Daily Archives: November 8, 2017

by | November 8, 2017 · 11:26 PM

Time Wounds All Heels

I was worried that I was a narcissist myself because I had a therapist who told me I was one, mostly because I happen to like myself a lot. So I sought out my best old therapist from the old days and asked him. He told me that I had “high narcissism” which just means “high self-esteem.” I am perfectly happy to have high self-esteem, but some people don’t like it. I have had girlfriends complain that I am “self-impressed.” My attitude is, “This is bad?” When I was young I remember a young woman maybe aged 18-20 once offhandedly said, “All men are vain,” in a world-weary tone of voice. She acted like it was some sort of basic fact of nature.

I don’t have NPD because I still care quite a bit about other people. But I have gotten the “You don’t care” thing from girlfriends before. One thing is just that I don’t need humans all that much. I won’t even call my best friends for long periods of time simply because I don’t need them. I mean I love them, but I would probably only call them if I needed them. I am quite happy by myself, and I don’t have huge needs for others. But girlfriends keep interpreting this as “you don’t care.”

What’s nuts is when they say this I am so crazy head over heels nuts in love with them it’s pitiful. I keep trying to tell them that, but they keep coming back with the “You don’t care” thing. I told my Mom and she said, “Oh, women are always saying their husbands don’t act like they love them.” Then she told me the story above about the guy who responded to his wife that the fact that he stuck around at all meant he loved her since if he didn’t love her, he would be gone in a New York minute. I think men and women have different ways of expressing love.

Generally speaking, when narcissism is excessive and you are turning into an asshole, it’s better to tone it down, and you will often become a better person as a result.

I watched a couple of documentaries about some rock stars who are now in their 40’s and 50’s. A couple were notorious for being arrogant, egotistical assholes. Actually I imagine it was more than a couple. But I noticed that so many of these guys had really toned it down at age 48-58. Even the ones who were serious arrogant assholes had seriously toned it down. They were so much more likeable as a result that it is hard to put it into words. A little bit of humility goes a long way.

A lot of people are pretty narcissistic, arrogant, egotistical and assholey when they are young. In particular, many young men in their 20’s and even into their 30’s are serious assholes. I like to say that the reason they are like is because they haven’t had enough bad things happen to them yet!

But usually by age 40, most people have toned it down. Arrogant people over age 40 are not common. The thing is that by age 40, most people have had about a million failures and bad things happen to them and not too many still think their shit doesn’t stink. With age comes humility. This is a rather normal life course for a lot of basically normal people who do not have any particular personality disorder, narcissistic or otherwise.

The problem with NPD is the narcissist hits 40 and has had a million failures and bad things happen to him, but instead of becoming humble, his response is to wildly ramp up the narcissism as a response to all of the narcissistic injuries or wounds that these bad things and failures caused. NPD’s also don’t take to aging very well. Aging is hard on anyone’s self-esteem, and to the narcissist it is positively confounding.

In other words, NPD’s do not follow the typical life course of increased humility with age.

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by | November 8, 2017 · 2:28 PM

We Are All Narcissists Now

This is an older post that I fixed up and added a lot of new stuff too.

fMRI scans show that we’re most comfortable looking at faces similar to our own.

As you can see, we are always in love with ourselves. Even when we are in love with other people, we are really in love with ourselves.

In my opinion, everyone is somewhat narcissistic. It’s adaptive to a certain degree, especially among males. It’s only when it starts getting out of control that it is pathological.

Keep in mind that another word for narcissism is self-esteem. You either have low, moderate or high narcissism, which means you either have low, moderate or high self-esteem. High self-esteem in and of itself is not pathological and instead is typically seen as a sign of good mental health. However, they can seem a bit overbearing or too much, I would agree with that. These are the people who we say are egotistical, have huge egos, or are self-impressed.

Visualize a scale from 0-100. A score of 1 is the least narcissistic, most ashamed, guilty, self-effacing, self-denying, masochistic doormat around.

