a degree?

Forcing your child into anything will result in only rebellion and resentment, guaranteed.

[–]political_though 72 points73 points  (17 children)

She can. That is the best part. But she believes I am a 1 in a million chance to achieve this without a degree. She knows I worked hard as hell to be where I am and a little luck on the way. She believes firmly in the future though know amount of hardworking will achieve anything for a child 18 years from now without a degree.

[–]a_roaring_borneo 47 points48 points  (10 children)

and a little luck on the way

I think you two probably disagree about how much luck had to do with your outcomes in life. Hordes of hard-working people remain in poverty all the time.

And what if your child isn't fortunate enough to have your exceptional work ethic? If outcomes (as far as income is concerned) are on average higher for those with higher education, that seems like a safer bet, unless you know you have a carpentry wunderkind on your hands.

[–]Xen64 [score hidden]  (1 child)

OP is the exception, not the rule.

Although 16% of male high school graduates earned as much as or more than the median earnings of male four-year college graduates in 2011 ($66,200), 84% earned less

Median earnings of bachelor’s degree recipients with no advanced degree working full time in 2011 were $56,500, $21,100 more than median earnings of high school graduates. Individuals with some college but no degree earned 14% more than high school graduates working full time. Their median after-tax earnings were 13% higher

[–]SanshaXII 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Or, bestow wisdom and teach work ethic, advise about careers in demand and encourage passions.

The rest will sort itself out. Unless your kid discovers heroin or some shit.

[–]UnApprovedActivities 69 points70 points  (9 children)

If she's US American, while I agree it's not fair and doesn't make sense in the face of her husband's success, it's not ever going to be a promotion of logic. To US Americans, it's not just that "the bachelor's degree has become the new highschool degree," (although that is psudo true, which makes it culturally and emotionally the "only" acceptable minimum level of achievement for most), it's honestly a class/status thing that is incredibly pervasive and hard to shake because its now about 3 generations deep.

The ability to provide that level of education and the expectation that your kid will achieve it is pretty intensely linked to one's own "success" as a parent, and it's a defining feature of upper middle class-dom. Many consider trade schooling to be more blue collar work (which isn't necessarily true and frankly most people are probably not aware that they're as prejudiced against those sorts of jobs as they are) and having your kid do blue collar work when you've been doing white collar work is like slipping backwards.

It's not fair, it's not kind, but it's so melted into every region of many a US American psyche that it will never easily be argued or logiced away.

[–]dachsj 15 points16 points  (4 children)

This is a touch off topic, but you're spot on. What's most damaging about this cultural Norm is that you "have to go" and taking student loans out to do it is okay--its "good" debt after all.

You end up with a generation of young adults turned into serfs..indebted to Sallie Mae for decades. It's hard to make great career and life choices when you are staring down the barrel of $45k in debt just starting out.

[–]ChildrenBittenByCows 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My parents were exactly this, specifically about going to university for engineering. I tried it, didn't like it, but was told that if I don't complete the degree, I don't go to university which was ingrained in my head as bad. I was taught that not going to university meant that I had thrown my life away, so when I eventually failed engineering, I had a nervous breakdown because this weird as North American culture had me convinced that I had thrown my life away and that that was it.

[–]Aglet94 640 points641 points  (6 children)

I have academic success, but no job. Partner has career success, but hasn't done too well academically.

We both help each other where we lack the expertise and skill, and as a result we balance each other out to be a 'power' couple.

[–]SanshaXII 913 points914 points  (19 children)

She is about to hold a Master's in computer science, specializing in cyber security. I am a high school dropout.

Neither of us give a fuck. We're both pursuing our own happiness while partnering up for a better future together.

[–]CHlMlCHANGAS 213 points214 points  (1 child)

We're both pursuing our own happiness while partnering up for a better future together.

This is what I was trying to say but I couldn't find the words.

[–]jojotoughasnails 78 points79 points  (9 children)


I have 2 college degrees from the northeast. He's from the south with a GED.

He makes more money than me... and is just as smart in different areas than me. So....we do just fine.

[–]M0n5tr0 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am very happy that this sentiment is the majority for this post. Working towards the same goal not the this is mine and this is yours way of thinking.

[–]rohbawt 56 points57 points  (0 children)

We laugh at the same stuff.

