Jam 1.23 pagi. Aku nak tido dah tapi takleh... Memikir banyak perkara.
Lately I sangat hot tempered. Asyik bergaduh ngan Razin je kat rumah. Yelah, dah dok berdua dengan dia je kat umah... nak berperang ngan sape lagi? hehe...
I love my baby... so much! I love him more than I love myself. I love him because of Allah. My precious gift!
But... now since he's so active and learn more new things everyday like tricks to get my attention etc, it's exhausting. I'm tired. Ni baru sorang anak weh! hahaha... camne kalau ade lagi anak dalam masa terdekat? Betullah ada hikmahnya aku tak preggy-preggy lagi. Allah tu Maha Mengetahui... Aku tak larat lagi kot nak handle more children right now.
I am currently struggling on my business. Aku ada target aku... dan insya Allah akan terus komited dengan kerja aku. Inilah kerja aku sekarang... Tak jauh beza dengan masa kerja ngan Hertz dulu. Angkat call, call orang, balas sms, email, deliver barang-barang...
Cuma bezanya kerja ni menyeronokkan dan lebih flexible dari kerja sebelum ni. I love all these baby stuff I'm selling. I'm passionate about what I'm doing now. Cuma downside is, I have to handle everything ALONE! From replying emails/calls/texts, checking products availability with suppliers and handling my company accounts! Aku macam nak pengsan bila part 'akaun' cos I suck at that.
But I know, to be successful you must be serious in what you do. Aku percaya yang 'Your job must be something you love'. Bila kita suka dengan kerja yang kita buat, kita ikhlas nak korbankan masa, tenaga dan wang kita. Dan bila kita ikhlas dengan pekerjaan kita, insya Allah akan lebih diberkati dan murah rezeki. Aku still tengah merangkak-rangkak lagi ni... Dugaan datang bertubi-tubi in form of not enough time and having a toddler who wants you 200% attention...
Pulak tu bisnes online, mana ada masa working hours specific. Time tetiba banyak order masuk, mengah la nak mengejar... Time tak banyak order leh la rileks... tapi panas punggung pulak cos duit tak masuk! Hah. Ironi sungguh. But since aku dah decide tak nak cari kerja lain, of course I have to put all my efforts to what I'm doing now. No complaint there.
Cuma sedih ngan my baby. Selalu kena marah-marah dengan aku sebab aku penat. I'm such a bad mom. T__T
Aku sedih sebenarnya... sebab banyak hilang sabar lately. Asyik nak marah je bila Razin menangis. Dah mula datang la penyakit 'tak tahan dengar budak nangis' ni. (yeah, I can't stand crying babies)
Sorry Razin... Mommy is really sorry for being very harsh these past few weeks. I hope when you're older you will understand my situation. I'm doing what's best for you... For us. I quit my job because I want to take care of you. Cos I love you so much...
Thank God Mommy quit her job. There's no stopping me from following Daddy where ever he goes. hehe...
Tapi I must say, banyak jugak la benda nak kena pikir kalau nak serious buat kerja sendiri. No more 8-5 working hours, no more kwsp... hmmm... I've thought about that a lot.
Semoga aku terus kuat menempuh cabaran-cabaran yang mendatang. Amin.
alhamdulIllah...