Anything above 50 and you are starting to get into the narcissistic without being pathological, high narcissism or high self-esteem folks, which is where a lot of males are anyway, and it’s definitely where I am. Here you find a lot of folks, mostly males, who are vain, conceited, self-centered and sometimes arrogant. They are friendly people, but people who get close to them, for instance female lovers, often complain, “You don’t even care about me.” As a matter of fact, this is a very common complaint that women in general make about their male lovers/spouses in general. They make this complaint because males tend to be more narcissistic than females.

A female friend of my mother’s once asked her husband, “Do you still love me? You never tell me that you love me anymore.” Her husband looked around at the room he was sitting in, looked back at her and said, “Well, I’m still here, aren’t I?” A classic male response. “Hey, if I didn’t love you or like you, I wouldn’t even stick around.” But that’s not good enough for women. Women want to be reminded. Males and females are capable of love, even intense love, for each other, but they often express it in different ways. Women fall in love and form relationships for attachment needs – needs that want and require continual reinforcement. Males fall in love and form relationships for other reasons.

When you start getting up around 70 or so, you get into some pretty pathological narcissism, but it’s not yet the nightmare world of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I had a friend on the Net who was very perverted and loved to talk about sex all the time. He was a bit of a swinger, and he had screwed countless females. He was also somewhat bisexual, as many male perverts are. We would get into long, dirty conversations on the Net, and he would tell me all about his life from a sexual point of view.

One very interesting story he told was that when he was a teenager, his parents hired a Thai maid. She slept in a bedroom next to his and they could sort of hear each other through the walls. He jerked off every night like most teenage boys. At some point, every time he jerked off, he heard strange noises coming from the maid’s room. After a while, he figured out that every time he jerked off, she was also masturbating in tandem with him and getting off herself. A great story!

But he would go on and on with these wild stories, talking a mile a minute like someone hyped up on speed. But the stories were all about him and his doings and goings on. I really didn’t mind because I am narcissistic myself and listening to others gets me out of my head for once. But he was definitely a self-centered person, and he was also pretty vain. These people can be annoying, but they are not a walking catastrophe.

The dividing line seems to be whether or not you care about others. As narcissism goes higher and higher, typically people care less and less about others. It’s as if we only have so much love inside of us. If we use up all of our “love potential” on ourselves, there’s nothing left for anyone else. I have no idea if this theory is correct, but it’s an interesting idea I thought I would toss out there.

Now we get to the NPD’s, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder types. These are simply a disaster. Some of them can be nice to some people if they choose to be, but in general, they are uncaring and not very nice. They brag constantly and can’t be bothered to do anything for you.

There are degrees of NPD. There is Mild, Moderate and Severe NPD. NPD is not incurable, but it is quite hard to fix. But some can get better if they work on it. I have known some NPD’s who made some decent progress. The NPD’s who get better become much less annoying and insufferable, show more insight into their behavior and in general simply become better and wiser human beings.

The reason NPD is so hard to fix is because most simply think there is nothing wrong with themselves and hence don’t think they need fixing. If you have NPD and are aware of it, look around at your relationships with others. Are they satisfying or dissatisfying? If they are dissatisfying, you might want to look at working on the NPD.

I had an NPD friend who made a big deal about how he was going to my father’s funeral, but then he never showed up. It turned out he didn’t even have a very good reason either. He just didn’t care. If it wasn’t about him, it was irrelevant. If you started talking about you, he would listen for a bit and quickly become bored and uninterested.

An NPD I have known for many years will ask, “So what’s been going on with you lately?” You start to tell them, and after about 15-20 seconds, they are already bored and looking around the room. Like most narcissists, this person is absolutely clueless about how and why they offend others or why so many people despise them and want nothing to do them. I finally cut this person out of my life after decades of trying to suck up to them, be nice to them, and get them to like me. They were always disappointing me, and it felt like they hated me. I blamed myself and said it was because I was such a loser: “If I wasn’t such a loser, they might like me better.”