Also the whole love thing

[–]fuckswithducks 1772 points1773 points  (56 children)

Financial gap. We come from different backgrounds, no reason to compare or judge. We pool money for the important things and don't nitpick over the small stuff. I don't mind how she spends her money on fun things and she is okay with me spending mine on rubber ducky porn.

[–]fnhs90 540 points541 points  (6 children)

Obligatory post that tags /u/fuckswithducks, but later realizing who the poster is

[–]noTHOTS_noOPPS [score hidden]  (2 children)

I'm not even a particularly avid redditor yet i run into this guy all the time.

[–]Swaggy9gag 53 points54 points  (1 child)

was going to do this but thankfully checked the username first

[–]burtsreynoldswrap [score hidden]  (0 children)

I just sort of assumed right away...

[–]thesushipanda 112 points113 points  (4 children)

Damnit, it's you again. I always laugh when I see your name after I read your comment.

There should be a sub like /r/unexpectedfuckswithducks

[–]UnApprovedActivities 58 points59 points  (22 children)

You say that like your expendable income doesn't go to "fun things," as well, though...

[–]anonfx 10 points11 points  (2 children)

So, one of you makes significantly more but the other doesn't have access to it (beyond the "important things")? Not criticising, just asking.

[–]soopadrive 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Damn you.

[–]bigedthebad 279 points280 points  (24 children)

I spent 30 years doing computer systems work and had some pretty high paying positions, as well as achieving a pretty high degree of personal and professional success.

My wife mostly babysat during the time our kids were growing up then had a pretty good career with the government although she never got very high, not starting till she was over 40.

She did express some jealousy on occasion at how "smart" I was and how well I was doing but I never, ever made that an issue. We're a team, she took care of the kids, I brought in the moola.

I've heard of people who think marriages are supposed to be 50/50 but that is so much bullshit, it's not even technically possible. Marriage is no a contest, like I said, it's a partnership, two people working toward a common goal. Sometimes you give more, something they give more, it's not worth worrying about.

[–]UnApprovedActivities 74 points75 points  (9 children)

I agree that sometimes you give more, sometimes they give more, and that aiming for a perfect and consistent 50/50 split is not going to garner happiness.

But I am curious. My husband and I don't measure the 50/50 as an even half the housework, half the cooking duties, half half the income, etc... We measure it more as, "You feel like shit this week so I'll do all the housework. When I next feel like shit you will do all the housework." and "You worked a 50 hour week and I only worked 38, so I'll handle dinners this week and you don't have to worry about chores when you get home."

So basically I'm saying we try to have an even distribution of effort, but it's more like the kind of thing that will all work out equal in the long run. Do you think that is unwise and too close to the 50/50 rule?

[–]Laetitian 28 points29 points  (1 child)

I think it's nowhere close to the 50:50 rule, and one of the more pleasant experiences of relationships. It's just looking out for each other; adding personal effort when you notice the other person cannot do it or needs it.

[–]Antshockey 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I work and my other half is a stay at home mum/student.

She is the most organised person on the planet and I am the opposite.

Together we make a successful team. Our split isn't 50/50. If it was a competition she would be winning by a mile even though I'm the "successful" one.

[–]JxSin [score hidden]  (0 children)

I've heard some relationship advice, that both partners should treat the relationship as 60/40, with both partners trying to put in the 60%. I'm paraphrasing.

(Credit podcaster Justin McElroy, but he probably heard it from somewhere else)

[–]OldGuyzRewl 130 points131 points  (5 children)

You find ways to let your widely different strengths complement each other, while minimizing friction over inconsequentials.

If you both have everything in common, there will be large gaps in your capabilities as a couple.

[–]shortpoppy 117 points118 points  (3 children)

My boyfriend is in a full time job in the type of work he studied for. I am finishing my degree, still.

It definitely becomes difficult with three major factors: Time management, money and maturity.

Time is uncomfortable because I feel like I have so much more free time than him, but then to counter that I work a part time job that takes all of my Sunday. This just needs to be organized around, and I think it's important for the person who's working full time to never assume the other is less busy just because they are not physically clocking in and out at the end of the day.

Money is self-explanatory. He makes money, I hemorrhage it out of my broke, broke pockets. For this I think there needs to be a balance of a show of self-sufficiency on my part, and a show of both generosity but also full belief I can do it "on my own" on his part. Talking openly about financial differences is good, and I personally appreciate when it's acknowledged that he lives a much less anxiety-driven life because money is not an immediate concern for him. This dynamic would change if I were to move in with him, but it would still be about willing to spend a "percentage of what we have" to make things work.

Finally, maturity. Sometimes I feel like I sound like a child when I talk to him about my university shit while he's out there actually being a person and having a job, and the only way this can be cured is understanding that your partner, well, loves you. They would not be dating you if they did not think you were a strong, capable person, especially if they are from a position with a lot more status/power/authority/what have you.

This is a valid question, and I have definitely struggled with it a lot in my own time.

[–]abqkat 23 points24 points  (1 child)

This is a lovely, mature, introspective reply. I agree with you that talking about it and being aware of it is key. I know a couple who glosses over a LOT of their financial differences, and it makes him seemingly resent her in big ways. I think your approach is healthy and sustainable!

[–]DrKhaylomsky 28 points29 points  (1 child)

We do what we can to make each other's lives better.

[–]MagicNein 86 points87 points  (8 children)

I may be "better educated" and able to work, but my fiance has plenty of qualities and abilities that I don't. They have my back and will support me no matter what I do, and I'm grateful for the foundation they provide me.

[–]Laetitian 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Carefully hidden sexes are carefully hidden.

[–]markarewho [score hidden]  (0 children)


Unintentional reveal, or just someone not aware of the distinction?

[–]MutunusTutunus [score hidden]  (0 children)

Fiancé is male, fiancée is female.

[–]pecrh001 19 points20 points  (1 child)

I have 2 degrees and work as a lawyer. My husband never finished uni but has a job that he loves. He's a great father and husband. It doesn't really matter that I earn more than him because it's all just family money. We're both working hard and supporting each other and our kids.

Finding someone that you respect as a person is way more important than the status bullshit of degrees and cash. I'd take my husband over a hundred high earners. Just because he didn't get a piece of paper doesn't mean that he's not intelligent, and just because he doesn't earn as much doesn't mean he's not successful. Without his support I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am.

Just find someone who wants to be in your team. Forget keeping score.

[–]LustfulGumby 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I am more educated than my husband but he makes far more than I ever will.

It's just not an issue. We don't keep score, we aren't in competition

[–]GW2Sing 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I adore her.

[–]iliveoncaffiene 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I work in software development, she's a Spanish teacher. I never finished college, and make more now than she ever will. Its the fact that our fields are so completely separate - we both can constantly teach the other something new.

[–]Oax_Mike 58 points59 points  (9 children)

To begin with, everyone has a different idea of what "achievement" means so that's a very loaded way to phrase your question - particularly when a person ought to be judged by the sum total of their person and not on individual attributes.

One partner may lack in intellectual prowess but be exceptionally kind...or creative...or funny...or compassionate...or a little of all this stuff that isn't credited as an achievement.

Maybe the partner who earns less can fix shit around the house to save money...or cook amazing food...or is really fucking good at finding new shows on Netflix :)

I can be a shitty lawyer and make far more money than the best preschool teacher in town.

Who's more successful here? The partner who's just good enough at a high-powered job to not get fired or the partner who is truly a master in a low-paying field?

To be honest, my wife and I are pretty similar in terms of our "achievements" as you define them here, particularly given that we built/operate this small hotel together, as a team. So perhaps my opinion on this subject is invalid - but honestly, the way this question is phrased is depressing...misses the entire point of choosing to build a life with someone.

[–]Intellectual-Cumshot 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Just wanna say I love your hotel idea and will be talking to the lady about a spring break trip there

[–]Oax_Mike 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thanks man!

Although I must admit that given your user name I'm a bit nervous...

[–]UrALittleWoodenTwat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want to do that...

[–]mrsvanderp 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I have a doctorate in my field and make almost 200k more than my husband yearly. He helped me get through school and pretty much raised our children on his own while I climbed up the ladder. It wasn't just my achievement, it was ours. I don't know many men that would have sacrificed as much as he did. Our marriage is strong because of mutual respect and admiration. If that doesn't exist, I don't see how the relationship can work.

[–]The_Superbus 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I worked two jobs while she was in medical school and one job while she was in residency. Now I work no jobs while she is an attending. She likes the fact that I do most of the work around the house so she doesn't have to. I like the fact that I haven't had to go to work for the last few years. It also lets us raise our own kid without relying on daycare for 9 hours a day, which is nice.