After decades of this, I started acting about as crappy towards them as they did towards me. This caused this horrible person to have hurt feelings that I didn’t like them, which they tried to make me feel guilty about. This person was also 100% clueless about why I was returning his jerkiness in pure form. Mutual friends got on my case about why I was being “mean” to this family member. Apparently this person gets to be a shit to me for the rest of my life, and I’m evil if don’t kiss their ass, smile and refuse to fight back.

NPD’s are a nightmare. If you have an NPD in your life, you really need to think about maybe getting this person out of your life. Some of the NPD’s I have known have only caused me pain and damage in my life. It’s not worth it.

Going further along, you get to the Elliot Rodger type of Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD’s are not typically violent, but they are definitely capable of it, especially if they are shamed or rejected – because they can’t handle any rejection. They may then commit acts of aggression, dishonestly, and even violence as revenge. Elliot Rodger is a case in point that shows how NPD at certain times can lead to violence, even extreme violence.

Beyond that we get into the real monsters. These are the malignant narcissists. Ted Bundy comes to mind. Others call these narcissistic sociopaths, among other terms. I don’t understand them very well, and I am not sure how this differs from pure narcissism or pure sociopathy. Obviously, these are some of the worst human beings on Earth, incurable and often highly dangerous. A number of serial killers have been diagnosed with malignant narcissism as opposed to sociopathy.

You might be interested to know that our own President Donald Trump is a classic malignant narcissist. Of course he is an awful person, and he is definitely dangerous. All malignant narcissists are dangerous by default, but they don’t always act out with violence extreme enough to get them in trouble with the law. There are controlled malignant narcissists just as there are controlled psychopaths.

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by | November 8, 2017 · 2:01 PM

The Seven Year Bitch

Nina and Daryl: I agree with you… Once my cunt became my wife, I was doomed. Now, we only fuck a few times a month (it used to be a few times a week). Now I jack off. It would be better if she was fucking someone else; at least then I would get the satisfaction of knowing that she was a hotwife, and I could get off on knowing that someone else was cumming in her. I could at least jack off to that.

I am assuming that this is Daryl writing this and not poor Nina.

I hear so many stories like this. The commenter is lucky he is getting it three times a month. Sexless marriages are everywhere, especially aged 35-50 and after the woman has a couple of kids. She gets to be 35+, has a couple of kids, and the sex goes down to zero. I had a girlfriend once, age 51, who told me that all of her female friends aged 35-50 were married, and none of them were having sex anymore. They had all had two or three kids, and then the sex went down to zero. The women were holding out, and they acted like they didn’t want to do it anymore. The men generally retreated to their mancaves where they drank beer, smoked weed, watched porn, and jerked off. The wives left them alone to have their fun in their mancaves. One wife said she gave her husband a blowjob every year on his birthday for a birthday present. Consolation prize!

I have heard of other sexless marriages too. In some cases, it is the wife who wants it and it’s the husband who holds out. These women often resort to masturbation and I have known women in their 40’s who became out and out masturbation addicts in the process.

 

 

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by | November 8, 2017 · 1:59 PM

Orgasm Addicts

Women are masturbating like crazy for some time now, a good decade I would say, and maybe even longer. I’d call it a fad, but I’m afraid it’s more accurate to say it’s here to stay. Generally they are almost all capable of orgasm, and they usually reach orgasm when they masturbate.

I knew one wife in a sexless marriage where it was the husband who was not having sex (mostly for physical reasons) who rediscovered the joys of masturbation. She was in her 40’s and she was in a sexless marriage. She told me she was doing it 7-10 X/week. That’s about in line with most single women I have known.

If there’s no man around, most single women nowadays aged 27-50 are masturbating just about every day. Some maniacs are even doing it 3-4 X/day. I have had female friends in their 20’s who sometimes did it off and on all day if they have the day off or all night if they don’t have to get up in the morning. I knew a woman who had a driving job, and she used to go to abandoned parking lots between calls and rub herself off in her car in broad daylight. I would be texting one of my woman friends, and she would say, “Excuse me, I have to go masturbate. Be back in a bit.” I would chuckle, and then 30 minutes later I would get another text, “Damn that felt good!”