[–]ABJZ 26 points27 points  (0 children)

She lives in her parents basement and I don't, and I make more money than her. But she goes to a pretty respected university and gets great grades. We're both more successful than the other, in a particular way. that can be relevant to your confidence, when it comes to trying to get together, but once you're in, it's not much of a problem

[–]ateallthecake 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We both have vastly different backgrounds, and natural intelligences in different things. He has a very technical mastery of how things physically work, and I'm much more of a people person. I have management skills, he assuredly does not.

We both love to teach each other enthusiastically about our jobs, skills, hobbies and accomplishments. It never feels like we are not a single unit tackling the world together, even though our professional lives are on totally different wavelengths.

I also have stellar credit and he needs to work on it, so in practice handle the majority of the finances but always include him as an equal part of the decision making process.

[–]piyob 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My wife currently makes a lot more money than me. I make some, but she does pretty well. She is also about to get her PhD and I didn't even finish college.

However, I work extremely hard at what I do, and I am getting better, and I know it will really pay off in the end. She sees that too and supports me. I support her in every other imaginable way. She is very type A and can get stressed, emotional, and overwhelmed, and sometimes just needs me to sit there and let her vent or hold her. We have become best friends, and as cliche as it may sound, we do complete each other in many ways.

On top of that, we share some things in common: we both love running, and we love our dogs to death (we met in a dog park). Good food and whiskey, lounging around reading, and hanging out with friends. I really don't know how I got such an incredibly beautiful and intelligent woman to marry me, but I will do all I can to support her and do my own thing so we can share a wonderful life.

[–]GloriousFlower 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Boyfriend holds a Master's, I'm a high school drop out. We are both self-sufficient and pay our own bills. We share a couple of hobbies as well as the same political views. None of us wants kids. I think he's hot. He thinks I'm hot. He's nice and sweet and amazing and fun to be around. Apparently, he's feeling the same way about me. Why would we feel like two aliens?

[–]AngelicWooGirl 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Because academic, professional, financial and intellectual aspects of a person are entirely outside of real, meaningful love. They all pale into insignificant, superficial add-ons compared to someone's heart and soul.

[–]de_hatron 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's not universal though. I do think that academic and especially intellectual aspects definitely influence how people are. There's no soul that exists outside experiences.

[–]Hypertransluminist 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She was (and still is) a successful upper/corporate management at a well known company when she met me, and I was at the time a homeless drug abusing hippy. She was the one person who gave me the help I needed and genuinely gave a shit. Because of the choices I made after high school I had wasted about 7 years of my life and it took me another 4 from the point we met for me to say Ive finally gotten it all back.

I still dont make nearly as much as she does, but Im the only one of us who has a clearly defined goal for education and am currently pursuing it. She makes good money for our age, but its a rather dead end job. But hey whatever, its cool.

Id say like others have said, its a marriage, not a pissing contest. How much we both make, and how successful we both are is nothing to argue over, if anything it encourages and empowers both of us to reach our goals and try harder, take the initiative etc. In fact I have a habit of writing a new motivational quote every day or 2 on the fridge for both us. Ive never held anything against her for making more money then I do, and shes never held anything against me for having more of a drive then she does.

[–]Raskolnikoolaid 12 points13 points  (1 child)

In spite of what Hollywood can teach us, the place where you start in life is way more relevant to connect with someone than the place where you end.

[–]fourfrenchfries 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I was a high school teacher and now I'm a SAHM. My husband is an environmental engineer who makes (low) six figures. When I was teaching, I brought home ~20k. We pooled all of our money and didn't differentiate. Even now when I'm not working, we have an equal amount of weekly "personal spending" money we don't have to explain or account for in our budget. I absolutely would not have agreed to stay home if my husband and I didn't share these beliefs about finances.

He values the domestic work I do as much as a monetary contribution to the household. The work I do at home during the week (cleaning, largely, but errands and cooking and so on as well) means that our evenings and weekends are straight-up leisure time for our family. When I was working, we often spent weekends playing catch-up on chores and errands (and grading!) instead of relaxing.

I'll go back to work when the baby is a few years old, but we both really value a few years of parent-controlled education and discipline in the home (vs. daycare or a relative providing child care).

Ultimately, it comes down to mutual values and a shared vision for our lifestyle, and understanding that our roles are very different and symbiotic. Moreover, though, he respects, appreciates, and admires my work as equal to his.

[–]Thanos_Stomps 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Well she has a masters in speech and communications disorders. Is a speech language pathologist. Is the director of children and adults programs at the non profit she works at (5 million dollar organization) and she's 16 years older than me.

I run one of the programs she oversees at the same organization. Have no college degree and before we started dating, was addicted to Coke.

The key is just caring about the person. Nothing else matters unless you want it to.

[–]regisphilbin222 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Not answering the question but asking one - how does it work with couples who have vastly different social lives? I.e. One partner has many hobbies, friends, and outside activities while the other one really doesn't have anything besides their partner and maybe work? Obviously, if everyone's happy, it works, but is there ever any tension in that?

[–]silent_burrito 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's absolutely smoked me in terms of success financially. I've been more of an academically successful person . Luckily, we both get a turn using the strap on.

[–]CharlieSheenis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My wife is very accomplished, an internationally respected expert, a rock star in her niche. Me, I'm an unemployed engineer.

However, I am as smart as she is, well educated, I read about a wildly diverse bunch of subjects and can hold up my end of a conversation with almost anyone, so we always have things to talk about.

She has a well paid career. I got nothing. I'm her dependant. Yes it bothers me at times, but it doesn't bother her, and I have the freedom to travel with her and help take care of our respective aging parents.

It works out just fine.

[–]PRGuyHere [score hidden]  (0 children)

I have a Master's degree and make more than $80,000 in the Public Relations field.

My wife has no degrees - just a certificate from a community college and makes about $20,000 a year working part time.

But that certificate is in nursing, and she works in home hospice -- providing comfort to people as they die, helping their family members through the grieving process, etc all in the comfort of the dying person's home.

So while I make a lot more money, her work is inifinitely more important than mine is.

[–]ChucksMakingMeals 8 points9 points  (1 child)

She was All-American in lacrosse, was top of our class and went to a very good school to play lacrosse there. I was not good enough to play a D1 sport and not smart enough to go to the schools she got into.

Eventually the difference caught up and we broke up

[–]Awsm_POE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Love. My spouse isn't an academic, but she's one hell of a stay at home mom. I would be lost without her.

[–]bigj22 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My wife is extremely smart, she has a masters degree, and is now a licensed speech pathologist. She graduated undergrad close to the top of our class, same in grad school. She is the smartest person I know. However, she is a bleeding heart and works in a school system, and makes teacher pay, leaving behind probably 25 to 30k a year compared to those who work in hospitals.

I grew up in a pretty rough environment, both of my parents were on and off drugs throughout my childhood. I learned how to make money at a young age. I'm not much for school, and limped to tbe finish line during college. I had aspirations of becoming an attorney, however, I'm not smart enough for law school. I bust my ass every day and work 60 to 70 hours a week at a minimum. I make more and pay for more.

It is a non issue for us, I am so proud of her for all of her accolades. We have personal accounts and a joint savings. When she needs money she just tells me and I give her whatever she needs. She has access to my checking at all times, and I have the same to hers. We communicate constantly, and when times get a little tight I pick up extra overtime and give us what's needed.

Sometimes I feel pretty uncomfortable at events with her co-workers, I usually don't say much because I feel judged by her peers. At work I usually don't say much because the guys found out I have a degree and think I'm a fuck up for working as a sub contractor for a chemical company. I think their right, but until I'm able to go back to school and get a degree that actually matters, ill do what needs to be done to give my wife the life she deserves.

[–]durmum [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's never been an issue in my household. My husband does lawn care management for a local company, never been to college, makes a few dollars over minimum wage, but he works his cute little ass off.

I on the other hand have several degrees ranging from law to science to early childhood education. I have never felt like because he has a lower paying job that didn't require schooling that he is any less important. He works HARD. He comes home exhausted from working in the 99 degree heat for 12 hours a day. I know I sure as hell couldn't do what he does.

He just wasn't a college guy. He had trouble learning and comprehending although he was always an A-B student. But that's okay! Not everyone is meant to do something that requires a 50,000$ student loan debt.

It isn't weird to me because I know I couldn't do it, which makes it fascinating and gives me a completely different respect for him knowing he's busting his hump for our family day in and day out.

[–]CatPatronus [score hidden]  (0 children)

Never really seems to affect anything for us. He graduated college Cumma Sum Lade (or however the fuck it's spelled) with a 4.0 gpa and I dropped out. I mean even if I had finished out my degree it's not like I'd be able to get a job so it's not like it's effected our lives other than me having the debt from the little bit I went. I mean it's a partnership not a contest. If they're belittling you because they're "better" than you or your accomplishments, that's not a healthy relationship or a deserving partner.