A lot of them stop or slow way down after menopause when the female sex drive often goes belly up but I had a date with a 58 year old woman recently who told me she masturbated pretty much whenever she felt like it.

Even teenage girls are doing this. I had an 18 year old girlfriend several years ago who told me when I met her that she did it every day.

How do I know all of these gruesome details? Women told me!

And then of course there was my infamous survey of young teenage girls posting on teenage girl chatrooms about their masturbation habits. I do a lot of research on sexology, mostly around sexual orientation. I think there is me and a gay clinical psychologist (who I have tremendous respect for, as he is actually doing good science), and we are the only people in the country actually studying this issue. The question about the causes of sexual orientation has been taken over by science-allergic Gay Lobby and Cultural Left types who are are mostly obfuscating the issue, lying like mad, and flooding it with gay propaganda like they always do.

I was looking at teenage girls’ bulletin boards to try to get some data on the onset of some puberty milestones and menarche these days, as there are a lot of reports that the age of puberty is going down. I also wanted to find the age at which the female sex drive came on, as there is almost no data about this, shamefully. I was reading through their responses and tallying them up. It happened that on a lot of these boards, the girls were discussing masturbation, so I thought, the Hell with it, might as well tally this up too. I read through their responses and tallied them up just like the other figures I was researching.

The figures really shocked me. ~70% of girls aged 13-15 reported that they were masturbating to orgasm every day or almost every day.

Even more stunning was that ~7% of 13-15 year old girls were masturbating with their own sisters! What!? They were either each doing it on their own next to each other or they were actually having sex with each other to get each other off. Apparently none of them were lesbians. I had no idea there was this much incest between sisters. Parents have no idea what their kids get up to.

Once females figure out how to have that orgasm, a lot of them are addicts.

When I meet a single woman now as part of dating or pre-dating, I usually don’t even bother to ask if she masturbates because I figure they all do.

I also have to ask questions about masturbation sometimes with my female counseling clients (and of my male counseling clients too for that matter), particularly when we are dealing with sexual themes. I would love to not have to ask questions about this, but when they come to me with sexual themes that they are going through, it’s a necessary part of the process, and a large part of my practice involves people dealing with sexual stuff. Almost all (90%) of my female counseling clients masturbate, even the married women. I must add that a few don’t though. Even women from very conservative cultures such as Pakistani Muslim women say they do it.

I remember when I was growing up, girls and women never discussed this subject. Either they weren’t doing it, or they were doing it and not talking about it. There was this idea that it was a shameful subject. It was not uncommon to have a girlfriend who said she didn’t do it. I can’t remember one girl or woman that I dated who told me that they masturbated.

I also remember a lot of discussions about women who could not reach orgasm during sex, and I had girlfriends who never got off or even more frequently, were not sure if they reached orgasm, whatever the Hell that means. Surveys routinely found that 25-30% of women were anorgasmic, that is apparently they had never had an orgasm in their lives. Nobody talks about women who can’t reach orgasm anymore. They’re all masturbating like forest shrews on speed, and once they figure out how to get that orgasm, they can usually give themselves one anytime they feel like it.

It’s like something has changed. There are theories of early sexualization that state that teenage girls nowadays are undergoing early and profound sexualization due to a variety of things, but the availability of Internet porn seemed to be the main factor. There was a documentary about this a few years ago. I forget the name of it. The lead character is a 12-year-old girl, and in my opinion, she is far too sexualized for her age. It’s quite shocking.

There are also reports that girls who get molested when they are little girls experienced an increased sex drive, sometimes said to be up to 3-5X higher, when their sex drive comes on at puberty. It’s as if the early molestation “primes” them for the real thing.

Good God, we are raising whole generations of female masturbation addicts!

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